dealing with elderly parents

First day of the new year – and of course, things got changed up! 😂

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Well, I hope you all had a wonderful time bringing in the New Year! Or, at least, a calm and peaceful one. 😁

I didn’t make it to midnight. 😄

It actually turned out to be a very strange day for me. I’d gone to bed early, so I was up pretty early. I did the outside cats stuff and my short, winter version of my morning rounds, then tried to go back to bed. After numerous interruptions, I did actually get some sleep. So, you’d think I would have been good to stay up until midnight. After all, I rarely get to be before midnight on a normal day. Instead, I could have easily gone back to bed by 5 or 6.

The other odd thing was my body was basically falling apart, all day. Just with normal walking around the house, I’d have a knee start to give out, or a hip start to dislocate. Even just reaching to flush the toilet had my shoulder socket trying to dislocate. Then there were my hands! At one point, I’d made myself a hot drink in one of my giant mugs, which are basically twice the size of a typical coffee mug. When I tried to pick it up by the handle, I found I didn’t have enough grip strength to clasp the handle enough to keep it from sliding through my fingers. I ended up having to ask a daughter to pick it up for me, so that I could grasp it with both hands. It wasn’t until the cup was half empty that I could grip the handle with one hand and not be at risk of dropping it. It was so bizarre!

That was yesterday, but when I woke up today, it was pretty much back to normal. I have no idea why I had such issues yesterday, that would go away overnight like that.

This morning I was feeling good enough that, after doing my rounds, I scraped and cleared the sidewalks and main doorway steps, tidy up the paths that were already dug, and even started to extend more paths. Little by little, I want to dig our way to the fire pit again, but I was going to head back out to open up the turn around space in the inner yard. We will be doing our Costco stock up trip soon, and I want to be able to back up to the house with more room to turn the truck around in the yard.

Well, that’s going to be my focus for tomorrow, instead.

I had called my mother last night to with her a Happy New Year, and she gave me a bit of a list of things she wanted from her place. One of those things was her short wave radio that my brother got for her, so she could listen to her Polish station, with Mass and praying of the rosary.

I passed on to my brother bout the radio, and this morning they told me they were going to her place to get it, and did I want to meet them at the hospital to visit Mom?

I suggested I meet them at her apartment, so I could back some things for her, then they could grab the radio, then we’d go to the hospital together.

So that was the new plan for the day. I was able to leave soon after, which was really early, but I wasn’t sure if I needed to do any shoveling at the end of the driveway. It turned out I didn’t, and there was no need for the plows to go by again. That had me at my mother’s place before they even left home. Which was just fine.

I checked her answering machine, then packed a few things in a bag for my mother, spotting some things I figured she would like to have, even though she hadn’t asked for them directly. I also made sure to water her rosemary plant. That will be coming here to the farm eventually, but I didn’t want to grab it only to have it sitting in a cold truck until I could get home.

I was even able to get the radio partially ready. I just couldn’t get the special antennae down from where it was taped to the window. I’m too short. So when my brother got there, that was all he had to deal with, so he was done and we were heading out in less than 5 minutes.

They have one of their grandsons with them for a while, and the long drives were great for him to get a solid nap in!

Once there, my brother immediately started trying to set up the radio and antennae. In the end, there was just no way to get a strong enough signal for her FM radio station. He was able to find it, but it was really hard to hear, and there was no place he could set up the antennae and get a better signal.

My mother could not grasp why this was an issue. She was instead convinced my brother had bought her a “junk” radio (it is a very high end shortwave radio), because she never had problems before. Meaning, also back here at the farm. My brother told her that we were getting AM radio, but what she was listening to was FM radio. I well remember how hard it was to get an FM signal here, having had to set up antennae wires from my radio when I was a kid. In the end, my brother was able to find an AM station that she used to listen to. No Polish radio, no Christian station, but one where she could at least listen to the news. All she has to do it push the red button to turn it off and on. We tried to stress for her to not touch any dials. Hopefully, she will remember that!

Meanwhile, I unpacked the items I brought for my mother, making sure where I was putting them for her. She was quite happy when she saw some of the extras I’d bought, as they were things she wanted, but had forgotten to ask for.

We then had ourselves a decently long visit. She did seem really tired, and had almost no patience. For example, when my brother started to set up her radio beside her, the folding hospital walker was in the way. He moved it aside and I was going to get it out of the way, but I first had to move the wheelchair aside. My mother started demanding I move the walker to a certain spot, which was basically where the wheelchair was sitting, but when I didn’t immediately do it – because I was moving the wheelchair – she suddenly became enraged and actually started to kick at the walker from where she was sitting, in such a way that could easily have resulted in a fall. When we managed to get her calmed down and I could finally move the walker, she basically just slumped into her chair and started saying how, she’s used to doing things herself, but now has to depend on us, as an explanation for her behaviour. I told her, even she couldn’t do two things, like moving a walker and a wheelchair, at the same time! Which she did acknowledge. Sort of.

It was a good visit, though at times a distracting one, with a very energetic great grandson around. My brother got some recordings of my mother telling stories and singing. I’m glad he thinks to do that. I hardly ever remember to even take photos when I visit!

Once we were done with the visit, we wanted to go somewhere to chat and catch up on things. Being New Year’s Day, the only place that was open and had seating was a Subway. It wasn’t a busy time of day, so we were able to stay and talk for quite a long time. Again, it was very distracted with their grandson, but none of us minded. Eventually, we were able to cover quite a few things, and I even learned more about things that happened while we were living in other provinces over the years. We’re all quite confused over my sister’s recent actions involving our vandal which, I learned, has been a problem for quite some time. It seems both our vandal and my mother have been able to manipulate her very easily. Which is odd, because she really should know better by now. In all honesty, it seems my sister is showing cognitive issues as well, and is not at all as healthy as she may seem. I see way too many red flags. But, she’s skinny, and we all know that skinny people don’t get sick, right? /sarcasm

In the end, we just have to work with the hand we are dealt with and do the best we can, for each other as well as for our mother.

It was getting pretty late in the afternoon by the time we parted ways. One of the two grocery stores in town was open today, so I made a quick stop to pick up a few things before our Costco stock up trip. I haven’t decided exactly when I’ll be doing that, other than not-tomorrow. We are actually supposed to warm up slowly over the next 7-10 days, with expected highs next week just a few degrees below freezing. A good time to do more snow clearing, very little of which can be done with little Spewie. The parts that can be done with Spewie still need to be broken up with a shovel, first. The snow is deeper than Spewie is tall, and much of it is now hard packed by the wind.

One thing I’ve been able to see through various windows are some pretty large fallen branches, but they will have to wait until spring for clean up.

So what was supposed to be a home day ended up being an out all day, day. The nice thing is that I’ve got the girls able to take over my usual outside routine while I’m gone – plus, I came home to supper waiting for me! 😊

As for my mother, we’re going to have to wait until her attending doctor comes back from holidays before we can have a meeting with him and discuss next steps. Once we have something solid to work on, we’ll be able to make decisions about my mother’s apartment.

*sigh*

I have no idea what we’re going to do with her furniture. It’ll probably have to come here to the farm, but we’ve pretty much run out of storage space for larger stuff. We still have all the stuff we cleared out of the house and packed away, because my mother insisted nothing be thrown out. Fair enough. Most of it is in too good a shape to throw away. She did say we could have a garage sale, but that wouldn’t work out well. Not just because of our relative isolation, but that would be an open invitation for our vandal to cause problems. She’s also adamant that nothing goes to any second hand stores, either. So what are we supposed to do with it all?

Ah, well. We’ll figure it out, in due time.

Until then, here’s some cuteness to share with you.

This is Leyendecker and Susan. Can you believe they are siblings from the same litter – and that Leyendecker started out as the tiniest kitten of the litter? He’s an absolute giant, compared to his sister. He’s not just a fat cat, but a big beast in general. He’s even bigger than Big Rig, who was the largest kitten of the litter. She’s a chonk, too, but not quite as big as he is. Susan is one of our smaller, lighter cats now. Their mom is Beep Beep, who is a pretty normal sized cat. Bigger than Susan, but still dwarfed by two of her last babies, before we were finally able to get her fixed.

Okay, I should have gone back over my old posts, first.

Susan is not from the same litter as Leyendecker. She’s one of Beep Beep’s, but older. Beep Beep’s last litter included Leyendecker, Big Rig and two orange babies, Saffron and Turmeric. She also adopted Butterscotch’s last surviving kitten, Nikko, from that year. The orange babies and Butterscotch’s baby all got adopted out. They were pretty much the first kittens the Cat Lady adopted out for us, before she started her own rescue. My daughters just reminded me that Susan is Cheddar’s sibling. So… she is still the tiny sister of a giant cat. Just not the biggest chonky boy of the household! 😄

It gets hard to keep track, at times! It’s a good think I journal this stuff here, or I’d never remember. 😄

The Re-Farmer

Not impressed

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Though I am impressed by Sir Robin’s balance.

His expression looks unimpressed, though!

This is what I find pretty much every time I open the inner door from the old kitchen. Sir Robin, perched on the edge of the screenless window. He stays balanced, even as I open and close the door! Sometimes, there are two or three cats on there when I open the door.

Today has been a pretty uneventful day, with just normal daily routine, except for two things.

The first was a call I got from my brother. He’d received a call from the hospital, and the first thing he said to me was, our mother is okay!

She had a fall today. She somehow managed to slide off the toilet. She was able to reach the call button, but when they arrived, she refused help. !!! She managed to get up on her own, which amazes me, considering the state of her knees. No injuries. No bruises. She’s fine.

She did, however, tell them she can’t go home. She can’t take care of herself anymore. I’ve been saying this from the start, and I know my brother has as well, but she is finally voicing it more directly, too.

My brother did try to talk to someone at the nursing home my mother wants to go to. He got the run around on who he should be talking to, only to be told he should be talking to someone else, instead, etc.

What I found interesting is that the staff there remember my late father, with fondness. My father passed away almost 10 years ago. He was in the nursing home for only about 6 months. Yet, they still remember him! That it is with fondness is no surprise. Every time I called my dad, he would always comment on how well they took care of him. My father was always showing his gratitude and appreciation.

God, I miss him.

The other thing was my sister. No details, of course, but she finally responded to my calling her out on her telling our vandal that my mother was in the hospital. I was careful to challenge what she did, without attacking her personally. Basic rule of debate and argumentation: attack the idea, not the person.

Well, she never addressed a single point I made, but instead attacked me personally while making herself out to be a victim again.

Long store short, I ended up blocking her on FB, and removing her from the family group chat.

There is background to this, which I will not go into, here, but I’m still disappointed. Not surprised, but I had hoped it would not end up this way.

The frustrating part is, my mother makes a big deal about how we wants us all to get along, but she’s the one that keeps playing us against each other, wanting us to keep secrets from each other, and it was her manipulation of my sister that lead to this.

I feel very tired right now, and not in a physical sense.

The Re-Farmer

So frustrating

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Before I get into the frustrating stuff, I will start with the cuteness.

All of them, fluffy.

That first picture, we actually named her Fluffy. We got her to the vet and they wanted a name. It was all I could come up with, quickly! We got her in only because she willingly walked into a carrier. Once in a while, she lets us pet her.

The second picture is of another fluffer, but with more white on the chest. With how much they move around, that extra white is the primary way we can tell them apart. That one has taken to hanging out on the window shelf while I put the food out, and has been willing to let me do that, and even not running away while I pet other cats beside it. It has even sniffed my fingers a bit. I’ve managed to touch him (I’m going to guess “him”, only because – as far as I can tell – he didn’t get pregnant last year), but he takes off when I do.

Then there are these two.

These are both among the oldest kittens of this past year. A matched set of adorable fluffiness.

Now that I look at the picture, I can see why the one tends to have its eye looking half closed all the time. There seems to be an issue with the inner eyelid.

Now, on to the frustrating part.

My daughter and I went into town today. I brought a couple of things for my mother, so we were going to go there first, then go to the grocery store for our last shop of the year.

My mother had requested some of her Pepto, because what the hospital was giving her apparently wasn’t working. She wanted me to sneak it in to her and not tell them. Which I had no intention of doing, but I did bring a bottle from the stash I brought to our place, because my brother buying her to many made her angry instead of thankful. I also grabbed another of my mini tagine sauce bowls for my mother to use to count her pills. I’m glad I had a set of four of those, because two are already at my mother’s apartment!

Our first stop was at the nurse’s station. I showed them the Pepto and explained why my mother wanted it. They had to keep it so that a doctor could authorize it, and she made sure to label it with my mother’s name as we talked. I also showed her the tiny tagine and explained about my mother using it to count pills, because home care would sometimes drop a pill while getting them out of her bubble packs. Now that she’s putting them in her palm to count them, she doesn’t seem to be seeing them as well, and has miscounted. I just wanted them to know what it was there for.

My daughter and I then went on to visit my mother.

The first surprise was that her door was not quite shut. There’s a sign on her door to keep it closed at all times.

The second surprise was when we walked in and found she had a visitor.

Our vandal.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When he saw us walk in, he immediately began to say his good byes and left, not making eye contact with us at all. I did say Happy New Year as he went by, but he ignored it.

After he was gone and I gave my mother a hug hello, I asked if she knew how he found out she was in the hospital. She just threw her hands up and said, maybe my sister. I wasn’t sure about this, since my siblings and I had been talking about making sure not to tell anyone about my mother being in the hospital, so that word would not get to him.

Thankfully, he was on good behaviour, even though his wife was not there, but she had specifically told him not to come around anymore, after his last yelling session at her place, not that long ago. It didn’t stop him from leaving a really nasty letter more recently. We really hoped that she would be safe from him in the hospital. She tried to say he was being okay, but I pointed out to her that’s because she’s in a hospital, not at her apartment – but that this could change at any time.

Then I told brought out her little pill counting bowl, which she was happy with. I told her about bringing the Pepto and leaving it at the desk, which she got angry with. She had told me not to do that, because she intended to basically sneak taking it without the hospital staff knowing. I told her, she can’t do that. They need to know what she is taking, when and how. She complained that they took away her painkillers and I said, it’s the same thing. They can’t leave medications because patients might make mistakes. Oh, but she doesn’t have that problem, so they should let her keep her extra meds. I had to tell her, they can’t pick and choose who they can do this with and pointed out that she does forget things.

Then she got mad at me for another reason. I was wearing my work sweats, and I’ve got a tear in one pantleg. She spotted the hole and got angry. I shouldn’t wear clothes with holes in them because we live in the best country in the world.

…

???

Needless to say, we didn’t stay long. Her lunch was about to be delivered, anyhow.

As we left, I stopped at the nurse’s station again. I’d called about our vandal before, and I wanted to confirm with them who he was. I made sure they knew I understood there isn’t much they can do, but at least there was an awareness of a potential problem.

I had suggested that my daughter go on ahead to the truck while I talked to the, but she stayed with me. She was concerned that our vandal might be hanging out in the parking lot. I later found out that he’s getting his chemo at this hospital, so he’s going to be there regularly.

*sigh*

Also, for someone who is dying, he looked really good and pretty spry.

Thankfully, he wasn’t stalking us in the parking lot, but we also had to keep in mind that he might also be at the grocery store we were going to. Once we parked there, I sent a quick update to my siblings in our chat group about him being there before going in (we never saw him in the grocery store, either, thankfully).

While shopping, I got a response from my sister, saying that people from church had recognized my mother, so that’s probably how word got out. I made a short response saying that my mother thought my sister had told him, but was just guessing. My brother tried to phone me on my cell, but it was just too loud for us to talk. My daughter and I had our own shopping lists, so we took care of that, loaded up the truck, then headed home.

My phone started dinging while we were driving so, when we stopped along the way for my daughter to check the mail, I took a look.

This is where I’m going to be fighting a battle between being honest about things on this blog, while being careful not to say things I shouldn’t, even though this blog is anonymous.

Long story short, my sister did tell our vandal about my mother being in the hospital – at my mother’s request. They both tried to hide that from me and my brother.

The whole point of our group chat has been to communicate with each other because my mother likes to play us against each other, telling each of us different things about the same topics and the like. We also need to protect my mother, not just from people like our vandal, but from herself, if necessary. Yet, my sister still let my mother manipulate her, and … let’s just say, she didn’t see the problem with this. Even after I pointed out that she put my mother’s health and safety at risk, by going along with my mother’s self sabotaging demands.

My brother and SIL, meanwhile, were on their way to visit my mother as well. Once we had the chance, we talked on the phone while they made a stop along the way. As you can imagine, they were pretty alarmed by what my sister did, too, and that our vandal showed up. My sister added something else that is of concern, too. Our vandal’s wife works for the health care system, in some administrative capacity, and apparently said something about the waiting list for the nursing home my mother wants to get into. There have been other things that have come up that suggest that she’s been looking up private medical files and passing things on to our vandal, and that seems to have happened again in relation to my mother. This, of course, would be a PIPA violation.

Anyhow, once at home and settled in, I responded to my sister about what happened. I tried to be very careful in addressing the issue without making personal attacks. She responded with a personal attack.

*sigh*

Unfortunately, all this shows is that my sister cannot be trusted when it comes to caring for our mother, because she allows herself to be manipulated. That is involved our vandal took it from being a minor frustration to alarming, because it has literally put my mother’s safety at risk – and both she and my mother tried to keep it a secret from my brother and I, because they both knew we were against our vandal having access to my mother!

*arrrrggggghhhh*

When they were done their visit, my brother called to update me while they were driving home. They had an all right visit. My mother wouldn’t have said anything except the noticed and commented on a box of chocolates (my mother keeps saying, she doesn’t want sweets) and a Christmas card signed by our vandal and his wife. She then acted like she just remembered that, oh, right, our vandal had come to see her – but he behaved well!

*sigh*

They explained to her, why this is a problem and told her that, if he shows up again, to use the call button so someone will come over, and see that he’s there. That will make things a bit safer for her, at least.

My brother had tried to get some idea of what’s going to be happening with Mom. Everyone is saying we need to talk to someone else, and no one knows anything. One thing we do know now is, if my mother gets paneled to go straight to a nursing home from the hospital, rather than being discharged to home, they will start billing her for her time in the hospital. She would no longer be their patient, so the province won’t cover her costs anymore, so she’ll basically be charged for room and board.

Which means we’re going to have to do something about her apartment, so she’s not paying both at the same time. Yet, we can’t really start doing that until we officially know that she won’t be coming back to her apartment.

My mother has so. Much. Stuff. In that tiny apartment. This is not going to be easy. Most of it is papers she refuses to throw away, but there’s important stuff mixed in with stuff that she should have thrown away long ago. She has a habit of reusing envelopes from junk mail or solicitations for donations and sticking important things in them, all mixed up.

Well, it will need to be done, and that will mostly fall on me, since I’m the closest and my schedule is the most flexible. At least I’ll have a daughter or two, to help me!

I really wish we didn’t have to deal with this whole soap opera going on, and could just focus on taking care of my mother!

Ah, well. Such is life. As my dad used to say, you can laugh, or you can cry, and I’d rather laugh.

So that’s what I’m going to do!

The Re-Farmer

A quiet day, with some updates

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Today, I actually did take a day of rest.

No shoveling. No errands. I went outside to feed the yard cats and that’s it. In fact, I stayed in my PJs all day.

I really needed this.

But first, the cuteness!

Ha! Colby looks so angry in that first picture. The second picture is a feral we can’t touch. S/he always seems to have one eye half closed, and it’s not always the same eye. We might have to call him/her Wink! 😁

The third picture is Hypotenose. He was really wanting attention today!

Last of all, we had Stinky, glowing in the sunlight, and the fluffy feral that looks like Fluffy, but has more white on the chest. This one is finally accepting the offer of food, up on that window shelf, and sometimes, I can sneak a touch.

In other things…

I’m happy to say, my left knee that I bashed last night is doing pretty good. There’s swelling and I can still see a mark, but it doesn’t hurt to the touch, like my right knee still does. That one is getting very colourful as it recovers.

I still can’t figure out how I managed to bash that left knee so hard into the door.

Meanwhile…

Last night, I got an automated notification from my mother’s Lifeline system. When their system reads there might be a technical issue with connectivity, it sends these with instructions to test it. My mother has the Lifeline pendant with her in the hospital. I’ll have to remember to grab that and return it to her apartment.

The notification came so late in the day that, when I called the 800# in the message, it went straight to an answering service that said to call back during office hours. So I called them up today. The call went straight to voice mail, so I let them know my mother was in the hospital and we don’t know when – or if – she is coming home, so to suspend her service for now.

I called the hospital to see how things were with her, and was able to talk to her nurse for today. He had just checked on her. We talked about her concerns with the pills she’s getting. He confirmed that she has been getting her eye vitamin for the past while, though it was a tablet version, not the almost black gel cap type pill she was used to. He told me she empties the pill cup into her palm and counts the pills every time, but sometimes miscounts. This morning, she counted 7 when there were 8, and he suggested she count again. She got the right number the second time. I explained about how, with home care, they would sometimes drop pills, so we had a special little bowl with a lid to put the pills into, that made it easy to count them. Her failing vision may be a contributing factor, too.

Still no information from any doctors on her condition, nor what the next stage will be.

I then got transferred to her room to talk to her, and she was very happy for the call. I told her some of what the nurse told me, and she requested her little bowl to put the pills into for counting. I don’t know when I’ll be at her place next, though, but she said there is no hurry.

She mentioned they took away her painkillers. These would have been her T3s from home. I suspect she may have been taking them, then forgetting she took them and took them again. She brought up again how, she’s taking all these pills, but she still feels this or that – things that are unrelated to what she is being medicated for. Then she asked me to bring her Pepto. It took some questioning, but it seems the hospital did have her some sort of substitute. White instead of pink, and more liquidy. Apparently, it isn’t helping, so she wants her Pepto – but don’t tell them about it! I told her, I can bring the Pepto (I have her spare bottles here at home), but she can’t be hiding things from the hospital staff. They need to know if she’s taking something.

We have plans to go into town tomorrow and pick up a few extras for New Year’s, so I can swing by to visit her as well.

Then she mentioned that her niece had visited her a few times.

This surprised me, because we’ve been making a point of not telling anyone my mother is in the hospital, so our vandal doesn’t find out. My cousin is still pretty close with him, as far as we know, so we weren’t going to tell her. I asked my mother who told her, and she thinks it was my sister, but didn’t know for sure.

After I finished talking to my mother, then updating my siblings, I called the nursing station back and explained the situation. There isn’t much they can do if our vandal shows up, but they are now at least aware of a potential problem. Hopefully, he’s too sick to visit my mother and try to guilt her into giving him money or something, and it’ll be a non-issue.

It really sucks that we have to even think about that sort of thing while my mother is in the hospital!

Well, it is what it is, and we’ll deal. The main thing is, there will now be a notice on her file and they are aware of a potential issue. If all goes well, he still knows nothing about my mother and everything will stay quiet.

Quiet is good.

The Re-Farmer

Cleared out, just in time

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Today’s main goal was to get to my mother’s place and clear out her refrigerator of perishable items, then get her bubble packs to the hospital, before the snow arrived.

My daughter came with me to help out, so she was able to get started on the fridge while I packed a bag of stuff for my mother. There were a few things she asked specifically for, and others I grabbed that I knew she would want, such as her daily devotions book (which is held together with duct tape, she’s read and re-read it so often), the LED candle I got for her for when she said her prayers and when someone from church brought her communion, and a couple of rosaries. A neighbor has been bringing her mail for years and sliding it under her door, and there were a few envelopes we brought for her, too. Of course, I also brought her knee warmers that I washed and added elastic cord to, which will hopefully keep them from sliding off, and the warm sleeping cap I made for her yesterday.

I had done a grocery shopping trip for my mother shortly before she went into the hospital, so there was quite a bit for us to bring home! Some things had to be thrown away, so we took out her garbage, too. I even remembered to give her rosemary plant a deep watering. There are still a few things in her fridge that aren’t perishable that we are leaving until we come back to shut it off and clean it all out. Not sure when that will happen.

Once everything was packed up, checked out, put away and tended to, my daughter and we had 5 of our hard sided grocery bags to bring home (!!!) plus the items to bring to the hospital. That included her bubble packs that they asked for, plus I found and grabbed the prescription anti-fungal medication for her infected toe that she never used, as she can’t apply it herself. My daughter remembered to grab the baggie of foot care stuff I brought for her, which can now only be used by her, unless sterilized.

It didn’t take very long with two of us working on it, and we were soon loaded and heading to the hospital.

When we got there, my first stop was at the nursing station to drop of my mother’s bubble packs. I pointed out the eye vitamins, and the woman I spoke to said they just don’t have those at all. I also brought out the anti-fungal medication and explained that my mother couldn’t apply it herself. I don’t know that they do that sort of foot care. You’d think they would, considering it’s a hospital, but as I told her what it was, she seemed very… confused? Not sure what other word to use, but it left me thinking, it’s not going to get used.

My mother was sleeping when came in, so we tried to be quiet, but she heard us and got up. We showed her what we brought for her, some of which needed repeating, but she eventually got it and was able to instruct us on where to put things. Then we stayed for a bit of a visit and a chat. That went over well, for the most part – she was happy to see my daughter this time. There were a couple of head shakers, though.

She started telling us that things are quieter at night, now, because she was saying something (I shudder to think how she phrased things). There’s even a hand written sign on her door, to keep closed at all times. She started getting into her favourite thing to complain about: people laughing. As she went on about it, we tried to say, laughing is good. It’s healthy. It’s one thing to have an issue with how loud things are, but there’s nothing wrong with laughing.

Turns out, she really does think there’s something wrong with laughing. People shouldn’t be laughing in the hospital, because there are sick people who are feeling bad, and that will make them feel worse. Of course, she is projecting herself, here, and assumes other patients are as bothered by it as she is. This attitude towards laughing is not new at all. Even when we would be in a restaurant or something and people at another table would laugh loudly, she would get angry. As if she thought they were laughing at her (in some instances, she really did think people were laughing at her, even though they were talking about something else entirely). There were a few times when she would suddenly, loudly, do her sarcastic imitation of a laugh. Got some strange looks out of it, as you can imagine. My daughter even tried to point out that sometimes, people laugh to make other people feel better, and my mother’s response was that they could smile or say nice things, but laughing was for … I think she said for the bar or something like that, but I can’t quite remember. Basically, in her mind, no laughing should happen in hospitals. Because she doesn’t like it. She even tried to misuse the Bible to justify it, bringing up the verse about being happy with those who are happy, crying with those who cry, completely out of context. (ESV Romans 12: 15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”)

As you can imagine, both my daughter and I were rather stunned that my mother was so upset about other people being happy around her.

She also brought up her other favourite complaint: how the staff dresses. She said she’s been telling the nurses and doctors that they should “dress nicely” so people can tell them apart from the janitor – and, according to her, they agree with her. ??? I don’t think that’s quite it. What got us is when she started on how the doctors and nurses deserve more respect than the janitors, because a janitor doesn’t even need 12th grade, and that’s why they should dress different so people should be able to tell them apart.

She said it in such a way that I had to interject and tell her, she needs to treat janitor’s nicely, too, because they also deserve respect. She started mocking about, oh, yes, they call it “equality” and so on, but basically doubled down on how the housekeeping staff are somehow “less”. I told her, they need to be treated with respect because they are children of God, too. She actually found a way to dismiss that while pretending to agree with it at the same time. Then she mentioned some other things about the staff, making it clear she’s been grilling them about their historical and ethnic backgrounds. She was all smiles when she brought up that one nurse’s background was from Denmark. Then one of the other nurses – an Asian male – same up and her entire body language changed, and she was “oh… him.” !!! I’ve met this guy twice, and he also phoned me to follow up about my mother’s meds, asking me to brig her bubble packs over so they could give her her eye vitamins. Between my mother’s attitude and his own body language while talking about my mother, I strongly suspect she said or did something inappropriate towards him.

After updating my family, my sister brought up something that happened during her visit. A couple of guys came in, delivering water bottles. My mother said to them, “Men? You should be in construction!”

*sigh*

We talked a bit about her medications. She told me, one morning they gave her 12 pills. Another, they gave her 9. Her morning meds are usually 6 meds, including a half pill. Whatever they’re doing, they’re either not explaining it to her, or she’s forgetting if they have.

While we were there, a nurse came in to give her 2:00 water pill. So they are clearly giving her more of those than she used to take with her bubble packs. From the looks of her legs, they may want to increase the dose more!

My siblings and I are frustrated by the lack of information and communication. My mother would be difficult to communicate with, but if that’s an issue, they should be calling me. I’m top of the list of my siblings, not just because I live the closest, but because I’ve been her advocate at medical appointments for about 8 years now. If they can’t reach me, they should be calling my brother, who is her PoA. There just doesn’t seem to be anything to go on. Even when I ask the staff at the nursing station and talk to her nurse of the day, they don’t seem to know anything about what’s going on.

It’s still better than for her to be at home, of course, but we’re all pushing for her to be discharged to a nursing home, and there’s just nothing. No feedback. No communication. Meanwhile, my mother is getting all these meds that look different from what she’s used to, and she has no idea what they are giving her. Not that she understood quite all of what she was taking before, anyhow.

She told us she said to the doctor? someone, that she’s taking all these pills, so why is she still feeling so bad? I had to tell her – again – that none of the medications she is taking is for what she is feeling. They are for other, specific, things. She doesn’t get that. Apparently, taking blood pressure medication should also stop her hip from hurting. 🫤

By then, we were more than ready to leave. I could see my daughter was getting extremely uncomfortable with the things my mother was saying. We needed to get home before the weather turned, anyhow.

We did have time to make a couple of quick stops along the way, including a fill at the gas station. Still, we cut it close. As we got closer to home, we drove right into heavy snow. Thankfully, it didn’t last long and the system moved on. Tomorrow is supposed to warm up a bit, again, with no snow, so hopefully we’ll be able to get some stuff done outside.

Speaking of outside…

After we got home, my daughter finished unloading the truck after we brought the first bags of my mother’s fridge stuff in, while I moved on to giving the outside cats their evening food and warm water.

Check this lady out…

What a beauty!

She is getting SO much more matted!

She was supposed to go to the rescue after the 20th, when a space was opened up, but the weather had other ideas. At this point, I’m hoping to have that happen maybe after New Year’s. I don’t want to push them too much on it. They are so desperate for fosters, and they have quite a few cats – mostly kittens, actually – that just aren’t being adopted. They’re really working on getting the word out, both through local organizations and social media, too, posting adoption pictures every chance they can. Some cats and kittens get adopted quickly. Others… crickets.

I was hoping that tomorrow I could stay home and get things done, but I’m looking at our cat food supply, and the weather, and thinking a trip to Walmart might be necessary (the local feed stores would not be open).

I really don’t want to do more driving. We were supposed to be able to hibernate until after New Year’s!

The Re-Farmer

First stock up shop: this is what $588 total looks like (plus an update)

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Almost.

Today, my daughter and I headed into the city to do our combination last shop before Christmas and first stock up shop for January. After this, we don’t plan to do our Costco stock up shop until after New Year’s.

Our original plans changed a bit, though.

We waited until a bit later to start heading out, since it was still -30C/-22F at the time we normally would have headed out. As we were part way to my mother’s town, the check engine light turned on.

*sigh*

When we reached town, we pulled over in a gas station parking lot, so I could hook up the OBDII scanner. The scan is done with the key in that half way position, when things are on, but the engine is not running.

Which is when my onboard computer suddenly popped up a message, saying the batter was low and to turn on the engine!

Which I did.

The scan, however, came up with a code for an air-fuel ratio imbalance. Checking the details, this turns out to be a common code for our vehicle. The top reported fix is to replace the O2 sensor.

Did that mean we could still head into the city??

I knew my brother was on his way to the farm and would have his hands free set up, so I ended up calling him. I told him what we were finding. For the sensor, he suggested it could even just be that snow got in, but we should be fine with driving it. As for the battery, the gauge showed it was charging, so we should be okay with driving to the city.

Our first stop was Canadian Tire anyway, and their garage would be open (being Sunday, no local garages would be open), so I could see if they could check it/work on it, depending on how busy they were.

Of course, that made me absolutely paranoid for the rest of the driving!

Once there, I headed in ahead of my daughter, who was a sweetheart and paused to get some ice off from around the wiper blades. It kept rattling during the drive, which made me even more paranoid, because where the sound was coming from made us think it was the engine until we spotted the moving ice.

After explaining to the guy at the counter what was going on, and showing him screen caps of my scan reading, he assured me the truck was safe to drive. They didn’t have a tech in that could work on it. Since I already scanned it and had the code, there was no need for them to scan it again, which would have cost me $125. But he could check the battery for me, if I could pull the truck up to the main bay door.

So I did that and he hooked up to the battery to test it. We did have to pause to I could move the truck out of the way of someone needing to get a vehicle into a bay, but it was still very quick. The battery was low, even after driving for about an hour, so he recommended I put it on a charger when I got home and to leave it overnight. Our charger has an auto shut off once the battery is fully charged, so that was a viable option. He assured me that the truck was okay to drive. As for the sensor, he told me he knew of people driving around for a year before replacing it, so we would be fine.

When he was done, I confirmed how I was to exit the bay area, then said I would go around to park, then come in to pay.

He don’t me, no charge!

That was so awesome of him! Granted, it was less than 5 minutes to check my battery, but he still could have charged me for it and I would have been okay with it!

My daughter, meanwhile, was in the store and had found the coat section. One of my goals for today was to get a replacement parka, now that my 30+ year old down filled parka is finally unwearable.

For a while there, I didn’t think I’d find one.

Their inventory only goes up to XXL, for starters. Even with men’s coats, I like extra room, so I would have preferred a larger size. Sizes, however are not standard, so that is another issue. Also, I’m a tank. A refrigerator. A block. Plus, I’m fat.

The first XXL parka she found, I couldn’t even finish getting my arms in, the shoulders were so tight. We went through the entire section and there were hardly any XXL at all, and none fit.

We were starting to head out, thinking I would try at the Walmart (I doubt I would have found anything there), when we spotted another coat section.

We had even less luck there.

Then we found a couple of display racks at the far end of the store.

I found all of one XL in there. The rest were smaller.

Then my daughter spotted coats in the hunting section.

Amazingly, we found several XXL!

The first one I tried did fit, though it was tight on the arms. Especially the biceps. I may be rotund, but I’ve also got guns, and this parka, warm as it was, barely fit over them.

So we kept looking. My daughter found one that was basically two jackets together, and you could separate them if you wanted a lighter jacket. That one was the worst designed coat I’ve ever tried! I had to get my daughter to help me take off one of the arms because the outside was trying to come off, while the inside layer was wanting to stick to my arm.

Finally, after much digging, we found one that fit. I bit more snug under the arms than I would have preferred, but that was just a matter of cut, not size.

Everything was mixed up, and there was no price on the tag, so I didn’t know if it was in budget. My daughter found someone that could scan the bar code, and it was only $100!

I was so happy!

We then headed to the checkout, where we also paid for the litter pellets we were there for. Those are stored in the vestibule on the way out, so my daughter went to start loading the cart, while I put on my new parka.

We got 4 bags of litter pellets, so the total was $145.55, but I only got a picture of my new parka, so this is what my $99.99 hunting jacket looks like.

My daughter was making all sorts of “where’s Mom? She’s hidden!” jokes.

Also, she requested I stick my arms out like a penguin for the picture. 😄

I had some concerns about how thin the coat was but, WOW, did that thing get warm, fast! I really appreciated how warm the hood was, even though it was really quite loose.

We did find it funny, though not really surprising, that the only coat I could find that fit was a hunting jacket.

Our original plan after Canadian Tire was to go to Walmart for kibble, then to a Superstore for the groceries, but with the truck concerns, I wanted to do as little starting and stopping at possible.

So, we did just the Walmart, instead.

We were originally going to go into the mall the Canadian Tire is part of for lunch, but completely forgot, so we did McRaunchies at Walmart for sustenance, instead.

That was $36 (with a donation to round it up to the nearest dollar). McRaunchies isn’t particularly cheap anymore! We didn’t get any sorts of extras, either. Just burgers, fries and drinks. *sigh*

Then, we finally got to shopping. Which was not fun at all. Granted, it wasn’t as crowed as I was afraid it would be, but it was busy enough and annoying enough that I completely forgot I was supposed to see if they had office/desk chairs in stock to replace my husband’s broken one. At least most people seemed pretty cheerful, and there were a lot of smiles to be shared.

My daughter had her own list and did her own shopping, so that’s not included. She finished and headed for the truck before I even got into line, where I found myself having a lovely chat with the elderly gentleman I let in front of me. He had just a few things in a hand basket, so I sure wasn’t going to make him get behind me in line!

This is what $442.24 looks like.

Most of that cart space is taken up with bags of kibble.

For our Christmas plans, we had decided on doing a lot of appetizers and finger foods, rather than our usual huge Christmas Eve wigilia (vigil) meal. I might still do a turkey for Christmas day, though, but we always do our main activities starting after sunset on Christmas Eve.

My daughter picked up some things for this on her budget, but this is what I got, along with regular stock up stuff.

Of course, there were the basics. They had toilet paper on sale, so I picked some up. We still have plenty, but since we’re not going to Costco until later than usual, better to have extra on hand! I also got a large package of paper towels and a package of facial tissues.

For the cat supplies, I got XXL puppy pads (I was out of that size), odor eliminating pet stain powder for carpets (for when the cats manage to get past the puppy pads!) and four 9.1kg bags of kibble. We have enough wet cat food to last until Costco, so I skipped that on this trip.

That made up the bulk or things.

For food, I got a bag of potatoes, some carrots, grapes and that was it for produce. For dairy, I got marble, Havarti and Old Cheddar cheeses. The “white cheddar” on the receipt is popcorn seasoning.

I picked up three loaves of rye bread for regular eating, and four baguettes for New Year’s Eve – those are now in the freezer.

For heat and eats and finger foods, most of which are for Christmas Eve, I got chicken nuggets, fish sticks, cream cheese wontons, a variety pack of Asian appetizers, and meatballs.

There’s also a jar of “Itty Bitty” pickles and a strawberry rhubarb pie. I even remembered to get my B100 vitamins that I was out of. There’s a pack of frozen, extra crispy, curly fries, mostly for my husband, and they had cross rib roasts on sale, so I actually got some beef! I also got a package of frozen salmon filets for my daughters. I’d forgotten about those and it took me the longest time to figure out what HL SIG WPS was. 😄 High Liner Signature Cuts Wild Pacific Salmon.

As we’re still pretty much in the middle of the month, we are still pretty well stocked from last month’s shopping, so a lot of things are “missing” from our usual first stock up trip. The kibble needs to last either until our Costco trip, or until I can get to a feed store. I got four 40 pound bags of kibble last month, and we were almost completely out, after this morning’s yard cat feeding! Three of the bags I got today should last for the outside cats until I can properly stock up, and one bag is more than enough for us to last with the inside cats, as we still have a fair bit.

So, there was have it. A grand total of $588.78. $624.78, if you count lunch.

After that, it was time to head home. Once out of the city, we stopped at a gas station to fill the tank, pick up some drinks and snacks for the ride home. As we were returning to the truck, my daughter ran back in to use the washroom for the long drive home, so I moved the truck away from the pumps to a parking spot to wait for her.

Which is when I noticed.

The check engine light was gone.

Yay!!! Maybe it was just snow in the sensor, after all!

Even the gauge for the battery was where it normally is.

Everything stayed as normal for the drive home, which was a relief for both of us.

After we got home, we pulled up to the house to unload (my brother got a LOT of snow blowing done, including enough in the inner yard that we could drive up to the house). Then I fed the outside cats before moving the truck into the garage. While my brother cleared a path to the door, he didn’t clear enough to turn around, so I’ll work on that tomorrow. Backing up through down path was a test of my reverse driving skills, that’s for sure!

Once in the garage, I got out the battery charger and hooked it up, plugging it into the shop power bar that I use to plug the truck’s block heater into. The charger showed full charge so, while I fussed with the power bar so I could plug in the block heater, I wasn’t surprised when the charger shut off. I was in the process of putting it away when I realized that, while moving the power bar around, with all the cords so stiff in the cold, it accidentally got unplugged. So I plugged it back in, then got the charger set up again.

In that very short length of time, the battery already lost charge.

The battery is only 2 years old, but we don’t have a battery warmer. The cold may have damaged it.

I now have the charger set up for the night. It’ll shut itself off when the battery is charged, but will turn itself back on again, if the charge drops.

Tomorrow is Monday, so our local garage will be open. I plan to give them a call to talk about bringing the truck in for a diagnostic. I’m not too worried about that code that triggered the check engine light to turn on, but I am concerned about the battery.

At this point, the only driving I plan to do between now and after New Year’s, is to visit my mother at the hospital on Christmas day. My sister will be visiting on Christmas Eve, and my brother saw her today, on his way home from our place. I just found out that he broke a sheer pin on the snow blower. Thankfully, he was able to scavenge one from their other snow blower that isn’t running. When he was done, he tried to find a replacement in town. There was none to be had, but it did give him a chance to see my mother.

Once I was settled in, I called the hospital to see how my mother was doing. She was responding to the IV Lasix to reduce the swelling so well, they are no longer going to continue that for a week. She will be back to taking it in pill form.

I spoke to the guy for a while and remembered to tell them about my mother’s macular degeneration, and that it was getting worse, but we couldn’t transport her to the clinic in the city for treatment anymore. He thought we had an appointment and said they could arrange transportation, but I told him, the last appointment she had, we had to cancel it, so we haven’t made another appointment since then. It was good to know that they could have transporter her, though.

As we were talking, and he was telling me how great my mother was doing, I brought up her pain and mobility issues, saying that after this, she couldn’t go home anymore. He said, “yes”. Like, it was a given that she couldn’t live independently anymore.

This is the first time anyone actually said that.

He brought up having her paneled for long term care, and I told him, she’s been paneled. Twice. Once, just a couple of months ago. He sounded shocked to hear that. I told him, we aren’t understanding why she hasn’t been accepted.

I didn’t mention it, due to how much time it’s been, but it’s not due to lack of beds. During her last panel interview, the home care coordinator said there were beds available. It’s just that she wasn’t “needing” that much home care. That was part of why we added meal assists, bathing and dress assists, to her care plan. My mom did actually need them, but had been refusing them. Just like she has refused things like having a hospital bed, which she really needed.

He told me that, now that she’s in the hospital, she will stay there until they can find a space for her. The people in charge of those decisions will be in, tomorrow, so that would be the time to call and ask about it.

Hearing that was such a relief!

After talking to him, I asked to be transferred to my mother’s room so I could talk to her.

I tried to tell her about what the nurse told me, but she made that very, very hard! I would say a bit, and she would cut me off with a tangential rant. I’d manage a bit more, and she would cut me off again and go off in another directions. I kept saying, let me finish, and she just ignored me. I had to actually raise my voice and talk over her, several times, saying “let me finish” before she finally stopped.

I finally was able to tell her that she will be in the hospital until they can find a place for her in a nursing home.

Her immediate reaction?

Where?

Over the next while, I had to deal with her doing what she always does: be her own worst enemy. She even started to say how, with home care taking such good care of her, with her medications and her meals, and my doing her grocery shopping for her, she can manage just fine. Her vision loss isn’t a problem, because it doesn’t hurt.

She doesn’t want to be a bother…

…

I had to stop her and tell her – again -that she needs to stop making light of things. She can NOT go home after this. It’s just not safe for her.

I’m just so frustrated. She’s the one who started the push to be placed into a nursing home. This is what she wants, and what she needs. We’ve been fighting for this for two years and, and now that she is SO close to actually getting into long term care, suddenly she’s talking about how she’s fine in her own apartment.

I told her (again), that this is the time to say MORE about her physical issues, not less, or make light of them, or not tell the hospital staff about them at all.

I don’t know that I got through to her. She finally stopped cutting me off, but when she goes silent like that, it often means she completely disagrees and is planning to do the opposite of what she should be doing.

Hopefully, she won’t this time but, gosh, she makes it hard for us to help her at times!

Anyhow.

Tomorrow, I’ll be giving my new winter coat a real test. I plan to expand some of the areas my brother has cleared out with his snow blower, and clear out more paths in the yard. Little Spewie is going to get another work out! Some of the areas will need to be shoveled, though, so I’ll be getting a workout, too! We are expecting more snow tomorrow, but now they’re saying it won’t start until 6pm, and it’s full dark before 5pm these days, so that’s not going to be an issue.

While catching up with my brother and SIL after visiting my mother yesterday, my brother gave me strict instructions to NOT have a heart attack, with all the shoveling I’m doing! 😄 I’ll be sure to follow his instructions.

The main thing is, we can get in and out easily, and we are stocked up. Anything beyond that is gravy!

The Re-Farmer

More digging out, and a visit to the hospital

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The blowing snow we had yesterday wasn’t as much as the blizzard that preceded it, but this time the winds drifted over the driveway.

Last night was bad enough that my brother and SIL had friends staying the night, because it was too dangerous to drive home. All morning, we were keeping watch on the road conditions to see if we could actually meet up and visit my mother in the hospital today or not. When doing my morning rounds, I checked the driveway. The blown in snow was light enough that I could drive through it, right up to the gate. As frustrating as it was that all my clearing of the driveway as almost completely filled in, it would have been a lot worse if it hadn’t been done first.

The first problem I had, though, started before I even went outside in the first place. The old down filled coat I’ve been wearing and patching together is finally done and unwearable. I ended up layering, the borrowing my daughter’s coat, so I could clear the end of the driveway.

By the time that was done, my brother and SIL had also dug themselves out – the winds blasted right into the front of their townhouse, and encased their car in snow. We worked out some details, and I was going to go to my mother’s place, first, to get her some fresh clothes, etc. Then I was going to meet them at the hospital.

The first picture was taken after I cleared the end of the driveway. The road was not plowed again, but it was passable.

Before heading out, I called my mother to let her know we’d be visiting her and about when we’d arrive. I told her I was going to her place first, and she added some instructions.

She also still wanted one of her bubble packs. Which they can’t use. Turns out, she believes they are just giving her random pills. I pointed out (again) they have her med list; they just have a different source for their medications. They might look different, but they are the same medications. They know what she’s supposed to be taking.

To which she responded, “do you really think they’re that smart?”

…

*sigh*

How do you answer something like that? Other than, “yes!”

Anyhow.

As I was about to leave, I realized I had no room to back out of the garage. The wind had created such a smooth drift, I couldn’t really notice how far it extended past where I’d cleared, yesterday. I went back and got the shovel, clearing just enough that I could back out of the garage. Thankfully, it was still light and fluffy snow, and didn’t’ take long.

What you can’t tell in the second photo is that there’s at least another 6 feet of drifted snow over what had been cleared, yesterday.

While messaging with my brother, we worked that that, while my daughter and I are headed to the city tomorrow for our first January stock up shop, and the last shop before Christmas, he will be coming out here and getting one of his snow blowers going. It will be MUCH easier to clear the show with a gas powered snow blower than my little Spewie which, technically, is called an electric shovel, not a snow blower.

When heading out to my mother’s, I layered up with a couple of hooded jackets, so my daughter had her own winter coat to wear. She was planning on breaking Spewie out and getting the driveway done while I was gone. In the end, she wasn’t able to get very much cleared before she had to go back inside. Thankfully, with my brother coming out tomorrow, he should be able to get the rest cleared out.

The drive to my mother’s was touch and go. Visibility was good, for the most past (unlike other highways in the area), but there was a lot of packed snow and ice, making for some slow driving at times. I got to my mother’s place, checked on things, packed a bag for her, and was soon on my way again. I normally would have cut across from her town to a different highway to get to the hospital she’s at, but all the reports I was seeing what that route was far worse.

I still got there faster than my brother and SIL!

My mother was in bed when I got there, but sat up while we talked about what I brought. She was in need of a Voltaren rub on her back, which took some doing to accomplish. She then moved to a chair. The whole time, she was clearly in a lot of pain from her hip and back.

By the time my brother and SIL arrived, though, she had perked up quite a bit and was clearly happy for the company. After a while, I went to the nursing station to see what we could find out about how things were going, and the nurse caring for my mother that shift came to her room to update us.

They are restarting her on the IV Lasik to get the swelling down. That will be continued for another week. She talked about draining the fluids away from my mother’s heart. When I asked, she said the edema was due to congestive heart failure.

There’s a problem with that.

My mother doesn’t have congestive heart failure. It turns out they just assumed she did. Confirming it would require transporting her to the same hospital she recently had her MRI done, for a CT scan. We told the nurse, my mother’s heart has been checked out quite a few times (because she kept thinking she was having hear attacks that turned out to be acid reflux and heartburn), and her heart is incredibly healthy. Healthier than most people a quarter her age.

Meanwhile, all her vitals are right where they should be.

I had mentioned to the nurse yesterday that my mother can be her own worst enemy. She complains about the minor stuff, while making like of the major stuff. Even the minor stuff, she makes things worse for herself. She – once again – brought up the dry mouth issue. When the spray was suggested, she immediately said, oh, I just drink some water and it’s fine. So… why is she complaining? When the dry mouth spray was suggested, she tried turning it down. She’s on so many medications, you know. Once we figure what she was thinking, we told her, it’s not a medication. It’s just for her mouth to fee less dry. Once the nurse realized what the mix up was, she did offer to bring her a bottle of the dry mouth spray. Which is what she has at home, brought back from the last time she was in the hospital but refuses to use. She keeps bringing up the dry mouth, wants the doctor to somehow stop it from happening, but won’t actually do the things that will make it better.

Meanwhile, she tried to make light of the reason she was in the hospital. Like it was not an actual problem, compared to her dry mouth.

With days as short as they are, and the road conditions an issue, we didn’t stay too long. After saying our goodbyes to my mother, I was able to go to the pharmacy and drop off that signed paper they needed from my husband, then meet my brother and SIL at a nearby restaurant to catch up. We’re all quite concerned that when they reassess my mother a week from now, they’ll try discharging her to her home. That is simply not acceptable. She cannot live independently anymore. She could barely get out of bed and walk 4 steps today! According to my mother, she hasn’t even been seen by a doctor yet. Just an assistant.

It’s all so frustrating.

Still, we had a good time together and soon parted ways. I did make a point of stopping to pick up some take out for the whole family, then filling the gas tank, before heading home. By then, it was past sunset and the light was failing fast. I’d messaged ahead that I was on the way home, and my daughter met me to close the gate and help me bring things in – including a care package from my brother and SIL. They are so sweet!

So that’s where we stand now. Still up in the air about my mother.

With the road conditions as they are, I’ve been keeping an eye on the forecasts. I thought that maybe we could delay the city trip until Monday.

We’re getting more snow on Monday.

*sigh*

So, tomorrow it is.

I’m dreading going, but my daughter is coming along, and she is quite the sanity saver for me! I hate shopping at the best of times. Shopping this close to Christmas, in the city, is something I really try to avoid. We’ll be stocking up as much as we can, so that we can delay our second January stock up shop until after New Year’s, if possible!

If all goes well, I’ll find a new winter coat, too.

Oh, and we’ll be looking at bariatric office chairs. My husband’s chair suddenly – and loudly – reclined backwards and couldn’t straighten up again. After moving it around, we spotted the snapped bolt on the floor. It’s an old chair and was getting in pretty bad shape. We’d even replaced all the wheels on it – which will be salvaged, as they are really good wheels! Hopefully, there are some sales we can take advantage of. We shall see.

It’s going to be a busy day tomorrow.

The Re-Farmer

We can get out now… for now

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Knowing we had a pharmacy delivery coming – and more snow – as soon as I finished giving the outside cats their food and water, I headed to the garage to break out little Spewie.

I then spent the next 2 hours clearing enough space in front of the garage to be able to back the truck out and turn. Then I had to go in to warm up and have breakfast. My down filled coat was completely wet, so I ended up borrowing my daughter’s leather coat. It has no lining, but it cuts the wind completely, so the layers I had underneath were more than enough to keep me warm.

The first picture in the slide show above is what I got done in the morning. For a lot of it, I had to first break up the crust of snow at the top with a shovel before I could get through with little Spewie. With the wind, I was working only in one direction, so the wind could blow the snow away from me. I still got covered in snow, but at least it wasn’t as bad.

When I came about out to work on the driveway to the gate, I broke out a second 100′ extension cord. That was just enough to reach the gate. Thankfully, beyond the gate was blown clear. There was just the plow ridge at the end that needed dealing with.

Which I never got to. As I write this, my younger daughter is actually out there, working on it.

It took another 2-2 1/2 hours to get the driveway cleared to the gate. Dragging that much cord around sure didn’t make things easier! By the time I was done, the snow was starting to come down pretty hard. The wind was worse than the snow, though. I’d gone back to the gate with the shovel to work on the plow ridge but once at the gate, there are no longer any trees to block the wind, and it was just too brutal to keep going.

I discovered something while working on this. I have a step counter app on my phone. When I got in after the first 2 hours of walking back and worth, the app had me at a ridiculously low step count. I had my phone in my chest pocket, so there was no chance of snow getting in and getting it wet. It was so snug in there, it wasn’t counting most of my steps. When I headed out later, I had them in a pants pocket, but I had so many layers, it was still missing most of my steps. We’re talking off by thousands, not just a few steps here and there!

Once inside, I found someone had hung up on our answering machine. Caller ID told me it was the pharmacy, so I gave them a call. It was about the timing of our delivery. Even with the weather getting worse, the driver was already out! So I basically just stayed in my boots and my layers until I got the call from the driver that he was just a few minutes a day (something we have requested the driver does, since we keep the gate closed). I made sure to tell him I hadn’t been able to clear the plow ridge, so he might not be able to pull into our driveway. Then I bundled back up again to meet him at the gate. The plow ridge wasn’t too bad, but a bit much for a sedan, so he just pulled over on the road. As I asked him about road conditions, I noticed something extra on my husband’s bag of prescriptions.

Something that needed to be signed. With his meds including controlled substances, he has a form he (or I, on his behalf) needs to sign for them, once a year.

Neither of us had a pen.

So I brought it in and my husband signed it, then called the pharmacy about it. We hoped he could just take a picture and email that in, but they need the physical paper. He’s getting his bubble packs delivered next week, so we can give it then, or I can bring it over the next time I’m in town.

Which might be tomorrow.

My sister had called the hospital this morning and sent an update. My mother was finally no longer in ER, but in a room, where she has a TV and a phone. She was much happier! She’s going to be on IV for another day, and then… ???

Once I had the chance in the afternoon, I called the hospital again. The nurse I talked to had just checked on my mother, and she was napping.

I had a chance to talk to her about our concerns that she might be discharged to home, and that we felt she could not live independently anymore. We were hoping that, with her in the hospital, perhaps the doctor could make the decision, since home care wasn’t.

Now, when I say “home care” for this stuff, it’s not the local office that takes care of her visits, but a higher up office. Anything we do with the local office when it comes to paneling my mother for long term care gets sent to this higher department. That department is where everything has been stalled. My mother got paneled a second time, less than 2 months ago, and the local home care coordinator had heard nothing since she gave them the updated paperwork.

That department has a liaison in the hospital.

If the doctor thinks my mother needs to go into long term care, but the liaison disagrees, guess who has the final say?

Not the doctor.

The nurse completely understood when I expressed my frustration.

I did have a chance to tell her that my mother can be her own worst enemy. She will complain loudly about minor things, like her “dry mouth”, but it took us (including the home care workers) about a week or more to get her to finally use the Lifeline and get to a hospital.

Guess what my mother has been complaining about to the nurses?

Yup. Her dry mouth.

She can’t accept that she’s simply sleeping with her mouth open. She won’t use the spray. She won’t keep herself hydrated.

The problem with her complaining about the dry mouth is, she’s not talking about why she’s sleeping with her mouth open in the first place. She’s having trouble breathing when she lies down. This isn’t even a sleep apnea thing, because she struggled to breathe when the paramedics had her lying on her back for a few seconds before raising her up to a more seated position.

The nurse assured me that the doctor was aware of the situation. I knew I was forgetting something, and now that I’ve written this, I remember. I never mentioned her macular degeneration is getting worse, and we can’t even transport her to the specialty eye clinic in the city for treatment. She’s losing her vision. More reason for her to not be going home, but to go into long term care from the hospital.

Even the nurse was commenting that, when someone is approaching 100 years of age, like my mother is, they really should be able to just go into long term care if they want!

So I got that update from the nurse and passed info along to my family. My brother and I had already made plans to visit my mother tomorrow but, now that she’s in the hospital, we’re looking at going to her place to pick up some more clothes and whatnot for her, then going to visit her in the hospital.

Assuming the roads are open and cleared.

Then I got a surprise.

A phone call from my mother!

We had a chance to talk for quite a while. She actually sounded better than she has in quite a while. I told her that – then told her to try sounding sick! 😄

My mother being my mother, she had all her usual complaints. She used to work in a hospital 70-75 years ago, so she knows how they are supposed to be run, and always brings up the same thing. There’s always noise, day and night (I told her, she was in the ER. There’s no difference between day and night in the ER! But it should be better, now that she’s in a room). She can here the staff – and instead of using the word “laughing”, she starts to “laugh” in a very mocking and nasty way. She makes this complaint so often, it seems that hearing other people laugh is the thing about being in the hospital she hates the most. She doesn’t like the sound of other people being happy. As for being in a room now, she complained that she could hear another patient, calling for help.

She didn’t care that a patient needed help. She only cared that it was noise she didn’t want to hear.

Then she complained that she can’t tell the difference between a nurse and a janitor, because they all dress the same (she thinks they should be in those old style starched white uniforms, still).

Of course, she was also complaining about how they are giving her her medications. They look different (different pharmacy, different supplier), so she doesn’t think they are the right medications. There was one that she takes at bed time that they didn’t give her until the morning, so that’s another thing that made her believe they are giving her the wrong medications, different medications, they don’t know what they are doing…

If there’s any sign that my mother is feeling better, it’s that she’s hating on everyone around her again.

When I mentioned to her that we were planning to go to her place to get her some clothes, she wanted me to bring her medications. She doesn’t trust them. I told her, I could bring them, but they would have to lock them away (they had to do that with her T3’s that she brought with her) and would not be allowed to use them. They have to use their own supply, not hers. What was obvious was that, if she had access to her own bubble packs, she would be taking her own medications on top of what they were giving her.

She really is her own worse enemy at times!

She also told me the doctor said that she would be there for another week, and that a nurse told her that she had water around her heart. I knew she didn’t have any in her lungs, but the only thing mentioned to us is that they were trying to get the swelling down on her legs. No one has said anything about her heart, and no one has said anything about how long she will be there. When she was in the hospital before, she had told me the doctor said she would be there for another three weeks, but when we brought it up with the doctor, he had no clue what we were talking about.

So that whole situation is just a mess. It will be good when we can go to the hospital in person and talk to the doctor directly!

Whether or not we can get out tomorrow, we shall see. The snow is supposed to continue, off and on, for another 5 hours or so. It’s not a lot of snow, but the blowing snow advisory is on until 7 or 8am. Checking my weather and highway conditions groups, highways are being closed again all over the place.

I expect our roads to be plowed. It’s our own driveway that will be the issue. All the clearing I did will help, but my daughter told me that drift I’d cleared from under our gate was already back, and there was no sign that I’d cleared it earlier.

Also, she is so happy with her Tough Duck overalls. They cut wind like nobody’s business! They aren’t lined, but she didn’t feel the cold at all.

I need to get me a pair, too!

So that’s where we are at. It’s all one day at a time right now.

The Re-Farmer

She beat the storm… mostly

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As I write this, our first blizzard of the year is building up. Inside, however, all is warm and cozy.

This morning, my sister updated us on our group chat. My mother had just phoned her. A bit odd that she didn’t call me, but it’s likely she thought my sister might drop everything and drive her to the hospital.

Did I mention we’re getting our first blizzard of the year?

My sister encouraged her to use the Lifeline and get an ambulance. The home care worker was encouraging her to use the Lifeline. My mother was worried. About her Meals on Wheels coming today. About her cash stash. About her stuff. She said she would get the lunch assist home care worker to help her get dressed. But would she actually push that button? My sister even let her know, there was a blizzard coming. She needed to decide right away.

It was about 1pm when I got a phone call from Lifeline, telling me an ambulance was on the way, and could I be there to tend to my mother until they arrived? I said yes, but that it would take me half an hour to get there.

It was just starting to snow here when I left. By the time I reached my mother’s town, visibility was dropping fast, with more snow and more wind. The ambulance was already there, and they had my mother hooked up to a machine that monitored her vitals.

Now, to them, my mother was looking pretty good. She actually looked and sounded better than she has for the past week. Her vitals were all really good. I mentioned that when she was in the hospital before, it was for pulmonary edema, and they told us that if she started getting swelling, to come back. I said that my mother has said she’s feeling like she did before she went to the hospital, last time. They asked about the swelling, and while it didn’t seem too bad at the time (that we could see through her layered pant legs and woolly leggings underneath) but we confirmed that it’s been pretty constant for a while now. One of the paramedics listened to her lungs and said she sounded clear.

I asked where they would be taking her. When my mother heard that they were taking her to the town nearest us, she was “what? No! Take me to [nearer small city]!” Why, I don’t know, but we told her, they have to take her to this other town’s ER. One of the paramedics told her, if she went to the smaller city, she’d be waiting a LOT longer before being seen.

As they were getting her into the stretcher, my mother was more worried about having her coat, having the bag she packed to take with her, and she would start talking to me in Polish to tell me things like not to let anyone know (meaning her neighbours) that she was going to the hospital, because there’s “some” people living there. Basically, she believes that if they know she’s at the hospital, they’ll go into her apartment and steal her stuff. I assured her that I would take care of things and (given the weather) that I could even stay the night, if it came down to that.

As they set her in the stretcher, mostly lying flat, my mother jerked as if in pain, started gasping and I could see she was struggling to try and roll over. They were alarmed and asked her what was happening, and she told them “I’m dying.”

*sigh*

I explained to them that it’s worse when she’s lying down, and she usually lies on her side. Which they don’t really do on the stretcher, so they got her sitting up as much as possible and put her on oxygen.

Then they tried to wheel her to the ambulance.

This “accessible” apartment building is not very accessible. The stretcher barely fit through the doors, and got caught on the push bar handled of the outer door. They had to back up the stretcher then fight to angle it – with the inside door blocking the way – to get it through.

Once they had her loaded up, I went back to my mother’s apartment. There were a few things to put in the fridge and dishes to wash, and otherwise make things secure. I also called the home care office to let them know my mother was on the way to the hospital, so her visits needed to be suspended. I then locked things up and started heading home as quickly as I could. The weather had deteriorated a lot in what was really a short time. Not as bad as our drive into town yesterday, but getting there fast.

I do wish my mother hadn’t delayed using her Lifeline for so long, but at least she would get to the hospital before things went from “storm conditions” to “orange alert blizzard” conditions.

For now, it’s a waiting game. Will she be admitted to the hospital from ER? Will they try to send her home? Will she finally be allowed to go straight to a nursing home, like she’s been asking for the past couple of years? That would be her most desired “Christmas present”. The nursing home she wants to go to is just a few blocks from the hospital she’s been taken to. It’s also the same hospital she was at for three weeks, before. I am at a loss as to why she wanted the other hospital, as she’s done nothing but complain about her past ER trips to that hospital.

The main thing is, she’s finally in. Once the storm is passed and the roads are cleared, I expect to be going into town fairly regularly. Depending on how long she’s expected to be there, I’ll likely be tending her apartment, too.

I’d be really ticked off if they try to send her home!

Hopefully, we’ll get word fairly soon.

The Re-Farmer

Wow

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Today was going to be a lot warmer, though not going above freezing as was being forecast off and on for the past few days.

We were planning to do a much needed dump run, then go into town for errands. With that, and the warmer temperatures, in mind, I scraped the packed snow off the sidewalks and cleared them, so they could warm up faster and melt clear. We had both rain and snow in the forecast, though, so I wasn’t sure just how much good it would do, but at least it got done.

I waited until before noon, when things were still warming up, to bring the truck into the yard and load it for the dump. I left it running, partly to defrost all the windows, but also to keep the cats from going under it.

It almost worked.

It didn’t stop a couple from going under the back!

Thankfully, they cleared themselves out before my daughter and I were ready to leave.

Right away, before even getting through the gate, we knew we were going to have issues. Everything was so slippery!

As we drove towards the highway, we started getting hit by the wind. Just turning onto the highway, I knew I wasn’t going to reach full speed! Thankfully, the dump isn’t that far, but we were getting hit with a cross wind and sudden gusts. I’ve got good all weather tires, but they are just all weathers, not winter tires, and I could feel that wind trying to blow us off the road.

The dump run done, we headed back towards our little hamlet and, by then, conditions were getting worse. We drove through our hamlet towards town, which was more shelters, so instead of blowing snow, we were getting accumulated snow. On top of ice.

Once we cleared town, the wind was even worse than on the highway to the dump. The closer we got to town – and the lake beyond it – the worse things got. The snow was heavier and the visibility kept dropping. I was doing well below the speed limit and wasn’t even being passed, which says a lot for our area!

Once in town, our first stop was the pharmacy. Since it was past lunch by this time, I originally planned for us to grab a bite after the pharmacy, but the weather changed that plan! Instead, we went straight to the grocery store. We had four of our 18.9L/5 gallon water jugs to refill on this trip, so we needed two carts. I only needed to pick up some bread and eggs, but my daughter picked up a few things as well.

As we got out of the store, I thought things looked like they were clearing up a bit.

I was wrong.

My daughter got this shot out her window. She tried to get a shot of the road ahead of us but the camera frustratingly clears up the shots so much, you could actually read the signs – something we couldn’t do while driving!

At least we were driving out of the worst of it, but I was still driving even slower than we did on the drive in.

Once at home, we pulled in front of the house to unload. Thankfully, we’re pretty well shelters from the north, though not so much from the west, and the winds were coming from the northwest. After unloading, my daughter was going to park the truck in the garage while I went to go the outside cat feeding early, and my other daughter put everything away.

As I came out, I found my daughter still in the driveway, stuck!

I went over to try and give her a hand when I realized something.

The truck was set to rear wheel drive. One back tire was spinning like it was elevated and floating on air! I got her attention and she switched it to 4 wheel drive – and got out easily after that!

Gotta remember. When we take the truck to the garage, they switch it from auto, to 2 wheel drive.

So that was all taken care of.

My mother had called while I was in town, though, so as soon as I could, I called her back, thinking she was calling because she wasn’t feeling well.

She was calling to check on the cards she asked me to mail. Especially the card for our vandal.

*sigh*

So I reassured her about the mail, then asked how she was feeling.

Terrible.

She then spent some time talking about how bed she felt, like she felt before going to the hospital, it’s worse in the mornings, much of which I was able to get out of her while there yesterday.

I encouraged her to use the Lifeline and have them get her to a hospital. If she has water in her lungs, she needs to go to a hospital. Only she can make that decision.

She then went on about various other things and even went so far as to say, she doesn’t want to bother anybody.

…

I told her, you do it all the time. And that’s okay. Sometimes, you need to do that. This is one of those times.

After several more minutes of encouraging her to use the Lifeline and get herself to a hospital, and reassuring her that we would take care of all her stuff that she’s worries about, I told her I would let her get off the phone, so she could use her Lifeline (which is through the phone line).

I don’t think she’s going to do it.

*sigh*

If she’s going to do it, I really hope she does it today. Tomorrow, we’re supposed to get 7.5cm/3″ of snow, with another 10cm/4″ of snow overnight into Thursday morning, then on Friday, another 4cm/1.5″ of snow.

Right now, my brother and SIL and I are tentatively planning to visit my mother on the weekend, as they will be spending Christmas with their grandsons in another province. Obviously, if she goes to the hospital, those plans will change.

Well, we’ll see how it goes.

The Re-Farmer