My daughter came to me last night with some concerns over strange and severe dizzy spells.
Of course, my plans got changed.
We are now sitting at the nearest walk in clinic, a 45 minute drive away. We’ve been waiting for almost anout 1 1/2 hours, now.
On the plus side, the doctor she will be seeing is accepting new patients. Depending on how things go, she may later book an official meet and greet appointment. I’ve heard good things about this doctor.
I still need to pick up more kibble and a few groceries. Where we do that will depend on how things go here, and how my daughter is feeling.
I’m just really glad the weather and road conditions are good. Other parts of the province got hit with a storm white out conditions, still ongoing this morning. We are currently clear, and the highways are dry.
My plans for today were mostly thrown out the window. I completely forgot that today was Saturday.
We had a date this afternoon!
Which worked out, since it turned out to be a damp, then rainy day. So much for two days without rain that I could have used to get work done outside!
We did still have time to get a few things done in the morning, which is when we had another surprise.
My brother called to let us know he was on his way! The last time they were out here, he was not able to finish unloading a trailer. He needed to get that done before snow arrived, and snow was already hitting some cities to the south west of us.
My daughter and I headed outside to get the truck ready and I went to open the gate for him. I was in the process of opening it when he drove up. Talk about perfect timing!
While my daughter fired up the compressor, topped up the tires on the truck, then pumped up the flat on my mother’s car, my brother and I went to check out the new expeller. He was so thrilled and relieved that they came out before winter. He was afraid we might get ghosted, like the other company we’d originally thought to go with, partly because they were closer. That may have been the problem, as our vandal does visit the town they are in, and we’re pretty sure he would have known at least someone who worked there. As with other businesses to the North of us that we’ve tried to hire, they just stopped responding to our calls. The company that did the job is South of us, and our vandal just doesn’t hang out in that area.
We can’t prove this, of course, and it’s entirely possible the other company ghosted us for some other reason, but it is still the most likely reason. It has simply happened too often, and always with companies in towns our vandal spends a lot of time in, and knows a lot of people in.
As my brother and I looked over the work done, I learned a few things that I did not remember from when the system was originally installed. For example, the trench that was dug was done by my father, using a claw excavator. I have no memory of that! I only remember the trench, already dug, from where it was by the house and the new well.
Part way through the job, the transmission on the claw excavator gave out. They ended up having to drag it into position, my dad would dig out a section, then they’d drag it into the next position so he could dig out the next section, until it was finally done!
That must have been insane – but, you do what you can with the tools you have!
That sounds like a rather familiar situation… 😄
I also learned that the cattle fountain behind the barn was installed later, not at the same time as everything else.
After we checked it all out, my brother got to work, while I joined my daughter. She was done with the truck, so I moved that into the yard, so it would be closer for my husband. Our date this afternoon was to meet his father in town – and be introduced to his girlfriend! My older daughter was not going to be able to come with us, so we only needed to get one back seat ready in the cab. Then we moved things out so that we could put my husband’s walker on the other side, rather than into the truck box.
At one point, my brother came over with some stuff they wanted to pass on to us, including a case of spice bottles! They’d bought them for their own use and ended up not needing them all, so there was an entire unopened case, plus one, they passed on to us. They thought we might be able to use them to store seeds in, and they are absolutely right. There are so many, we’ll be able to use them for our herbs and spices, too, and have lots left over!
He also got to check out how we have the isolation shelter set up for the winter. The last time he saw it, it was still sitting out near the well cap. He also thought that the new location was a much better spot.
The first photo above is the first time I’ve been able to get both Kohl and Rabi in the same shot in months! 😂
Once the truck was ready, I did a few things around the yard, like putting away the last garden hose and covering the septic tank with the insulated tarp. I was never able to hose down the other side of it, but that was really just to remove damp leaves that were stuck to it, rather than having to actually clean it. The big hose that my brother lent us, in case we needed to divert the septic while the new expeller was being installed, got tucked away into the barn. The garden tools, wagon and wheel barrow got put away, too. I don’t expect we’ll be able to do much more in the garden beds. It would be good if we can – anything done now is one less job that needs to be done in the spring – but there is nothing essential. If we do get another nice, dry day, it’ll be chain saw time to get that dead spruce and the crab apple tree it fell on, cleared. That could be left until spring, if we have to, but I’d rather get it done before the snow flies. Weather willing!
My brother was still here when it was time for us to head out. He was really taking advantage of being able to come out, to do as much as he could. I don’t expect he’ll be able to move the farm equipment to where he intends to store them more permanently before the snow hits, but we’ll see.
Before leaving, my daughter made sure to feed the outside cats and get them away from the truck, so I could safely drive it out of the yard. 😁
It had been arranged that we would meet at the new Dairy Queen in town. That last time my FIL was in the area, that lot had a garage on it, and that burned down years ago!
We got there early and got some snacks and drinks while we waited.
Then it started to rain.
They ended up arriving late, but got there safe and sound. Not so much because of the rain, it turned out, but because my FIL wanted to take the “scenic” route – a shorter and more direct route, but one that goes through a number of small towns, so it’s slower. He hadn’t seen the area in years, either, so his “adopted” daughter (my SIL’s closest childhood friend) was happy to oblige.
We then had introductions and an absolutely grand visit. My FIL’s new girlfriend is awesome, and they are both so happy! They’re like a couple of teenagers in love. 😊 Like my FIL, she is widowed, and neither ever expected to find love again, this late in their lives. My late MIL would definitely approve.
We ended up visiting for almost two hours! Thankfully, it was between the lunch and supper rushes, so we were never taking up needed table space. Plus, we would get more food every now and then, too.
The down side is, because we were there early and they got there late, we were there for almost three hours in total.
Which was really too much for my husband. Not that he was going to show any sort of discomfort in front of his father. He hasn’t seen his dad in so long, and this was a rare opportunity. Neither of them are able bodied, though my FIL has improved his own mobility. Largely due to the extra exercise he gets, using his walker to get to his girlfriend’s apartment (they live in the same assisted living complex). He’s under orders from his physical therapist: she doesn’t go to his place, he goes to hers! Even the health care aid that helps him put his socks on in the morning has commented that his legs are getting noticeably more muscular!
My husband, on the other hand, is in a very different situation, and by the time we were heading out, he was having trouble standing up straight. Once we got home, he immediately got out the TENS machine, and he is currently wired up and getting zapped. He’s going to really pay for this outing, tomorrow, but he says it was worth it to be able to see his father.
Which made our day quadruple awesome. We got to see my brother, my FIL, my husband’s “sister”, and finally meet the woman that has made my FIL so happy, all in one day.
We are truly blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives.
But that’s what she told me when I got a call from her this morning.
This is starting to become a common refrain, unfortunately.
My schedule for today included heading to my mother’s nice and early, so I could drive her to the city. She had an afternoon appointment for another eye injection *shudder* to try and stop the bleeding of her wet macular degeneration and maybe – just maybe – improve her vision in that eye.
I tried to get more information about what was going on, but just got repeats of her usual. Her breathing. She only got 2 hours of sleep, and it’s because of her pills (it’s not because of her pills). Her chest pains (acid reflux). Pain in general. Even her incontinence. She’s convinced she is dying.
On the one hand, I get it. I totally get it! She feels like crap, and the idea of driving 1 1/2 hours to an appointment that would take at least an hour, then another 1 1/2 hours drive back, would seem overwhelming.
She’s 93 years old with busted up knees.
Yeah, I get it.
On the other hand, she has no understanding of just how good she is doing. I mean, she’s really amazing. At this age, her sister was already in the nursing home, being shuttled around in a wheelchair, and falling deep into dementia for several years. There are people far younger than her that are doing far worse.
Plus, canceling and appointment like this at the last minute is a big deal. There is only one place that does these treatments, and if she wants to retain any vision in that eye (she did say she was noticing an improvement), she needs these treatments.
Her response was, what does it matter, if she’s going to die, anyway?
She tried to guilt me, saying that I didn’t believe her. I told her, it’s not that I don’t believe her, in how she feels. I’m trying to understand why she thinks she’s dying. Because, really, there is nothing new in her complaints. That’s what I keep trying to get to. What is happening that’s different, that’s convincing her she’s about to die any at any minute.
In the end, she said she wasn’t going to say anymore and was going to say good bye, then she hung up.
At which point, I messaged my brother and his wife to let them know the situation. They are so busy right now, it’s the last thing they need to deal with, but they needed to know.
In the end, I decided that I would go to my mother’s place, anyways, and talk to her in person. If she still refused to go, I would phone the clinic and cancel the appointment from her place.
I meant to leave early, but so many cats were following me to the car, I had to ask one of my daughters to very noisily feed them.
It was Syndol that would not stop following me to the car. I kept moving him away, and he kept coming back. I finally had to carry him all the way to the house, where he finally noticed the kibble and went to eat.
So much for leaving early, but I was at least on the road at the time I was intending to be.
While I was driving, my phone started ringing. I couldn’t answer, of course, but I’d told my brother that I would be on the road, and I figured it might be home.
It was.
When he couldn’t reach my by phone, he sent a quick message. He’d phoned her, they had a good talk, and she will go. He called her in between meetings at work, so he had to be brief. By the time I parked and could check messages, my SIL added that my brother had finally told our mother that they were selling their place, just so I would be aware.
So when I got to my mother’s apartment, she was up and ready and waiting.
She then launched into giving me all sorts of instructions on what to do and where to find things when she died. I honestly think she expected to die during the drive in.
She did mention my brother’s call, but as she was giving me instructions, including about her finances, she brought up my brother, and how he has the farm, but he wants her money, too. I sold her, the only person that wants her money is our vandal, and reminded her of the legal steps my brother had taken to protect her from our vandal. She just scoffed, then said that my sister was the only one who didn’t care about my mother’s money.
Which is weird, but she does like to try and play us against each other.
I’d worked out a time when we had to be on the road by, to get to her appointment, and we ended up leaving almost 20 minutes earlier.
She did walk very slowly to the car, lots of panting and pausing. It was a struggle for her to get into the car, and then she sat there, panting.
She really did play it up.
Her struggle to get into the car was very genuine, though. If we were using the truck, I probably would have had to practically pick her up to help her in!
She made a comment about her breathing as I was getting in, but then pretty much stopped the act at that point.
As we were driving, she started telling me things like, she’d talked to some of her neighbours in her building, and one of them had the same thing she did (at least that’s how my mother understood it), she didn’t go anything, and it went away. Then my mother told me about a Jehovah’s Witness that used to come visit (how many decades ago was this???) who talked about losing vision until she prayed and God healed her, and her vision had been fine ever since. She also told me about how, years ago (how many years?) she remember she had black spots floating around in her vision. She never went to the doctor, never did anything different, and they went away.
All I could say, really, was that these are all different things. That’s great for them, but that has nothing to do with you’re specific situation.
Also, for someone who was complaining about getting only a couple of hours sleep, she was very talkative and alert. I suggested she could try napping during the drive, but she wanted to enjoy the scenery…
Anyhow.
She told me she’d gone to bed at around 11, woke at 2am and couldn’t get back to sleep, no matter what, and it was because of her pills. I told her, we know it’s not the pills. It could be anything. Even just busy brain or stress. Oh, but you don’t know what I’ve lived through…
???
Eventually, she brought up about my brother selling their property, and that they were selling it privately, not through an agency.
I’m not sure what reaction she expected from that.
I reminded her, I had told her, my brother is preparing for retirement.
She did bring up about him not selling the farm – the property we are on – and I told her, he can’t sell it. That was part of my father’s will.
She dropped that, too.
Overall, though, the conversation during the drive actually went pretty well. She kept commenting on the traffic. She still seems to think traffic should be like when she and my father lived in the city until the mid 60’s.
I’m glad we left as early as we did, though. It’s construction season.
If we’d left when I originally planned, we should have arrived about half an hour early. Leaving when we did, we should have arrived as much as 45 minutes early.
We got there 10 minutes before her appointment.
They took her in almost immediatley.
The next while spent getting her eye dilated while the tech tried to get images and video of it.
Normally, during these tests, they ask you to focus on a green X, or a picture of a house, or some such thing, in the middle of the device over the eye they are looking at.
With macular degeneration, that’s not possible. She can’t see the middle of anything.
So the tech instead set up a tiny green light on an adjustable arm in front of her left eye, and asked my mother to try and focus on that.
My mother kept getting distracted.
What do you mean a green light? It’s white?
There’s a dark spot in the middle.
The light isn’t on…
After a number of attempts to get video, I finally started to explain, they just needed her to look at that spot. It didn’t matter what the colour was, or anything else. It’s the location she needs to focus on.
I think she finally understood that, but by then, the tech was done!
She was then sent to a waiting room before the next stage, but the doctor requested one more image. He needed a specific location photographed, so he could compare with an image taken last time.
That, at least, was quick!
We do have good news.
The bleeding in her eye seems to have stopped. There is still a bit of blood in there, but mostly there is scar tissue right in the middle of her vision.
Then he asked her if she wanted to continue treatment!
She deferred making a decisions (which is her usual way), wanting him to make the decision for her. Which he couldn’t do, of course. He did say he would recommend still getting the treatments since, if they are stopped now, the bleeding might resume. I finally said we should at least do a treatment today, and we decide about further treatment later.
Meanwhile, my mother launched into how she’d had these black spots floating in her eyes, (I told her, this is not the same thing, and the doctor repeated that) and they went away on their own, etc. The doctor told her, this is not going to go away on its own.
She dropped the subject.
So they went ahead with the treatment, with a light freezing of the eye, adding antiobiotic drops, and finally the main freezing. That one needed 7 minutes, and my mother was asked to hold a tissue over her eye and just relax for a while.
As we were waiting for the freezing, the doctor and the tech – plus a third person that was in training – started looking at other files. They spoke quietly, but I could hear bits and pieces, and could see some of the images they were looking at.
All I can say is…
My mother is doing really great! She is there at a time when she can actually get treated, and the damage is relatively mild. At one point, I could hear them lamenting that there was absolutely nothing they could do to help one particular patient. She had simply waited too long to get checked. As quiet as they spoke, I could still hear the pain in their voices.
The doctor had a timer going, so they were soon back working on my mother. She got her injection, and was reminded that she will have redness, which is normal, but if there’s any pain, she is to come back right away.
As for the next treatments, he told her she no longer needs to come back in 4 weeks, but maybe 4 or 5 weeks. I checked my calendar and saw that my husband is rebooked for his CT Scan in 5 weeks, so it would have to be 4 weeks for my mother.
The doctor was very understanding about the long drive in, and that the next treatment would be winter driving. There is simply no other clinic like this that’s closer. One is planned for the town we are closest to, but that’s all it is at this point – plans.
Once he was done, that was it. We just needed to book the next appointment, then go.
By that point, we were both hungry – my mother hadn’t even eaten breakfast! – but neither of us were up to trying to find a place to eat in the city. We talked about where to go in her town and she wasn’t enthusiastic about her choices. Then I suggested we stop at the gas station where I could pick up her favourite fried chicken and wedges.
She was quite excited over that idea!
So we had a good drive home – traffic was a lot lighter, and we were no longer in any construction zones.
I picked up the food and got her home. She was pretty famished by then! I got enough that she could have another meal out of it later.
After that, there were a few things she needed help with. One was a letter from the government that she didn’t understand. Another was helping her write out a check to pay for her ambulance bill, from her trip to the ER a month or two ago. It didn’t come with a return envelope, though – they expect people to pay via etransfer, credit or debit. She didn’t have a suitable envelope, so I ended up taking that home to get ready to mail, which I will do tomorrow.
As we were talking, she mentioned that she needed her laundry done. She hasn’t been up to doing it herself, and it’s been piling up. She said she hoped to “hire” my sister to do it – but my sister and her husband are coming home from out of province tomorrow, and tomorrow is my mother’s laundry day on the building’s schedule.
I also noticed, her fridge was looking empty.
But she never asked me for help. I even asked if she needed shopping, but she said the only thing she needed was milk.
Okay…
That was it!
I left soon after. I’ve got her check ready to mail and have my own parcel to pick up at the post office.
I really, really need to get more work done outside. Tomorrow was going to be my first day in quite a long time where I didn’t need to go anywhere, and could get back to it.
*sigh*
I’ve just arranged to go over to my mother’s tomorrow, to do her laundry and, if she puts a list together for me, her grocery shopping, too.
The long range forecast has changed, again. The snow I was seeing in the beginning of November seems to have gone away for the most part. We’ll even have some warmish days. If the weather holds, I should still be able to get things done.
We shall see.
Meanwhile, we’ve had no word from the garage about the truck, which means no one has had a chance to look at it yet.
I also had a chance to talk to my brother this evening, and got to hear the rest of how his call with her went. He had so little time to make the call, he basically just told her, go to the appointment, and that I was already on my way to get her. When he mentioned that yes, they are selling their property, she launched into her usual lecture about how the value of land only ever goes up, etc. He just let it slide and had to tell her, he needed to get back to work.
When I talked to him this evening, it was after he’d had a very long day at work (he starts at 5am), and was at the property, packing up shed contents. They’ll be coming out here this weekend with the stuff they are keeping, but they are also sending stuff to auction.
It’s a huge job, that’s for sure!
So we will be at least seeing my brother and their friend on the weekend, with trailer loads. I honestly don’t know where he’s going to be putting things at this point! Most of the sheds here can’t be used anymore.
This was taken in the late afternoon. This morning, they did get the food I used the slow cooker to make for them overnight. They dug right in!
Unlike the inside cats. They turned their noses up and their cooked food! Even when the girls gave them some of the canned cat food we still had, putting it right on top of the food cooked for them, they ate around the cooked food, but left the canned cat food that was on top of their cooked meal.
So I gave the rest of it to the outside cats, after feeding them with kibble, and they dove right into that, too!
Our inside cats have gotten fussy!
Yes, I was able to get cat food today – and we even have a vehicle now!
More on that later.
But I am getting way ahead of myself!
Last night, I got a call from my mother. She started talking about her appointment on Thursday – tomorrow.
I had completely forgotten about it! I was supposed to drive her to the city for to get her wet macular degeneration treatment.
We no longer had transportation.
My sister is next closest, but they are out of province right now and won’t be back until Friday.
Which leaves my brother, but he would be working.
Meanwhile, my mother started to say, oh, I don’t know if I should go… with my health like it is…
Yes. She was seriously considering stopping treatment that will save the vision in her eye and possibly improve it.
She even mentioned, she noticed a slight improvement. Which is amazing, after only one treatment!
I told her, we’ll find a way to get her there. Even as we were talking, I was sending a message to my brother and SIL, but while I could see that neither of them were seeing it yet.
So I told her I would call her back as soon as I knew anything. I had no idea when that would be.
With everything going on, though, I was burning out, so I tried to go to bed early.
Of course, that didn’t work.
Which was for the better, I guess, because after a few hours, I got responses.
Long story short…
They are lending us a car!
My SIL would drive out in time to get here for when the tow truck was scheduled to arrive. I would drive her back to their place, then take the car home.
That’s a LOT of driving, but there really wasn’t any other way to do it.
Have I mentioned my brother and his wife are amazing?
After that assurance, I could finally fall asleep!
This morning, my routine of softening kibble for the outside cats with hot water got switched up to transferring their food out of the slow cooker and giving it time to cool down before heading out. It was still a bit on the hot side, but they seemed to be just fine with that!
After feeding the outside cats this morning and doing my rounds, I made sure to open the gate – we were now expecting the tow truck, the prescription delivery, and my SIL to arrive – my younger daughter and I unloaded the aluminum off the back of the truck, then covered the sorted bags with the tarp.
It’s already blowing off, even though we tied it down!
After the back was clear, I took the time to put all the straps and bungee cords – the ones we used, and the extras in the truck – into the back-of-the-seat organizers we got. That set up is going to work out quite well!
Then, while I was at it, I moved our roadside emergency kit out to put in the car later, did some general clean up and even remembered to take out the disabled parking placard and the card we need to show the attendant when we go to the dump.
Not that we’ll be making a dump run in a loaned car! Not if I can help it. But we won’t have the truck for probably a week, so I figured it would be good to have, just in case.
The truck was booked to be picked up at 11am, so my SIL was shooting to arrive at our place at about that time.
It was past 11 when I got a call from the CAA Dispatcher, asking about our location, since our physical address don’t exist on any maps.
After giving country directions for the driver’s notes, we knew it might still be a while, but the truck was ready and there was no need for any of us to be around when the tow truck arrived.
My SIL hadn’t arrived yet, either, so I sent them a quick message, then popped into the sun room to tie off the outside door and keep the wind out – when I noticed there was a car parked near the truck! My sister had already arrived!
I quickly finished, grabbed what I needed and headed out – just in time to hear my phone ding, with her response to my earlier message! 😄
We were soon on the road back to their place when I realized, I hadn’t called my mother yet. My SIL offered to stop at my mother’s so I could tell her in person, which I gratefully accepted.
When we got there, I dashed in – only to find her walker was not by her door. I still knocked, even as I was looking around to see if she was in the hall. Then I went around the building, in case she was sitting outside.
Nothing.
So we went driving to the various places she might have walked to. Even the pharmacy, which is the furthest away. No sign of her, and none of the staff that know her had seen her.
We finally went back to my mother’s place, in case she came back while we were gone.
Still not walker outside her door.
I do have a spare key, though, so I figured I could let myself in and leave a note. I get my keys out and am ready to unlock it but, out of habit, I knocked first…
… and hear my mother’s voice responding from inside!
Her door was unlocked, so I let myself in.
She was at her dining table, her finished Meals on Wheels meal in front of her…
… and her walker sitting beside her.
!!
It was such a relief to find her!
I quickly told her about getting loaned a car (and messages my SIL that my mother had been home this whole time!), and that I’d be driving her to her appointment tomorrow. I even told her, my SIL was in the car waiting for me, so I couldn’t stay long. We worked out what time I could be coming over tomorrow and what time we needed to be on the road. Then she started asking me, why was I in a hurry?
I reminded her, my SIL was waiting for me in the car.
Well, why doesn’t she come in to say hi?
Because we can’t stay long. We have to drive to their place, then I have to drive the car home…
I wasn’t going to even bother saying more than that. The reality is, after decades of verbal abuse from my mother, my SIL finally said, no more. My mother has outside said that, just because she is married to my brother, she isn’t family. My SIL has never been anything but kind to my mother – probably more than any of us, to be honest – and even now, still says many positive things about my mother, but she will no longer allow herself to be abused. If my mother says she is not part of the family, then she will stay away.
My mother has zero understanding that her behaviour hurts people so much, and drives them away from her. The kinder people are to her, the more abusive she is towards them.
Except that’s changing with me. I have been putting my food down, hard, on her behaviour without reciprocating and – amazingly – she has stopped a lot of what she had been doing since we moved out here. At her request.
Tomorrow’s timing arranged, my SIL and I were back on the road.
At this point, I may as well say it. This blog is anonymous in real life, too; my family and neighbours know nothing about it.
My brother has been moving things over to here in preparation for retirement. Part of that was looking at selling their acreage. They hadn’t put it up for sale, but serendipity stepped in, and they found a buyer. The possession date is Nov. 1, so they have to get everything they’re not selling or otherwise getting rid of, here to the farm. Meanwhile, they are moving into a townhouse near the city, and today, I got to see it for the first time!
I think they are going to be really happy there – and happy not having the property to be concerned with. Especially since they are stuck with this farm that they can’t sell. Something else my mother doesn’t understand. This property has been a burden they took from her, but in her mind, she “gave” my brother “everything”. So now they will no longer have two acreages to pay takes, insurance and upkeep for!
After a tour of their new home and a brief visit, I got to drive their car home.
I have never in my life, driven anything so luxurious! What a dream it is to drive! It’s not even a new car (just newer than our truck) or high end. It’s just a basic vehicle, but – oh, my goodness, it is gorgeous!
They are also slightly closer now, and the Walmart I was planning to go to was on my way home.
I was able to get four bags of kibble and a 32 pack of canned cat food. The Cat Lady also ordered us a donation of kibble on Amazon, which is supposed to arrive on the 29th, and we will actually be able to pick it up now.
Of course, I also got a bit of groceries for us – almost all of this, courtesy of my older daughter. She says she will help pay for repairs on the truck, too, though it will take some time to transfer from PayPal, which is how her clients pay for their commissions from her.
I hope we never again get to a point where we run out of kibble like we did today! We will especially need to stock up over the winter. With no back up vehicle anymore, if things go wrong again, or we get snowed in again, etc., we are hooped.
Which would be a good time to bring up… if anyone is in a position to help, we do have a donation button! 100% of donations go towards care of the cats, whether it’s food, spays and neuters or other vet car. Today, we spent more on food for the cats than for ourselves again, and we’ll have to watch to make sure it lasts until CPP Disability comes in – we will hopefully be picking up our repaired truck by then.
Oh! I just got a message from my daughter. She has caulked up the tub surround. Twelve hours before it can be exposed to water. Twenty-four before it can be touched.
Yeah, we still can’t use our tub and shower. Aside from assisting now and then, I have left this job entirely to my daughters!
But I digress, once again…
After doing the shopping, I headed to the town nearest us to get gas. My SIL had stared off with a full tank, but with all the driving, it was down to half already. When I got to the station, I asked the attendant to put in $30, hoping that would make a dent in it, and went inside.
After I was done and heading home, I realized that $30 had filled the tank!
I’m so used to the truck. At current prices – $1.299 right now – that would have been barely a quarter tank. I forget how much bigger the truck’s tank is than a car’s!
It felt really good to be driving with a full tank!
Once at home, I drove up to the house to unload, then made sure to feed the outside cats so I could safely move the car.
Oh, the happy, happy kitties! They were quite hungry!
After parking the car in the garage, I just had to giggle over how much room there is! With the truck, I have to squeeze as close as I can to the counter at the far wall, just to be able to close the door.
That done, I headed inside and started getting ready to feed the inside cats. That included taking their trays of the food they got this morning that they wouldn’t eat – it even still had remains of canned cat food on it! – and giving it to the outside cats.
The outside cats had already polished off all the food I’d given them earlier, and eagerly dove into the food the inside cats turned their nosed up at!
The inside cats, meanwhile, were happy to get their kibble.
The snobs. 😄
So things are looking up again, thanks to my awesome, awesome brother and his wife. With them being in the middle of moving, being down a vehicle will be an inconvenience for them, so I appreciate this beyond words. They are just the best!!
Tomorrow is going to be another long day of driving – and another day of not being able to get anything done in the garden. The goal had been to have several beds cleaned up and prepared for winter sowing by now. We’ve got just one warm day between now and November – and the long range forecast now shows snow within the first 10 days of the month! Granted, when these seeds are planted, we do NOT want them to germinate, but we don’t want them to freeze, either.
Well, what happens, happens. We’ll work with what we get.
I didn’t get as much done today as I’d hoped, but I got the important stuff done, and that’s what matters.
As usual, my day started with feeding the outside cats before doing my morning rounds. Since I was going to be helping my mother with errands today, my rounds included making sure things were set up in the truck for the day. By the time I was done my rounds, the cats had polished off all the warm, softened kibble they now get in the mornings, and were starting to settle into their cuddle puddles!
Like this one, near the heat lamp. Not directly under it – I expect to see more of that when things get really cold! – but close.
That old feed bag, which is stuffed with packing material, had been on the nearby shelf for them to use as a bed while looking out the window, but it kept getting knocked down, so we’ve just left it. They quite like it there. Underneath is mostly bare concrete.
Since my mother was getting her Meals on Wheels delivery today, I didn’t have to leave as early as I usually do, and had my own lunch early.
I still got there early enough for us to have a bit of a visit before her Meals on Wheels was delivered. As we were talking, she showed me this.
If you click through to the next image, you’ll see the other side.
My mother had been going through her things, trying to figure out what to get rid of and what to keep, when she found it.
She told me that when she was in the hospital, in labour with me, there was a nun who visited and prayed with her. After I was born and my mother was ready to go home, she held me while my mother got into the car, then put me in her arms.
No car seats, or even seat belts, back then! 😄
This nun had also given my mother this… Hmmm… I don’t know what it’s called. Not a medallion, of course, but a laminated paper version of a medallion.
Now, she wanted me to have it!
I gratefully accepted it. What a connection to my own birth! I now have it in my wallet, under one of the plastic windows, so I can see it. I’m amazed she managed to hang on to something so small, all these decades!
Soon after, my mother’s Meals on Wheels arrived. She is so very happy with these meals. Today, it was salmon with mushroom rice, cooked broccoli with other vegetables I couldn’t make out, and cream of potato soup. There was a packet of tartar sauce for the salmon and soy sauce for the rice. For desert, there was a cube of bright green Jello, with what I think was pineapple in it. She quite enthusiastically enjoyed her meal!
After she was done and we were having tea together, I asked about her shopping list and got a bit of a surprise.
She didn’t need a grocery shopping trip anymore.
Yesterday was a nice day, and she decided to go ahead an walk to the grocery store. It’s just a couple of blocks, but she insists on taking the “short cut” through the empty lot – almost a field – between her building and the street the grocery store is on. I just shake my head that she insists on doing this, because it’s “shorter”. For starters, it’s not level and doesn’t get mowed regularly, so it would be rough to go over with her walker. She would also have to go around some fences and a building to get to it. In reality, the “shorter” path probably isn’t saving her anything. My concern is that it increases her chances of falling, but she insists that her “helper” (her walker) will prevent that.
Plus, it’s trespassing, but I don’t think anyone cares. As I understand it, the owner lives in the city and doesn’t even come out to mow it. The town does it every now and then, then bills the owner for it.
When she got to the grocery store, who should she run into?
Our vandal and his wife.
*sigh*
At least his wife was with him!
Long story short, they offered to bring her stuff home for her – it was too late in the day for the grocery store to do a delivery – so she was able to do a larger shopping trip. I don’t know which of their many vehicles they had, but when the time came, they didn’t have room for her walker, so our vandal drove her home with the groceries while his wife walked the walker over.
One thing my mother noted: his wife has never, ever, said anything negative about me or my brother. I told my mom, I don’t think his wife has any idea what our vandal is still doing. He certainly wouldn’t have left a voice mail message like the one he recently left on my brother’s phone, if his wife were around to hear him say those horrible things.
So my mother got her grocery shopping done, and didn’t need me to do it today. I only wish she understand that, while his wife may be genuine, our vandal doesn’t do stuff like this out of the kindness of his heart. It seems, no matter how bad he gets, my mother will always make excuses for him. But my brother, who has never been anything but kind and helpful to her, has pulled her butt out of the fire many times out of the years, and takes such good care of, she treats like crap.
How does that make sense?
Anyhow.
She did still need to go to the bank, plus she needed to get her prescriptions and a couple of things at the pharmacy. While she setting up to leave, I went out to get her walker ready; she keeps it parked outside her door, under a tiny corner shelf that all the apartments have. Like most people living there, she has a little display set up on it. Usually, religious in nature.
That’s when I saw something unfortunate.
Part of her display was a small card with a picture of a famous painting of Jesus on it.
It was torn in half.
My first thought was, our vandal did it as he left. One of the things he constantly has said to her, since my late brother died and more so after my father died, is that she will never go to heaven to be with her husband and her son, because she didn’t leave this property to him, like they would have wanted (which they most certainly did NOT want). Knowing she is deeply religious, he would often invoke God in some way in the many abusive messages he left on her answering machine until my brother finally got his number blocked.
When I brought it in to show my mother, though, she told me it was done by one of her neighbours. ??
My mother is not happy with some of the “homeless people” and “aboriginals” that have recently moved into her building. Apparently, one of them has behavioral issues, and tearing up my mother’s picture of Jesus would be something she would do.
My mother didn’t actually see it done, though, so who knows. My mother used to have a card with her name above the peep hole on her door that disappeared, and she thinks the same person did it. Unfortunately, my mother has a bad habit of accusing people of things, with no actual evidence for it, so there’s no way to know what actually happened.
She then asked me to put the pieces back outside her door, so others could see the sort of things this person (or whoever it was) will do.
*sigh*
Anyhow.
We were soon on our way out and on our way. My mother really struggled to get up in the truck but, my goodness, she manages! When we got this truck, I thought for sure she would never be able to get into it, yet there she is!
Even so, she was only up to going into the bank. Once at the pharmacy, she stayed in the truck while I went in to get her prescription and other items. Once I knew, more or less, how much it would be, I went to the truck for her loyalty card and cash, then went back in to pay for her items.
The staff at the pharmacy are quite familiar with my shopping for my mother by now. 😄
That done, I took my mother home. She told me she would have wanted to go somewhere else, like to a restaurant, just for a change of scenery, but didn’t want to be getting in and out of the truck any more than she had to.
She was pretty tired by then, anyhow, so I didn’t stay too much longer.
I remembered to grab the extra plumbing parts and pieces my daughter didn’t need to use when working on the bathroom taps, so after a quick stop at the feed store to get a 40 pound bag of kibble, I headed to the two store we got the parts from to return them. The one in the town nearest us is also near our usual grocery store, so I made a quick stop there. From there, it was a quick stop at the post office, then finally, home.
Where I found this to greet me as I headed to the house.
They were more than eager for their evening feeding, and prowling like ravenous lions! 😄
I took care of that as soon as I could. 😊
One of the things in the mail was something from the hospital my husband is supposed to get a sleep test done in. He is looking to switch from a CPAP to a BiPAP. His CPAP is due to be replaced. It is 90% covered by insurance, but that is done by paying for it first, then submitting the receipt. For the price of a CPAP, we could have hired a plumber to fix the taps and replace the hot water tank with a new one, and still had money left over. Plus, he’s having a hard time getting replacement hoses. Our province covers the cost of a BiPAP, though. To get one, he has to be reassessed, and that’s why he’s been referred to this hospital.
What he got in the mail was their questionnaire about his health history. Which was fine until he got to the end when, as he put it, he almost cried.
They wanted a list of his medications, and doses.
He cheated.
He cut off the list that’s on his bubble packs to put in with the form, and wrote “see attached”. Then he just had to add the “take as needed” medications, and his injections, to the list.
Tomorrow is Saturday and our post office is closed, but I’ll still make sure to get it in the mail box right away.
The next thing he’ll get is a telephone appointment. We’ll see if they need him to actually come in to do a sleep test or not. When he was first diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea, we were living in this province, and there was an actual sleep research lab at the same hospital that now has the provinces cardiac clinic. I don’t think there is a sleep research lab anymore, and it looks like they no longer have people actually spending the night in the lab, hooked up to various monitors, while two technicians observed all night. When my mother was tested for sleep apnea, my SIL picked up the test machine in the city and I met her part way to get it. When my mother was ready to go to bed, I brought it over and helped her put on the hoses and heart monitors. I then came back in the morning to get the machine and delivered it to a Medigas office in the city for data analysis.
Which is more or less what I expect will happen with my husband, this time around.
Hopefully, this will all get processed fairly quickly. I think a BiPAP would be better for my husband. They weren’t available when my husband was first diagnosed.
So I didn’t end up getting anything done outside, like I’d hoped, but that’s okay. The important things got done, so that makes it a good day!
I had an unusually hard time getting out to do my morning rounds, today! 😁
As is now the routine, I started off by setting the outside cats’ kibble to soak in hot water before heading out. The cats were very hungry and eager for food!
There was even a skunk already there, coming in to eat along with the cats! I was going to chase it away, but I noticed it has some sort of injury around one eye and…
What can I say. I’m a suck for the skunks, as well as the cats!
At least the soaked kibble won’t cause problems for the skunk. They shouldn’t eat kibble, because of how their jaws are hinged. It can cause problems. Soft kibble, however, won’t do that.
It was very hungry.
Of course, I was keeping an eye out for the kitten that seems to be having issues. When I started putting food out, I saw it laying on the cat bed on the bottom of the shelf in front of the window.
It wasn’t moving, as I put the food out.
I was honestly prepared to have to dig a hole this morning, but when I came back with the empty food bowl, I saw the kitten. It was in the middle of a food tray, food right in front of it. Other cats were head butting it to get at the food, but it wasn’t eating.
So I picked it up and moved it to another tray, to see if it would start eating there.
It didn’t.
We’d tried to give it wet cat food last night. It wouldn’t eat that, either. The bowl was covered and still in the old kitchen, so I took it in to see if it would eat the wet cat food.
It didn’t.
I even tried to scoop it up with my fingers and put it right to its mouth.
It still wouldn’t eat.
It did, however, like and bite at my fingers. Eventually.
What it really wanted was snuggles.
Oh, my goodness, did it ever want snuggles!
I ended up sitting in my late father’s walker for a while, just holding it.
It still needed to eat something, though, so I ended up taking it, and the bowl of food, into the bathroom. I added warm water to the food, then used a larger syringe we now have to try and feed the kitten.
It did actually eat eagerly for a while, actively licking at the syringe.
But only a short while. I did force feed it a bit more, but it was far more interested in checking out the bathroom, and its own reflection in the mirror.
I do still get the impression there is something going on with its vision, yet it can clearly see at least somewhat.
It also seems wobbly on its legs.
I gave its eyes a wash, and cleared its crusty nose. There are definite lung issues going on, but that seems like the standard herpes related issues all the yard cats have.
Finally, I took it back to the sun room and managed to escape before it started finding my feet and laying its head on my boots again!
I had some followers as I did my morning rounds, though, including Eye Baby!
It was really hard to get a picture of him. He wouldn’t stop moving!
That eye looks so, so much better. I don’t know that it will ever improve beyond how it is now, but he seems to be completely adjusted to his condition. It certainly doesn’t slow him down in any way!
As I finished my rounds and started heading back in, through the sun room, I found this pile of cuties, watching me!
That’s one adult cat and four kittens, all mashed into that tiny cat bed! There is a larger cat bed right next to them, with a single kitten sleeping in it, but nope. They all needed to crowd together in the little one. 😄
His legs may be wobbly at times, but he still managed to get into the cat cage and settle onto one of the beds in there.
We will keep monitoring him and keep feeding him with the syringe. That will give him both food and hydration. Hopefully, he will start eating and drinking again on his own soon.
Or she. I haven’t tried to look, yet. 😄
In other things…
While I was working on this, I got a call from the supportive living coordinator about my mother. I updated them on some of the more recent changes, such as her macular degeneration, and starting Meals on Wheels. My mother is on that line, where she doesn’t quite fit for the services available in one level of care, but needs more care that would be a good fit for the other. The long term care coordinator also has my mother’s file, and the two of them will connect to talk about my mother, including the updated information I was able to give them just now, see where my mother needs to be, and how best to get her there!
My mother, meanwhile, just wants to be in one specific long term care home in the town nearest us. We’re trying to encourage her to take whatever they have available, because there’s just no way of knowing when a space will open. Once she’s in the system, she can be transferred later. She just needs to get in, first!
Progress is progress, though, and we’re slowing getting her there!
I had a long day taking my mother to her specialist appointment in the city yesterday, and now another long day with her today. I did have time to do some of my morning rounds, though, and was able to gather a good sized harvest!
In the giant colander, there are a good number of Chocolate Cherry tomatoes from by the chain link fence. I also picked a few green Seychelle beans from the bed shared with the Crespo squash, and I even found a few on the one plant next to the purple Carminat pole beans. There are even some Royal Burgundy bush beans in there.
I found a melon lying on the ground in the raised bed – it harvested itself! 😄 There are a couple of yellow peppers, plus a Sweet Chocolate. Some of the peppers that are supposed to be more orange are finally starting to turn colour. There’s a single G Star pattypan squash, plus a few San Marzano tomatoes.
When it came time to go into the old kitchen garden, I knew there would be quite a bit, so I grabbed the bin. Those are all Forme de Couer and Black Cherry tomatoes in there.
Including a rude looking tomato! Click over to the next photo to see what I mean. 😄
After that, I left things to my daughters and headed out to my mother’s.
Long story short: her apartment finally got sprayed for bed bugs. There were no sign of any, so they will have to come back only one more time. Her neighbour got sprayed, too. I get the impression that apartment has been the main source of the problem in the building.
My mother then had to stay out of her apartment for 6 hours. Technically, she should stay out for 12 hours, as she has respiratory issues, but she refuses.
The neighbor says they only need to stay out for 4 hours, but I have no idea where she got that from. The notification letter they all get says the same thing. At least 6 hours.
We made sure to take along my mother’s supper time medications, as well as the information sheets the eye clinic gave her, yesterday, to go over. While we were waiting for the exterminator to arrive, I did go through some with her. I took the grid eye test, which is a flat magnetic sheet, and put it on her fridge. The grid has a black dot in the middle that is supposed to be focused on. I spent some time explaining the test to her, how to do it, and that she should be checking her left eye with it, every day. I even held it for her while she did the test, as instructed.
While explaining the grid test to her, how to take the test, what she’s looking for, I was saying, your left eye this, your left eye that, with your left eye…
Yet she still stopped at one point and said, “with my right eye, then…”
…
No. Your right eye can’t even see the dot in the grid. It’s for your left eye.
It’s going to take a while for it to stick, I think!
We had a nice chat with the manager while her apartment was being sprayed – she parker her walker across from her door and would not move until the exterminator left.
Then we had to find something to do or somewhere to go for six hours.
I was going to move the truck into the loading zone in front of the doors, to make it safer for my mother to get in, but the exterminator’s truck was in there, and he was chatting with the manager. When I got there, I did apologize for my mother’s behaviour over all this.
She is still utterly convinced the exterminator rifled through her closet to find and steal 70+ year old passports. In fact, at one point when it came up in conversation, she started saying, “maybe I should call the police?” When I said no, she said I was accusing her of lying. I told her, I didn’t think she was lying, but that she probably just put them somewhere and forgot where. When she moves, she’ll probably find them again. Her response was that I was “against” her.
*sigh*
Anyhow…
It was a good thing I caught up with them, because the manager remembered to ask if my mother’s bed had mattress covers. She doesn’t, and the exterminator said she needs two – one for the mattress, one for the box spring. Then he remembered he might have one and checked in his truck. He did have one and gave it to me for my mother’s mattress. We’ll still need one for the box spring.
Then I mentioned I needed to move my truck so my mother could get in, and we said our goodbyes.
By this time, though, my mother had come out and was sitting in her walker, watching us suspiciously. She called me over before I moved the truck and started asking me questions… why was the exterminator still there? Why was the manager sitting in his truck? etc.
Oh, gosh. I just realized what she was getting at.
She thought they were waiting for her to leave, so the manager could use his master key to get into her apartment, so they could steal things.
*sigh*
Anyhow.
We got her into the truck and then headed out for lunch. There was one place she wanted to go to, because someone new bought it and she wanted to see how it was, now that it wasn’t “browny” people that owned it (it had been owned by a Korean family). *sigh* The place was still being worked on, on the inside, but when she saw the worker’s vehicles in the parking lot, she thought it was open and wanted me to go inside and check. I had to tell her, no, you can’t just walk into a construction zone!
So we went to a chicken and pizza restaurant.
She ended up ordering a vegetable pizza this time, which I normally would not have thought much of, except that my mother is once again deciding that the reason she’s having trouble with her eyes is because of food, and so she needs to eat more vegetables and green things.
There is no known cause for macular degeneration, and there is no food she can eat or not eat that will make any difference. But she heard something somewhere – maybe last week, maybe last month, maybe 30 years ago – and just latches on to things.
We’re going to have to watch her on that, because she’s going to start causing malnutrition in herself if we don’t.
I had something else, so she had a small pizza to herself, with some left over that was packed up for later. We took our time eating, though – we did have 6 hours to kill! – then went across the street to a little department store she wanted to check out, while she was out and about. I helped her get across the street, then moved the truck to park by the store, so she wouldn’t have to cross the street again. The nice thing about that was that I was able to pull up really close to the curb – and that extra height made it downright easy for her to get into the truck when she was done!
We then both went in and did a bit of shopping.
There’s only so long we could drag that out, though.
There was nowhere else she wanted to go, and there is nowhere in this town where one can just hang out. We even tried driving around parts of town we’ve never gone into before, but there wasn’t a whole lot of that, either. 😄
We managed to use up about 2-3 hours before finally just going back to her building and sitting in the common room. No one else was around, so we brought out the information the eye clinic gave her and I went over it with her. Most of it, the doctor had already explained to her really well.
It didn’t take long to go through it all.
I was completely prepared to stay with my mother until 7pm, but she told me that I could go home. She was really tired and was going to just sit and close her eyes for a while. She had her leftovers for supper, and I’d added a bottle of orange juice I’d gotten with her meal on the way home from the city yesterday, that got forgotten in the truck, so she was prepared for taking her medication with her supper while in the common room.
So I headed home.
When I got home, my younger daughter was adding more supports to the tomatoes at the chain link fence that yesterday’s winds had managed to blow partly over. I ended up helping her with that, then she moved on to start breaking down the tree that the winds blow over and onto a crabapple tree.
I had gone to talk to her when our phones both dinged. My husband had sent a message.
My mother had called and left a message on the answering machine. Something about her keys?
I had completely forgotten.
While digging in her purse at one point, my mother gave me her keys to put in my pocket, so they wouldn’t get lost.
They were still in my pocket!!!
I had dashed into the house to get my purse when the phone range again. It was my mother, trying again – from the number on call display, a neighbour had let her use their phone. I told her, I was leaving right then and there!
When I got there, so was so apologetic about having me drive all the way back again. Meanwhile, I was apologizing for forgetting I had her keys! It was pretty funny!
Enough time had passed that she had eaten her supper and taken her medications. It was still early to get into her apartment, but by less than an hour, so we went in anyway.
I had offered to come back to help her put things back and she had said no, so this actually worked out.
I was able to put the mattress cover on her bed – and found out that they’d given her, and others, mattress covers long ago. She didn’t want me to put it on her bed, and basically scoffed at the fact that they had been given them in the first place.
*sigh*
So, somewhere in her closet, she had 2 more of these. Maybe when my sister next visits my mother, she’ll be ablet to find one and get it onto the box spring.
I made up her bed and put a few things away.
If she didn’t have to wait until the health care aid came to help with her nightly medications, she would have gone to bed right then and there!
I did make sure to set out the little miniature tagine bowl and lid I’d brought for her. She thought it was adorable! This will be a handy container for the health care aide to put her pills into, after removing them from the bubble pack, so they can both easily see that the right number are in there. Plus, my mother can more easily pick up the little bowl to take them, rather than trying to use her hands. Some of her fingers are deformed with arthritis.
The extra trip was good for another reason. I had forgotten to hit a bank machine earlier, to take cash out for the septic guy. We’re almost into October. Time to get the tank emptied for the winter.
We’ll need to contact the septic repair company again, too, and hopefully get a date on when they can come and repair the leaking pipes at the expeller!
I really hope we’re not getting ghosted by this company. We’ve had this happen before with other companies, in the first couple of years after we moved here. I have reason to believe it has something to do with our vandal defaming us, though I have no actual proof. Our vandal has a past history of trying to prevent companies from doing things here at the farm, and even on property in the heart of our little hamlet that my parents used to own. Then, when they tried to sell it, he drove off two potential buyers!
Yes, he felt he was entitled to that property, just like he feels he’s entitled to this property, too.
Of course, it could be this company is just really busy, trying to get jobs done before winter. Unfortunately, with past experience, I can’t help but wonder.
Well, if we don’t hear from them after trying to call them back several times, there is another company we can contact again. They are in a completely different town that our vandal doesn’t really go to, that I know of, so the chances of them having any contact with our vandal is very low.
The main thing is that this gets repaired before the ground freezes.
Thankfully, our system has still been working so far, even if the greywater is all just soaking into the ground, as if we had a septic field instead of an expeller. The leak must be pretty close to the surface for the ground to become saturated like that, so if it doesn’t get repaired, the whole thing will freeze, the greywater will have nowhere to go, and the ice will break the pipes even more.
*sigh*
Tomorrow, I will hopefully not have to go anywhere, except maybe the dump. I don’t know if I dare to to the nearest landfill again, with how bad it has gotten lately (I don’t want another flat tire!), but the next nearest one is also open on Saturdays. I just need to find it.
If all goes well, though, I’ll finally be able to catch up with stuff here at home!
Like prep and freeze a whole lot of bell peppers and melons, and either freeze whole tomatoes, or start another sauce in the Crockpot.
It’s not even 8:30pm as I start this, but it feels so much later – and not just because the days are shorter and it’s full dark outside!
Today was my mother’s appointment with the eye specialist in the city, but there were things I needed to do before getting to her place.
Which meant, of course, I got almost zero sleep last night. It seems the more I need to actually get sleep before scheduled activities, the harder it is for me to actually fall asleep!
Meanwhile, my daughters took care of all my usual outdoor routines today, which was a huge help.
The first thing I had to do that had me leaving quite a bit earlier than I would have needed to get to my mother’s, was to stop at the home care office. They needed a couple of signatures from me related to the hospital bed they provide for my husband. I also had a copy of the Power of Attorney paperwork for my brother that they needed in order to process my mother’s file for long term care. This was the last thing they needed as far as the paperwork goes. I spoke to the coordinator for a while. He had already talked to the next coordinator about long term care placement. Physically, my mother would only qualify for supportive living, which would be great for her, but behaviorally, they would not be able to provide her the support she needs. Her racism certainly would make it more difficult, too – the home care aids have already reported some unfortunate things my mother has said. Since they were there for only a few minutes, to help her take her medications, there isn’t a lot of time for her to really get bad with any of them. They do have instructions, though, on how to deflect and, if necessary, simply get out of the situation if it’s particularly bad.
As for the care facilities, her paperwork will first go to the supportive living coordinator, where it will be rejected. Then it will go to the long term care coordinator, who is already aware of my mother’s circumstances, and a decision will be made. If she does qualify for long term care, though, this will get her on a waiting list, unless something happens that puts her under urgent placement. Like if she fell and broke a hip, she would go straight from the hospital into long term care.
Or if she got herself evicted, though that’s a grey area.
We spoke about the meal assist, too. We’ll be trying it out at every two weeks, first. They have only 2 hours to do the meal preparation. We would have to make sure they have all the ingredients, any recipes needed, and containers for the meals to go into the fridge or freezer.
After finishing at the office, I was going to pick up fried chicken and potato wedges at our favorite place – the gas station! 😄 It was too early for their chicken to be ready, though, so I stopped at the grocery store to get drinks. There weren’t any that my mother would be willing to drink, so I went to the gas station and just parked until I was sure their first batches of chicken would be ready. I actually found appropriate drinks there, too!
I also made sure to pick up a couple of 5 Hour Energy bottles, and drank one of them right away.
My mother was very happy when I arrived with the food! She keeps saying, she shouldn’t eat fried chicken, because she has made associations with it and various physical complaints, but she really loves their fried chicken was wedges!
We had enough time that we could have a nice, relaxed lunch, and I could tell her about how things went at the home care office. We talked about her bubble packs, and how she needs to not take anything except when the home care aides come in. She told me how, this morning, the aide took the prescriptions out of the blister and set them in front of her in a pile, but when my mother spread them out and counted them, one was missing! The aide, on hearing that, said that she would need to make a report, but my mom knew it had been in the blister. After looking around, they did find it. It may have just stuck to her hand or the packaging as she got it out for my mother.
I told my mother that when I take my supplements, etc. I have a small bowl I put them into first, then take them all at once from the bowl. She liked that idea, so I went digging around her cupboards and found the smallest bowl she had – an absolutely delightful vintage glass dessert bowl with three handles and a pattern of grape clusters and leaves. I’m totally in love with it!
It’s still pretty big for the job, though, so when I told her I collect tiny bowls and how handy they are, she asked if I could bring her one.
I now have a mini tagine wrapped up and in my purse to bring to her. I think she’ll find it adorable!
We talked about the meal assist, and she’s not happy with it, and says that she can do meals on wheels. They deliver 5 days a week. It’s certainly an option, if this doesn’t work out, but we’ll try meal assist first.
We started to talk about the exterminator coming to her place tomorrow, and that I would be there early to try and move as many things away from the walls as can be done. She started to get very angry about it again. She’s convinced they have singled her out for abuse, and that they just want to go through her stuff and steal things. Frankly, I no longer have patience for her behaviour on this. She is very much at risk of getting evicted, and she doesn’t take it seriously. This has all dragged on far longer than it should have, because she would not let them do their jobs. So many people are bending over backwards to try and help her, and she just refuses to accept that she might be the one that’s causing the problem, not everyone else.
I was able to redirect that conversation more than a few times today!
When we left, we had what turned out to be a very easy and uneventful drive. The location of this clinic may be on the opposite end of the city from us, but it is very easy to get to from my mother’s town. The only unfortunate thing about the drive was that I was feeling myself start to fall asleep. I’m glad I got two of those 5 Hour Energy things. My mother even helped open the bottle for me while I was driving!
Once there, I got her checked in and then we sat in the waiting room. We were early, so I told her I was going to close my eyes for a bit.
I think I actually fell asleep for a bit!
Whether I did nor didn’t, by the time my mother’s name was called, I felt so much better.
The first stage of her appointment was for an assistant to ask various questions, check her current medications list, and try to get an idea of just how long my mother has been having issues. It was not easy. My mother’s sense of time has gotten pretty bad, but for all her complaints about her vision, she insisted the problem was her glasses, and didn’t even realize that her right eye was going blind!
He did a quick eye test with her, with the left eye covered, then again with the right eye covered. Her left eye can still see pretty darn good. With her right eye, she couldn’t even see a single large letter C. All she could tell was that there was a roundish shape. She also had some issues when he held up different numbers of fingers at different distances. Sometimes she got it right, sometimes not. At one point, she couldn’t even see him waving his hand back and forth in front of her right eye.
Next, he took her to a machine to take photos and video of the inside of her eye.
It was not easy.
The typical instruction is “focus on the green X in the middle.” To which my mother would say, “there is no X.”
After that went back and forth a bit, I told her to just look straight ahead. He went with that for the rest of the testing on that eye.
The assistant was so very sweet and awesome. He treated her so nicely, with such a gentle mannerism. I found myself wanting to give him a great big hug! 😄
It took quite a while to get the images he needed. It’s hard enough to stare straight ahead and not blink for several seconds at the best of times. It’s even harder for my mother, who had nothing she could focus on.
That done, it was back to an examination room, and for the doctor to see her.
It turns out her eye is really bad, and he was pretty alarmed about it. She’s had blood pooling in her eye for quite some time, but we just can’t get a handle on when she started to have problems. The only thing I could confirm is that I took my mother for her regular eye exam in February, and there was nothing of concern at the time. I was there and saw the photos of my mother’s eye. This damage was not there.
The doctor spent quite a bit of time explaining things to her and making sure she understood what was going on, as best she could, and to ensure she was able to give informed consent for the treatment.
She had to get drops to dilate her pupils, antibacterial drops, a needle to freeze the eye, and finally the needle for her first treatment.
All of which my mother put up with extremely well. When he was telling her what had to be done and made sure to get her verbal and written consent, her response was simply, “do what you have to do.”
Personally, I think I’d rather go blind than have injections directly into my eyeball!
She was pretty amazing about it.
Along with all that, he took the time to give me information booklets, a grid test for her left eye that she’s supposed to do daily, and a bottle of artificial tears. He really stressed with my mother, how important it is to NOT rub her eyes, touch them in any way, or even touch her face near that right eye. If her eye starts to itch, she is to take an eye drop.
If she starts to feel severe pain, though, she is to immediately return to the clinic to see him or, if it’s the weekend, to a nearby hospital that has a specialty in eye care.
When we finished and I was getting her next appointment in 4 weeks, and helping her pay for some of the tests not covered by our system, my mother just sat on her walker seat with her eyes closed, because she couldn’t really see. Once everything was taken care of and she was in the truck, I gave her my husband’s driving glasses – sunglasses designed to fit over regular glasses.
She really, really loved how much that helped!
Also, she looked adorable in camo print driving glasses. 😄
By this time, I was getting really hungry, and I figured my mother would be, too. When she started talking about getting me to heat up a can of soup for her supper when we got to her place, I was not about to leave it that way! I wanted to get gas in the city, where it’s a lot cheaper right now, and the gas station I stopped at had a Burger King attached to it. I ended up getting chicken fry meals for both of us, as that was something easy to eat while driving.
My mother said that the food could wait until we got to her place but I told her, when I get hungry, I start to become dizzy and ill, so I needed to eat. I set my food out on the console, and hers stayed in the bag.
As we were driving, I saw in my peripheral vision, as she reached out to take a fry!
“Temptation!” she said. 😄😄
I told her she could help herself! She had only a few, though.
Once we got to her place, though, I brought the food out for her to have right away. The home care worker would have come and gone while we were out, so I made sure she had her supper time pills with food.
She was quite happy with this.
She still wanted me to open up a can of soup for her, though, for later.
I took the time to explain some of what we brought home from the clinic, but only briefly. I’ll be back tomorrow and I will stay with her for the 6 hours she has to stay out of her apartment, if that’s what it takes! That will give us plenty of time to sit down with the information and I can explain things to her in ways she could understand.
When we first got to my mother’s place, though, I did a quick check on my messages and found my daughter had sent me photos.
It was very windy today.
We lost a tree.
When I got home, I just had to check it out and get some photos of my own, too.
In the second photo of the slide show above, I just had to get a picture of how perfectly it fell in between to other trees, without getting caught on them!
The crab apple tree in the third photo was not so fortunate.
The spruce landed right in the middle, breaking off about a third of it.
Well, this is one of the sick trees we were needing to remove, anyhow!
We should be able to use the trunk of that spruce, though. This is one of trees too big to use as a raised garden bed. We should be able to take the bottom, widest, 10 ft and set it aside for the outdoor kitchen we will be building. Part of the trunk is cracked, though, so I’m not sure we we’ll get a full 10 feet that isn’t damaged, or what we can salvage from the rest of it.
We shall see. It’s way too windy to even consider breaking it down and cleaning it up.
Once again, it will be up to my daughters to take care of the outside stuff, as I will be with my mother tomorrow.
I’m not sure what we can do for such a long time. There aren’t places to just hang out in her town, and I don’t think she’d be up to any outings. Plus, we want to go over the information the doctor gave her. We could stay in the common room of her building, but it might not be easy to have a private conversation in such a public space.
Well, we’ll figure it out!
Until then, I need to get myself to bed and, hopefully, get a solid night’s sleep this time!
Okay, Re-Farmer. Take a deep breath, and relax a bit!
What.
A.
Day.
Well. Morning, really. It’s only mid-afternoon, as I start this!
I had a 9am appointment with the guy that runs homecare for my mother’s town, and area. After feeding the outside cats, including giving Gouda his personal bowl of lysine supplemented cat soup, I had to leave it to my daughters to do the morning rounds. Instead, I went through a copy of one of the assessment forms the homecare guy had given me a copy of, after his last visit with my mother.
To recap: my mother wants to go into a nursing home. A very specific nursing home. Back in July, we went to her doctor about it, and she started the ball rolling. What we didn’t know at the time was this was something that gets decided by the home care department, not the doctor. The doctor does have to approve it and fill out some paperwork, but normally, people who need it tend to go from a hospital, after some sort of incident, into long term care without ever going back home in between. My mother is not at that stage. After he did a panel with her, assessing her physical needs, it was clear she was not that far gone… yet. He recommended supportive living.
There is only one supportive living place my mother would be willing to live in, and after looking into it, today was to start the process of application to get her in.
Which would put her on a year long waiting list.
There was, however, that behavioural assessment form.
When I first started going through it, after he gave it do me, I’d read a question and think, oh, no, she doesn’t do that. Then I’d read the examples and realize, wait… yes. She does that. Has done it for years. It’s getting worse as she gets older. Yes, this is a problem we are dealing with.
The thing is, we’ve been dealing with a lot of these for so long, we don’t even think about it anymore. I had to see it written down as questions, with examples, to realize just how far she was deteriorating in this category.
I had talked to him on the phone about this a little bit, but today we had to go through all the other assessment forms he needs to go through, as well.
We were at it for two hours.
I am so glad he was able to fit me in this week! He’s going to be away all next week, the last week of the month is the busiest time for me, and I had only one day available – and that would be the week I would expect the exterminators to try and visit my mother’s unit to confirm the bed bugs are gone. If she doesn’t let them in for a third time, she will get evicted. I’m hoping to be there that day to prevent that.
Long story as short as I can make it:
When it comes to her physical needs, her recent diagnoses have actually been helpful for her, in that she actually wants to go into a personal care home (aka: long term care aka: nursing home). He updated the file on her medical changes.
With some things, it’s hard to say. As my mother is living independently, I’m not there to see if, for example, she can or can’t wash herself properly. All I can say is, she refuses to shower, and does not have a bath tub, so all she sponge bathes herself every night. Is she doing a good job? I can’t say. I can say, she refuses to use the commode her was able to requisition for her, even when I found that her bucket fits perfectly in it, making it easy for her to empty it herself. What is she doing instead? I’m not sure.
With other things, I can see she has made adjustments to work around her mobility issues. Can she dress herself? Yes, because she only wears clothing she can put on herself. No buttons. No zippers. No ties or snaps. Can she feed herself? Yes, but she has trouble eating, because she refuses to have her dentures fixed to account for a tooth that was removed – a tooth that her one of her dentures was held by. Her being able to find work arounds or just put up with things puts her on the line between categories.
We did talk about having home care come to her place to prepare meals, and to make sure she takes her medications on time and properly. They can do bulk meal preparation for her either once every two weeks, or once a week, or someone can come by once a day for a meal prep.
If it was once a day, it would be something very quick – I think they’re only allowed 15 minutes. So it would be something like making a sandwich and heating up a bowl of soup. Everything would have to be ready in advance so that a meal just needed to be assembled quickly.
If it was weekly or bi-weekly, someone would come in for 2 hours or something like that. They’d do all the cooking, divide it up into individual portions, and set those in the freezer (except those that would be used right away).
We decided it would be best to try my mother with every two weeks, then adjust as seems appropriate. As the person who does my mother’s grocery shopping, I would have to talk to the home care person about meal plans and what they would need.
We also talked about my mother’s medications, and how she’s not taking them as she should be. Someone would be coming to her place three times a day to make sure she takes them. They can only do that with medications that are in bubble packs. They’re not allowed to touch anything from a bottle. That includes the new eye vitamins my mother is now on.
Then we got to going through the behavioural assessment.
As we went through the questions, I had to give examples and, in come cases, explanations. This included telling him about what’s going on with our vandal, and her habit of reaching out to him and poking the bear, in spite of our efforts to protect her from him.
I’ll have to get back to that one, later, as we have some new crazy going on from there!
As we went through the different questions and he struggled to take notes that would make sense, there were a few times when he had to just sit back and talk about some of the things. Even things that happened to her when she was still living in Poland, and the atrocities she witnessed and survived. He even made note that she would likely need what they call “spiritual care” that is available, typically for combat veterans and former prisoners of war.
I gave other examples of some of my mother’s behaviour, including something she did during a road trip with my brother and his wife a few years ago, and some more recent examples while driving with me. I also told him about what she did to stab my brother in the back, which she still doesn’t recognize as being at all a problem. After a while of this, he stopped and sat back, hesitating.
“I don’t want to sound rude,” he started, pausing to try and find the words.
“It’s like a movie,” he finally said. A movie where all this crazy, insane stuff keeps happening to people, that’s so over the top. I basically said, “yeah; and when they see the movie, people would find it unbelievable and unrealistic, because people don’t behave that way, right?”
Yup.
Even with all this, though, my mother is a very unusual case. He’s not even sure she qualifies for supportive living, because a lot of her needs are beyond what they offer, but she doesn’t qualify for assisted living at all. Her behavioral assessment, however, may actually be what puts her in personal care – which is what she wants. She’s just on the edge.
In the end, he’s going to have to have a consultation with the person he deals with that makes the final decision. He does know, my mother needs help, and we can’t give it to her. Regular home care can’t give it to her, either.
On the plus side, since all this started because my mother went to the doctor to try and get into a nursing home back in July, she already has the doctor’s form on file that is recent enough, along with the chest X-rays they require. She’s also supposed to get a brain scan, but we’re still waiting on a call for that. She’s already been visited by the geriatric care person, and the occupational therapist. They will need a copy of my brother’s PoA paperwork, which I have and can get to them soon. As PoA, he’s first contact for next of kin, while I’m second contact, as I’m physically closest to her.
He printed out what he needed, and then he had to deal with something quickly before going to my mother’s. I called my mother to let her know we were going to be coming over, only to find she had been still in bed! She had time to get dressed, at least, but when I got there, she didn’t even have her glasses, and was all worried because her floor wasn’t swept.
My sister was coming over to do some housekeeping for her!
She was going to get me to call my sister to cancel, and I told her, we couldn’t be that long. I did tell her that I would need to take her remaining bubble packs to have the new medication and vitamins included.
I am so glad she’s going to have someone come and help her with her medications.
When I told her about including them in her bubble packs, she started to get angry, saying, they get taken separately. Which they don’t, and I’m not sure where she got that from. I was still trying to explain to her about how home care can only help if it’s in bubble packs when the home care guy arrived.
He needed her list of medications, including the new prescription and supplement. As we were talking about her new prescription, she mentioned she’d taken it twice.
??
It’s once a day; the vitamins are twice a day.
Nope.
She took one last night, at about midnight, then taken one this morning… I’m not sure why she took one this morning.
Oh! Crap!
I need to call my mother right now…
Oh, I am so glad I wrote this out and caught on to this!
Yes, my mother took this once a day pill last night, then again this morning – and would have taken it again tonight, if I hadn’t just called!
And THAT is a good example of why she needs home care to help her take her medications!
That was one of the things the home care guy needed to hear her agree to, and sign for, along with the meal preparation.
She also needed to sign a form saying that yes, she agrees to going into a personal care home, when a space becomes available. We explained to her that this might not be where she wants to go at first, but once she’s in the system, she will be higher on the list for a transfer, should a space become available where she wants to be. She just needs that foot in the door.
While the home care guy was there, my mother just happened to launch into a tirade towards him, just like some of the examples I gave him earlier. Some of it, anyone in home care sees pretty regularly, but then she went sideways and made it about something else entirely, making connections where there shouldn’t have been any at all.
When he was ready to leave, I grabbed what was left of my mother’s bubble packs and her new stuff for the pharmacy and walked out with him, and we were able to talk about what just happened.
He told me it would probably take a couple of weeks for the process to work its way through. He has a lot of paperwork to submit, and needs to talk to a few people about my mother’s case – and he’s going to be away for all of next week, as well.
He is a total gem. Sadly, when he gets back, he won’t be staying for much longer, as he’ll be moving to another office, so we’ll be dealing with someone else before long. He’ll be going over all his case files with this person before he moves to the other office, though.
I then went to the pharmacy and explained the situation and asked if they could add the new items to my mother’s bubble packs. My mother had mentioned the pharmacy had called her before I got there, talking about her next set of bubble packs.
When I said who this was for, the pharmacist assistant I was talking to started telling me, I just spoke to her, and I’m sorry if I seemed a bit rude.
???
WP AI generated image
Every time the pharmacy calls about her bubble pack refills, my mother gives them a hard time, saying she still has lots, and it’s too early. I keep telling her, she needs to get her refills BEFORE she runs out, but she doesn’t get it. Well, the last time she did this, they held back. When she ran out and came to get her refills and they weren’t ready, she apparently chewed out whoever was at the counter about it not being ready. So when she talked to my mother today, and my mother tried to give her a hard time about it being too early, etc., again, she told me mother, no, this is the date. This is when they’ll be ready.
I think they were relieved to hear my mother is going to be getting home care to help with her medications!
There was only one hang up.
Bubble packs can only have prescription medications in them.
The eye vitamins are not a prescription, so they couldn’t include them.
The pharmacist asked me about the eye doctor, and it turns out they know each other. He will call the eye clinic and get an actual prescription for these supplements from him.
Until then, they would pack 10 days worth of the eye vitamins in their own, separate bubble packs.
As for the new prescription, it says once a day, but doesn’t say when. It’s at night that she has issues, so that’s why she was going to take them in the evening – and why she took one last night. That was the first one she took, even though I brought them for her the day before.
It was going to take them about an hour to update the current bubble packs, so I took advantage of that to go for lunch and update the family a bit.
By the time they were ready and I brought them back to my mother’s, my sister had showed up, done the housekeeping she was going to do, and was getting ready to leave. I needed to explain the bubble packs to my mother, so my sister stays so she’d be up to date, too.
So I went through it all, explaining why the supplements were in their own bubble packs, but she needs to take them with her morning and evening (breakfast and supper) pills, and that the new prescription was with that last pill of the day she’s supposed to take before bed.
That’s why I had to call my mother just now.
The new pill is in with tonight’s bubble pack. She’s already taken one this morning.
After confirming that yes, my mother did take the new prescription pill this morning, as well as taking one last night, I told her to NOT take the one that’s in the bubble pack for tonight, because she’s already taken today’s pill.
I repeated this a few times, and even told her to go ahead and take it out now, and put it somewhere else, but I’m not completely confident she’ll remember.
She was very glad I called about it, though, because yes, she would have taken that pill again tonight, if I hadn’t.
She also realized that I brought back the bubble packs, but not the bottles with the rest of the pills. I told her that the pharmacy is keeping them so they can be included in her new bubble pack refills, as she has already paid for them.
Anyhow… I’m ahead of myself.
It took me a while to explain the bubble packs to my mother, and the times to take them. Even my sister had to chime in to reinforce what I was saying. My mother has a very had time grasping the times on the bubble packs. She’s been taking her morning and evening pills at 5am and 5pm. Why those times, I have no idea, but that’s what she settled on. Only recently did she say she changed to 6am and 6pm, so she could sleep a bit more.
I told her, when home care starts coming to help with the pills three times a day, for the first two they’ll be coming for breakfast and supper – so she won’t have to get up so early anymore! She can sleep in.
She seemed to like that idea!
While we were talking, some mail was slid under my mother’s door, so I opened it for her. It turned out to be her ambulance bill. I was surprised it was only $250 The last I heard, it cost more than $400.
It included a survey on how the paramedics did, and so I started helping her go through that. She got really angry and first, saying, how can they expect her to remember? It was so long ago! (It’s been maybe 2 months?) Then she started saying, the paramedics treated her much better than the people at the hospital, before launching into a story that, at first, we thought was about the paramedics, but was actually about something in the hospital. It included some pretty racist comments, but she talked about how she was being moved around in a wheelchair while her coat and purse were left in an examination room. Long story short, while they insisted she check her purse to make sure everything was there (I’d say it was really obvious to them she believed they would steal from her), she said all her money and ID, etc. where there. However, she now says someone stole “pictures” (which could have included clippings from magazines, newspapers, printouts… ) from her purse.
Of course, the accusation included racist rants.
When I asked, why would anyone take pictures from her purse…
I didn’t get to add, instead of her money or whatever, when she started to get into “that” mode, at which point, my sister said it was time to go!
So we said our goodbyes, then I stayed a bit longer and talked some more about how it went with the home care guy. I explained how she’s just on the edge of things, because she can still do things like feed herself and dress herself, but has other issues. I told her, he needs to consult with someone about her situation, to figure out where is best for her. She was just really happy to know that going to a nursing home is an actual possibility now.
By the time I left, though, I felt like a wrung out washcloth.
But, it’s done. The process is well on its way.
Now, if she can just keep herself from getting evicted, that would be nice!
Last night, I was able to reinforce the damage wire mesh along the door, after painting the base. The door still opens fully, with no obstructions, which was my goal.
My daughter did a second coat on the base, as the original white paint was showing through. She also painted the water stained underside of the “floating” shelves. Once the paint has cured for a couple of hours, it’ll be flipped upright, the plastic cover removed, and the rest will be painted. Then, the roof panels can be put on.
As for my day with my mother, she insisted on going back to her previous eye clinic, as she decided the one I took her too screwed up. The eye doctor there is an Asian woman, so my mother’s racism is in full play.
It turns out, the problem wasn’t her glasses at all. Since her last eye tests, she developed macular degeneration in one eye. It’s almost completely blind.
They can’t do anything for her out here, other than get her to take special vitamins to protect her other eye. She will need to go to the city once a month for eye injections. As the person that will be driving her, the specialist clinic will call me, probably within the next 2 weeks, to start that.
She is now glad she went to a “real doctor”. The thing is, I was in the room with her last appointment. I was there when they took images of her eyes. I saw the images when the doctor showed them to her. She did not have it then. This is something that can happen quickly, which is obviously how it is with her. But this doctor is a white man – and she knows his parents! – so that means he’s a good doctor, nor the other doctor.
*sigh*
After that, we had lunch, and ran into a friend of mine from high school! I spent time explaining things the eye doctor told us as we ate.
Then again as I drove her home.
Then again, after I picked up her meds, Tylenol and the eye vitamins she needs to take, and her groceries.
Then again, because she couldn’t figure out why she had 3 bottles of pills instead of two. She suddenly decided the vitamins were her prescription medication, and the prescription medication were the vitamins.
They have completely different instructions.
I ended up writing it all down, complete with illustrations, to help her remember.
At least she can still read with her left eye!
The monthly treatment she will be getting should fix her eye, though maybe not 100%. We don’t know how long it will take.
The Re-Farmer 