dealing with elderly parents

Teeth

/ Re-Farmer / 2 Comments

I’m happy to say, things went really well today.

The plow went by last night, so I made sure to head out and clear the plow ridge before heading into town for my dental appointment.

I’m so antsy and paranoid about the truck, I ended up leaving half an hour earlier than intended – and I was already planning to leave half an hour earlier than I needed to, to get to my appointment!

It did give me time to stop for the mail and then get a bit of gas beforehand.

Of course, every time I stopped and started again, I was on edge, waiting for something to break down again.

The road to town was surprisingly bad. A lot of areas covered by blowing snow yesterday had become hard packed, icy – and melting! It may have been only about -8C/18F and windy at the time, but any dark surface was warming up in the sun quite a bit!

Once at the clinic, I started looking in my emails for our new insurance information. My husband’s employer had an excellent insurance package that still applies as long as he’s on long term disability (which ends at age 65) that included me and the girls, until they reached the age of 19. For most prescriptions and dental, we got 90% coverage.

The company has since changed their insurance package. After much back and forth-ing, we found that if he wanted to maintain the same level of coverage for both of us, we’d have to basically pay $300 a month – on top of the 10% that isn’t covered – billed quarterly. (His employer would still pay 100% of the premium for basic coverage.) Which is wildly out of budget for us. Even if it just covered him, we would have had to pay more than our budget has room for to get the same coverage he’s getting right now.

We ended up taking the only other option that would include me on the insurance. We’ll now be covered 75% instead of 90%, and to include me works out to just under $30 a month.

They will also no longer be issuing membership cards. It’s all going to be through an app.

That kicks in on April 1st.

I had hoped to be able to give the dental clinic the new insurance information, but there was nothing in any of the emails. Not even where to download the app. We’ll be needing to give this information to our pharmacy, too.

I got nothing.

I did let them know that the insurance would be changing soon, but it would not affect today’s visit.

Then I settled in for what I expected to be a long wait.

They took me in early!

While the tech was setting me up, I explained about the broken tooth, and how I’ve had no pain in my lower jaw that they’d been trying to find the source of the last two times I was there, since the piece fell out. She told me she’d heard of how pain can sometimes be in a completely different area before, but never to the extent it did with me! She got an Xray, which was awkward because of how far back the tooth is, but she got enough of an image that the dentist could use it.

When he came in, he joked about how my broken tooth “cured” the pain I was having before! He had tried so many things to find the source of the pain, where I was feeling it! I told him, my mouth was feeling better than it had in ages – except for the sharp bits cutting my cheek and tongue.

He took a look and said that, ultimately, I would need a crown. Which is what I expected. They couldn’t do that today, though. I explained about the insurance change and he considered it, but there was no way they’d be able to get a crown booked in before the end of March. For now, though, he could put in a “temporary” filling.

The entire procedure went very well! The freezing has worn off, so I just have that “healing itch” right now, but that’s it. It is so great to not have those sharp edges!

When it was done, I asked how long I could expect this “temporary” filling to last, and he basically said, years. It’s more an issue of having new pieces of tooth breaking off than the filling itself. Unless something like that happens, or I start to feel pain, I can hold off getting the crown for quite some time.

Well, that was good news!

I felt good enough, and the truck ran well enough, that I decided I was up to visiting my mother. I just wanted to stop at the nearby pharmacy to pick up some Voltaren that she asked me for.

Which is when I started feeling some thumping and thudding at the wheels, as I turned into the parking lot.

Nothing at all like what was happening before, though. Particularly not that big kathump. I pulled into a spot as quickly as I could…

… and found a big chunk of ice had fallen off from under the truck!

The roads may have been melting, but it’s cold enough that any water froze pretty much immediately. My mud flaps were not only full of ice built up to the point of rubbing on the tire, but there were horizontal icicles formed at the bottom edges!

I knocked off as much as I could, though one flap’s build up was so large and solid, I could barely chip away parts of it with the scraper end of my snow brush.

Once I got it clear enough, I finished parking properly!

After I was done at the pharmacy, I headed to my mother’s town, cutting across to a different highway to head south until I reached the road that led straight to my mother’s town on yet a third highway.

I forgot just how bad the highway I took is. It’s not broken up or anything, but it’s a very rough ride. Today, it was also pretty badly covered with ice and packed snow, with melting edges. Which did not help with my paranoia of something breaking down on the truck again!

The cross road to my mother’s town was even worse, when it came to the ice and snow.

The noises didn’t start again until I was turning into the parking lot at the hospital. Just a rubbing noise, mostly.

After parking, I went to look, and just had to take a couple of pictures.

All the wheel wells had big teeth! So many teeth!!!

I spent the next while knocking off ice as much as I could, but there was still that one flap that was too solid and wouldn’t come off. I did park the truck with that side facing the sun, though, so I left it and just hoped the dark surface of the mud flap would warm up enough to start it melting a bit.

Then I headed in to visit with my mother.

It was a pretty good visit. She was happy to see me, though she did immediately start complaining. That included calling her radio – the high end one my brother got her years ago that worked just fine in her apartment, but can’t pick up the stations she wants from inside the hospital – garbage. Another radio had been brought in that was labeled as available for all to use, and she says it works fine, but her radio doesn’t.

Except it does. It just can’t pick up the Polish language station she’d been listening to, back at her old apartment with a special antenna set up.

Then there was the phone. It’s garbage. It’s not working. She can’t use it.

I told her, it’s not garbage. It works fine. It seems she’s been trying to make calls and hasn’t been able to figure it out, but forgets that part of the reason we got it for her is so that we could phone her directly, rather than through the nursing station.

I ended up spending some time with her phone. We’ve given up trying to show her how to use the contacts list, and have told her to just dial a number and press the green button, like she did with her previous phone.

I caught two potential problems.

One is, the phone goes to sleep after a while. Any button can be pushed to wake it up, but if you start to dial without waking it up first, it doesn’t register that first number at all. So we walked through that a bit, and I got her to call my cell phone a few times.

Which is when I discovered she hasn’t been putting the phone to her ear. She has just been staring at the screen with the “connecting…” display.

So I walked her through it a few times, including telling her to actually put the phone to her ear after hitting the green button.

Then she wanted to phone my sister, because it’s Friday, which is a day off for her.

I helped her make the call, though her contacts list, and had to tell her to put the phone to her ear again.

When my sister answered, my mother promptly started basically arguing with her about not visiting. It turns out she expects my sister to come out on both Wednesdays and Fridays. Not Saturday, because they celebrate their church’s version of the Sabbath. I could hear my sister explaining that she’s not going to be able to come out every Friday because that’s her day to get ready for the Sabbath. When my mother brought up that she hadn’t come out on Wednesday, I heard her saying that she had tried to call my mother, several times, but got no answer.

…

My mother seemed a bit confused by that. Then starting saying things about not knowing how to use the phone, and maybe she didn’t have it with her…

She got another reminder to keep the phone with her whenever she leaves her room.

Her call with my sister went on long enough that her supper pills were delivered, and it was getting to the point where I needed to head home. After a while, I had to remind my mother that she needed to take her pills, so they finished the call. I helped her take her pills (the nurse brought the pills, but my mother didn’t have any water to take them with) and we talked for a bit longer before her supper tray was brought to her. So that’s when I said my good byes and headed out.

Checking on the truck, first!

Yes, it was long enough and sunny enough that I was finally able to get that huge chunk of ice off the last mud flap!

I messaged home before I left, letting the family know I was going straight home and requesting some food be ready for me, since I hadn’t had lunch. My mouth was thawed out enough that I could safely eat and not worry about accidentally chewing a hole in a numb cheek (I’ve actually done that in the past!).

The last stretch of highway wasn’t much better, but at least it wasn’t as wet. When I got home, I didn’t have as many new teeth hanging down from my fenders!

After checking and clearing around the wheel wells, though, I spotted a surprise under the front end.

A perfect looking – but very dead – butterfly had fallen out from somewhere under the front end! It looked ready to fly away at any moment!

So very odd.

With how well the truck handled, I think it would be safe to try for our first stock up shop for April, tomorrow. Not a Costco run though. The one essential stop I need to make is a Canadian Tire, as we just ran out of litter pellets, so Costco will wait until next week. This time, we’ll be picking up stuff for our Easter basket, and I want to make a small one for my mother, too.

I’m only slightly more confident about driving the truck to the city.

If it hadn’t been so weird about sometimes working fine – usually when the mechanics were taking it for a test drive – to suddenly needing to be towed again, with so many different things seeming to go wrong all at once, I wouldn’t be this paranoid about it.

It is what it is, though. We play the hand we’re dealt with, and do the best we can!

For now, though, I can honestly say it was a really good day.

The Re-Farmer

It begins

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Well, sort of. More like a tease.

Today’s expected high is -1C/30F, which we’re supposed to hit later this afternoon. It’s bright and sunny, though, and feels a lot warmer.

It was -12C/10F when my daughter did the morning cat feeding.

While doing the second feeding of the day and a few other things around the yard, I found myself needing to skirt around this.

There it is. The tease.

As the snow melts, this area becomes a bit of a pond. Some years, it’s part of a moat that encircles the garage and floods the pit under the outhouse.

For now, though, it’s a tease. Tomorrow we’re supposed to have a high above freezing, and then the highs are going to be dipping again. We won’t get highs above freezing again for about a week. Everything that’s melting now is going to be ice.

Ah, March. You’re just nasty.

Not a lot to say about today. It has been a bad pain day, of the sort that keeps me from standing in one place for very long. I can walk around, sit, lie down, but I can’t stand for more than a few minutes.

Even so, I’m still the most able bodied person in the household.

That’s rather scary to think of.

My brother had messaged me, saying he was planning to visit our mother and asked if I wanted to meet him there. I told him I wasn’t feeling well today. Which worked out, in a way, as he spent time helping my mother figure out her phone. She hasn’t been able to make outgoing calls. She keeps trying to use the programmed numbers and just not getting that she only needs to see the name on the screen, then hit the green button. In the end, he told her to just direct dial, like she always has before. They tested it out by calling here, so I was answering the phone quite a few times.

I later found out that my brother crossed paths with our vandal and his wife. They were going to visit my mother and happened to get to the doors to the TCU (which require a code to get in) at the same time my brother did. My brother, trying to be polite, asked how our vandal was doing, all things considered. His answer? “I’m dying.” … okay. He then said he wanted to talk to our mother alone. !!! There was an uncomfortable moment before his wife said they would come back later.

As my brother was leaving, about an hour later, he found them still hanging out not far from the TCU doors.

I really wish there were some way we could keep them away from my mother; he obviously is after something. The staff have been warned, but there’s really little they can do, since we don’t have any sort of court order.

What we do know is that he’s been telling my mother about things like his funeral already being planned out and paid for. It makes us wonder if he applied for and was accepted for MAiD, which is currently the 5th highest cause of death in Canada. My mother would not approve, of course, since it goes against our religious beliefs. It’s one thing to allow death to happen as peacefully and painlessly as possible, and deliberately killing someone. It’s not our business, except we worry about what he is say to Mom. She should not be burdened with his health problems. Lord knows, if my current issues turn out to be cervical cancer or something, I would NOT be telling my mother anything other than “I’m not feeling well”, unless I absolutely have to – and even then, I’d be telling her as little as possible. She does not need that burden, and she can’t handle that sort of thing at the best of times. Which leads me back to wondering, what is it he’s trying to guilt her into doing for/giving him, and why is his wife helping him do it? With all the threats of some sort of retribution he’s made against me and my brother, and claiming we caused his cancer, it frustrates me that he’s working his way into my mother’s good graces again so easily.

That’s one of the frustrating things about him. We’ve learned that when things are quiet from him, it has generally meant that he’s been doing things in the background that he springs on us, later on. I would have hoped that, when facing his own mortality like this, he would have tried to give up all that toxic stuff, but he has instead doubled down and gotten worse.

Well, if he is, I guess we’ll find out eventually.

It does make me glad I wasn’t up to going over there today. He’s been trying to wheedle himself into my brother’s … trust? … to turn him against me. If I were there at the same time, who knows how he would have reacted, or how he would end up treating my mother, after we left.

What a thing to have to even think about.

The Re-Farmer

Some news

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First, the cuteness.

Kinda creepy cuteness, though…

Beep Beep and Susan in a cuddle puddle.

That eye, though… it wasn’t blinking. Just… staring like that…

👁️👁️

Anyhow…

I got some news from the garage today. They think that they got a bad differential, and are now working to get me a new one, on warranty. Which makes sense, since that shaking and shuddering started right after it was installed. The weird electrical stuff is probably unrelated, but who knows, with this truck!

No time line yet, though. They are closed now, but I hope to get some info tomorrow. We need to at least a small grocery shopping trip for the fresh stuff, plus a trip to the mail.

At least my husband’s prescription refills will get delivered as usual, tomorrow!

Hopefully, we will get the truck back soon. It might be nice to stay home, but not to much when it’s not a matter of choice. Having zero transportation a real problem.

The frustrating thing is to get lectures and “advice” from my mother, and even my sister, though through conversations with my mother. With my mother, she can’t understand vehicle stuff, so I don’t bother telling her details. That doesn’t stop her from deciding she knows everything and can start telling me what I should be doing. Even just telling her, we don’t know what the problem is, and the garage is having a hard time finding it, her response was to say, “can’t they find someone who can?” or “… someone who knows what they are doing?” As if hopping from garage to garage will find someone who can magically know exactly what’s going on, instantly. Then telling me to get a new truck, buy the truck from my BIL (who isn’t planning to sell it until he can replace it, in the summer), oh, and maybe I could make payments! Uhm… Mom. I’m already making payments. We’d have to get re-financing. To which I was told, I should talk to my brother. He’ll take care of it for me.

…

I told her, I wouldn’t be talking to my brother. I’d be talking to a financing company.

“Oh…”

She also started telling me about a conversation with my sister, and how she was saying that what we need is a second vehicle.

Yeah. We do. But we can’t afford insurance on two vehicles, while also making payments. We certainly can’t afford to be making payments on two vehicles at the same time!

Then my mother told me that my sister should lend us one of their vehicles.

…

I said no, they can’t. My sister uses the car to go to work. My BIL uses the truck. I also told her, I don’t want to be getting anyone else involved in this. I’m talking to my brother about things, and I’m talking to the garage about our options, and that’s it. No one else needs to be part of it.

I don’t know if she got it or not.

Ah, well.

As an aside, I’m happy to say that my mother has been making sure to have her new phone with her at all times, wearing it on a lanyard around her neck. We’ll have to walk her through how to make calls again. She apparently tried to phone us – I think on our land line – but said there was nothing; our phone wasn’t working. Except, of course, it was. She also tried to call my brother and that didn’t work. So she manually dialed a number and got my SIL. She thought she was calling my brother’s cell phone number, but called my SILs cell phone number, instead. We didn’t even know my mother had my SIL’s cell phone number! She was just as surprised as we were. It’s not like the numbers are at all similar.

My siblings and I have been able to reach her, though, and not have to go through the nursing station, which we are all happy about. Strangely, for me, it was a long distance call, and it shouldn’t have been, so my brother will be looking into that.

So the new phone is working out for my mother, even if she’s going to need more help in how to make outgoing calls. She said she asked someone at the nursing station to help her, and they refused, which is odd. I’m sure we’ll get the rest of the story later on.

Hopefully, we’ll soon have our truck back and working properly again, and I’ll be able to visit her again and help her figure things out.

Little by little, it’ll get done.

The Re-Farmer

Finally got a visit in

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Yes, I finally made it to visit my mother at the new TCU today! The truck even behaved normally the whole time. 😄

But first, the cuteness!

I got home late enough to do the evening feeding, and couldn’t resist getting a picture of this fluffy beauty.

Zoomed in from a distance, because she? he? is pretty feral and none of us have been able to get close. It does come into the sun room to snuggle with other cats and eat, so that’s encouraging, at least.

I headed out to visit my mother shortly past noon. I made sure to check on the truck before hand, and the clock still showed the right time, and even the door chime dinged appropriately, so whatever gremlin we’ve got in the electrical seems to be napping.

While today was warmer, we’ve been having intermittent snow and “snow showers” throughout the day. The highway was good, though, and while visibility was reduced, it wasn’t by much – at least not while I was on the road.

When I got to the hospital, I went into the wing I thought my mother was in, but it turns out the TCU was in a completely different wing. I did get to see what the long term car section looked like, though. While at the nursing station, looking for someone, I saw a lot of seniors all over, and several of them demanded to know why I was there and what I wanted! Thankfully, a staff member (a janitor, I think) showed up. I told her who I was there to see, and she knew my mother’s name, then led me through the hospital to the wing my mother was in.

I’d brought some stuff my mother requested, including more Pepto. There was someone at the nursing station, and I was able to leave it with her.

I also had a chance to ask about the photos my brother left of our vandal and my sister. Our vandal has visited a couple of times already, and my mother’s been there for just over a week. I was able to let her know that the last time he was there, he ended up with a check for a substantial amount. This is one of the issues with him; he’s managed to get many thousands of dollars our of my mother over the years. In this case, the check was written out by his wife for my mother to sign. I made sure to say, this was just so they know it happened, not that I was trying to blame anyone. Knowing my mother, she probably didn’t need a lot of persuasion and may well has suggested it herself.

The nurse I spoke to took some notes about it, so other stiff will be aware. I also talked a bit about my sister, as they would have her photo, too. I explained that with her, it’s more that both our vandal and my mother can manipulate her so easily. She has caused problems by going along with them when she should have said no.

Then I had to ask which room my mother was in. I had it in one of my family group messages, but couldn’t get a connection to look it up. It turned out I wasn’t even able to send updates to my family, either.

The nurse told me where to go, and I soon found my mother. She has the bed against the window, but her room mate had her curtain completely closed, so I wasn’t interrupting anyone else.

The visit was… difficult.

We started to talk, but there was some banging going on down the hall. I starting going through the bag of things I’d brought for her, but she was very disturbed. She moved to sit in a chair and started to tell me where to put things, then started to cry (it may even have been partially genuine) and complain about it, saying I had to get her out of there. She brought up the banging, and thought her room mate was doing it. !! I said no, there’s some sort of construction or repairs happening. My mother said we could go to somewhere more private and let me to the common room.

Which was directly across the hall from the banging.

At the time, a workman was using a chisel on the edge of a door for what turned out to be the installation of a keypad locking assembly.

The common room clearly had been a hospital room in the past and wasn’t particularly big, but it was in the corner of the wing, so it had two big windows and lots of light. Someone in a wheelchair was at a table working on a jigsaw puzzle. My mother introduced us. She has her own favourite armchair, right in the corner between the two windows, with a hospital bed table. She told me she eats her meals there.

We started talking and she kept telling me how terrible things where and how much she wanted to get out of there. She made it sound like the banging was happening all the time (the work on the door would have started just today), and talking. Apparently, her room mate sleeps all day and talks to herself all night. Which is curious, since both my brother and my sister have said they’ve talked to her during their daytime visits and found her very nice. After a while, the guy working on the puzzle started to leave, and my mother thanked him for the privacy.

As we talked for the next while, my mother was all over the place. She went from complaining about the noise and how she has all this money, but is stuck living there (I told her, everyone else there is in the same situation as her, regardless of money), to talking about how my sister should visit more often (she’s visited my mother twice in the first week), and even complained about my brother and his wife giving her an Easter card. Now. A month ahead of Easter, so that means they’re not planning to visit her on Easter. I reminded her, they are going on a pilgrimage. They’re going to be overseas. When are the leaving? I don’t know. How long will they be gone? For weeks! They’re going to be walking very far! She scoffed, but seemed to realize complaining that they were going on a pilgrimage for Easter wasn’t probably not a good idea! It didn’t stop her from claiming my brother was “running away” from her (he’s visited her more often than I have!), and so on.

I do think I was able to get her to calm down about things a bit. I tried talking about how this was temporary, and just one step to getting her to where she wants to be, and how the system works. She didn’t like that, but she also started to get upset because someone else came into the room and sat in one of the armchairs behind me. She kept glaring at him over my shoulder, and making comments about him being there while she had company. I kept reminding her, this is a public room!

At one point, she started to get things out of her purse, then got up to leave, telling me to wait for her. It turned out she had gone into the hall to talk to the guy working on the door, complaining about the noise, saying it was making her go deaf (my mother’s hearing is better than mine) and started crying again. He told her he was almost done and it wouldn’t be much longer, so she came back in.

I had hoped she had forgotten, but my mother got out her checkbook. She said, she wanted to pay for the work on the truck. !!! I tried to defer, but she insisted. I admit, she was generous about it, in her own way. Normally, she would ask for exactly how much it cost, then write out for an amount to the penny, or somewhat less. She didn’t even ask how much it cost, but told me to how much to write it out for so she could sign it. It will mostly cover the cost of the repairs.

I’m not going to deposit it until I’ve checked with my brother. He manages her accounts very well on her behalf. At one point, she asked me how much was in her account, thinking my brother told her. I said, I have no idea. It’s none of my business! I’m not sure if she approved of that, or was angry I didn’t know. 😄

We talked some more about her living situation and getting her into somewhere permanent. It’s frustrating to simply not know. In the end, it’s the government that decides, through the health care system. We have no say in the matter, but now that she’s in the system, it should work out better than trying to get where she wants to be from outside the system.

I noticed my mother had her rosary around her neck, so I suggested she pray the rosary. She said it gets hard to pray (referring to her own mental function; she does recognize that she is having increased cognitive issues). I reminded her that God doesn’t need words to know what she is praying for. I suggested that, if she starts feeling really anxious, to even just hold the cross on her rosary and use that to keep her mind on God. I couldn’t remember the exact words at the time, but reminded her of Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. (yes, I had to look it up – I remember the words, not the chapter and verse! 😄) She immediately knew the verse I was referring to, and it really seemed to perk her up. So we held hands and prayed together, and that seemed to help her a lot more.

Eventually, though, I had to head out, as I knew the roads would not be very good for long. She walked with me to the door. One of the things we’d talked about was the vitamin for her dry macular degeneration, and I’d explained that I made the calls to get a prescription faxed to the nursing station. She said she wasn’t getting them yet, so I said I would ask. Thankfully, because she walked me out, it helped me remember – and I’m glad I did!

They never got the prescription.

We talked for a while, and I said I would call the optometrist where she got the original prescription from and find out what was happening. I was concerned about my mother walking back on her own using her walker, but one of the nurses had seen us and was waiting. She assured me she would get my mother to her room okay.

From there, I made a stop at the gas station to update the family. Not to get gas, though. While I was visiting with my mother, the gas prices went from $1.359 to $1.419!

I’m glad I left when I did, as conditions were starting to worsen, but I got home okay – and the truck behaved the whole time.

As soon as I was settled in, I made a bunch of calls. Apparently, the prescription for my mother’s eye vitamin did get faxed, yesterday. In the end, the receptionist I spoke to said she would try and print out what she had in her system and fax it again, as the optometrist was working a different location until next week. Some time later, I got a call from the TCU letting me know they got it. She then explained that this vitamin comes in two forms. A soft gel, which my mother was getting in her bubble packs, and a tablet form. They only get the tablet form. If my mother wants the soft gel, we would have to provide it. I explained that, with my mother, she believes that because they look different, it’s the wrong medicine – she believes that of all her medications – and that we’ve tried to explain it to her. I said to give her the tablets for now (I don’t want her to go without it, as she is complaining about vision loss), and to explain to her what that specific tablet is. We’ll see how she does with that, for now. If necessary, we’ll have to get something set up with the local pharmacy for those.

I’m glad I finally made it to visit my mother, but it’s so frustrating. I understand why she’s not happy there, and absolutely understand her desire for more quiet. It’s part of what we like about living in the boonies, after all! At the same time, I know my mother well enough to know that a lot of this is self inflicted. My mother is one of those people that always sees the worst in others, and interprets things in their worst possible light. I remember when my father when through a lot of this, and at every stage, he was always so thankful, so grateful, to the people around him, whether it was the home care aids or the nursing home staff. He always let them know how much he appreciated them for how well they took care of him. Every time I called him, he would go on about how great they all were. My mother? She’s the complete opposite, most of the time, and it’s not getting any better as she gets older. In fact, the only person she will speak highly of these days is…

Yup. Our vandal. She says, they’re getting along good now. I reminded her of that last letter he wrote to her, and the horrible things he said to her, and that he hasn’t stopped. He may be behaving around her when his wife is around, but he’s still doing things (I didn’t tell her about him driving by while I was shoveling out the plow ridge, slowing down to a crawl at the end of the driveway). She thinks he’s changed. I said, I hope so, but he’s why my late brother’s two kids now say they want nothing to do with our family, thanks to his lying about us. She dropped the subject.

All we can do is hope she can finally get to the nursing home she wants to be in, but I’m starting to wonder if she’ll even be happy there. There will be people talking in the halls. There will be noise. At least she’ll have her own room, though. Maybe that will be enough.

We shall see.

Nothing else we can do. It’s all up to the system…

… and the system sucks.

The Re-Farmer

No, I’m not crazy

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It’s a good thing I have such a good relationship with our garage, or they would think I AM crazy!

But first, the cuteness.

This morning, my daughters told me I needed to very quietly go over to my husband’s room and check out his hospital bed.

I found Big Rig, in her natural habitat.

Burrowed under his covers and using a neck pillow for her chin.

A couple of hours later, my husband sent this photo. Cheddar and…

…

He said the paw disappeared right after he took the photo. 😄😄

On to the weirdness of the day.

Today, I had an afternoon appointment to get the truck looked at again. When I headed out – very early – I found the console display was still working, but the warning dings from the door still weren’t happening. I didn’t even try to test it out on 4 wheel drive, though. I was already stressed out. Whether the shuddering was happening or not happening, it wasn’t going to alleviate that stress.

When I got to the garage and dropped off the key, I spent time some time talking to the owner. I told him what was working and still not working, and that I hadn’t tested the 4 wheel drive (he understood why not!). We talked about the battery, and the possibility of there being something draining the battery while it’s parked. The battery is only 2 years old. He said some batteries only last that long. We got it from him, though. It wasn’t the highest end battery, but it’s far from the lowest end, either. We also talked about the cold potentially affecting it, and I remembered to tell him when we first had an issue with the battery, early in the winter.

Then I was off.

I walked across town (all 5 or 6 blocks) and had lunch, then walked the last couple of blocks to the beach. The ice fishing village is still there.

There was also heavy equipment clearing the snow to make roads and open areas on the ice. I seem to recall seeing fliers for some sort of ice event coming up.

Clearly, the ice on the lake is still incredibly thick!

Then I started walking back, stopping at a few places long the way. I even remembered to stop at the pharmacy and get our printouts to do our taxes. My husband finally got his second T4A, so we can do that now. My daughter will be able to claim prescriptions on her taxes for the first time. I couldn’t get her pharmacy records without her permission (I have a signed document so I can get my husband’s, every year), but I was able to arrange for it to be included with her prescription delivery later in the week. This will be the first year for both my daughter and I that we can claim the Disability Tax Credit.

By the time I got back to the garage, it was about 45 minutes past my appointment time. The truck was still in the garage and the mechanic was about to take it out for a test drive to see if it was still doing that shuddering thing while in 4 wheel drive. I suggested he try it in the grocery store parking lot, rather than the highway, since it seems to be triggered in slippery conditions.

The mechanic asked me about the door chime. I told him it still wasn’t working when I drove over.

It’s working now.

???!!!

They didn’t do anything. It was simply working when he drove it into the garage.

When talking to the owner, he said he could even hear it from his office when the truck was driven in, and the mechanic got out, leaving the keys in the ignition.

I told him, when I parked in their lot, it still wasn’t working.

Like I said, it’s a good thing we have a good relationship. If I say it wasn’t working, he doesn’t doubt me. It’s just so very strange!!!

He told me he tested the battery himself.

It’s fine. No sign of any problems.

We talked about that for a bit, and he told me of a possibility that had occurred to me when I was first driving the truck home and realized the console display wasn’t working. It is likely that when the battery got low enough, it started shutting off anything unnecessary that was using power. With some vehicles, once the battery drops below a certain threshold, you can’t even start them until it’s been charged again. Once I recharged the battery on Sunday, that would have allowed the console display to start working again. Why the door chime didn’t start working again until today, we don’t know, but it’s likely related.

Around then, the mechanic came back with the truck, parking it just outside the bay doors. Watching the cameras, we saw him step out, look at the camera, raise both hands and just shrug.

It was working fine.

I told him about needing to drive into the city, and various other things I need to drive to, and he said it should be fine. Driving is good. Sitting parked is not. I do know that, but I try to avoid driving in winter in particular.

I did remember to ask for a price on the light on the back of the cab that I idiotically broke because the garage door wasn’t open far enough. He started to look it up and then said, get it from Amazon. I will get a better price there. Then, once I have it, I can bring the truck back and he’ll install it for me. I asked if he had a part number and he said just to look up, third brake light.

I even got to talk to the mechanic a bit as I was going to the truck. He also assured me that it should be fine for all the driving I need to do.

From there, I drove across to the grocery store, then updated my family. There were just a few things I wanted to pick up for today because, tomorrow, my daughter and I will be finally doing the Costco run! I plan to go to the older location we’ve been going to for years, instead of the new location on the other side of the city, as the old location is right next to a Canadian Tire.

Just in case something goes wrong. Because I’m still absolutely paranoid about the truck! 😄

Right now, though, not only has all the recent weird stuff gone away on its own, but so has the tire warning stuff that’s been there for so very long.

Which means that truck is actually better now than it was before, with no one having actually done anything but do lots of testing and checking.

For that, all I can say is, Thank you, God.

When I got home, I texted the garage about the tire warnings that have been there for so long, now being gone. He said, it must be a ghost! 😄😄 They’d had trouble getting readings off the sensors the last time I brought the truck in for the front tires to be worked on. They checked all four sensors because of those warnings. I remember watching four guys going from tire to tire, looking perplexed at their device’s screen. We had originally thought it was because the batteries might have died or something, but clearly, that cannot be the case! The main thing was that the tires themselves were fine.

So that’s where we are at now. The truck is home, and we’ve got a lot of driving to get caught up on things that should have been done a while ago.

Since we are finally going to be going to the city tomorrow, I’ve contacted the person from the rescue that picked up Kohl from us, taking the carrier with her. The sun room cats have knocked one of the carriers off its shelf a few times too many and it can’t be clocked shut anymore, so we need to get the carrier back. The carrier is now with someone else, and we’ve just arranged to meet along the way tomorrow morning, before she gets to work. We’ll be leaving quite a bit earlier than usual, but that’s okay.

Now it’s stock up shopping, doctor’s appointments, dump runs, runs to the feed store and, of course, finally getting to visit my mother! Once again, we are now the closest to where she is.

Oh, and our vandal and his wife have already visited her twice since she’s been transferred to the current TCU. The staff there have been warned about him, and yet… today, my brother told me that a check just went through my mother’s account. A check for a substantial amount of money, made out to our vandal and written out by our vandal’s wife for my mother to sign (my mother can no longer write checks out herself), dated just a few days ago. This is one of the reasons why we didn’t want our vandal to be able to have access to my mother without supervision. The problem is, they can’t have a staff member just hang out in the room with them. So, they managed to somehow guilt my mother into throwing money at our vandal again. The crazy thing is, while she has been able to help out with paying for things at the farm, even things she offered to pay for in advance, she does things like try to back out, or tries to use it as a way to control us, or guilt us, and makes a big deal over the fact that she “helped”. Which she has never done, when it comes to our vandal. And there’s nothing we can do about it, as long as her cognitive decline is as relatively mild as it is now. She isn’t at the state where my brother, as PoA, becomes wholly responsible to act on her behalf in that regard. At least we were able to get the doctor at the hospital to agree, officially in her file, that my mother cannot sign legal documents, and that if she is convinced to do so, it would not be legally binding. I don’t think that quite applies to writing checks.

Meanwhile, my mother says she wants me to bring her some of her cash stash she asked me to hang on to for her. Most of which got deposited into her account, which my brother explained to her when going over her finances recently, but she still thinks I have all of. She has no need for money where she is, and we don’t know where the money she had before went to. Sure, she sometimes insisted I take some cash for gas, but almost never enough to actually cover the cost of gas. A few bucks here and there. We did learn she tried to give money to staff at the hospital to basically bribe them to pay more attention to her, but never managed to actually give them any (that probably would have gotten them fired). I guess now we know where the rest of her cash went to.

We also know why our vandal and his wife have been finding ways to visit her so often, even though he’s supposedly at death’s door right now.

*sigh*

It is so hard to protect my mother, when she works so hard to sabotage our efforts.

Anyhow.

Visiting my mother is on the list of things I need to do, now that I’ve been assured the truck has been checked and rechecked and everything is running just fine.

Time to get things done.

The Re-Farmer

So tired

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What a day.

After three days of shoveling and snow blowing, my daughters made sure to let me know that they would take care of the cat stuff, inside and out, this morning. Much appreciated, as we did reach that -31C/-24F last night. I don’t know what the wind chills were at the time, but from the weather reports I read this morning, we did get wind chills of -45C/-49F during the night.

Sleeping in a bit past sunrise was nice, at least.

Then I headed down stairs to check on the seedlings. I heard the septic pump running and went to the old basement to check on things.

I found water on the floor.

Not a lot, and with how uneven the floor is around there, it wasn’t quite clear where it was coming from at first. Then I opened the access pipe, and found it full of liquid and toilet paper.

I uncovered the floor drain and it was backed up to there, too, though not to overflowing.

*sigh*

What a way to start the day.

Thankfully, that commercial drain auger we got is enough to punch through such clogs without bothering to even plug it in. It’s the bottleneck somewhere between the basement and the tank that was the issue again. Thankfully, I caught it as early as I did.

Once I got through the clog, I switched to the old garden hose that’s missing its end. I don’t even bother to take it off the tap that used to be the cold water tap for the washing machine before the laundry got moved upstairs. The hose just gets hung up on hooks from the floor joists above.

The next part took longer. The drain from the weeping tile goes through past the floor drain and into the access pipe. It was blocked all the way, and took quite a bit of work with the hose to flush it all out. Then the concrete floor got hosed down and cleaned up.

Great fun.

Not.

My goal of the day was to work on clearing snow from the inner yard, though I also wanted to put the charger on the truck battery. We’ve had issues with it being low before and, with the cold we’ve been having, I had my concerns.

It took me a long time to get my act together and get back outside.

The first thing I had to do was get the extension cords running out the back door of the garage, for better reach.

What is is about extension cords? How can an inanimate object seem so determined to actively try to trip and injure? Granted, with the cold, the cords aren’t as flexible so there are plenty of loops that don’t want to straighten out, but those loops were constantly finding ways to wrap around my feet!

Then I could get little Spewie out the back door before heading back in to hook up the charger. Then I had to drag Spewie through the snow. It might have been easier to just pick it up and carry it!

Finally, all set up, plugged in and ready to go!

Nope.

As soon as I heard the off sound, I stopped it immediately. The auger wouldn’t turn, but the motor was trying to get it to!

I tried to turn it manually, which normally is easy, but it would not move.

I did make sure to brush it off when I put it in the garage last night, but I think somewhere in the workings, something froze and it keeping the auger from turning.

I didn’t have the time or energy to fuss with it.

It was going to have to all be shoveled by hand.

*sigh*

I’d already used the shovel and ice scraper to break up the more drifted areas that I knew were too packed or deep for little Spewie, so those were still handy.

I didn’t quite get it all, though.

I focused on clearing the area closest to the house. Then I cleared the most drifted areas along the sides, as well as clearing to the outhouse and to the litter compost behind it. I took it slow and careful. Given my physical state by then, I knew I was at higher risk of hurting myself. What I didn’t clear wasn’t deep enough to cause problems for the truck.

I hope.

Part way through, the battery reached full charge and I pause to put that away. I didn’t bring my key, so I didn’t check on the console display. I’ll do that tomorrow. I plan to call the garage as early as I can and see if I can swing by. I’m about 80% sure it’s just a fuse. I don’t have a fuse tester and even if I did, the last time I tried to check the fuse box, shortly after we bought the truck, I couldn’t get it open. It’s supposed to easily pop off. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of trick to it. I just wasn’t able to do it. I even got our mechanic to show me how. He got it off not problem, without doing anything different than I had. I’m obviously missing something, but I’ve no idea what. I mentioned that to my brother. His response was, YouTube is your friend.

YouTube is not my friend.

I did later try to look, searching specifically for the 2011 Sierra. I got videos on how to find the fuse box – with I already know – and what’s inside, a video on how to test fuses, but nothing on how to open it. Then I found lots and lots of videos on the Silverado and various other makes and models of trucks that had nothing to do with my search terms.

I just don’t have the energy to work it out.

Taking it easy did mean I was out there for quite a while. When I was done, it was late enough that I went ahead and did the evening cat feeding before heading in.

I am so tired.

One of the things I wanted to do before it got too late in the day was to call my mother. I was rather dreading it. I knew she’d be asking when I would visit next, which I probably won’t do until I at least talk to our mechanic, first. I knew that if I told her that, she would start giving me a hard time again. She doesn’t understand anything about vehicles, which is fine, but that doesn’t stop her from demanding explanations for things she can’t grasp, then making sure I know exactly what a failure of a human being she thinks I am for having any problems at all.

Still, I knew I had better call. My brother and his wife had visited her yesterday, so I knew she was struggling with things. My SIL said she was seeming pretty depressed. She doesn’t like where she is, even though she just got there and there are activities that she didn’t have access to while in the hospital, and the other TCU didn’t seem to have at all. Life is not meeting her expectations. She had told them, she has all this money, but not even a bed to call her own.

She doesn’t have a lot of money, really. What she has may have been considered a lot, 70 years ago, but our dollar is worth so much less today, it really wouldn’t get her very far. It certainly can’t buy her way into the nursing home she wants to be in, either.

My SIL said she asked my mother if she maybe wanted her own little house here at the farm, like her mother had when living on my aunt’s farm, before she moved here for her final years. My mother said no. She isn’t able to take care of herself on her own anymore.

Anyhow.

I called her up and she did sound rather down, right from the start. I asked how she was doing and she said I probably didn’t want to hear it. She was also in the common room with other people around, so she wouldn’t have wanted to talk about it. They did leave shortly after, though. She then started telling me about how she has such a tiny bed (?? it would be a standard size hospital bed), such a tiny space in her shared room, there’s always noise and TV and talking and laughing… No peace. No privacy.

She’s been there for less than a week.

We talked about how this is temporary and hopefully, she will soon get transferred to the nursing home she wants to be in. I did remind her, thought, that there will be noise in the nursing home, too. She would have her own room, though. If nothing else, she could close her door.

I did confirm that she got communion today, and it was brought to her by the same guy that was bringing it to her when she had her apartment. She was happy about that, at least.

Of course, she started asking me when I would come to visit. I told her I did get the truck home and got stuck in our own driveway, because there was so much blowing snow. I then mentioned that there was something else that I needed to get checked, even though the truck seems to be running fine. As expected, she started demanding explanations and started giving me a hard time about it. I basically just cut that off and changed the subject. I told her, I just don’t know when I’ll be able to visit, but I would let her know before I do. She did make sure to tell me what she wanted me to bring to her when I do make it out.

*sigh*

She told me she had been able to get her short wave radio set up and working. My brother had tried to set it up while she was in the hospital but just couldn’t get a signal. It was even worse in the first TCU, but where she is now, she can get a signal. She was looking forward to listening to Mass in Polish soon, so we didn’t talk for too much longer. She did start going on about how she wants us all to find someplace for her, where she can have peace and privacy. I told her, even if we found someplace, if she leaves where she is now, she goes to the bottom of the waiting list (or off it entirely, now that I think about it) for the nursing home she wants to be in

I don’t think she heard me. I had a hard time hearing her at times, though for a different reason. It was as if we were losing the connection, but when I mentioned it was happening, she said something about how she was accidentally doing something with her fingers. ??

Well, hopefully that won’t be an issue for much longer. After going back and forth with my brother about it, he went ahead and ordered a phone for seniors for my mother. It’s in already, but the SIM card is still on the way. The phone company has a senior’s plan, too. It’s a cell phone that looks like a small cordless phone, and is even more basic than the phone she had before. It has a charging dock just like her old cordless handset had. The display screen shows the time, day and date as default, which I think she will find useful, too.

I would absolutely enjoy having a phone like that for myself, instead of a touch screen smart phone. Those may be convenient, but I’ve never liked touch screens.

Hopefully, it won’t take her long to figure it out, and we will be able to call her directly instead of having to go through the nursing station and have them bring a cordless handset to her.

The call with my mom wasn’t as bad as I half expected it to be, at least. I just don’t quite understand what my mother’s expectations are anymore, other than unrealistic. She hated being at her apartment because there was no one around in case she needed help, but now that she’s where there is always someone around that can help if she needs it, she hates that there are people around all the time, and they make sounds.

Ah, well. Hopefully she will get to where she wants to be, soon. She told my brother that her room mate has been there for a long time already, and is staying. Which doesn’t make sense, since this place is for temporary placement only, not permanent.

As for me, it’s time to pain killer up for the night and get to bed.

I am so very tired. Tired physically, tired of the truck, tired of always being on guard when talking to my mother, tired of winter, tired of cold, tired of the plumbing in this house, tired… tired… tired.

I need sleep.

The Re-Farmer

A cute accident, and some updates

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We had some more snow last night. Checking the security cameras, I saw that the road was plowed. We’re going to have to dig out the end of the driveway.

I also started getting a lot of motion detection notifications from the garage cam. I never saw what was triggering it, though.

What I did see was this.

A pair of matching hearts in the snow.

Who made these?

So I started going through the history, checking both stills and video clips. They weren’t there on Sunday, but as I watched myself walking towards the gate to meet my SIL on Monday, there they were, slightly less snow covered, but also less visible in the diffused light at the time.

It took a bit of going over the files more, then remembering that the motion sensor is triggered by people (and the occasional cat or deer), but not vehicles. We haven’t been able to figure out why (this is one of my brother’s new security cameras, not one we got).

My brother and nephew were here on Sunday. I saw them getting into their care to leave, but the camera wasn’t triggered by the care as they backed up towards the driveway then turned to the gate.

These are tire tracks. After the snowfall and in the morning light, they just happen to now look like hearts.

Adorable.

Almost as adorable as these guys.

There’s at least three more cats in there that are not visible in the photo.

Somehow, they got one corner of the hammock off its hook. I haven’t been able to put it back as it can only be reached through the ramp door, which has the box sheltering it. A box that’s currently stuck in place with packed snow and ice.

I took this when I did the second feeding. My darling daughter did the morning feeding for me. It was -27C/-16F at the time. I don’t know what the wind chill was, but when I checked later and we had warmed up to -20C/-4F, the wind chill was -34C/-29F Thankfully, by the time I did the second feeding, there was hardly any wind, so it was just really cold, instead of brutally cold. 😄

In other things, my mother was successfully transferred to the temporary long term care unit in the town she had her apartment in, last night. My brother called them this morning and talked to the nursing staff before talking to my mother. She got there shortly after 7pm in a taxi handivan – and no, we are not going to be charged for that. However, a bag that contained, among other things, my mother’s Pepto got forgotten in the van, and the staff were trying to track it down. The other TCU always uses the same taxi driver for these transfers, as he’s so good with the seniors, so it would be easy to track it down.

As for my mother, once he started talking to her, she started railing about how things were even worse here than where she had just left. It took a while to get to what she was saying, and it seems she was still just rattled from the transfer. She does have a room mate, but she did say that this person was better (by which we understand she means, this is not a person with dementia trying to tell my mother to go away while claiming my mother’s bed was hers).

My brother gave me the proper numbers to call this TCU, though he didn’t have the room number. I tried calling as soon as I could. It went to voice mail so I left a message, but no one got back to me. I texted the contact info to my sister, though. After several hours, I tried again and got through.

I talked to the nurse, first, and asked how things were going. She seemed a bit hesitant in answering, as if she was trying to find the right words. My mother wasn’t quite happy and something my mother told her had her thinking she had been in a single room before. I told her that she had been in a single room while at the hospital, but at the first TCU, she had a room mate. I explained about the roommate having some level of dementia and her behaviour. The nurse was surprised because, while they do have single rooms, those are usually reserved (if possible) for people with dementia that shouldn’t be sharing a room because they might do things like that. She would have expected this other TCU not to place someone with dementia with a room mate. I told her, I didn’t think they had any single rooms!

I remembered to ask about the missing bag.

It turns out my mother thought it was missing because it didn’t go to her room. It contained her medications, which they never keep in patients’ rooms, and was at the desk (they would have a secure lock up for meds). She was even able to tell me some of the items that were in it.

After talking with the nurse, I asked to talk to my mother and got transferred to their cordless phone.

It was a… strange call.

My mother seemed out of sorts, but she was happy to tell me that my sister had come to visit. She was extra happy, because my sister had brought her “cabbage” (sauerkraut) and pickle juice. My mother has been craving something “sharp” to counter what she described as all the sweet she’s been getting. I have no idea what she meant by that. Some of her meals might have a dessert, but that would be something along the lines of canned fruit. Whatever. She’s happy with her “sharp” snacks!

She asked me about the truck at one point and I explained to her that they weren’t able to look at it yesterday, but were hoping to do it today (I’ve still had no word about it, and they are closing soon). That set her off. She started saying how I should “explain to them” that we need the truck. I told her, they know our situation. Oh, but if I just explain to them. I told her, they have appointments. They have to fit the truck in, in between appointments, and need at least a couple of hours to look at where they think the problem is. I then started getting lectures about how other people’s appointments didn’t matter, they should take care of me. Then she started saying how my brother and I need to get together to find a “good mechanic”. Because mechanic always cheat women. When she started to invent accusatory things about how they were cheating me, I had to put an abrupt stop to it and pointed out she had no idea what she was talking about (in regards to the problems we’ve had with our truck), and she shouldn’t start going on like that. We should talk about something else.

After that, I had dead silence. Apparently, if she couldn’t complain about things, she had nothing else to say.

I remembered about the bag that she thought was missing, so I told her that it wasn’t missing. That it had medications in it, so it when to the nursing station, not her room, explaining that they have to lock up the medications.

She didn’t believe me.

She then gave me this description of her the transfer last night, looking into the bag and what she saw in it, how the bag was on the seat of the van and didn’t come in with her. It was still in the van. I told her, the nurse said she had it. Her medications were in the bag, so it had to go to the nursing station, not her room.

My mother didn’t believe they had her medications, either.

…

She would have gotten at least her bed time meds, and her morning meds, by the time I’d called her.

No matter what I said, she refused to believe me that the bag was not forgotten in the van, nor that they had her meds. She finally said she would go to the nursing station and ask them, herself.

There really wasn’t much else to talk about after that. She did say she was glad for the phone calls from me and my brother today. She calls the calls and visits her “second medicine.”

She may still be out of sorts, but where she is now is definitely better than where she was. She did complain a bit about the small size of the rooms (I don’t think she gets just how fortunate she was to have the big room in the hospital, all to herself!) and that she didn’t know the place yet. I brought up that she had told me she’d been there before, to visit people, so I thought she would be familiar with it.

No, she’s never been here before, she insisted.

…

She told this to me not long ago. Even made out like I was stupid, or that I thought she was stupid, to think she didn’t know about this place being in the town’s hospital. Told me how she knew people there and had visited them. Now she’s telling me the opposite?

When I said, she had told me she’d been there before, not that long ago, she just said, well, it’s a big place. So maybe she visited someone in a different ward? I dunno!

The good thing, though, is that she will start getting communion on Sundays from the church she used to go to, and they will likely be done by the same guy that had brought it to her after services at her apartment across the street.

So that’s where we are at with my mother’s transfer. Hopefully, she will settle in and be happier there. She did confirm that her transfer to the personal care home wasn’t cancelled. I said for sure it wasn’t; where she is now is all temporary. If all goes well, she will not be moved again until is to the specific nursing home she wants to be in.

How long that will be is anybody’s guess!

The Re-Farmer

What next???

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*sigh*

So… we still don’t have a truck.

The work was done by noon. Once I was informed, I messaged my SIL to let her know. Then I suggested we got for (a rather late) lunch after picking up the truck. It took her about an hour to get to our place. Today has been technically warmer, but the wind from the south was brutal, so I asked her to let me know when she was close so I could meet her at the gate.

When we got there, I went in to pay. I talked to the owner a bit, particularly since they had just replaced a seal to stop the leak on a Thursday, and the truck broke down on the following Sunday. The problem is, where the damage was done is all internal. The replaced the seals and put in new fluid, but there was no way to actually see. Again, it’s best guess, but those oil leaks I had were leaking all over the differential, so that’s why they figure engine oil got in, and it just wasn’t caught in time. It was totally tried.

I paid the bill…

… and commented on the credit card smoking, but then added that it really was a good price, and I appreciated that they were able to keep it down for me. He said new ones can run around $2000. I told him I’d looked it up, because I didn’t even know what a differential looked like, and the lowest price I saw was in the $1200 range. So… yeah. This really was a good deal.

I also brought up that if we could just keep it running for a few more months, then told him about my BILs F150 that he was looking to sell in the summer. The owner just shook his head and said, he would never buy a Ford product. Of all the vehicles they work on, they work on Ford vehicles the most. Interestingly, my brother – who owns an old F150 – had also warned against it.

I told the owner, I have a hard time seeing it as being worse than what we are dealing with now! I made a point of saying, there was no way to predict the sorts of problems we’ve been having , but we just can’t keep this up. He absolutely agreed. I think he feels bad, since he sold it to us. It was absolutely a life saver, and I do love the truck, but good grief.

Anyhow.

With the bill paid, it was time to head out for lunch. My SIL and I were at first going to hit the Chinese restaurant in the hotel right next to the garage.

One thing I noticed right away when we parked at the hotel is that the broken plastic under the bumper was fixed! The mechanic and bolted it directly to the frame. It’s more solid there now than the rest of the piece. 😁

We went in and it turned out the restaurant was closed. They won’t open again until late March. I forgot that they do this every year. So we drove through town to go to a Subway.

Now, I was fully expecting the truck to feel different after the work done, but… what was I feeling? It was just a few blocks before I parked, so I really couldn’t tell what I was feeling. Anyhow. We had a wonderful lunch and got caught up in all sorts of things.

I really enjoy spending time with my SIL. She’s just awesome.

That done, we parted ways. I was going to go to the grocery store, then home.

The grocery store I was going to is across the street from the garage. As I was driving along, with stop sign after stop sign, everything felt wrong. There was a strange hesitation/jarring, and there was an odd noise.

Instead of going to the grocery store, I went back to the garage. I quickly messaged my family and my SIL, then went in.

My SIL told me she was still in town and to let her to keep her up to date. The owner was talking to a customer when I came in, so I just kept out of the way until he was done.

Needless to say, he was surprised to see me.

I asked him if he could drive the truck, and told him what I was feeling and hearing. He was very perplexed, partly because it was really hard to describe. He contacted the mechanic that worked on the truck. He wasn’t in the shop at the time, so there was a few minutes wait. When he got there, I gave him the keys and told him to do the driving, and tried to describe what I was feeling. He was very perplexed.

Once in the truck, I remembered to thank him for fixing the broken plastic piece under the bumper that was hanging down. He said it was no problem at all!

We headed out and he turned onto the highway that runs through town, so there would be no stop signs. The half block to the intersection, there was a noise, and he asked if that was it. I said yes, then added that I did consider that the noise might be from the ice and snow, but ruled it out.

Once on the highway and starting to accelerate, it started up again. There was no mistaking it. It was even stronger than when I’d been driving it from the Subway. He immediately took the next driveway into a large parking lot – barely a block later. Once there, he tried something. The truck can be set to 2 wheel drive, 4 wheel drive front, 4 wheel drive back, or auto. I keep it on auto in the winter. He set it to 2 wheel drive, then started driving again.

Everything was gone. It was driving fine.

He’d started driving through a residential area and tried something else, pulling over and switching it to 4 wheel drive.

It was back, and even worse.

He told me he wanted to take a look at the transfer case. I told him, my ride is still in town and suggested they keep the truck overnight. He asked if I could hang around for a couple of hours. He wanted to spend the time to really look into what was happening. Then we both looked at the clock. It was well past 3, and they close at 5. No point in hanging around town. He asked if I was comfortable driving home on 2 wheel drive only. I told him, I wasn’t comfortable driving it at all!

So he parked the truck at the garage and went in with the keys to talk to the owner. I messaged my SIL, asking if she could meet me at the grocery store, then grabbed a couple of bags from the truck and walked across the street.

I am so glad I decided to wear those bib overalls my daughter got me. They do such a great job with blocking the wind. My legs were fine, by my hands and face were getting blasted with icy wind, and I only had to walk maybe 200 feet!

Once there, I went ahead and got more than was on my short list. I couldn’t be sure we’d have the truck back by Wednesday, when I would normally doing my first stock up shop for next month. My SIL and I soon connected again. As it was getting so late, she was picking things up for their own supper, since she wouldn’t have time to make supper when she got home.

Once we were done and heading for the checkouts, I was very happy to see they had gone back to the single line system! When they got rid of it, I commented on it to the cashier, and she quietly asked me to call management and let them know. The cashiers preferred the single line system, too. I ended up emailing the company, but I have also been answering the surveys on the receipts, where you can be entered for a $500 gift card for answering it. At the end of the survey, they have a space where you can make your own comments, and every time I did, I asked for the single line system to be returned. It’s just more efficient. I’m guessing I was far from the only one to ask for it!

We got through the line very quickly. When I got to the cashier, I made sure to tell him how happy I was to see the single line system back. He said they were really happy with it, too, as it makes things easier for the cashiers as well.

That done, it was off to my SILs car and she drove me home.

As I got my phone out to let the family know we were on the way, I found a message from my husband.

My mother had tried phoning me. She left a message, but it was quite garbled, and it sounded like they (the care unit people) were going to move her.

To the town she lived in before going to the hospital.

???

This was quite a surprise to us, mostly because we would have expected them to call my brother, as her PoA, right away. So my SIL phoned my brother – her car has the computer and she can do that all hands free. He was stuck in traffic on his way home from work. I read the message from my husband to him. I said I would call my mother back as soon as I got home, and talk to the nursing station first. My brother was going to call the nursing station as soon as he could, too.

My SIL got me home and then had to leave right away, she needed to get home. She couldn’t say if she could give me a ride again, as she has her own medical appointments, but I don’t even know when the truck will be ready or anything like that.

I got through to the nursing station before my brother did. I told her I had a rather garbled message about my mother being moved to another town. She told me, no, not today.

!!!

She put me on hold to get more details, then explained it to me. The care unit coordinator had offered my mother a bed. There is temporary long term care in the hospital of the town my mother lived in. They wanted to be sure my mother (and the rest of us) were good with this. I told her, this is where she used to live. She knows people there, she knows the town. (She has even visited friends that were in the temporary long term care unit she’ll be moved to.) This would be good for her, even though it’s still not where she wants to be. So there is a process that needs to be gone through, and they will likely call us about it tomorrow. I told her, she will probably be getting a call from my brother, who is PoA, soon, then asked to be transferred to my mother.

My mother was very happy to hear from me. When I asked about the move, she asked if I thought she should take the offered bed (I found out later, she had already accepted it). I told her yes!! It’s not where she wants to be, but it’s got to be better than where she is now. My mother agreed and started telling me she had lots to say about what’s been happening when I visit.

I had to tell her that I don’t have the truck because something else happened, and they need to try and find the cause, so it’s still in the shop. I have no idea when I can visit next – then went back to saying, the move would be a good thing.

I got the impression that something has happened (she just got moved away from the problem room mate!) that she didn’t feel she could talk openly about.

I was at my computer as we were talking as saw a message come in from my brother. He had talked to the nursing station and tried to call me, but the line was busy. 😂 I let him know I was talking to our mother, then told her that my brother was messaging me about having talked to the nursing station. She was all happy that we’ve all been making these calls and trying to figure things out.

We spoke for a short while longer. As we got off the phone, she was sounding very excited about this move. I let my brother know I was off the phone and he called me.

We basically had the same details – he also told them he approved of the move – and that our mother had already accepted it – then called the coordinator about it. Her office was closed by then, so he left a message which included him saying that he also approved of the move.

Hopefully, by the time I get the truck back, my mother will no longer be in that TCU and in a better situation!!

One thing my SIL mentioned during the drive home is how glad they were for me, that my mother was no longer living on her own and getting unreliable home care. With the problems we’ve been having with the truck, plus the weather we’ve been having, it would have been a real problem if they wanted me to cover for not having home care workers available for my mother. I told her, I simply could not have done it. As much as my mother is chafing about it, it’s been the best thing for her to be in the hospital, and now in the TCU, all this time.

So, there was are. I’m home, but still don’t have a truck. The mechanic did comment, as we were driving back to the garage, that it was a good thing I came right back. I’m so glad my SIL and I went out for lunch, first! If we hadn’t done that, I would have just gone across the street to the grocery store, then headed home. It would have started having issues while I was out on the open road, where turning around to go back would have been more difficult, and my SIL would likely have well on her own way home. All the pieces fell into place in the best way possible.

And now my mother should soon be transferred to better living conditions.

Plus, I got groceries. 😂

I still dread that question, though.

What next???

The Re-Farmer

A better day

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For the past while, I’ve been having the hardest time getting going in the morning. It’s not just dealing with pain, or lack of sleep. I have to admit, the whole situation with the truck has really gotten me down. It’s just one more thing of many that have happened in the past couple of years. Normally, most things are just water under the bridge, but every now and then, it just gets to be too much.

My daughters have been helpful. Lately, they’ve both been staying up all night, not just my older daughter as she worked on commissions. Since they are up anyhow, they’ve been taking care of the outside cats in the morning, letting me sleep in. I’ve never been a morning person, so this alone has done much to help.

The other thing is, I finally got outside to do some shoveling. My original intention has basically been to do the sidewalk to the gate, and maybe clear the cat paths. Once I got started, though, I just kept on going. The sidewalk, the cat paths, a path to the garage and in front of the doors on the storage side. My brother and nephew were going to visit my mother today, then swing by the farm to check on my brother’s truck, so I cleared it of snow, shoveled around it, cleared enough snow in front of the barn door that it could be opened, and a walking path. Since my brother had gone through a lot of this with the snow blower when we had to bring my mother’s stuff over, it was pretty easy shoveling.

Then I kept on going and did the paths to the compost pile, to the back of the garage, and a path from the house to the litter compost.

I also dug out the large cat trap my brother had given us and cleared it of snow. I set it on the landing with the door locked open, and it wasn’t long before I saw Bug going in to check it out. I set it back near the isolation shelter, so that cats can go in and out as will, and not see it as something to be afraid of.

Then I cleared the snow and ice off the catio and isolation shelter roofs. The isolation shelter took a bit more effort, as the warmth inside has melted the snow on the roof, even with the insulation sheets – those are pretty torn up by the cats! After clearing the snow, I tried opening the roof, but it was too heavy to lift from only one side. One realizing just how much ice was on there, I broke it up and got most of it off before the roof could be lifted and whatever was left could slide off.

I’m going to have to reinforce the back of the roof supports, so they all the supports can be lifted at once without any twisting around. I’ve just got some wood lath right now, which is fine in the summer, but they just popped free of the supports in places when I first tried to open it.

All that done, I did some clean up around the cat kibble trays. They have a lot of old kibble in them that the cats aren’t eating. the ones in the kibble house were getting too many bits of straw in them. The ones in the sun room were getting pieces of rigid insulation in them. There is insulation on the lower window behand the counter shelf, since that window is now a single pane. That cats have been scratching at it – the LOVE scratching that insulation!! – and there are tiny bits of insulation all over the place. Plus, even though there are litter boxes, these are outside cats, so there were messes frozen to the concrete floor that needed to be scraped loose. After emptying all the kibble trays and sweeping the floor on that side (I didn’t even try for the other side yet), I used all the scrap piece of insulation that’s been kicked around, laying it over the exposed concrete (most of it is covered already), including under the big aluminum baking sheet that they don’t like to eat from as much. I think it gets too cold. Now, there is insulation under all the kibble trays, and the heated water bowl.

The heated water bowls were in need of a good cleaning, too. Those all got emptied and scrubbed as best I could. They will get a more thorough cleaning in the spring.

With all that done, I set out fresh kibble and water early. The cats were vary happy! After putting the kibble out, I did a head count.

31

After doing the water, I counted again.

29 😄

I must say, getting all that done made me feel so much better. Better than therapy!

You know what else is good therapy?

Being able to pet Colby.

My daughter mentioned that she’s been able to pet him, so when he ran past me, heading out the sun room door, I tried to pet him as he went by. As soon as my hand touched his back, he stopped in his track and looked at me. He was so torn between staying for pets, and running away! Once my hand lifted for more than a moment, he was off again, but that was the most pets I’ve been able to give him, yet.

While I was working on all this, the cats were enjoying the gorgeous sunshine.

They really like that shelf shelter, with its clear wall! In the first picture, I zoomed in to get Colby, snuggling with his sister, Sprig. We still can’t get close to her.

In the next picture, you can see little Furriosa sharing that shelf with them, Collin below, and Fluffy above.

Then there was the sun room window.

That shelf was set up there just to they could use it and sun themselves.

There are 11 cats in that picture. Possibly more!

The down side is that poor Frank was being really harassed by Clarence making advances on her. I don’t think she’s even in heat anymore. I’ve even seen the boys going after Pinky today, and she is spayed!

Once inside, I sent a bunch of photos to the rescue. I’m pretty sure all the adult females are pregnant by now, but they also all would need to be trapped to get them to a vet. Even Frank, since she’s been quite the escape artist. Otherwise, she’s be spayed by now. Trapping will need to wait until things warm up, but the cats that went into heat the earliest will probably be ready to have their kittens by the middle or end of March – and we’re in the last week of February right now.

I did get to pet Frank quite a bit today, though. Still can’t pick her up – she doesn’t trust us after we tried our attempts to get her to a vet – but at least she allows pets now. She’s very nervous about them, but accepts them for a little while before running away.

After chatting with the rescue group, I decided to I wanted kluski for a very late lunch, finally using my spaetzle maker that I bought so long ago, for the first time. It worked great, but is surprisingly messy. Worth it anyhow, I think, for the more evenly sized and shaped results. It went very well with some leftover, deboned drumsticks in butter chicken sauce.

I was just starting to cook when my brother and nephew arrived. They did not stay long, as they mostly wanted to start my brother’s truck and check on it. It started fine. Then they went to check on their mobile and made sure all was well there. My brother ended up phoning me before the left. He was very appreciative of the shoveling. It turns out he had been thinking of lending us the truck, but it’s a “one wheel drive” and is temperamental in a way my brother and SIL understands, but really, no one else does. 😄 He was concerned that if I tried to drive it, I would have issues. I never even considered borrowing it! I thanked him for the thought, though.

Our truck should be done tomorrow (Monday), and my SIL has offered to pick me up and drive me to get it. I just don’t know when that will happen! I’m assuming they will want to get it done as quickly as possible to free up the bay it’s been taking up for days. If nothing else, they close at 5, so I know it’ll be before then. After that, I’ll pop across to the grocery store to pick up a few things we’ve run out of, but I’ll be doing our first stock up shop on Wednesday. Then Friday will be our Costco stock up trip.

If all goes well with the truck.

The thing is like a Sword of Damocles for us. I never know what’s going to happen next!

So I never did get to see my brother and nephew in person before they left. I messaged him later asking him to update me on how the visit went with our mother, once he was settled.

He ended up calling me before he had a chance to check his messages! He had just gotten a phone call from the TCU about my mother.

She has been moved to another room. Away from the roommate she told me has been telling her to go away, because she thinks my mother’s bed is her own bed. If there’s more to it, I hope to find out when I visit. I now know where her new room is. The nurse told my brother that Mom was in tears, thanking them for moving her. !!! Coming from my mother, that’s a big deal.

As for their visit, they were able to take Mom to a common room/family room to talk. Shortly after they got there, a woman came in with remote controls, wanting to use the TV. My mother started yelling at her to leave! My brother tried to help her with the remotes but they couldn’t get things working and she left. Only later did my brother notice that she’s switched the power off on the cable box by mistake. !! It’s unfortunate that my mother behaved the way she did. My mother has cognitive issues, but not dementia in that sense. She’s just like that and has been for pretty much as long as I can remember. The only difference now is, she doesn’t really try to hold back anymore. She’s old, so that excuses all sorts of unfortunate behaviour.

Anyhow.

My brother had quite a bit to go over with her, including the documents confirming her move out of the apartment and that they would no longer be charging her rent. After going through more things, he told me she seemed to start to realize just a little of how much my brother had to do for her in the background. Of course, she would never say anything positive to him about it, nor thank him or show appreciation.

My brother is such a saint.

Oh, and our vandal had visited her, together with his wife, just this morning.

*sigh*

At least she didn’t try to hide the visit from my brother this time.

Apparently, they’d been in town to do some shopping. I’m assuming my sister told our vandal where my mother is. Most likely, my mother made sure she did. Well, at least all visitors have to check in with the nursing station first, and the staff is aware of his abusive behaviour towards him. Plus, he was with his wife, and he behaves better when he’s with her. He told my mother he has stopped drinking (which I find highly unlikely, but whatever), and that they’ve already got his funeral pre-arranged. I don’t know if he’s still doing chemo, if the doctor has told him there’s nothing more they can do for him. My mother started going on to my brother about how she wants us all to get along. She just can’t accept that it’s all on our vandal to fix things. His hate for me and my brother runs so deep, I don’t see a reconciliation ever happening. Particularly since he’s managed to drive a wedge between us and my late brother’s children to the point where they want nothing to do with any of us anymore. We could never trust him again.

What a mess. And my mother and sister are oblivious at to how much they are making things worse by pandering to him, and how much harder it makes things for my brother, me and my family. Especially us, since we live so close to him. A relative statement, to be sure, but close enough that we can sometimes hear things from his place.

Ah, well. It is what it is. We just have to work with the hand we’re dealt with.

Well, that got off on in another direction!

In the end, the visit with my mother went rather well, all things considered, and now we have the good news that she is in another room. She will likely have another room mate, though, so we’ll see how that works out!

As for me, getting outside in the sunshine, doing the shoveling and getting so much done has made the whole day better. I’m feeling better than I have for a while now.

I will have to make sure to pain killer up before bed tonight, though, if I want to get any sleep!

I might even get to bed before 2 am for a change.

😄😄

The Re-Farmer

Being watched, and an update

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I just had to share this bit of cuteness, first.

Fluffer peeking through the bathroom window while enjoying any warmth coming through the screen.

In other things…

I called up my mother this evening. It ended up being a very challenging conversation. When I asked how she was doing, she switched to Polish and starting talking about the “Indianka” (Indian person) and her bed. At first I thought she was complaining about one of the staff somehow mistreating my mother while changing her bedding. She kept using Polish words I was unfamiliar with. I did figure out that the person she was talking about was in the room with her – and it was strange that staff would be fussing with her bed past 7:30pm.

After asking questions about just what the problem was, I eventually figured out that she was talking about her room mate. It seems this woman has been telling my mother to go away, and that my mother’s bed is her bed. There seems to be more as well, but my mother was having difficulty explaining to me. Once I figured it out, I said that this is something we need to talk to the nursing staff about. My mother said she’s already talked to them and they say there’s nothing they can do.

This is obviously an issue of someone with dementia. My mother has increased cognitive decline, but nothing like this. She said she told the nursing staff the people like her room mate should share a room with other people like her, while people like my mother should be sharing a room with someone more like her – this is in reference to levels of dementia. The problem with that is, there might not actually be someone there at her cognitive level. At least not another woman that she could share a room with.

Earlier in the conversation, while she was still speaking in English, my mother asked me if I knew about someone that had passed away recently. This person was part of a family that are “neighbours” out here, but I only know two of them – one of them was my elementary school teacher until 3rd grade, in the one classroom school our little hamlet used to have. Grades K-3 were all in that one classroom. It turned out that the person who passed was their mother. After getting a bit of a lecture about how I don’t know what’s going on, I pointed out to my mother that I’ve been stuck at home because the truck is in the shop; if I’m going to hear anything, it’ll only be if someone I know posts it on Facebook.

The truck reminded her to ask me when I’d be visiting her next. I explained to her the current timeline, and that it should be done on Monday. So am I visiting her on Monday? I said no, that’s when the truck is supposed to be done. I still don’t know how I’m going to get it. If anything, I’d be visiting on Tuesday.

When the conversation shifted to Polish and I managed to figure out she was trying to explain to me about her room mate, who was in the room with her while she was talking to me, she started talking about getting into the nursing home. It turns out the neighbour who passed away was in the nursing home she wants to go to. Which means a bed is now open.

…

We have explained to her that priority goes to people who are in the worst shape, but this was not the time to bring it up again.

As she continued to speak in Polish, she starting saying that my brother and I should go to the nursing home and explain my mother’s situation to them, and tell them she will pay them lots of money, every month, if they would just let her in.

So… she wants to bribe the nursing home staff.

I tried to explain to her again, that the nursing home staff have no control over it. It’s up to the government. The health department makes those decisions, not the nursing home.

I don’t know if she can’t understand this, or won’t. She is convinced that if we just ask and offer them money (she would be paying “rent” anyhow, so I don’t know what she’s thinking on that), they will let her live there.

I told her my brother had already contacted them and they confirmed this, but she kept on as if I never said a thing.

In other things, she mentioned my sister had visited. I told her I knew, and that she’s brought my mother the pickle juice she was craving. My mother was so happy about that. I think she just drinks a spoonful every now and then, but I honestly am not sure! I asked her how the food was, and she told me it wasn’t as good as at the hospital. Not bad, but not good, either. 😞

She went back to talking in Polish and saying she wanted to be out of there. Then began lamenting about how, in her old age, she now has no home of her own, no bed of her own. I told her, it won’t be any different in a nursing home, other than she’d have a room to herself. Oh, but at least she would be among her own people! She would be around Christians.

…

She still thinks the nursing home is run by the same people who ran it when she applied for a job there, 50 or so years ago.

Then she started telling me how she is afraid to sleep at night because of her room mate, and she doesn’t know what she might do. I don’t know what to make of that. One the one hand, if her room mate’s dementia is far gone enough, that could be a real risk. On the other, at one point of trying to figure out what the problem was, and my mother not being able to answer me (I still thought she was talking about a staff member at this point), I asked outright, is it because she is Indian? My mother answered, yes. So she might be fearing this woman because of her race. Or, more likely, it’s a combination of both.

Either way, my mother is not in a good situation, and there’s really nothing we can do about it. She’s in the system, and the system decides. My mother, however, insists that if we just talk to the right people, explaining her situation, and are bold about it, that system will be ignored and she would get to jump the que to get to the nursing home she wants to be in.

I’m really not impressed with this transitional care unit. I don’t have concerns with the staff or the measures they have to take. It really has more to do with the fact that they’ve got so many people in various states of cognitive decline, waiting to get into someplace else, in such a tight space and sharing rooms. This building is a converted hospital, but the TCU is only a small part of it. Too small.

I completely understand my mother’s feeling about wanting to get out, that’s for sure. Hopefully, she will get into a nursing home – even if it’s not the one she wants to be in, right away – soon.

Thankfully, my brother and SIL are back and they will be able to visit with her tomorrow. She will be very happy to see them. I suggested they might see about finding a private space they can wheel her to for the visit. There must be a common room or family room available. Somewhere that she can speak freely with them. I’ve already updated them on what my mother told me. Hopefully, they will be able to get more information from her, and will be able to talk to someone about it.

I honestly don’t know what we can do to make things better for her. She simply isn’t far gone enough for the system go consider her a priority when beds open up.

Plus, the system sucks at the best of times.

So very frustrating.

The Re-Farmer