The grand total was actually higher, but I don’t have photos of everything. 😄
Today, my younger daughter and I headed into the city to do the more tiring of our stock up shops.
I’m happy to say that Damocles ran well, with no issues, though road conditions certainly didn’t help matters much! I still expect the truck to break down at any moment. 🫤
At least the roads were better than yesterday. Today turned out to be a relatively warm (hovering on either side of 0C/32F, depending on where we were at the time) and very sunny. Which meant that the last of the ice built up in the wheel wells finally came off! With a little help from my daughter bashing at some of it with her cane. 😄
Our first stop for shopping was Canadian Tire. It’s attached to a mall and my daughter treated us to breakfast (well… more like lunch, by then) in the food court, first. So nothing there came out of my own budget.
At the Canadian Tire, we got three bags of the litter pellets we needed, plus a bag of seed starting mix, a two pack of nail brushes for the bathroom and the kitchen, plus a couple of packs of marigold seeds. I was specifically looking for the French variety, which is the one that is good for repelling damaging insects. It took some digging, but my daughter finally found some French Double Dwarf marigold seeds. I’ll start some of those when we do our next round of seeds in a couple of weeks, possibly more in May, and I still plan to direct sow some, so we should have them blooming through most of the summer.
Total damage at Canadian Tire was $48.41
As we were leaving, we stopped by a gas station and put in $40 in gas – I’ll fill the tank when I do the Costco run and reset our trip mileage counter. When we drove though the town my mother is in (again), gas was $1.729/L. In the city, it was $1.529/L!!! What a difference! Usually, it’s just a few pennies cheaper in the city, if at all.
Our next stop was Walmart. This is what $301.84 looks like.
*sigh*
This is what we got for our money.
There is a case of facial tissues, four bags of dry kibble, a flat of 24 Coke Zero, a couple of packs of wet wipes, spray cleaner, compostable compost bags, incontinence pads, and a total of 9 energy drinks for my daughters and I.
For actual food, strawberries were an excellent price, so we got two packs. We also got three packs of frozen heat and eats; chicken nuggets, popcorn chicken and fish sticks, for those days when we’re all too broken to cook. I also got four more pounds of butter, as they were still at a better than Costco price.
And that’s it. That’s all I got.
My daughter picked up something for herself, but also paid for an item I’d picked up as an unplanned extra. We found ergonomic snow shovels on clearance and grabbed one. It was marked down to only $17. It wouldn’t fit in the cart, so my daughter carried it around the whole time we did the shopping, then snuck off with it to pay for it herself as a gift for me. 😄😂
Most of this was the kibble, but still… ouch. And I didn’t even pick up more XXL puppy pads or wet cat food for the beasts this time, either! We got a total of 29 items on this purchase, and that includes the 9 individual cans of Monster.
*sigh*
By this time, we were already both exhausted and hurting, but we still had one more stop to make. The international grocery store. We haven’t been there in ages, and I was thinking ahead to our Easter baskets, for ourselves and for my mother.
This is what $279.11 looks like – and that was after discounts totaling $114.56!
Yeah, that looks pretty empty, doesn’t it?
This is what we got.
For fruit, we got a bag of Mandarin oranges, red grapes and bananas that weren’t solid green, like the ones at Walmart were. We also got a package of small cremini mushrooms.
The biggest purchase – and the biggest savings – was the ahi tuna loin. It was a “buy one, get one free” deal. This is something we get for the girls only when there are huge sales like this, and this is the only place I know of that has these.
We also got some locally made, unsliced bacon, two regular smoked and two applewood smoked, on an “Any 4 for $20” sale. There is a calabrese sausage that I got specifically for my husband, for snacking on.
We got a couple of cheeses for the Easter baskets; a little Boursin Fig and Balsamic Vinegar for ours, and a roasted garlic Havarti for my mother’s. We also got stuffed olives – one with feta, the other with garlic – for the baskets, though I don’t think my mother likes olives, so maybe just for ours.
My daughter found some sauces she remembered they were out of (I don’t use these in my own cooking). A particular fish sauce, a Siracha, and some oyster sauce. The seaweed is mostly for them, too, though I sometimes like to grab a package to snack on, all by itself.
I spotted a few other things not normally on our list that I grabbed, as they are things we typically get only when they are on sale, or they are not often in stock, so we grab when we can. One of those was some dark coffee for the girls; it’s almost never under $20 anymore, so I grabbed one, even though the girls still had a “spare” at home. Squeeze bottle pizza sauce was on sale, so I grabbed one, to make mini pizzas on the naan bread I recently picked up. I got some Twinings tea because my loyalty card offers had $6.50 off of a $7.49 package, and extra tea is always good. I also grabbed some Himalayan Pink Salt that wasn’t in a grinder. We have a grinder, so we just need a refill, but finding just the coarse rock salt on its own has been surprisingly difficult. I was about ready to order in on Amazon, so I was very happy to see it in stock.
Last of all, we got food for everyone for supper. For my husband, we got a huge Lumberjack sandwich, which will feed him for a couple of days. 😄 I got their last Bento box; chicken teriyaki. My daughter chose a Poke bowl and a Chef Sampler from the sushi bar for herself and her sister. Then, for the road home, I got an energy drink for myself and my daughter got an Arizona Green Tea – plus I grabbed an extra Peaches and Cream Monster for my daughter for later, because it’s her favourite and we hardly ever see that flavour.
One of the loyalty card offers I had available was a “spend $10, get $10 off” deal. That was after the $114.56 in discounts I got with sales, for 28 items in total. I could have used loyalty points to get other discounts, but I want to save them up again. I can usually get at least a free turkey at the end of the year with them. Not too bad, considering we don’t make it into the city to shop there all that often.
Okay, I just got a phone call from my brother and had to share this.
He just left from visiting our mother. She had told him our vandal and his wife had visited today – with his wife pushing him in, in a wheelchair. They were there for the money he thought she would give him to pay for his funeral. She told him, no. He’s rich, he has land, etc. He should pay for his own funeral. Why is he coming to her?
When it became clear he wasn’t getting any money, he got up out of the wheelchair and walked away, with his wife and my mother both calling after him to come back.
My mother said she wanted to talk to his wife, but she just left, too. I assume she took the wheelchair with her.
As far as I know, they don’t have a wheelchair. His house isn’t wheelchair accessible, anyhow. Most likely, they borrowed one of the “public” wheelchairs available in the hospital the TCU is located in.
[I got a confirmation while I was going over this post, looking for typos. Yes, it was a hospital wheelchair.]
When my brother told me our vandal got up and walked away, I could only laugh. What a scammer!!
Good on my mother for actually standing up to him. I’d been trying to tell her, how he acts when he’s around her isn’t at all like how my brother and I have been seeing him, and that he’s probably putting on an act. Yes, he’s sick, but anytime we see him, he looks quite robust for someone who constantly says he’s dying. Now, he just proved me right. He fakes it when around my mother.
And his wife is part of the role play.
*sigh*
Okay, back to the topic at hand!
Adding all our stops together, including gas, this was a $669.36 day. Slightly over budget for this stock up trip (the gas comes out of a different line in the budget), but with how late we did our last stock up trip, plus what I got locally just a little while ago, hopefully we won’t need to use as much of our Costco budget.
We’ll just have to see what the prices are when we get there, next week.
At least three lovely surprises, though two are pretty hard to see in the photo. Looking at the photo more closely, though, I wonder if there’s actually five sprouts.
These are the Dwarf Dazzler Cosmos. It hasn’t even been four full days yet, and there they are!
It should be interesting to see when the rest start showing up.
Aside from that, today has been another quiet day of domesticity. It’s been snowing on and off – just lightly, where we are – and that is expected to continue until about 2am. Tomorrow, I’m planning to “test” the truck again. I want to go into town and refill a couple of our big water jugs, and maybe pick up a few other things at the grocery store.
The grocery store that is across the street from the garage.
Yes, the truck ran perfectly well after we picked it up, but I still don’t trust Damocles, with how it would switch from working fine to breaking down for so long.
I plan to leave early enough that, if things go well, I’ll try visiting my mother afterwards, too.
Speaking of my mother…
I got a call from my brother yesterday evening. My mother had called him while he was at work.
We now know why our vandal told my brother he wanted to talk to my mother alone when they ran into each other at the TCU on the weekend.
He wants her to pay for his funeral.
He has no money, he says, so she should pay for it.
???
Not that long ago, he told her he had his own funeral all arranged, including the service at the church in town we all went to as children. He even told her that, for the gathering afterwards (the tradition out here is to rent a hall for a catered luncheon after the internment, sometimes with video displays and music), he said he wanted a bottle of vodka on every table.
Now, he wants Mom to pay for all that?
The thing is, Mom told my brother that she said yes, just to shut him up and get rid of him. We all know what his reaction would have been like, if she hadn’t. With his wife there, he wouldn’t have gotten too out of control, but it would not have been good.
Yeah. His wife was there.
Mom told my brother, nothing was signed or anything. She says he’s got plenty of money (he got a very generous buy out and was able to retire in his mid 50’s), his wife works, they’ve got land – he can pay for his own funeral. Seriously; I have to drive by his place regularly. I see the equipment and vehicles he’s got all over. He could easily sell just half of it and do quite well for himself for many years.
My mother had commented to my brother about how sick our vandal was looking. Which is interesting, because when my brother saw him just an hour earlier, he was looking pretty hale and hardy for a man that’s supposedly about to die. He’s still broad shouldered and agile, not wasting away. Which is what I see, too, when I see him going by on the trail cams. Or when he stopped at the end of the driveway in the fall and yelled at me from the road while waving his colostomy bag around, getting in and out of his vehicle, and looking quite energetic. He’s clearly putting on an act for my mother.
That his wife is part of this is an extra element of disturbing.
I’m just so disgusted with them. He still feels like he’s entitled to whatever he wants from my mother, because he “helped” here at the farm for so many years, and “helped” my late father after my mother moved out (though we now know he was verbally abusive and manipulative, on top of helping himself to whatever he wanted). Our vandal was one of the reasons my mother moved out. Yeah, he did do nice things for both of them, though he also caused plenty of problems, too, but when my late brother died, it clearly destroyed his mind. His terminal cancer diagnosis (if he actually has one; who knows, at this point) has only made him worse.
To go after my mother like that, though? With his wife!!! Disgusting.
What he doesn’t know, though, is that even if he convinced my mother to sign something, it wouldn’t matter. The doctors have already agreed that my mother’s cognitive function has dropped low enough that if she signs anything like that, it can’t be legally binding. Only my brother can sign on her behalf now. Verbal agreement doesn’t hold much either, since she’s flat out said she only agreed to shut him up; she was coerced.
I will be honest; my mother is not a nice person. These two really are very much alike in their behaviour, and it is a mutually abusive relationship. Knowing that there is an undiagnosed mental illness behind all this doesn’t make it any better. There was a time, long ago, when the person my mother could have been would emerge briefly, and she was so amazing. She is a survivor and amazingly strong. She somehow managed to keep it together for so many years and raised us as best she knew how. She deserves better than this. Especially from someone that was once so close to all of us.
Bah.
The main thing is, she made a point of letting my brother know what happens, so my siblings and I now all know why she said yes to our vandal at the time, and that she has no intention of paying for his funeral. He must still think she has millions of dollars squirreled away somewhere – and that he is entitled to it! Just like he felt entitled to this property.
What a mess.
I’m looking forward to being able to engage in more garden therapy, because I could really use it of late!
As the snow melts, this area becomes a bit of a pond. Some years, it’s part of a moat that encircles the garage and floods the pit under the outhouse.
For now, though, it’s a tease. Tomorrow we’re supposed to have a high above freezing, and then the highs are going to be dipping again. We won’t get highs above freezing again for about a week. Everything that’s melting now is going to be ice.
Ah, March. You’re just nasty.
Not a lot to say about today. It has been a bad pain day, of the sort that keeps me from standing in one place for very long. I can walk around, sit, lie down, but I can’t stand for more than a few minutes.
Even so, I’m still the most able bodied person in the household.
That’s rather scary to think of.
My brother had messaged me, saying he was planning to visit our mother and asked if I wanted to meet him there. I told him I wasn’t feeling well today. Which worked out, in a way, as he spent time helping my mother figure out her phone. She hasn’t been able to make outgoing calls. She keeps trying to use the programmed numbers and just not getting that she only needs to see the name on the screen, then hit the green button. In the end, he told her to just direct dial, like she always has before. They tested it out by calling here, so I was answering the phone quite a few times.
I later found out that my brother crossed paths with our vandal and his wife. They were going to visit my mother and happened to get to the doors to the TCU (which require a code to get in) at the same time my brother did. My brother, trying to be polite, asked how our vandal was doing, all things considered. His answer? “I’m dying.” … okay. He then said he wanted to talk to our mother alone. !!! There was an uncomfortable moment before his wife said they would come back later.
As my brother was leaving, about an hour later, he found them still hanging out not far from the TCU doors.
I really wish there were some way we could keep them away from my mother; he obviously is after something. The staff have been warned, but there’s really little they can do, since we don’t have any sort of court order.
What we do know is that he’s been telling my mother about things like his funeral already being planned out and paid for. It makes us wonder if he applied for and was accepted for MAiD, which is currently the 5th highest cause of death in Canada. My mother would not approve, of course, since it goes against our religious beliefs. It’s one thing to allow death to happen as peacefully and painlessly as possible, and deliberately killing someone. It’s not our business, except we worry about what he is say to Mom. She should not be burdened with his health problems. Lord knows, if my current issues turn out to be cervical cancer or something, I would NOT be telling my mother anything other than “I’m not feeling well”, unless I absolutely have to – and even then, I’d be telling her as little as possible. She does not need that burden, and she can’t handle that sort of thing at the best of times. Which leads me back to wondering, what is it he’s trying to guilt her into doing for/giving him, and why is his wife helping him do it? With all the threats of some sort of retribution he’s made against me and my brother, and claiming we caused his cancer, it frustrates me that he’s working his way into my mother’s good graces again so easily.
That’s one of the frustrating things about him. We’ve learned that when things are quiet from him, it has generally meant that he’s been doing things in the background that he springs on us, later on. I would have hoped that, when facing his own mortality like this, he would have tried to give up all that toxic stuff, but he has instead doubled down and gotten worse.
Well, if he is, I guess we’ll find out eventually.
It does make me glad I wasn’t up to going over there today. He’s been trying to wheedle himself into my brother’s … trust? … to turn him against me. If I were there at the same time, who knows how he would have reacted, or how he would end up treating my mother, after we left.
He said the paw disappeared right after he took the photo. 😄😄
On to the weirdness of the day.
Today, I had an afternoon appointment to get the truck looked at again. When I headed out – very early – I found the console display was still working, but the warning dings from the door still weren’t happening. I didn’t even try to test it out on 4 wheel drive, though. I was already stressed out. Whether the shuddering was happening or not happening, it wasn’t going to alleviate that stress.
When I got to the garage and dropped off the key, I spent time some time talking to the owner. I told him what was working and still not working, and that I hadn’t tested the 4 wheel drive (he understood why not!). We talked about the battery, and the possibility of there being something draining the battery while it’s parked. The battery is only 2 years old. He said some batteries only last that long. We got it from him, though. It wasn’t the highest end battery, but it’s far from the lowest end, either. We also talked about the cold potentially affecting it, and I remembered to tell him when we first had an issue with the battery, early in the winter.
Then I was off.
I walked across town (all 5 or 6 blocks) and had lunch, then walked the last couple of blocks to the beach. The ice fishing village is still there.
There was also heavy equipment clearing the snow to make roads and open areas on the ice. I seem to recall seeing fliers for some sort of ice event coming up.
Clearly, the ice on the lake is still incredibly thick!
Then I started walking back, stopping at a few places long the way. I even remembered to stop at the pharmacy and get our printouts to do our taxes. My husband finally got his second T4A, so we can do that now. My daughter will be able to claim prescriptions on her taxes for the first time. I couldn’t get her pharmacy records without her permission (I have a signed document so I can get my husband’s, every year), but I was able to arrange for it to be included with her prescription delivery later in the week. This will be the first year for both my daughter and I that we can claim the Disability Tax Credit.
By the time I got back to the garage, it was about 45 minutes past my appointment time. The truck was still in the garage and the mechanic was about to take it out for a test drive to see if it was still doing that shuddering thing while in 4 wheel drive. I suggested he try it in the grocery store parking lot, rather than the highway, since it seems to be triggered in slippery conditions.
The mechanic asked me about the door chime. I told him it still wasn’t working when I drove over.
It’s working now.
???!!!
They didn’t do anything. It was simply working when he drove it into the garage.
When talking to the owner, he said he could even hear it from his office when the truck was driven in, and the mechanic got out, leaving the keys in the ignition.
I told him, when I parked in their lot, it still wasn’t working.
Like I said, it’s a good thing we have a good relationship. If I say it wasn’t working, he doesn’t doubt me. It’s just so very strange!!!
He told me he tested the battery himself.
It’s fine. No sign of any problems.
We talked about that for a bit, and he told me of a possibility that had occurred to me when I was first driving the truck home and realized the console display wasn’t working. It is likely that when the battery got low enough, it started shutting off anything unnecessary that was using power. With some vehicles, once the battery drops below a certain threshold, you can’t even start them until it’s been charged again. Once I recharged the battery on Sunday, that would have allowed the console display to start working again. Why the door chime didn’t start working again until today, we don’t know, but it’s likely related.
Around then, the mechanic came back with the truck, parking it just outside the bay doors. Watching the cameras, we saw him step out, look at the camera, raise both hands and just shrug.
It was working fine.
I told him about needing to drive into the city, and various other things I need to drive to, and he said it should be fine. Driving is good. Sitting parked is not. I do know that, but I try to avoid driving in winter in particular.
I did remember to ask for a price on the light on the back of the cab that I idiotically broke because the garage door wasn’t open far enough. He started to look it up and then said, get it from Amazon. I will get a better price there. Then, once I have it, I can bring the truck back and he’ll install it for me. I asked if he had a part number and he said just to look up, third brake light.
I even got to talk to the mechanic a bit as I was going to the truck. He also assured me that it should be fine for all the driving I need to do.
From there, I drove across to the grocery store, then updated my family. There were just a few things I wanted to pick up for today because, tomorrow, my daughter and I will be finally doing the Costco run! I plan to go to the older location we’ve been going to for years, instead of the new location on the other side of the city, as the old location is right next to a Canadian Tire.
Just in case something goes wrong. Because I’m still absolutely paranoid about the truck! 😄
Right now, though, not only has all the recent weird stuff gone away on its own, but so has the tire warning stuff that’s been there for so very long.
Which means that truck is actually better now than it was before, with no one having actually done anything but do lots of testing and checking.
For that, all I can say is, Thank you, God.
When I got home, I texted the garage about the tire warnings that have been there for so long, now being gone. He said, it must be a ghost! 😄😄 They’d had trouble getting readings off the sensors the last time I brought the truck in for the front tires to be worked on. They checked all four sensors because of those warnings. I remember watching four guys going from tire to tire, looking perplexed at their device’s screen. We had originally thought it was because the batteries might have died or something, but clearly, that cannot be the case! The main thing was that the tires themselves were fine.
So that’s where we are at now. The truck is home, and we’ve got a lot of driving to get caught up on things that should have been done a while ago.
Since we are finally going to be going to the city tomorrow, I’ve contacted the person from the rescue that picked up Kohl from us, taking the carrier with her. The sun room cats have knocked one of the carriers off its shelf a few times too many and it can’t be clocked shut anymore, so we need to get the carrier back. The carrier is now with someone else, and we’ve just arranged to meet along the way tomorrow morning, before she gets to work. We’ll be leaving quite a bit earlier than usual, but that’s okay.
Now it’s stock up shopping, doctor’s appointments, dump runs, runs to the feed store and, of course, finally getting to visit my mother! Once again, we are now the closest to where she is.
Oh, and our vandal and his wife have already visited her twice since she’s been transferred to the current TCU. The staff there have been warned about him, and yet… today, my brother told me that a check just went through my mother’s account. A check for a substantial amount of money, made out to our vandal and written out by our vandal’s wife for my mother to sign (my mother can no longer write checks out herself), dated just a few days ago. This is one of the reasons why we didn’t want our vandal to be able to have access to my mother without supervision. The problem is, they can’t have a staff member just hang out in the room with them. So, they managed to somehow guilt my mother into throwing money at our vandal again. The crazy thing is, while she has been able to help out with paying for things at the farm, even things she offered to pay for in advance, she does things like try to back out, or tries to use it as a way to control us, or guilt us, and makes a big deal over the fact that she “helped”. Which she has never done, when it comes to our vandal. And there’s nothing we can do about it, as long as her cognitive decline is as relatively mild as it is now. She isn’t at the state where my brother, as PoA, becomes wholly responsible to act on her behalf in that regard. At least we were able to get the doctor at the hospital to agree, officially in her file, that my mother cannot sign legal documents, and that if she is convinced to do so, it would not be legally binding. I don’t think that quite applies to writing checks.
Meanwhile, my mother says she wants me to bring her some of her cash stash she asked me to hang on to for her. Most of which got deposited into her account, which my brother explained to her when going over her finances recently, but she still thinks I have all of. She has no need for money where she is, and we don’t know where the money she had before went to. Sure, she sometimes insisted I take some cash for gas, but almost never enough to actually cover the cost of gas. A few bucks here and there. We did learn she tried to give money to staff at the hospital to basically bribe them to pay more attention to her, but never managed to actually give them any (that probably would have gotten them fired). I guess now we know where the rest of her cash went to.
We also know why our vandal and his wife have been finding ways to visit her so often, even though he’s supposedly at death’s door right now.
*sigh*
It is so hard to protect my mother, when she works so hard to sabotage our efforts.
Anyhow.
Visiting my mother is on the list of things I need to do, now that I’ve been assured the truck has been checked and rechecked and everything is running just fine.
Normally, he runs away, even if I come closer while he is easing, but today I managed to skritch his shoulders and neck. Not only did he not run away, but he even leaned into my hand!
Once he was away from the food bowls, though, that was it. I couldn’t get near him anymore.
You may notice his fur is decorated in the above picture. He has hoar frost raining down on him from the rose bush above him. We had thick fog roll in last night, and it was still very much there this morning.
The first item on the outings list today was to drop the truck off at the garage to get that differential leak fixed. My daughter and I headed out early, which was good, because we had to take it pretty slow in places. The closer we got to town – and the lake beyond it – the thicker the fog got. Still, we arrived over half an hour early for the drop off time. Which was okay, since I only needed to leave the key. While doing that, I let him know that, after moving the truck, I did see signs of fluid under it – it was definitely a very small leak, but still needs fixing! I also let him know that the check engine light had turned off on its own, and that the oil pressure gauge is where it should be, thanks to the last fix done.
From there, my daughter and I walked to the hospital. My sister had visited my mother in the transitional care unit (TCU), which is very close to where she lives, yesterday and let me know that some clothing items that had gone into the laundry were forgotten. While I asked about that, I also asked about the photo of our vandal. They had to contact someone that could pull my mother’s file to find out. While waiting for that, the person that checked housekeeping came back and there was no sign of anything that was my mother’s. Housekeeping may not have been done with it. We went to where we could meet the guy about the files. Sure enough, the photos were still in the file, in the large envelope my brother brought them in.
After explaining about the photos, and mentioning that we were going to be seeing my mother today, he gave me the envelope to take with us and deliver to the nursing station at the TCU. Then we went back to the nursing station about the clothing items. They would look into it some more, and got my contact information to call me later.
Since I had the photos, my daughter and I first walked back to the garage so we could leave it in the truck. It was still parked outside, so I put it in the basket of my mother’s walker, which was in the back of the truck cab. The wheelchair had to go into the box.
That dropped off, my daughter and I headed out to find somewhere we could have breakfast, and take our time about it.
Using the button to cross the highway wasn’t going to be an option! It’s only for an audible notification that the walk light was on, though.
There aren’t a lot of restaurants open that early in the day in this town, so our options were limited. The place we went to was at the other end of town (okay, that’s just 6 blocks or so. 😄). We were both quite famished by then! We both ended up ordering the largest breakfast platters they had. I’m glad we did, because that ended up having to last us until supper!
We took our time about it, but we were still waiting on a 2 hour job, so it wasn’t that long before we headed out.
[Edit: I forgot to mention. While we were having breakfast, the hospital called me about my mother’s missing clothing. They couldn’t find them, nor did they expect to find them. Most of the laundry goes to the city for washing. My mother’s items were not labelled with her name. The folks sorting through in the city wouldn’t know where they would have to go, and they would probably not even made it back to town!]
Since we were so close to the lake, we popped over to see how it looked.
The fog was still pretty heavy. What you can just barely see in the photo is an ice fishing village, and an ice road leading to it.
From there, we stopped at a general store that my daughter wanted to go to. They are the only place that carries a particular brand of imported wool yarn. She’s bought some before and used them to knit herself a pair of socks. They turned out to be the best pair of socks she’s ever had, and actually keep her feet dry. She got herself enough yarn to knit herself two more pairs!
When we were done there, we crossed the street to check out the dollar store. There wasn’t anything we actually needed there, but I like to keep an eye out for some things.
We never finished going through the store before I got a text from the garage. The truck was done! Somewhat faster than I expected, but they must have been able to get it in almost right after we dropped off the envelope from the hospital. So we quickly picked up a couple of energy drinks for the road and made the walk back.
Unfortunately, by this time, my daughter and I were both limping pretty badly! My daughter hurt her leg getting her old computer chair down the stairs not long ago, and had been caning it for the past few days. She was feeling better today, but after the walking we’d already done, to and from the hospital, then across town, she was actually having a harder time than I was with my left hip giving out. What a sight we must have been!
Once we got to the garage and saw the truck parked in the lot, my daughter went straight to it to sit down while I went in to take care of the bill. $280 and change. *sigh* Still, better to get the leak fixed than push our luck with it!
From there, we were going to the nearer city, to see my mother. Normally, I would have popped over to another highway, rather than go straight from town, so as to avoid driving through several small lakeside towns. In the end, I decided the extra miles weren’t worth it, and we headed straight out.
I’m glad we did.
We made our way through the row of towns and had just reached an area of open highway when my daughter started feeling sick. Eating does that do her. Just, general eating. She’s never been able to pin down exactly what is making her ill. It did mean we had to find a gas station urgently! If we had been on the other highway, there would have been nothing available. On this route, there actually is a single gas station along the way. Thankfully, we made it.
We didn’t need to get any gas, but I did want to “pay” for our use of the bathroom, so I went looking for some snacks. The convenience store with this particular gas station is more like a smallish grocery store, and very well stocked! They even had a large display of baked goods from a bakery in the town north of us that is really well known. People from the city go out of their way to get their bread. I ended up getting a couple of Whoopie Pies for us (not that my daughter would be up to eating anything again for some time!). I had mine while waiting for my daughter to join me in the truck again. I’ve had Whoopie Pies before, and they’re usually rather dry and fairly hard. The cake portions were so incredibly soft and fresh, I had a hard time unwrapping it without crushing or tearing it! It was absolutely awesome.
From there, we continued on to visit my mother. I knew the TCU was in the “old hospital”, and I’ve driven past it many times.
I was wrong.
When we got to the area, the first problem was finding a way to get in. There were a number of buildings but, as we read the signage, going from one area to another, we couldn’t find anything. We did find that one of the buildings is a mental health hospital. My mother actually spent some time there, years before I was born. She still speaks highly of how pleasant her stay was, and how well they took care of her.
In the end, I found a plowed out space I could pull over and tried looking up the address for this unit. I found their web page – but there was no address! My brother did send me a phone number, though – not the same one that was on the web page! – so I tried that.
It took a bit to try and describe where we were to the person who answered before she could give us directions.
We had driven right past the place. I had no idea that that complex was the old hospital, not where I had always thought it was at!
Then we had to try and find the right door to go in.
I drove around in circled and back tracked before we finally decided to park near the entrance to what turned out to be an urgent care clinic. Only then did we pass the sign for the TCU.
It had been blocked by a truck. An 18 wheeler, unloading a semi size trailer box. Completely blocking the lane to where the TCU entrance was.
We got the wheelchair and walker out (with my daughter making sure to grab a cane for herself, too), but when we got to the urgent care clinic, I left my daughter with them to ask someone inside. She was able to give me directions on how to get to the unit through the building, rather than having to go outside and find away around the truck blocking the lane. So I got my daughter, the wheelchair and walker, and we made our way through what turned out to be “authorized personnel only” areas before finally reaching the elevator she told us to look for. It was one of those elevators with doors on each side, and we were going through the staff door to use it!
Finally, we got to the second floor and found signs leading us to the TCU.
The doors, however, are locked. Visitors are to push a button for someone to come and let us in.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, we could hear the voice of an elderly man yelling for someone to let him out. Before a staff member opened a different door next to the entry doors, we could hear him pushing and bashing at the door, trying to get out! When the staff member came (there were more people waiting with us to get in by then), and I told her who we were coming to see, she let us in through the staff door! As we made our way around, another staff member opened up a mobile barrier for us to go through. As we came around, we saw the guy we had heard through the door. He was still at the main doors, pushing a walker, and looking very furious about not being able to get out.
There’s a reason these places have lock codes to get in and out!
Once at the nursing station, I brought out the envelope with the photos. I explained to them that my mother doesn’t know that we’re giving these photos, because that would cause issues. Notes were taken as I explained about our vandal’s past abusive behavior towards my mother. They asked if there was a protection order, and I explained that the courts required my mother do that herself, and there’s no way she can physically do that, but her cognitive decline isn’t so far that my brother can do it on her behalf, as her PoA. They completely understood that frustration! I did mention that I’d had to get one against him myself. Then I had to explain why my sister’s picture was in there. They recognized her as having visited yesterday. I explained that, in general, she’s fine, but our vandal has been able to manipulate her into doing things in the past, that she is not understanding my mother’s cognitive issues and resulting self sabotage, and just goes along with things when she shouldn’t. My mother has been able to manipulate her as well.
I so hate having to include my sister as someone that needs to be kept an eye on while visiting my mother!
The likelihood of our vandal showing up is low, but they do have cancer care in the new hospital near by and, from the signs, they have cancer care in this building, too, so it’s possible he might be coming out for treatment and go visit my mother. We’re just assuming my sister is going to tell him where my mother is, and there’s no point in asking her not to tell him that. Not after she went ahead and did it anyhow, before, because my mother convinced her to. She simply doesn’t understand – or doesn’t want to believe – how potentially harmful to my mother that was.
*sigh*
That done, we found out which room my mother was in and headed over with the wheelchair and walker, while they printed out labels to put on them to show that these belonged to my mother.
It’s definitely a step down from where my mother was, in the hospital!
She went from a large, single person room, so a smaller room she shares with someone else. My mother’s bed is by the door, though, so we didn’t have to disturb the other person. She was quite happy to see us – and her own walker and wheelchair! The wheelchair she refused to even sit in, when I brought it over to her place, months ago. 😄
All in all, we had a good visit with her. She’s not really liking the TCU. Lots of noise, she says. Her room mate apparently was walking around all night, then sleeps through the day. Hopefully, my mother won’t be there for long, but every other person in this unit is waiting to be moved somewhere more permanent!
The staff there seem really nice, though, and were already telling me how sweet they found my mother to be. Nice to know she’s on good behaviour! She’ll have her moments, of course, but in a unit like this, that’s something they deal with – and worse – pretty regularly.
I did remind my mother that we are now the ones living the furthest from her, and we don’t go to this city very often, comparatively speaking, so we won’t be visiting as often. She mentioned that my sister lives nearby. I don’t know if that means she’ll visit more often, but we’ll see. Still, if the staff need anything from us, my brother is the first they would call, as PoA, I would be the second, as the one that’s been my mother’s advocate at her medical appointments for the past 7 years. If they can’t reach either of us, then they would call my sister. She asked about when my brother might visit, but he’s out of the country right now. He still manages to keep on top of everything, though!
[Edit: Something else I forgot to mention. I started to tell my mother about her missing clothing, and the hospital not being able to find them. She told me that someone actually delivered them to her, yesterday! It had to have happened after my sister was no longer there. When I was at the hospital this morning, they knew nothing about this!]
After our visit with her was done, we headed out – this time being able to go out the proper entrance and seeing where we can drive in to the right parking lot! The truck that was blocking the lane was gone, too, so that helped.
From there, we stopped at the Canadian Tire, then the Walmart, to do the shopping we would normally have done at the end of January, in the larger city. That will get its own separate post.
While we were at the Walmart, I started getting notifications from the garage security camera, and got to watch as Fed Ex delivered our chicken coop kit!
The shopping was really rough on both my daughter and I, as far as our pain levels went. The store is being renovated, and things we needed were moved to completely different areas we had to hunt for. When it came time to pay, we normally would have gone to the self check out, but they are now a 20 item limit, and we had well over 20 items. There were only two cash desks open.
Of course, we found ourselves at the one where a customer had some sort of issue, and the line just stopped while they waited for someone to come fix it. I ended up having to go over to the McDonalds across from the checkout, just so I could sit down!
The shopping done, we loaded the truck in bright sunshine and melting snow before heading home. We took the same route as before, because we wanted to stop to get gas at the same station we’d stopped at on the way out.
Driving right into a wall of fog!!!
It was heavy fog for most of the drive out, but by the time we reached town and our turn off to home, it was sunny again. Looking at the weather right now, we are still under a heavy fog advisory, with near zero visibility.
Once at home, we backed up to the house to unload the truck. Before moving it to the garage, though, I went to move the chicken coop boxes to the far end of the garage, well away from the door. We won’t be able to park the truck all the way in with them there, but it’s staying warm enough that that’s okay.
All the parts and pieces fit into two large boxes. You can see the design on the packages. The coop has nesting boxes, three at each end, with external doors that drop down for access. Above those doors are smaller doors that can be opened for ventilation, with more doors for ventilation in the front as well. The ramp to the nesting boxes is in the middle, and it has a full size door to access the interior.
I see on potential problem with the coop, though.
It has roosts under the nesting boxes, on either side of the ramp and door (not visible in the diagram). This means no clean up, since they’ll be pooping onto the ground below.
There are no roosts on the second level inside. Which means roosting chickens would be completely exposed to outside temperatures and wind, even though they are sheltered from above.
This is definitely not a coop made for Canadian weather!
One of the things we’re looking to build in the main garden area, though, is some sort of polytunnel type greenhouse. We could fit the entire coup inside for the winter, if necessary.
Until then, we might need to find ways to cover the wire mesh in the chicken run for the night or something like that. We’ll figure that out over the summer. We wouldn’t even be getting chicks until May.
After the boxes were moved, I went to park the truck, but there were cats, all over, under it. I went put kibble out, just to distract them away, but several kept going back under the truck. They were going on the tired, up into the undercarriage, and as soon as I got one out, another would replace it! I’ve never had so many cats so determined to get under the truck like that before!
The truck is still parked in the yard. Hopefully, when I do the morning feeding, they’ll be distracted enough that I can move it!
All in all, it made for quite a long day. Aside from my hips giving me grief, though, I’m feeling a lot better than I expected to. My poor daughter is toast, though. I won’t be surprised as all if she’s back to caning it all day, tomorrow. I’m thankful she was able to come along and help, though.
Next up, the stock up shopping post that should have been done two weeks ago!
Today, I was able to get to my mother’s apartment, then to visit her in the hospital.
I wasn’t sure how that was going to work out, after learning how things went with my brother, last night.
My brother, SIL and their grandson went to visit my mother after my brother had put in a long day at work, driving out in what turned out to be a snow storm. We got a fair bit of snow here, but the closer you get to the lake, the more humidity and the heavier the snow. When they got there, they tried the regular doors to get into the hospital, but they were locked. I don’t even try the regular doors and go through the emergency room doors, but my brother forgets to do that. In the end, they decided he and their grandson would go in, while my SIL stayed with the car. That way, when they were ready to leave, she would drive around to the emergency room doors to pick them up, so they wouldn’t have to walk around the hospital in the storm.
Well, my mother was in “fine” form when they got there. At first, she didn’t really recognize them – I’m sure they were pretty bundled up in winter wear, plus, she wasn’t expecting them. For some reason, she was expecting me, but my brother told her I was coming tomorrow (meaning, today).
Then she started complaining about how late it was (it was still early evening).
When they told her about the poor driving conditions, and that my SIL was waiting in the car, my mother took it as a personal insult, and that my SIL didn’t want to “see her face”. Which is weird, because my mother hates my SIL (while saying she loves her) and has been trying to break up their marriage for years.
Anyhow, when my brother commented on how she went straight to the negative, she doubled down and got worse, so they left.
It was white knuckled driving, all the way home.
Needless to say, I wasn’t really looking forward to my visit today.
Road conditions were… passable, but not very good. It wasn’t snowing anymore, but there was plenty of packed snow on the roads, and blowing snow was starting to create drifts. Still, I’ve driven in far worse.
I got to my mother’s apartment, where I found her mail pushed under her door – a neighbour has been bringing her mail to her door for years. My brother will be getting that redirected to his place, once we know what’s going on with my mother after she leaves the hospital. I made sure to leave the Lifeline pendant with the base, checked her answering machine, etc. There were a few items she asked me to bring, one of which I couldn’t find. Which I was actually okay with, since it was something she meant to use to “educate” the hospital staff about the “history of Canada” that she’d written down. She would be wildly inappropriate about it.
I also grabbed her one live plant to take home, as she asked me to do, then headed over to the hospital. Blowing snow was even worse on that part of the drive.
Once at the hospital, I was able to park at my usual parking lot not far from the emergency room entrance. A few spots down, I noticed and SUV that looked kinda like our vandal’s, but didn’t think too much of it. It’s not an uncommon vehicle or colour.
Once inside, I made a quick dash to use the washroom near the emergency room waiting area (the emergency room was closed) before going to my mother’s. As I was leaving, I saw someone in one of the waiting room chairs, looking away from me, slowly getting up and starting to walk down the hall towards the nursing station.
It was our vandal. He wife was a few feet ahead of him, down the hall.
Our vandal didn’t see me as I passed him, and it’s possible he would not have recognized me from behind, while bundled up in winter wear, but his wife turned and saw me as I passed her. She looked really angry, before she even saw me. I said hello, but she just asked if I was going to see my mother. I said yes, and kept on going. I heard her start talking to our vandal, but didn’t pay too much attention. I knew they wouldn’t go to see my mother while I was there.
My mother seemed surprised to see me, even though my brother had told her I would be coming today. I brought out the things she asked me to bring, then brought out the gift I’d made for her.
She had mentioned using the sleep hat I made for her, using Blanket Yarn, to warm her hands, so I got more Blanket Yarn to make her a double thick muff for her hands in solid grey, then used leftover yarn from her hat to do the edging.
When she saw it, she immediately start making snarky comments about how we keep bringing things for her. I told her, this was so she could keep her hands and her head warm at the same time. She did not approve, though she did make a comment about how, in her younger days, these were very popular, and she had one that was all furry.
She then commented on how this was the same yarn I used to make a “scarf”. I’ve never used this yarn to make a scarf, but it turned out she meant the wheelchair shawl I’d crocheted for her late sister. I told her that no, I used Bamboo Silk to make that shawl, but my mother insisted it was the same yarn.
Then she started happily talking about how, after her sister passed away and my cousin gave the shawl to my mother, my mother had washed it, then “drrrrrrrr drrrrrrr drrrrrrr”, she said, as she mimed undoing the crochet. She said she had such fun doing that! Then she told me she balled the yarn up and gave it to me, then told me again that she made sure to wash it, first, so it was clean. Like somehow that was the most important thing? Or, she thought her sister was really dirty while wearing it?
My tongue was practically bleeding from my trying not to say anything. My mother still can’t understand the problem with her destroying something I’d made as a gift for her sister. No more than she can understand how much she hurt my daughter when we discovered she’d done the same thing with a shawl my then-early-teenaged daughter had made for her, after carefully selecting the yarn and colour, paid for out of her own allowance, and lovingly spending weeks crocheting it.
She mentioned my brother had come to visit, and I said I knew about it. Oh, you talked to him? Yes. Yes I did. She brought up how my SIL stayed in the car rather than come in to see her. I told her, they drove out in a storm, after my brother finished work, and reminded her of why my SIL stayed in the car, and how is it that she couldn’t appreciate that they were able to visit at all? She never even mentioned her great grandson. He may as well not have been there. She brought up how it “wasn’t the first time” my SIL stayed in the car rather than visit my mother. I was biting my tongue on that one, too. When I defended my brother and SIL, she just started crossing herself and changed the subject.
I did mentioned to her about seeing our vandal and his wife on the way over, and that they were unlikely to come visit while I was there, but might come later. I also added that I wasn’t going to stay long, because the roads were bad, plus I had her plant in the truck. She scoffed and said “of course” when I said I couldn’t stay long because of road conditions. Then started talking about how “every time” we say we can’t stay long, she forgets all the things she meant to talk about while we were there. One of the things she asked me to bring was her notebook and writing implements, so I told her that she can now write these things down as she thinks of them, so she won’t forget next time.
We talked a bit about what to do with her things in her apartment. When I told her I couldn’t find her notes and didn’t want to dig through her papers (she has bins and boxes of papers everywhere, most of it junk) to look for it, she was perplexed. Apparently, it should have been in the open and easy to find. That got her to saying how my sister is to take all her papers and pictures, and her clothes. I suggested she could give my sister her key, so she could do that when she’s able, and we don’t have to try coordinating with each other’s schedules. Not until we know officially know what’s going to happen with my mother next, though. She did make a big deal – again – about how we shouldn’t throw anything away, and not to leave things in the common room because the staff throws it out. She is really fixated on that, even though we’ve told her, many times now, that we won’t be leaving anything of hers in the common room for her neighbours.
Then there was a knock at the door and a nurse came in to take her lunch tray. It was the male nurse again. My mother did thank him for taking her tray, but you could tell, she was not happy to see him. After he left, she snarked about “red pants”. My reaction was along the lines of “so??” “On a man!” was her response. Yes, Mom. Men are allowed to wear colours.
She started crossing herself again.
*sigh*
So the entire visit was… okay, but not really a good visit. We quickly ran out of things to talk about – it hasn’t been that long since I’ve visited her last. Then, for someone who complained because I said I couldn’t stay long, she basically said, okay, we’re done. You can leave now.
🙄
Which was fine by me.
My mother is very good at driving people away from her, and making them not want to be around her. She is also oblivious to the fact that her actions are having this effect. The irony of this is, as negative as she gets with my brother and I, if our vandal have visited, I know she would be fawning over him. It’s like, the more abusive she is, the more she tries to cater to him, while being absolutely horrible to my brother, the person who has been helping her the most and has never been anything but kind to her for decades.
*sigh*
As I was leaving, there was no signs of our vandal and his wife, and the vehicle I’m now sure was his was gone, so it looks like they headed home after seeing that I was going to visit my mother. If this was something they were meaning to do after a chemo session, then that makes sense.
So it looks like I sabotaged a visit from them.
Which, under the circumstances, is a good thing.
Before I left, I did remind my mother that, if they came in together, our vandal would probably behave while his wife is around, but if he came in alone, I told her that she can use the help button to call someone, so that she’s not alone with him. We just can’t know, from one day to the next, what he will do.
Unfortunately, I trust my mother about as much as I trust our vandal. Especially after she manipulated my sister and they both lied about it, in regards to our vandal.
*sigh*
Anyhow.
After visiting my mother, I swung by the grocery store to get some hot dog fixings to do a cookout. There were some really good sales on, though, so I ended up getting more. I even got some beef stew meat – something that we can rarely afford to buy, these days. That done, I picked up a bit of gas and headed home. Between the groceries and the plant from my mother’s place, I drove up to the house to unload.
Once I was parked in the garage, I had something to eat, changed, then headed back outside to break out Spewie to clear the driveway. We got just enough snow to make it harder to drive around the yard, and I almost got stuck at the end of the driveway by the road.
In the end, I was physically able to only clear the area in front of the garage and a bit towards the people gate in the chain link fence. Not quite all the way, as I was using only one 100′ extension cord and didn’t want to add another. It was getting too painful after a while, so I had to call it a day before I was done. Tomorrow, I’ll have to head back out and start adding extension cords and doing the rest of the driveway to the road.
Before I went into the house, though, I did shovel the sidewalk and the cat paths, at least, before feeding the outside cats for the evening. The current forecast is now saying highs of -2C/28F over the next two days, then a high of +2C/36F on Tuesday. I want to clear as much as I can over the next couple of days, so that the paths and driveway have a chance to melt at least somewhat clear.
Somewhere in there, we should be able to get the fire pit going again and have ourselves a wiener roast! I’m quite looking forward to that.
As for today, I think the one thing that I would consider my top accomplishment was the inadvertent sabotaging of our vandal visiting my other. It still irritates me that she got him involved again, when we’ve been trying so hard to protect her from him. In her case, there’s a lot of self sabotage. She is often her own worst enemy, and I just don’t know what we can do about it.
That first picture, we actually named her Fluffy. We got her to the vet and they wanted a name. It was all I could come up with, quickly! We got her in only because she willingly walked into a carrier. Once in a while, she lets us pet her.
The second picture is of another fluffer, but with more white on the chest. With how much they move around, that extra white is the primary way we can tell them apart. That one has taken to hanging out on the window shelf while I put the food out, and has been willing to let me do that, and even not running away while I pet other cats beside it. It has even sniffed my fingers a bit. I’ve managed to touch him (I’m going to guess “him”, only because – as far as I can tell – he didn’t get pregnant last year), but he takes off when I do.
These are both among the oldest kittens of this past year. A matched set of adorable fluffiness.
Now that I look at the picture, I can see why the one tends to have its eye looking half closed all the time. There seems to be an issue with the inner eyelid.
Now, on to the frustrating part.
My daughter and I went into town today. I brought a couple of things for my mother, so we were going to go there first, then go to the grocery store for our last shop of the year.
My mother had requested some of her Pepto, because what the hospital was giving her apparently wasn’t working. She wanted me to sneak it in to her and not tell them. Which I had no intention of doing, but I did bring a bottle from the stash I brought to our place, because my brother buying her to many made her angry instead of thankful. I also grabbed another of my mini tagine sauce bowls for my mother to use to count her pills. I’m glad I had a set of four of those, because two are already at my mother’s apartment!
Our first stop was at the nurse’s station. I showed them the Pepto and explained why my mother wanted it. They had to keep it so that a doctor could authorize it, and she made sure to label it with my mother’s name as we talked. I also showed her the tiny tagine and explained about my mother using it to count pills, because home care would sometimes drop a pill while getting them out of her bubble packs. Now that she’s putting them in her palm to count them, she doesn’t seem to be seeing them as well, and has miscounted. I just wanted them to know what it was there for.
My daughter and I then went on to visit my mother.
The first surprise was that her door was not quite shut. There’s a sign on her door to keep it closed at all times.
The second surprise was when we walked in and found she had a visitor.
Our vandal.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When he saw us walk in, he immediately began to say his good byes and left, not making eye contact with us at all. I did say Happy New Year as he went by, but he ignored it.
After he was gone and I gave my mother a hug hello, I asked if she knew how he found out she was in the hospital. She just threw her hands up and said, maybe my sister. I wasn’t sure about this, since my siblings and I had been talking about making sure not to tell anyone about my mother being in the hospital, so that word would not get to him.
Thankfully, he was on good behaviour, even though his wife was not there, but she had specifically told him not to come around anymore, after his last yelling session at her place, not that long ago. It didn’t stop him from leaving a really nasty letter more recently. We really hoped that she would be safe from him in the hospital. She tried to say he was being okay, but I pointed out to her that’s because she’s in a hospital, not at her apartment – but that this could change at any time.
Then I told brought out her little pill counting bowl, which she was happy with. I told her about bringing the Pepto and leaving it at the desk, which she got angry with. She had told me not to do that, because she intended to basically sneak taking it without the hospital staff knowing. I told her, she can’t do that. They need to know what she is taking, when and how. She complained that they took away her painkillers and I said, it’s the same thing. They can’t leave medications because patients might make mistakes. Oh, but she doesn’t have that problem, so they should let her keep her extra meds. I had to tell her, they can’t pick and choose who they can do this with and pointed out that she does forget things.
Then she got mad at me for another reason. I was wearing my work sweats, and I’ve got a tear in one pantleg. She spotted the hole and got angry. I shouldn’t wear clothes with holes in them because we live in the best country in the world.
…
???
Needless to say, we didn’t stay long. Her lunch was about to be delivered, anyhow.
As we left, I stopped at the nurse’s station again. I’d called about our vandal before, and I wanted to confirm with them who he was. I made sure they knew I understood there isn’t much they can do, but at least there was an awareness of a potential problem.
I had suggested that my daughter go on ahead to the truck while I talked to the, but she stayed with me. She was concerned that our vandal might be hanging out in the parking lot. I later found out that he’s getting his chemo at this hospital, so he’s going to be there regularly.
*sigh*
Also, for someone who is dying, he looked really good and pretty spry.
Thankfully, he wasn’t stalking us in the parking lot, but we also had to keep in mind that he might also be at the grocery store we were going to. Once we parked there, I sent a quick update to my siblings in our chat group about him being there before going in (we never saw him in the grocery store, either, thankfully).
While shopping, I got a response from my sister, saying that people from church had recognized my mother, so that’s probably how word got out. I made a short response saying that my mother thought my sister had told him, but was just guessing. My brother tried to phone me on my cell, but it was just too loud for us to talk. My daughter and I had our own shopping lists, so we took care of that, loaded up the truck, then headed home.
My phone started dinging while we were driving so, when we stopped along the way for my daughter to check the mail, I took a look.
This is where I’m going to be fighting a battle between being honest about things on this blog, while being careful not to say things I shouldn’t, even though this blog is anonymous.
Long story short, my sister did tell our vandal about my mother being in the hospital – at my mother’s request. They both tried to hide that from me and my brother.
The whole point of our group chat has been to communicate with each other because my mother likes to play us against each other, telling each of us different things about the same topics and the like. We also need to protect my mother, not just from people like our vandal, but from herself, if necessary. Yet, my sister still let my mother manipulate her, and … let’s just say, she didn’t see the problem with this. Even after I pointed out that she put my mother’s health and safety at risk, by going along with my mother’s self sabotaging demands.
My brother and SIL, meanwhile, were on their way to visit my mother as well. Once we had the chance, we talked on the phone while they made a stop along the way. As you can imagine, they were pretty alarmed by what my sister did, too, and that our vandal showed up. My sister added something else that is of concern, too. Our vandal’s wife works for the health care system, in some administrative capacity, and apparently said something about the waiting list for the nursing home my mother wants to get into. There have been other things that have come up that suggest that she’s been looking up private medical files and passing things on to our vandal, and that seems to have happened again in relation to my mother. This, of course, would be a PIPA violation.
Anyhow, once at home and settled in, I responded to my sister about what happened. I tried to be very careful in addressing the issue without making personal attacks. She responded with a personal attack.
*sigh*
Unfortunately, all this shows is that my sister cannot be trusted when it comes to caring for our mother, because she allows herself to be manipulated. That is involved our vandal took it from being a minor frustration to alarming, because it has literally put my mother’s safety at risk – and both she and my mother tried to keep it a secret from my brother and I, because they both knew we were against our vandal having access to my mother!
*arrrrggggghhhh*
When they were done their visit, my brother called to update me while they were driving home. They had an all right visit. My mother wouldn’t have said anything except the noticed and commented on a box of chocolates (my mother keeps saying, she doesn’t want sweets) and a Christmas card signed by our vandal and his wife. She then acted like she just remembered that, oh, right, our vandal had come to see her – but he behaved well!
*sigh*
They explained to her, why this is a problem and told her that, if he shows up again, to use the call button so someone will come over, and see that he’s there. That will make things a bit safer for her, at least.
My brother had tried to get some idea of what’s going to be happening with Mom. Everyone is saying we need to talk to someone else, and no one knows anything. One thing we do know now is, if my mother gets paneled to go straight to a nursing home from the hospital, rather than being discharged to home, they will start billing her for her time in the hospital. She would no longer be their patient, so the province won’t cover her costs anymore, so she’ll basically be charged for room and board.
Which means we’re going to have to do something about her apartment, so she’s not paying both at the same time. Yet, we can’t really start doing that until we officially know that she won’t be coming back to her apartment.
My mother has so. Much. Stuff. In that tiny apartment. This is not going to be easy. Most of it is papers she refuses to throw away, but there’s important stuff mixed in with stuff that she should have thrown away long ago. She has a habit of reusing envelopes from junk mail or solicitations for donations and sticking important things in them, all mixed up.
Well, it will need to be done, and that will mostly fall on me, since I’m the closest and my schedule is the most flexible. At least I’ll have a daughter or two, to help me!
I really wish we didn’t have to deal with this whole soap opera going on, and could just focus on taking care of my mother!
Ah, well. Such is life. As my dad used to say, you can laugh, or you can cry, and I’d rather laugh.
Ha! Colby looks so angry in that first picture. The second picture is a feral we can’t touch. S/he always seems to have one eye half closed, and it’s not always the same eye. We might have to call him/her Wink! 😁
The third picture is Hypotenose. He was really wanting attention today!
Last of all, we had Stinky, glowing in the sunlight, and the fluffy feral that looks like Fluffy, but has more white on the chest. This one is finally accepting the offer of food, up on that window shelf, and sometimes, I can sneak a touch.
In other things…
I’m happy to say, my left knee that I bashed last night is doing pretty good. There’s swelling and I can still see a mark, but it doesn’t hurt to the touch, like my right knee still does. That one is getting very colourful as it recovers.
I still can’t figure out how I managed to bash that left knee so hard into the door.
Meanwhile…
Last night, I got an automated notification from my mother’s Lifeline system. When their system reads there might be a technical issue with connectivity, it sends these with instructions to test it. My mother has the Lifeline pendant with her in the hospital. I’ll have to remember to grab that and return it to her apartment.
The notification came so late in the day that, when I called the 800# in the message, it went straight to an answering service that said to call back during office hours. So I called them up today. The call went straight to voice mail, so I let them know my mother was in the hospital and we don’t know when – or if – she is coming home, so to suspend her service for now.
I called the hospital to see how things were with her, and was able to talk to her nurse for today. He had just checked on her. We talked about her concerns with the pills she’s getting. He confirmed that she has been getting her eye vitamin for the past while, though it was a tablet version, not the almost black gel cap type pill she was used to. He told me she empties the pill cup into her palm and counts the pills every time, but sometimes miscounts. This morning, she counted 7 when there were 8, and he suggested she count again. She got the right number the second time. I explained about how, with home care, they would sometimes drop pills, so we had a special little bowl with a lid to put the pills into, that made it easy to count them. Her failing vision may be a contributing factor, too.
Still no information from any doctors on her condition, nor what the next stage will be.
I then got transferred to her room to talk to her, and she was very happy for the call. I told her some of what the nurse told me, and she requested her little bowl to put the pills into for counting. I don’t know when I’ll be at her place next, though, but she said there is no hurry.
She mentioned they took away her painkillers. These would have been her T3s from home. I suspect she may have been taking them, then forgetting she took them and took them again. She brought up again how, she’s taking all these pills, but she still feels this or that – things that are unrelated to what she is being medicated for. Then she asked me to bring her Pepto. It took some questioning, but it seems the hospital did have her some sort of substitute. White instead of pink, and more liquidy. Apparently, it isn’t helping, so she wants her Pepto – but don’t tell them about it! I told her, I can bring the Pepto (I have her spare bottles here at home), but she can’t be hiding things from the hospital staff. They need to know if she’s taking something.
We have plans to go into town tomorrow and pick up a few extras for New Year’s, so I can swing by to visit her as well.
Then she mentioned that her niece had visited her a few times.
This surprised me, because we’ve been making a point of not telling anyone my mother is in the hospital, so our vandal doesn’t find out. My cousin is still pretty close with him, as far as we know, so we weren’t going to tell her. I asked my mother who told her, and she thinks it was my sister, but didn’t know for sure.
After I finished talking to my mother, then updating my siblings, I called the nursing station back and explained the situation. There isn’t much they can do if our vandal shows up, but they are now at least aware of a potential problem. Hopefully, he’s too sick to visit my mother and try to guilt her into giving him money or something, and it’ll be a non-issue.
It really sucks that we have to even think about that sort of thing while my mother is in the hospital!
Well, it is what it is, and we’ll deal. The main thing is, there will now be a notice on her file and they are aware of a potential issue. If all goes well, he still knows nothing about my mother and everything will stay quiet.
The grey fluff ball in the first picture seems to be in the catio shelter a lot. Like it’s claimed the space, though the more feral adult cats also use it. Those ones run off when I come close. This one makes sure to be out of reach, but has figured out that it doesn’t need to leave the catio. I just reach in through the door to fill the food and water bowls.
The second picture is of Colby. This morning, I was actually able to give him pets and scritches that he happily accepted without trying to run away. It was while he was going for the food trays, but he stopped for the pets. When I did the evening feeding, he wouldn’t come close enough for me to touch him, but being able to give him such thorough pets this morning is a huge leap.
While refilling the water bowls, I suddenly started to smell something strange. Like … smoke? Not the wood smoke I sometimes smell, wafting in from neighbours that heat with wood. More acrid.
Of course, I was looking all over for a possible source, but could find nothing.
After I was done and ready to head inside, I paused to pet cats that were under one of the heat lamps. Havarti was one of them and, as I started to pet him, he arched his back into my hand, tail straight up and stiff…
Right up into the heat lamp’s shield.
Suddenly, there was smoke billowing out. I pushed his tail out and saw the singed fur. Just the fur. He never felt a thing. Some of that fur must have stuck to the ceramic heat bulb, because that kept smoking for a while!
Worse, he kept coming back for more pets, going right under the heat lamp with his tail up high like a flag.
So I’m guessing that’s what I was smelling. One of the cats must have stretched or something while under the heat lamp, and a tail brushed the bulb. This lamp doesn’t have a guard, like the bigger one does, but even the guard can’t stop something as skinny as a tail!
Today was my day to go to my mother’s, but I first made a stop at the post office. I’m happy to say that I did get my new credit card. The one they sent me in the middle of September – three months ago – to replace my expiring one still has not shown up, thanks to the postal strike. The strike is over but, at this point, I doubt it ever will come in. I’m glad I went with the option to have the original cancelled as “lost”, so they could expedite a new one.
I also picked up my new, 4th edition, of Back to Basics.
The second picture is of the table of contents. Sorry about the flash reflection, but it was the only way to get rid of the shadow of my arms holding my phone.
Tonight, I plan to get my old edition out to check out the differences between them.
After getting the mail, it was off to my mother’s. I timed it so I could pick up some fried chicken at the gas station. My mother’s building has group meals every now and then, that everyone contributes a few dollars towards, every month. The most recent one had meals brought in from one of the restaurants that specializes in fried chicken, but it’s very different from the franchise in this gas station. My mother was not impressed and commented on how much better the gas station’s chicken is. They also have potato wedges with the same coating as the chicken that she really likes. So I got some chicken and wedges for myself, then a second box of chicken and wedges for my mother. She had her Meals on Wheels today, so I figured she could have it for supper, or for lunch tomorrow, as a treat.
I got to my mother’s shortly after 11am. Her Meals on Wheels gets delivered at noon, so I used the time to get a few things done or at least started, including the one load of laundry she had left. One of the machines is broken, so my sister was able to do only one load while she was out, a few days ago, making sure to wash the things my mother needed right away. I even had time to change her bedding before her lunch arrived.
One request she had for me that was rather different.
She wanted me to mail her Christmas cards – but not in her town. She wanted me to take them to our post office, because she doesn’t trust the one in her town.
*sigh*
One of them was a card for our vandal. Which, she told me, had money in it. *sigh* She couldn’t remember his box number, but it’s at our post office, so the postmaster knows what it is. She wanted them to just stamp it with a postmark and stick it in his mail box. Another of the cards was to a relative that live in the town nearest us, and she wanted it to not go to the city first, but to go straight to that town.
My mother has no understanding of how the postal system works.
My mother’s Meals on Wheels is delivered by a volunteer from the senior’s centre, who also does all sorts of activities in her building, so my mother has gotten to know her pretty well. This woman also knows our vandal. When she delivered the meal, she paused to let my mother know that she’d run into him recently, and he’s looking really bad right now. She almost didn’t recognize him. She said they spoke, and he asked her to pass on his Christmas well wishes to my mother.
*sigh*
This did remind my mother to ask about the letter from our vandal that she’d delivered. She’s brought it along with the Meals on Wheels tray. This was almost 2 weeks ago, and she could not remember. It must have been left on my mother’s walker. He’d given her letters to give to my mother before, and she would have remembered that, but he hasn’t done that in a very long time.
We ended up telling her briefly some of the things he’s been doing. My mother said that, the last time he came to see her, he behaved so badly, she told him not to come back. I had pictures of the letter, with a date, so I was able to confirm exactly what day she had brought it, and she simply could not remember. I told her, very briefly, about what was in the letter, and how our vandal has been behaving towards us, including blaming me and my brother for causing his cancer. When I mentioned, I really don’t want to get another restraining order, she actually said, I might have to do that. She gets along with him, but is quite aware that there’s something wrong with him.
Her meal delivered, my mother and I had lunch together. We’d already worked on her shopping list and got that ready, so once we were done and I saw that it would be a while before her laundry could be switched to the dryer, I headed out to do her errands. After going to the pharmacy and grocery store – for someone who yelled at me a couple of days ago that she didn’t need groceries, today was actually a larger grocery list than usual! – it was back to my mother’s to finish things up. The big job was saved for last – mopping her floors. Which is when I discovered she doesn’t have any cleaners. She uses laundry detergent for her floors! When I asked her about it and she told me she used laundry detergent, she asked what I used. I told her, floor cleaner! Well. All purpose cleaner, but they make cleaners special for floors. Which I find weird because, growing up, I know full well she used other kinds of cleaners, but she acted as if she’d never heard of floor cleaner before!
Finishing the mopping was perfect timing. I went to check the laundry, just in time to hear the dryer give its finishing buzz. That was the last thing left to do. I got her laundry folded and was putting it all away, as well as putting away other things that were done with and generally just finishing up.
My mother took that as me getting ready to leave, because she started accusing me, “You said you had all day for me today. You said you’d give me all day.”
Which had me looking at the clock and saying, It’s almost 2:30. I’ve been here a long time. Oh, but you said all day…
…
After several hours of constant activity, I was certainly ready to sit down for a bit, but I did remind her that she wanted me to mail things are our post office, so I had to leave before they closed. She at least acknowledged that!
Once I sat down, though, she suddenly starting getting in on what a bad parent I am because I “hide the girls” and “do everything for them.” You see, earlier, she wanted me to take home a magazine the social workers give her. A magazine we don’t read. She was basically wanting to give us her garbage. I told her, we don’t read that kind of magazine. She suggested the girls might like it. I just laughed and said no, they don’t read that kind of magazine, either (it was one of those check out display women’s magazines). She started telling me not to speak for them, to which I asked, are they here? No? I know them. I know what they like.
Anyhow, because she doesn’t see them (she doesn’t understand that she has driven them away by her own actions, and they dread being around her), she just makes up reasons for it, and all those reasons involve me being a terrible person. Oh, and if I got the girls to do more of the cooking and cleaning at home (which is what they do the most of, already), that would give me more time to be with her.
…
I told her, they do most of the inside stuff, I do most of the outside stuff.
You don’t have cows. What do you have to do? Shovel snow?
…
On it went.
I had barely sat down when she started on this. I’d hoped to get a bit of a rest before leaving, but that was it. I got up and started getting my coat on.
She did change her tune, sort of, and we did part on a more positive note, at least, but it blew me away how quickly she went from being okay, to attack mode. She really does seem to hate me. Or at least hold me in contempt. Until she needs me for something, of course. *sigh* Ah, well. Nothing we can do about that.
On another note, my mother is not doing well. It took some questioning (and it turned out she was telling the home care coordinator different things than she was telling me, which I found out when checking my email while doing her shopping), but eventually my mother said that she felt like she did before she went to the hospital. Which was for pulmonary edema. Given her shortness of breath and swollen legs, that makes sense.
Now, since we’ve moved out here, my mother has gotten us (including my brother) to take her to the ER for all sorts of things, several times, for far less problems, She would end up in the ER, with one of us with her, for over 10 hours, each time, would get sent home and then be angry that they didn’t find anything wrong with her. The one time she actually ended up in the hospital, it was after one of her church neighbours had taken her to the local clinic to see a Nurse Practitioner – an actual appointment – and they ended up sending her to the ER in the town closest to us by ambulance. Now that it looks like she actually should go to the hospital, and we’re encouraging her to use her Life Line, so they can get an ambulance for her (the most efficient and safest way to transport her), she suddenly doesn’t want to. She did acknowledge that she probably should go to the hospital, but she says she doesn’t want to leave her home.
…
This from the person who’s been fighting to get into a nursing home for about 2 years now.
We can’t force her to do it, though. She has to make that decision herself. Part of the problem is, she thinks if she’s gone for any length of time, people will steal her stuff. The other part of the problem is, my mother doesn’t like to make decisions for herself. She wants other people to make decisions for her, so she can then blame them if things don’t go the way she wants. This is a life long pattern.
So that was the state of things when I left. As promised, on the way home, I stopped at our post office to mail her cards.
When I got there, I saw someone at the post office, picking up packages. This is someone I grew up with, like one of my own brothers. Actually, at one point, I decided I was going to marry him. I think I was about 8 years old at the time. 😄 He’s one of the few people still managing to be friends with our vandal, and the last time I saw him in person was at the de-consecration service for our hamlet’s church that someone tried to burn down and cannot be salvaged. When he drove in and parked, just behind our vandal and his wife, I’d gone over to talk to him. I’d recently sent him a message about something our vandal had said/done, but hadn’t gotten a response. When I got to him, he actually started yelling at me, and was really angry about what I’d said about our vandal, and that I should “just stop”. Stop what, I had no idea. During the service, our vandal can actually been okay around me and we even spoke briefly. I had some hope, until he sent another really vile voice mail message to my brother, that same evening. I ended up sending a copy of that message, plus another one, to this friend, with a message that included saying I had no idea what I was doing that he thought I should stop; I hadn’t had contact with our vandal in ages. After getting that message, I got a brief response. He was clearly shocked by the messages, and said he needed to do some thinking.
That’s the last time I had any real contact with him, other than waving at each other as we pass each other on the gravel roads.
Seeing him at the post office, collecting his packages, I went to hold the door open for him. When he came around and saw me, I joked that I figured he would have his hands full!
He absolutely lit up when he saw me. As he came over, still holding his packages, he managed to give me a great big, warm hug. We exchanged Christmas and New Year’s wishes before he left. It felt so good! With our vandal seeming to have turned so many of our neighbours against us, this really just made my day. We will probably never be able to repair the relationship I had with our vandal again, but at least this dear friend is still a dear friend!
From there, I went to take care of my mother’s mail. I explained about the one for our vandal, and that my mother didn’t remember his box number. It was a new postal employee, though, and she said she didn’t know any of that stuff yet, but she promised to set the cards aside for the postmaster (who grew up here and knows pretty much everyone) to take care of. That one card might actually go straight to the postal box there, but the other two will have to go through the usual routine!
Then, since I was there anyhow, I picked up a few things. While waiting my turn for the post office, I was standing next to one of the booze displays (that corner is the “liquor store” part of this old fashioned general store). I spotted a chocolate whiskey that looked very interesting – and it was a very reasonable price – so I picked up a bottle. My daughters and I will have to taste test it, later!
By the time I got home, it was time to do my evening routine, including tending the outside cats, before it got dark. Then I made sure to update my family in our group chat about my mother, then update and respond to the home care coordinator’s email. That no show on my mother’s bed time meds on Friday, after I’d given the okay for the male home care worker to do the med assist, even though he couldn’t to any personal assist, got a strange answer. According to her, there was no med assist scheduled for that night, with a note that this was confirmed with me by phone. Which is the opposite of what happened!
Something went very wrong, there!
Thankfully, my daughters had a supper ready and waiting for me when I got home (which, according to my mother, they never do!), so I could take care of all this stuff right away.
Tomorrow, I’m going to be out most of the day again. The current forecast says we’re going to get a high of 2C/36F, so it’s going to be laundry day (since we’re still running the washer’s drainage hose out the window in our new front door). While that is being take care of, I’ll be doing a dump run, possibly with one of my daughters, then going to town for errands of our own. While I was gone today, we got a call from the pharmacy confirming we have stuff ready for pick up – that would be my request to have 3 months worth or refills done, instead of just 1 month, for myself and my daughter. My husband had something scheduled to be delivered, but since I’ll be in town anyhow, I’ll be able to pick it up – and I can give the pharmacy my new credit card number for their files, to use to pay for any future prescription deliveries.
Warm as tomorrow is supposed to be, the winds are supposed to pick up even more – and keep picking up more over the next few days.
Thankfully, the gas prices went down again and I was able to fill my tank before leaving my mother’s town, at $1.109/L.
Just a bit more running around between now and Christmas. I really try to avoid shopping this time of year, but there will be one more city trip between now and then.
Okay, I’m back from getting our parcels at the post office. I meant to actually stay in the store and see if there was anything I wanted to pick up but, instead, I was rushing home.
I’d left the gate open, you see, and was no longer sure that was a good idea.
Our main driveway is just 300 feet or so from an intersection at a main gravel road. Both roads – the main one, and the one past our driveway – have a surprising amount of traffic. Having been looking at trail cam and security files since 2018, thanks to our vandal, I’ve gotten to recognize regular vehicles that go by, even if I don’t know who is driving them.
So as I pulled through our gate, I didn’t think anything of the little black car that I saw go past the intersection. It looked like one of several non-descript little black cars I see going by regularly.
With the inside handle of my truck door broken off, and a post office trip being so short, I decided not to close the gate behind me and just head out.
Then I got to the stop sign at the intersection.
About 200 yards down the main road was the little black car, pulled over on the wrong side of the road – the side closer to our place, and the main garden area.
The passenger side door was open and there was a man standing there, facing my way. Just standing, staring in my direction.
Because of the distance, I can’t say with 100% certainty that it was our vandal, but I would say I have about 95% certainty. Partly because, who else would it be? We don’t have any other stalkers. Plus, from the stance, and general body shape that I could see, it did look very much like him. He has a very… distinctive… frame.
I turned towards the highway and kept checking my rear view mirror. The guy stood there, still staring my way, for quite some time before another glance showed me the passenger side door was closed. By then, there was too much snow kicking up to see whether the car kept going in the same direction, or if it turned around. After a while, I pulled over and messaged the family to keep an eye out.
When I got back, I was checking the snow to see if there were any other tracks besides my own in our driveway. Thankfully, nothing.
But it does tell me that even a quick trip into town means we have to keep the gate closed behind us. I’ve already found that leaving the gate open for deliveries has had our vandal driving past, stopping, backing up, then sitting on the road, rubbernecking down our driveway.
Very frustrating.
I did get our parcels, however, and that was much more cheerful.
First up, my new acquisition for our resource library.
I was so excited to see a 1kg/2.2lb bag of lysine! I’ve got pumpkin seeds to grind into powder, so I’ll be mixing the two together in a jar to add to the kibble as a supplement for the outside cats. For the inside cats, we can add it to their cat soup.
The freeze dried chicken is quite a treat. Something that might help us lure some more feral kittens into discovering that getting pets and attention from humans is a good thing!
There’s a box of ground staples of much better quality than the dollar store version of those. I’ve learned, you just can’t have too many ground staples! There’s a package of irrigation stakes; they’re threaded at the top for a water bottle to slowly water plants. Those will come in handy in areas too closely planted to do my usual 4L water jug version. I love the tiny terracotta pots, but that little bunny pot is just too cute for words! There’s some cotton cordage that will be handy in the garden, too.
The LED lantern is really nice. Something I’ve been eyeballing for a while, but couldn’t justify getting with whatever budget I had at the time. This would be great for the emergency kit in the truck, as it also has flashing red lights and a flashlight at the top. It’s not going into the truck now, though, as the batteries would just freeze.
That travel blanket, however, is another story, and will definitely be added to our truck’s emergency kit.
Under everything are four insulated shopping bags, with the suggestion of putting straw in them as something the cats could use as beds. I would never have thought of that! Worth a try, I’d say.
What a fantastic gift! I appreciate that some of these were passed on from other former neighbours. I will be reminded of them as I use the items.
Of course, going through all these left me with an empty box.
The Re-Farmer 