My brother and I visited with my mother today, at her request. We were there for almost three hours, with my brother ordering and picking up a lunch for us.
I’m not even going to get into it much, but she was all over the place. From getting mad at my brother, instead of grateful, because he picked up enough Pepto (which she says helps her so much) that she won’t run out again for probably a year (she actually said that she might sell some of them, before my brother even finished taking them out of the bag!), to talking about our vandal like he was some kind of saint for “helping” my dad so much before my dad went into the nursing home (he was actually pretty abusive to my dad, and his abusive behaviour towards my mother is why she moved off the farm in the first place), and so on.
When she started on how wonderful our vandal is, I figured that was a good time for me to take out her garbage. I just had to get out of there. A part of me understands that here’s some sort of guilt association on her part towards him. Considering how she treats those who are actually kind and helpful to her, and how she treats someone who was abusive towards her in between “helping” (because he thought he would get this property for it), really doesn’t sit well with me. Truthfully, though, theirs was a mutually abusive relationship.
We never got around to talking about her car at all, nor about her possibly helping us with the cost of replacing the door and frame, but she did bring up some “grand” ideas that would have completely messed up her own finances, which my brother, thankfully for her, has been keeping in order for her.
At least she was grateful, sort of, I think, for the cordless kettle my brother got for her. I had no idea she was worried about using her stove top kettle. Now she has a kettle that will shut itself off. We made sure to get it set up and tested out for her, and made sure she knew how to use it.
By the time we left, I was honestly feeling the most depressed and psychologically exhausted I have in ages – and this was a “good” visit!
I’ve moved that blue tray into the portable greenhouse so it wouldn’t get rained on. A lot of the kittens like to hang out in there, so it didn’t take long for them to find it!
The size difference between these two was just too adorable. They look like they could be father and offspring! That’s Stinky, though, and he’s neutered, so they’re probably half-siblings, instead.
This evening, I did take recordings for the September garden tour video. I started and restarted several times before I could get into it, just because my head space was still messed up from the visit with my mother. I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much today, but I’ve been finding myself on the verge of tears repeatedly, since I left her place.
On another topic, Eyelet has settled in quite well at the foster’s. Meanwhile, I’m going to be meeting up with the woman who started the new rescue tomorrow afternoon. She has some cat food donations for us! That is so very appreciated. Plus, I’ll finally get to meet her in person!
For now, I should start editing the garden tour video. Hopefully, that will help my mood, somewhat. 🫤
My tolerance for heat as I get older is really, really dropping. Today was even cooler than yesterday, but I’m still feeling it!
We hit 26C/79F by this afternoon, and the temperature just does not want to drop. We are currently under weather advisories for possible funnel cloud development that specifically includes our municipality.
I don’t expect any in our area.
Last night, I did have an lovely visit with my brother and SIL. As I was walking over to their trailer, I discovered I was being watched.
Two of the possibly four feral kittens in the outer yard. Just look as those adorable little mouths!
Hopefully, they will get used to coming into the safety and security of the inner yard, and we can start socializing them.
I got to bed late. That nap did mess up my sleep cycle, but it was not the only thing. I did finally put together my June garden tour video, using clips I recorded on the 21st. I was so tired, though, I left it and will go over it again before I upload it.
With the heat, I’ve got a couple of fans going, including one aimed to blow air into the hallway from across the room. Which meant keeping my door open for the night.
Poor Butterscotch. At one point, I was sitting at the edge of my bed, spray bottle in hand, watching over her while she ate. For some reason, we have a couple of cats that will basically go after her, on sight. I just don’t get it.
In the end, it was more like I got a couple of short naps during the night. I was up early, though it was so bright out, it felt late. I was able to get all the garden beds watered, along with the trees we’ve planted, both in the future food forest and the outer yard.
I am so glad I pruned away those ornamental crab apple branches in the old kitchen garden, yesterday. My little herb bed was actually getting sunlight this morning!
Once the watering was done, I was going to lie down for about an hour and a half, then head into town in the afternoon. The tightener on the new clothes line started to slip while my daughter was hanging laundry on it. I wanted to go to a hardware store and pick up a metal one.
Well, that didn’t work out.
First was the realization that I forgot to eat breakfast. I clued in when I started feeling nauseous and dizzy, while lying down. So I made a couple of quick sandwiches, then tried to lie down again. Which is when the messages and notifications started coming in like crazy. I finally gave up and got up.
Not that I’m complaining. Some of those messages were from my SIL. My mother has been calling and leaving messages with my brother about something important she wanted to talk to him about, but any time he tried to call back, it was telephone tag. So he was going to take her out for lunch, thinking she would probably go to church, which is just across the street from her building. They were wondering if I wanted to come along, too. My SIL will no longer go there, after my mother declared she was just my brother’s wife, not family. My SIL has been nothing but kind to my mother, has defended her and stood up for her, without making excuses for her behaviour, many times. Yet my mother repaid her kindness with verbal abuse. It took many, many years, but my mother finally managed to drive her way. My SIL still defends my mother and stands up for her, when things call for it, but will no longer go there unless absolutely necessary – and only if someone else, like me, is there.
Knowing how my mother treats my brother, and that she behaves better when I’m there, too, I quite happily said I would come along. I remembered that I wanted to go to the hardware store, too, and my brother was willing to stop at the one in my mother’s town. It wasn’t until we were driving in that I remembered they close on Sundays.
Also, according to their car’s Siri, my mother’s town does not exist, and there are no hardware stores there at all.
???
My brother called Mom just before we got there. My mother had not made it to church, and someone had just finished coming over to give her Communion. So our timing was good.
Once there, my brother wanted us to go to the restaurant right away, but my mother kept stalling. The very important thing she wanted to talk to my brother about was an article she read in Women’s magazine, that the social workers leave copies of with her. The article was about US money, 401Ks, and banking, and about people finding lost bank accounts with money in them. She then dug out a letter that was sent to her back in 1971.
Yes, more than 50 years ago.
It was from a bank.
It seems that when her father died, her mother put some money in the bank for my mother. An inheritance of some kind. My mother didn’t understand the letter or know what to do about it, with her limited English of the time period. So she kept the letter, but never responded. The article reminded her of it.
She has no idea how much was deposited in the account. However, this is Canada. What probably happened is that they kept charging fees on the account before shutting it down as inactive. Or, if it’s still open, she probably owes them money, instead.
Neither of us bothered to try and explain any of that to her. She could not have understood, and it would have just made her upset. However, I recently had a conversation with her, trying to explain compound interest. She’s had a GIC for decades and every year, she would remove the interest earned to put into her regular bank account, so the amount never changed. I’d used a compound interest calculator with hypothetical amounts in it and, using 70 years (the minimum I’m sure of that she’s had such a saving’s account) and only 1% interest. The end result was over $23 million.
So then she read this article and now might be thinking something like this has happened. Which is highly unlikely.
My brother, having PoA, promised to look it up for her. Which is going to be a real pain. It has taken him months to prove he has PoA to various institutions. Plus, in the letter, my mother’s surname is spelled wrong.
Even bringing up the spelling mistake on her name, which my mother never noticed, was more than my mother could grasp as a potential problem. For all we know, that bank doesn’t even have a branch in that northern city anymore.
It was really difficult and confusing to get to the point of what my mother wanted. She kept trying to explain things and going off in different directions. Finally, my brother insisted we start heading out, because he was hungry.
My mother actually tried to get out of it, because of how hard it is for her to move. She had both of us to help her, though, so we did manage to get her to my brother’s car and off to her favourite chicken restaurant.
Before we even got there, she let us know she wanted pizza, not chicken. This place does have good pizza! My brother was surprised, though, as he always gets her chicken. She’s only ever ordered pizza when she’s gone out with me.
When ordering, my brother suggested she get a larger pizza, so she could take some home for later, which she was good with. My brother and I ordered chicken dinners and I ordered fries with mine. I’m not a big fan of fries, by my mother likes them, so I just ate a few and left the rest for my mother.
My mother turned out to be very, very hungry! For all her complaining and not wanting to go out, she very happily scarfed down half her pizza – and was more than happy to accept my fries to take home, too! So she will have supper tonight, at the very least, without having to do any cooking.
The conversation got strange at times. She asked us what we planned to do for Canada Day. It’s on a Tuesday this year. Neither of us have plans, and my mother started to complain about how there isn’t much happening and no one cares anymore. Basically, if she wasn’t aware of planned celebrations, they aren’t happening, and she was making up motivations for it. My brother pointed out that the town closer to us is having fireworks over the lake. They always do it over the lake, so there’s no chance of starting any forest fires.
Well, that got my mother going. She started blaming all the fires on “those people”, then started going on about how, in Europe, they take care of their forests and preserve their forests, and Canada is better than Europe, has more resources, so we could do better. She actually said that, if people weren’t out there setting fires, there would be no forest fires at all.
I finally brought up a map of Canada’s Boreal forest to show her, trying to give her a visual about how the forests in Europe are absolutely tiny compared to Canada – I think our boreal forest itself is bigger than all of Europe. Plus, they have a lot more people, closer together. They can do forest management that is impossible here in Canada.
She was too busy being impressed that I could use my phone to show her a map of the boreal forest in Canada, to get the point I was trying to make.
We managed to change the subject when she started to throw increasingly racist comments, only vaguely connected to the topic at hand.
In general, though, it all went rather well, and she really enjoyed her meal.
Once we got her home, my brother wanted to leave fairly quickly, as he still had things he wanted to get done around their trailer before they have to go back to the city. We did not mention that they were out here, as that would have triggered all sorts of conspiratorial type assumptions on her part. She did start to talk about the farm and get really agitated, asking my brother to promise to never sell the farm after she’s gone. Something she’s asked – demanded – of him, many times. She started going on about how she and my dad had worked so hard there and built it up and she didn’t want all that work to be “wasted” by being sold. My brother tried to point out to her what was already there when they bought the property. They even got a small herd of cows and a couple of horses included, though my dad modernized to using tractors instead of horses. My mother was all excited about all that, not understanding the point my brother tried to make. It was not just our family that built up this farm. It was another family, that sold it into ours. Even then, when my dad’s uncle owned it, it was really his wife that ran things, as she was part of the family that owned it before. Basically, what she’s doing is like the previous family that owned it, trying to tell my parents what they could or couldn’t do with the land.
At one point, we tried to remind her that the reason my brother has the property now is because of the trouble our vandal was causing. She actually tried to say, he’s got nothing to do with it. I happened to be facing my brother to see his jaw drop and his eyes practically pop out of his heat. Our vandal had everything to do with it! I tried to rephrase it so she could understand what we were trying to say – we were literally agreeing with her on most points – when she said, he (or vandal) didn’t own it, she did (at the time), so he was not part of it.
The irony of her saying that was completely lost on her. She doesn’t own it anymore, either, but still wants control. My poor brother is now saddled with this money pit, and she thinks she’s “given” him something that is worth soooooo much. There was no way to explain things to her, and she was getting really worked up, so we had to calm her down before we could say our good-byes. My mother keeps saying, she isn’t going to be with us much longer (I swear, she’s going to outlive us all!) and is obsessed with what’s going to happen with her possessions when she’s gone, and with the farm.
I am really glad I went along. My brother is a much better person than I am, and she can still hurt him. Badly. Which she does often. I can be a sort of buffer for him, and a sounding board for later, when he needs to vent.
By the time we got back to the farm, it was the hottest part of the day and staying there. I was falling asleep on my feet, so I finally had a chance to lie down for a bit, setting my timer for half an hour.
Then adding another half hour.
I finally managed to de-cat myself and get up – Fenrir did NOT want to get off my hip! – but I’ve been barely functional, since. I ended up getting the girls to do the outside cat feeding. When it cools down a bit, I will head outside to do the rest of the evening rounds. I still extremely sleepy – I’ve dozed off while writing this, several times now! I hope to actually get sleep tonight. Tomorrow, we’re finally going to do our Costco shopping! It’s the day before Canada Day, so it’s going to be insane, but maybe not so bad, if I leave early enough.
This heat is sucking the energy right out of me, and it’s not even that hot out (relatively speaking).
I did at least get quite a bit accomplished today!
The main thing was to get our new plants into the ground. I did my rounds, as usual, then took the time to dig holes for the haskap, while waiting for the post office to open.
The old rain barrel was so empty, I barely had water to scoop with the buck to put into the new holes. Before refilling it, I decided to move it closer to the gooseberry and apple tree. That way, if it was going to leak, it could water them at the same time! I left the hose to fill the barrel while getting other things done, the water off before digging the holes. That didn’t take very long, even with the roots and rocks, since the holes didn’t need to be particularly deep. You can see by the water line in the barrel that a third of the water was gone by the time I was done!
Once the post office was open, I went and got our parcel. I’d brought the bucket with the remains of the brick of coconut coir that was reconstituted. The haskap plugs in particular were getting dried out, so after I’d added some of the soaked coir to the ground soil in the wheelbarrow, I added more water, then tucked in the transplants. That way, any soil kept with the roots wouldn’t get washed away.
We’d buried our Freya pretty deep, then added rocks on top to make sure no critters dug her up. The remaining top soil was left in the wheelbarrow, and I added the last of a bag of indoor-outdoor potting soil my brother gave us, along with the coir, and mixed it together. Then the plum tree was planted.
I used the rocks to create a ring around the “moat” I made around the plum tree. This area gets pretty dry, so I created a trench for water to flow into, then slowly get absorbed around the roots, while making sure the soil around the base of the stem didn’t get washed away. I used grass clippings to mulch on top of the trench, and returned the tomato cage to deter the deer from nibbling on it. Last of all, I returned some of my daughters flowers for Freya, and added some fresh dandelion flowers as well.
For the haskap, I returned the sod to the holes, root side up, to partially refill the holes, then added the rest of the soil mix in the wheelbarrow. The haskap plugs were pretty small, so I had to be careful not to accidentally bury them too deep! As with the plum, I made a moat around them and filled them with water before mulching with grass clippings. I also “stole” a couple of wire tomato cages from the raspberries nearby that didn’t survive. I’ll have to come back later with a rake to clean up properly around the transplants, but other than that, they are done! Yay!
Today I also had a trip to Walmart planned, so I made sure to NOT take my prescription painkillers, since they have a possible side effect of drowsiness. Not that I’ve notice anything changed on that. With or without them, there are times when I feel like I’m ready to fall asleep. If it’s at my keyboard, that’s not a big deal, but it is if I’m driving!
After I was done with the planting, I ended up asking my daughter if she could drive me today. This turned out to be a good thing. My daughters recently ordered an air conditioner for their upstairs “apartment”, which was to be picked up at a Home Depot in the city. She checked, and it was ready for pick up today. There’s a Walmart right next to the Home Depot location it was at, so it was a a trip to the bigger city, instead of the smaller, closer one, today.
When we got there, we stopped for a late lunch, first, then my daughter went to get the AC unit while I went looking at pre-hung exterior doors, since we need to replace the entire frame. That means no more storm door. Looking at the options, there is an exterior door that has a window that can be opened in it that would be idea. I didn’t have the measurements of our doorway, but we’re looking at what would be over $800, after taxes. Doors with no windows, or just some window in the top, where cheaper, of course, but we’re still looking at at least $600. They don’t do installations outside the city, so we’d have to find someone locally to install it for us, and the company my brother used that installed the new windows before we moved in seems to have gone out of business during the illegal lockdowns.
At least we have a ball-park figure for the door. Now we have to come up with the money, and get it installed before winter!
The AC unit my daughters got is the portable type, meant to fit into a window. The windows we have don’t work for that, so they’ll have to board up much of the window space. After picking up the unit, my daughter then went to the lumber section and found the supplies they needed.
The next thing we had to do was secure things in the box of the truck, since we no longer have a cover on it. Thankfully, we keep ratchet straps in the truck at all times now, and my daughter was able to climb into the box and get it secured.
That done, we headed for the Walmart. My daughter stayed with the truck, to make sure no one walked away with the AC unit (another reason we miss that box cover!). I picked up what was needed, but none of it came out of our household budget, so I didn’t bother with my usual shopping cart picture. I did get several more large bags of kibble, plus a case of canned cat food. These were heavy enough that we loaded them around the AC unit, so there was no chance of anything sliding around!
By the time we were done and heading out of the city, it was just past 4pm, when my cell phone rang. I am so unused to my cell phone being used as a phone, we were both confused by what the noise was!
It turned out to be home care.
No one was going to be available for my mother’s suppertime med assist.
Which would have been done shortly after 5pm, so that actually worked out perfectly. We would go to my mother’s down on the way home, and I’d run in to do get her meds out of the lock box and set up for her. I wouldn’t be able to stay long, though, as we had frozen stuff. They were in an insulated bag, but we didn’t bring any ice packs, so we had to get them home quickly.
I didn’t bother calling my mother to let me know we were on the way; a call with my mother while driving is not a good thing, even on hands free! She would be angry about home care not coming, and my having to cover for them, and I just couldn’t have that conversation while driving.
When I got to my mother’s place and went through the lobby to her apartment, I hear someone call to me.
It was my mother!
I never even saw her! She’s so small, she just disappeared into the chair she was in. 😄
I told her about the call I got from home care, and that I was there to get her supper medications for her. My mother, meanwhile, thought I was there because she’d called our place and left a message! My husband must have been asleep when she called, because he didn’t message me to let me know there was a call, like he usually does.
So I had no idea about her call but, she told me, she has her list…
She was wanting to arrange a grocery shopping trip.
Normally, I would have been able to come back tomorrow, but I’ve got the appointment for the insurance inspection of the truck. Once we got her back to her apartment, I told her about this. She actually seemed happy to hear that the insurance company could cover replacing the box cover and do repairs. We’ll see how it actually works out, after the inspection, though.
I got my mother’s meds out – she wanted me to take some of the pills that were lift in other bubble packs due to things getting messed up, but I didn’t even check to see what days and times they were for; I was just checking to see if my mother needed new bubble packs for her, which she doesn’t. She still got so very angry that I wouldn’t use the other pills, and started commenting on how stupid home care is for sticking to the exact days and times for the pills…
…
I just focused on recording my taking care of her pills in a notebook for the next home care person to see. It was still a bit early for her to take them, so they were just in the tiny tagine bowl I gave her to hold her meds and count them out.
Once everything was done and the lock box put away, and I was getting ready to leave, there was a knock at the door.
It was the home care aid.
We were both rather confused.
It turns out that someone had been added to her schedule and, for some reason, the scheduler started calling to cancel her other visits. When she found out this was being done, she told the scheduler to stop because it wasn’t needed – and especially wasn’t something that could be cancelled for a person with a lock box! But they did at least call me and, since we were on our way home from the city, there was no extra trip to do it. The home care aid was very frustrated that they’d called me at all. Obviously, she was still able to do the med assist!
This same person would be coming back for the before bed med assist, too.
I had to rush off, but the home care aid, on seeing I’d already done the med assist, left at the same time.
Normally, they would stay to make sure my mother actually took her pills.
Now that I’ve written this, I find myself hoping she actually did take them once she had food to take them with! I’m sure she did, but with my mother, you never quite know!
From there, we finally headed home and got the truck unloaded. I’m really glad my daughter was able to come along. I was feeling well enough to drive home, and just having someone there to talk to seems to have been enough to keep me from getting sleepy. I’ll have to bring my daughter along for trips to the city more often!
By then it was late enough that, once everything was put away, the outside cat feeding and evening rounds needed to be done. Some kittens needed eye washing, too. There was one we couldn’t catch, though.
Once that was done, I got a few more things done outside. My daughter and I went to check on the new trees, and we ended up moving the rain barrel to the opposite side of where I’d set it this morning. Then I refilled it, while watering everything but the silver buffaloberry (there are just too many of those, and they are looking really great). I didn’t fill it all the way to the top, but got the barrel at least 3/4 full before I switched the hose so I could water the garden beds.
In the old kitchen garden, I removed the plastic on the raised bed cover, then re-covered it with mosquito netting. I’m really, really hoping to be able to keep the flea beetles out and finally get some kohl rabi! Plus, it can be watered through the netting, without having to move the cover off.
That done, I made some recordings for a garden tour video. I’ve gone through them, but I don’t know that I’ll use them, or if I’ll make new recordings tomorrow. The ones I took aren’t bad, but they just don’t seem good, either – but that could be because by the time I watched them, I was just too tired!
It’s been a longer day than planned on, and I am more than ready to hit the hay! Hopefully, I’ll even get a decent night’s sleep. Between the cats and the arthritis pain, even with painkillers, my sleep is frequently interrupted.
One of the things I picked up today is the same stuff my mother uses on her knees, and now on her lower back, and she finds it makes a huge difference. I’ve used up my tube of Tei Fu lotion and, while that stuff helps, it isn’t a topical painkiller, like this other stuff is. (Voltaran, I think it’s called) I’ve actually had prescription topical painkillers before and found they didn’t make much difference. It would be rather funny is this stuff works better than the prescription stuff!
I’m not holding out much hope that it’ll work, but it’s worth a try!
I had a long day taking my mother to her specialist appointment in the city yesterday, and now another long day with her today. I did have time to do some of my morning rounds, though, and was able to gather a good sized harvest!
In the giant colander, there are a good number of Chocolate Cherry tomatoes from by the chain link fence. I also picked a few green Seychelle beans from the bed shared with the Crespo squash, and I even found a few on the one plant next to the purple Carminat pole beans. There are even some Royal Burgundy bush beans in there.
I found a melon lying on the ground in the raised bed – it harvested itself! 😄 There are a couple of yellow peppers, plus a Sweet Chocolate. Some of the peppers that are supposed to be more orange are finally starting to turn colour. There’s a single G Star pattypan squash, plus a few San Marzano tomatoes.
When it came time to go into the old kitchen garden, I knew there would be quite a bit, so I grabbed the bin. Those are all Forme de Couer and Black Cherry tomatoes in there.
Including a rude looking tomato! Click over to the next photo to see what I mean. 😄
After that, I left things to my daughters and headed out to my mother’s.
Long story short: her apartment finally got sprayed for bed bugs. There were no sign of any, so they will have to come back only one more time. Her neighbour got sprayed, too. I get the impression that apartment has been the main source of the problem in the building.
My mother then had to stay out of her apartment for 6 hours. Technically, she should stay out for 12 hours, as she has respiratory issues, but she refuses.
The neighbor says they only need to stay out for 4 hours, but I have no idea where she got that from. The notification letter they all get says the same thing. At least 6 hours.
We made sure to take along my mother’s supper time medications, as well as the information sheets the eye clinic gave her, yesterday, to go over. While we were waiting for the exterminator to arrive, I did go through some with her. I took the grid eye test, which is a flat magnetic sheet, and put it on her fridge. The grid has a black dot in the middle that is supposed to be focused on. I spent some time explaining the test to her, how to do it, and that she should be checking her left eye with it, every day. I even held it for her while she did the test, as instructed.
While explaining the grid test to her, how to take the test, what she’s looking for, I was saying, your left eye this, your left eye that, with your left eye…
Yet she still stopped at one point and said, “with my right eye, then…”
…
No. Your right eye can’t even see the dot in the grid. It’s for your left eye.
It’s going to take a while for it to stick, I think!
We had a nice chat with the manager while her apartment was being sprayed – she parker her walker across from her door and would not move until the exterminator left.
Then we had to find something to do or somewhere to go for six hours.
I was going to move the truck into the loading zone in front of the doors, to make it safer for my mother to get in, but the exterminator’s truck was in there, and he was chatting with the manager. When I got there, I did apologize for my mother’s behaviour over all this.
She is still utterly convinced the exterminator rifled through her closet to find and steal 70+ year old passports. In fact, at one point when it came up in conversation, she started saying, “maybe I should call the police?” When I said no, she said I was accusing her of lying. I told her, I didn’t think she was lying, but that she probably just put them somewhere and forgot where. When she moves, she’ll probably find them again. Her response was that I was “against” her.
*sigh*
Anyhow…
It was a good thing I caught up with them, because the manager remembered to ask if my mother’s bed had mattress covers. She doesn’t, and the exterminator said she needs two – one for the mattress, one for the box spring. Then he remembered he might have one and checked in his truck. He did have one and gave it to me for my mother’s mattress. We’ll still need one for the box spring.
Then I mentioned I needed to move my truck so my mother could get in, and we said our goodbyes.
By this time, though, my mother had come out and was sitting in her walker, watching us suspiciously. She called me over before I moved the truck and started asking me questions… why was the exterminator still there? Why was the manager sitting in his truck? etc.
Oh, gosh. I just realized what she was getting at.
She thought they were waiting for her to leave, so the manager could use his master key to get into her apartment, so they could steal things.
*sigh*
Anyhow.
We got her into the truck and then headed out for lunch. There was one place she wanted to go to, because someone new bought it and she wanted to see how it was, now that it wasn’t “browny” people that owned it (it had been owned by a Korean family). *sigh* The place was still being worked on, on the inside, but when she saw the worker’s vehicles in the parking lot, she thought it was open and wanted me to go inside and check. I had to tell her, no, you can’t just walk into a construction zone!
So we went to a chicken and pizza restaurant.
She ended up ordering a vegetable pizza this time, which I normally would not have thought much of, except that my mother is once again deciding that the reason she’s having trouble with her eyes is because of food, and so she needs to eat more vegetables and green things.
There is no known cause for macular degeneration, and there is no food she can eat or not eat that will make any difference. But she heard something somewhere – maybe last week, maybe last month, maybe 30 years ago – and just latches on to things.
We’re going to have to watch her on that, because she’s going to start causing malnutrition in herself if we don’t.
I had something else, so she had a small pizza to herself, with some left over that was packed up for later. We took our time eating, though – we did have 6 hours to kill! – then went across the street to a little department store she wanted to check out, while she was out and about. I helped her get across the street, then moved the truck to park by the store, so she wouldn’t have to cross the street again. The nice thing about that was that I was able to pull up really close to the curb – and that extra height made it downright easy for her to get into the truck when she was done!
We then both went in and did a bit of shopping.
There’s only so long we could drag that out, though.
There was nowhere else she wanted to go, and there is nowhere in this town where one can just hang out. We even tried driving around parts of town we’ve never gone into before, but there wasn’t a whole lot of that, either. 😄
We managed to use up about 2-3 hours before finally just going back to her building and sitting in the common room. No one else was around, so we brought out the information the eye clinic gave her and I went over it with her. Most of it, the doctor had already explained to her really well.
It didn’t take long to go through it all.
I was completely prepared to stay with my mother until 7pm, but she told me that I could go home. She was really tired and was going to just sit and close her eyes for a while. She had her leftovers for supper, and I’d added a bottle of orange juice I’d gotten with her meal on the way home from the city yesterday, that got forgotten in the truck, so she was prepared for taking her medication with her supper while in the common room.
So I headed home.
When I got home, my younger daughter was adding more supports to the tomatoes at the chain link fence that yesterday’s winds had managed to blow partly over. I ended up helping her with that, then she moved on to start breaking down the tree that the winds blow over and onto a crabapple tree.
I had gone to talk to her when our phones both dinged. My husband had sent a message.
My mother had called and left a message on the answering machine. Something about her keys?
I had completely forgotten.
While digging in her purse at one point, my mother gave me her keys to put in my pocket, so they wouldn’t get lost.
They were still in my pocket!!!
I had dashed into the house to get my purse when the phone range again. It was my mother, trying again – from the number on call display, a neighbour had let her use their phone. I told her, I was leaving right then and there!
When I got there, so was so apologetic about having me drive all the way back again. Meanwhile, I was apologizing for forgetting I had her keys! It was pretty funny!
Enough time had passed that she had eaten her supper and taken her medications. It was still early to get into her apartment, but by less than an hour, so we went in anyway.
I had offered to come back to help her put things back and she had said no, so this actually worked out.
I was able to put the mattress cover on her bed – and found out that they’d given her, and others, mattress covers long ago. She didn’t want me to put it on her bed, and basically scoffed at the fact that they had been given them in the first place.
*sigh*
So, somewhere in her closet, she had 2 more of these. Maybe when my sister next visits my mother, she’ll be ablet to find one and get it onto the box spring.
I made up her bed and put a few things away.
If she didn’t have to wait until the health care aid came to help with her nightly medications, she would have gone to bed right then and there!
I did make sure to set out the little miniature tagine bowl and lid I’d brought for her. She thought it was adorable! This will be a handy container for the health care aide to put her pills into, after removing them from the bubble pack, so they can both easily see that the right number are in there. Plus, my mother can more easily pick up the little bowl to take them, rather than trying to use her hands. Some of her fingers are deformed with arthritis.
The extra trip was good for another reason. I had forgotten to hit a bank machine earlier, to take cash out for the septic guy. We’re almost into October. Time to get the tank emptied for the winter.
We’ll need to contact the septic repair company again, too, and hopefully get a date on when they can come and repair the leaking pipes at the expeller!
I really hope we’re not getting ghosted by this company. We’ve had this happen before with other companies, in the first couple of years after we moved here. I have reason to believe it has something to do with our vandal defaming us, though I have no actual proof. Our vandal has a past history of trying to prevent companies from doing things here at the farm, and even on property in the heart of our little hamlet that my parents used to own. Then, when they tried to sell it, he drove off two potential buyers!
Yes, he felt he was entitled to that property, just like he feels he’s entitled to this property, too.
Of course, it could be this company is just really busy, trying to get jobs done before winter. Unfortunately, with past experience, I can’t help but wonder.
Well, if we don’t hear from them after trying to call them back several times, there is another company we can contact again. They are in a completely different town that our vandal doesn’t really go to, that I know of, so the chances of them having any contact with our vandal is very low.
The main thing is that this gets repaired before the ground freezes.
Thankfully, our system has still been working so far, even if the greywater is all just soaking into the ground, as if we had a septic field instead of an expeller. The leak must be pretty close to the surface for the ground to become saturated like that, so if it doesn’t get repaired, the whole thing will freeze, the greywater will have nowhere to go, and the ice will break the pipes even more.
*sigh*
Tomorrow, I will hopefully not have to go anywhere, except maybe the dump. I don’t know if I dare to to the nearest landfill again, with how bad it has gotten lately (I don’t want another flat tire!), but the next nearest one is also open on Saturdays. I just need to find it.
If all goes well, though, I’ll finally be able to catch up with stuff here at home!
Like prep and freeze a whole lot of bell peppers and melons, and either freeze whole tomatoes, or start another sauce in the Crockpot.
Okay, Re-Farmer. Take a deep breath, and relax a bit!
What.
A.
Day.
Well. Morning, really. It’s only mid-afternoon, as I start this!
I had a 9am appointment with the guy that runs homecare for my mother’s town, and area. After feeding the outside cats, including giving Gouda his personal bowl of lysine supplemented cat soup, I had to leave it to my daughters to do the morning rounds. Instead, I went through a copy of one of the assessment forms the homecare guy had given me a copy of, after his last visit with my mother.
To recap: my mother wants to go into a nursing home. A very specific nursing home. Back in July, we went to her doctor about it, and she started the ball rolling. What we didn’t know at the time was this was something that gets decided by the home care department, not the doctor. The doctor does have to approve it and fill out some paperwork, but normally, people who need it tend to go from a hospital, after some sort of incident, into long term care without ever going back home in between. My mother is not at that stage. After he did a panel with her, assessing her physical needs, it was clear she was not that far gone… yet. He recommended supportive living.
There is only one supportive living place my mother would be willing to live in, and after looking into it, today was to start the process of application to get her in.
Which would put her on a year long waiting list.
There was, however, that behavioural assessment form.
When I first started going through it, after he gave it do me, I’d read a question and think, oh, no, she doesn’t do that. Then I’d read the examples and realize, wait… yes. She does that. Has done it for years. It’s getting worse as she gets older. Yes, this is a problem we are dealing with.
The thing is, we’ve been dealing with a lot of these for so long, we don’t even think about it anymore. I had to see it written down as questions, with examples, to realize just how far she was deteriorating in this category.
I had talked to him on the phone about this a little bit, but today we had to go through all the other assessment forms he needs to go through, as well.
We were at it for two hours.
I am so glad he was able to fit me in this week! He’s going to be away all next week, the last week of the month is the busiest time for me, and I had only one day available – and that would be the week I would expect the exterminators to try and visit my mother’s unit to confirm the bed bugs are gone. If she doesn’t let them in for a third time, she will get evicted. I’m hoping to be there that day to prevent that.
Long story as short as I can make it:
When it comes to her physical needs, her recent diagnoses have actually been helpful for her, in that she actually wants to go into a personal care home (aka: long term care aka: nursing home). He updated the file on her medical changes.
With some things, it’s hard to say. As my mother is living independently, I’m not there to see if, for example, she can or can’t wash herself properly. All I can say is, she refuses to shower, and does not have a bath tub, so all she sponge bathes herself every night. Is she doing a good job? I can’t say. I can say, she refuses to use the commode her was able to requisition for her, even when I found that her bucket fits perfectly in it, making it easy for her to empty it herself. What is she doing instead? I’m not sure.
With other things, I can see she has made adjustments to work around her mobility issues. Can she dress herself? Yes, because she only wears clothing she can put on herself. No buttons. No zippers. No ties or snaps. Can she feed herself? Yes, but she has trouble eating, because she refuses to have her dentures fixed to account for a tooth that was removed – a tooth that her one of her dentures was held by. Her being able to find work arounds or just put up with things puts her on the line between categories.
We did talk about having home care come to her place to prepare meals, and to make sure she takes her medications on time and properly. They can do bulk meal preparation for her either once every two weeks, or once a week, or someone can come by once a day for a meal prep.
If it was once a day, it would be something very quick – I think they’re only allowed 15 minutes. So it would be something like making a sandwich and heating up a bowl of soup. Everything would have to be ready in advance so that a meal just needed to be assembled quickly.
If it was weekly or bi-weekly, someone would come in for 2 hours or something like that. They’d do all the cooking, divide it up into individual portions, and set those in the freezer (except those that would be used right away).
We decided it would be best to try my mother with every two weeks, then adjust as seems appropriate. As the person who does my mother’s grocery shopping, I would have to talk to the home care person about meal plans and what they would need.
We also talked about my mother’s medications, and how she’s not taking them as she should be. Someone would be coming to her place three times a day to make sure she takes them. They can only do that with medications that are in bubble packs. They’re not allowed to touch anything from a bottle. That includes the new eye vitamins my mother is now on.
Then we got to going through the behavioural assessment.
As we went through the questions, I had to give examples and, in come cases, explanations. This included telling him about what’s going on with our vandal, and her habit of reaching out to him and poking the bear, in spite of our efforts to protect her from him.
I’ll have to get back to that one, later, as we have some new crazy going on from there!
As we went through the different questions and he struggled to take notes that would make sense, there were a few times when he had to just sit back and talk about some of the things. Even things that happened to her when she was still living in Poland, and the atrocities she witnessed and survived. He even made note that she would likely need what they call “spiritual care” that is available, typically for combat veterans and former prisoners of war.
I gave other examples of some of my mother’s behaviour, including something she did during a road trip with my brother and his wife a few years ago, and some more recent examples while driving with me. I also told him about what she did to stab my brother in the back, which she still doesn’t recognize as being at all a problem. After a while of this, he stopped and sat back, hesitating.
“I don’t want to sound rude,” he started, pausing to try and find the words.
“It’s like a movie,” he finally said. A movie where all this crazy, insane stuff keeps happening to people, that’s so over the top. I basically said, “yeah; and when they see the movie, people would find it unbelievable and unrealistic, because people don’t behave that way, right?”
Yup.
Even with all this, though, my mother is a very unusual case. He’s not even sure she qualifies for supportive living, because a lot of her needs are beyond what they offer, but she doesn’t qualify for assisted living at all. Her behavioral assessment, however, may actually be what puts her in personal care – which is what she wants. She’s just on the edge.
In the end, he’s going to have to have a consultation with the person he deals with that makes the final decision. He does know, my mother needs help, and we can’t give it to her. Regular home care can’t give it to her, either.
On the plus side, since all this started because my mother went to the doctor to try and get into a nursing home back in July, she already has the doctor’s form on file that is recent enough, along with the chest X-rays they require. She’s also supposed to get a brain scan, but we’re still waiting on a call for that. She’s already been visited by the geriatric care person, and the occupational therapist. They will need a copy of my brother’s PoA paperwork, which I have and can get to them soon. As PoA, he’s first contact for next of kin, while I’m second contact, as I’m physically closest to her.
He printed out what he needed, and then he had to deal with something quickly before going to my mother’s. I called my mother to let her know we were going to be coming over, only to find she had been still in bed! She had time to get dressed, at least, but when I got there, she didn’t even have her glasses, and was all worried because her floor wasn’t swept.
My sister was coming over to do some housekeeping for her!
She was going to get me to call my sister to cancel, and I told her, we couldn’t be that long. I did tell her that I would need to take her remaining bubble packs to have the new medication and vitamins included.
I am so glad she’s going to have someone come and help her with her medications.
When I told her about including them in her bubble packs, she started to get angry, saying, they get taken separately. Which they don’t, and I’m not sure where she got that from. I was still trying to explain to her about how home care can only help if it’s in bubble packs when the home care guy arrived.
He needed her list of medications, including the new prescription and supplement. As we were talking about her new prescription, she mentioned she’d taken it twice.
??
It’s once a day; the vitamins are twice a day.
Nope.
She took one last night, at about midnight, then taken one this morning… I’m not sure why she took one this morning.
Oh! Crap!
I need to call my mother right now…
Oh, I am so glad I wrote this out and caught on to this!
Yes, my mother took this once a day pill last night, then again this morning – and would have taken it again tonight, if I hadn’t just called!
And THAT is a good example of why she needs home care to help her take her medications!
That was one of the things the home care guy needed to hear her agree to, and sign for, along with the meal preparation.
She also needed to sign a form saying that yes, she agrees to going into a personal care home, when a space becomes available. We explained to her that this might not be where she wants to go at first, but once she’s in the system, she will be higher on the list for a transfer, should a space become available where she wants to be. She just needs that foot in the door.
While the home care guy was there, my mother just happened to launch into a tirade towards him, just like some of the examples I gave him earlier. Some of it, anyone in home care sees pretty regularly, but then she went sideways and made it about something else entirely, making connections where there shouldn’t have been any at all.
When he was ready to leave, I grabbed what was left of my mother’s bubble packs and her new stuff for the pharmacy and walked out with him, and we were able to talk about what just happened.
He told me it would probably take a couple of weeks for the process to work its way through. He has a lot of paperwork to submit, and needs to talk to a few people about my mother’s case – and he’s going to be away for all of next week, as well.
He is a total gem. Sadly, when he gets back, he won’t be staying for much longer, as he’ll be moving to another office, so we’ll be dealing with someone else before long. He’ll be going over all his case files with this person before he moves to the other office, though.
I then went to the pharmacy and explained the situation and asked if they could add the new items to my mother’s bubble packs. My mother had mentioned the pharmacy had called her before I got there, talking about her next set of bubble packs.
When I said who this was for, the pharmacist assistant I was talking to started telling me, I just spoke to her, and I’m sorry if I seemed a bit rude.
???
WP AI generated image
Every time the pharmacy calls about her bubble pack refills, my mother gives them a hard time, saying she still has lots, and it’s too early. I keep telling her, she needs to get her refills BEFORE she runs out, but she doesn’t get it. Well, the last time she did this, they held back. When she ran out and came to get her refills and they weren’t ready, she apparently chewed out whoever was at the counter about it not being ready. So when she talked to my mother today, and my mother tried to give her a hard time about it being too early, etc., again, she told me mother, no, this is the date. This is when they’ll be ready.
I think they were relieved to hear my mother is going to be getting home care to help with her medications!
There was only one hang up.
Bubble packs can only have prescription medications in them.
The eye vitamins are not a prescription, so they couldn’t include them.
The pharmacist asked me about the eye doctor, and it turns out they know each other. He will call the eye clinic and get an actual prescription for these supplements from him.
Until then, they would pack 10 days worth of the eye vitamins in their own, separate bubble packs.
As for the new prescription, it says once a day, but doesn’t say when. It’s at night that she has issues, so that’s why she was going to take them in the evening – and why she took one last night. That was the first one she took, even though I brought them for her the day before.
It was going to take them about an hour to update the current bubble packs, so I took advantage of that to go for lunch and update the family a bit.
By the time they were ready and I brought them back to my mother’s, my sister had showed up, done the housekeeping she was going to do, and was getting ready to leave. I needed to explain the bubble packs to my mother, so my sister stays so she’d be up to date, too.
So I went through it all, explaining why the supplements were in their own bubble packs, but she needs to take them with her morning and evening (breakfast and supper) pills, and that the new prescription was with that last pill of the day she’s supposed to take before bed.
That’s why I had to call my mother just now.
The new pill is in with tonight’s bubble pack. She’s already taken one this morning.
After confirming that yes, my mother did take the new prescription pill this morning, as well as taking one last night, I told her to NOT take the one that’s in the bubble pack for tonight, because she’s already taken today’s pill.
I repeated this a few times, and even told her to go ahead and take it out now, and put it somewhere else, but I’m not completely confident she’ll remember.
She was very glad I called about it, though, because yes, she would have taken that pill again tonight, if I hadn’t.
She also realized that I brought back the bubble packs, but not the bottles with the rest of the pills. I told her that the pharmacy is keeping them so they can be included in her new bubble pack refills, as she has already paid for them.
Anyhow… I’m ahead of myself.
It took me a while to explain the bubble packs to my mother, and the times to take them. Even my sister had to chime in to reinforce what I was saying. My mother has a very had time grasping the times on the bubble packs. She’s been taking her morning and evening pills at 5am and 5pm. Why those times, I have no idea, but that’s what she settled on. Only recently did she say she changed to 6am and 6pm, so she could sleep a bit more.
I told her, when home care starts coming to help with the pills three times a day, for the first two they’ll be coming for breakfast and supper – so she won’t have to get up so early anymore! She can sleep in.
She seemed to like that idea!
While we were talking, some mail was slid under my mother’s door, so I opened it for her. It turned out to be her ambulance bill. I was surprised it was only $250 The last I heard, it cost more than $400.
It included a survey on how the paramedics did, and so I started helping her go through that. She got really angry and first, saying, how can they expect her to remember? It was so long ago! (It’s been maybe 2 months?) Then she started saying, the paramedics treated her much better than the people at the hospital, before launching into a story that, at first, we thought was about the paramedics, but was actually about something in the hospital. It included some pretty racist comments, but she talked about how she was being moved around in a wheelchair while her coat and purse were left in an examination room. Long story short, while they insisted she check her purse to make sure everything was there (I’d say it was really obvious to them she believed they would steal from her), she said all her money and ID, etc. where there. However, she now says someone stole “pictures” (which could have included clippings from magazines, newspapers, printouts… ) from her purse.
Of course, the accusation included racist rants.
When I asked, why would anyone take pictures from her purse…
I didn’t get to add, instead of her money or whatever, when she started to get into “that” mode, at which point, my sister said it was time to go!
So we said our goodbyes, then I stayed a bit longer and talked some more about how it went with the home care guy. I explained how she’s just on the edge of things, because she can still do things like feed herself and dress herself, but has other issues. I told her, he needs to consult with someone about her situation, to figure out where is best for her. She was just really happy to know that going to a nursing home is an actual possibility now.
By the time I left, though, I felt like a wrung out washcloth.
But, it’s done. The process is well on its way.
Now, if she can just keep herself from getting evicted, that would be nice!
My daughters pulled an all nighter last night. Aside from my older daughter working on her commissions, they did the usual cooking and cleaning, and my younger daughter baked an amazing zucchini cake with cream cheese icing. She’d baked one while house sitting, using zucchini from my brother’s garden, but we had to buy zucchini for this one, since our summer squash barely survived the slugs and didn’t produce much this year. Oh, she also did laundry and ended up spending two HOURS taking care if this…
This happened while I was clearing bush to access the tree I needed to debranch and cut to size. These are tiny burrs from a weed that has the prettiest, daintiest flowers that become these horrible things. I’ve been pulling them up every time I see them, but once the flowers are done blooming, they’re really hard to see.
Turns out I missed quite a lot of them.
I’d tried to rub out as many as I could before putting them through the wash. Once through the drier, the tiny burrs are a bit easier to rub out, but I ended up putting them back in the washing machine, to be included in the next load. Which turned out to be my daughter’s bedding. She didn’t realize what was on them until she moved things to the drier. Rather than risk burs ending up all over her bedding, she instead started picking them out, mostly one burr at a time!!
I would never have had that patience!
They’ll need to be washed again to hopefully remove the last little bits.
Then, since they were both up anyhow, they let me sleep in a bit and took care of feeding the outside cats for me, and I could do my rounds a bit later. I had to change the batteries on the trail cams today, including the solar powered one. I’ve had to change batteries on that one only once since we got it, and that was because I accidentally left it on “setting”, which meant it spent and entire day and night draining power while waiting for buttons to be pushed. The solar panel would have kept it going during the day, but once it was dark and the batteries were being used, they were completely drained.
As for me, I was glad to have that extra sleep and, to be honest, I’m fighting the urge to go back to bed. It’s gorgeous out there and there is lots of work to do, but I’m feeling quite drained.
With yesterday’s chill, I was planning on getting some crochet done after having a late lunch. I was just settling in to eat in the cat free zone (the living room) when the phone rang. Of course, the living room handset wasn’t in the living room at the time, and I didn’t get to it before it went to machine. It was my mother, and telling me to call her back, and she did not sound good at all.
So I called her back right away and found out why.
Our vandal had just showed up at her place, out of the blue, and he was in a full rage, apparently, He was yelling at her at her door, so the entire building could hear, going on about how she “gave” me the farm. Where he got that notion, I have no idea, because the property was signed over to my brother, not me. This was directly because of our vandal harassing her to change the will and give it to him. With the farm off the will entirely, he would not be able to contest it. In some messages he’d more recently left on her machine, he went on about “squatters rights” and how the property now belongs to me, but Canadian law no longer recognizes squatter’s rights, and hasn’t for a very long time. Not that we’re squatters in the first place. We have an informal arrangement, but an arrangement nonetheless. I don’t know who got it in his head that the property now belongs to me (and just me; apparently, the rest of my family doesn’t exist), but that’s his current thing.
To my mother’s credit, she told him outright, it’s none of his business. He already managed to get what would have been his inheritance more than 20 years ago, but he wants more. He started going on about how he worked on the farm, too (as if my siblings and I didn’t??). He is absolutely convinced he’s somehow entitled to the property, and seems to believe my mother can somehow still give it to him? It makes no sense, but we’re not dealing with a rational person, here.
Also to my mother’s credit, she finally told him to never come back. Previously, she’s sabotaged our efforts to protect her from him by actually phoning him and inviting him for tea or to go out for lunch or something. There seems to be a huge guilt factor motivating her efforts to make peace with someone who used to be so close, but has become completely irrational. I think feelings of guilt are behind his behaviour as well. My late brother’s death really destroyed him. I think a part of him recognises how much he’d taken advantage of my late brother, and that they weren’t anywhere near as close as he’s invented in his mind since the accident. He’s been taking it out on my mother, in particular, and since my father passed, has been using both of their deaths to cruelly abuse and manipulate my mother. That he has failed just seems to eat at him and is causing him to double down. A newer manipulation he’s using on her is that he’s apparently dying of cancer one day, or can’t walk anymore on another (as he stands at the door, having walked into her building…). He likely does need hip surgery again, but how is that my mother’s fault? Oh, right. He’s blaming his hip damage on all the work he supposedly did at the farm. Back when we were still close, I was the one that advised him to keep at the doctors about how much pain he was in, after working aircraft maintenance, on concrete floors and crawling around inside the craziest of places, looking for hairline cracks. The doctors didn’t want to do it because he was “too young” and it would need to be redone every 10 years. Well, it’s been a lot more than 10 years, so he’s likely in a lot of pain right now. And now he’s rewritten his own memory as to the cause and using it against my mother for… what? What does he expect her to do for him? Probably give him what’s left of her money, instead of the land. Though he has vowed to use every penny, even to the point of homelessness, to sue my brother and I. For what, I’m not entirely sure.
My mother is the weak link and the soft target. He hasn’t been going after me anymore. Our restraining order is expired, but he knows that I am willing to go to such efforts to stop him, which seems to be enough to keep him from going back to his past behaviour. Mind you, we did have a trail cam stolen, as well as the old sign with my father’s name on it, while the restraining order was in effect, but he technically did not have to go onto the property to do it, and we have no actual evidence that it was him. Still, when I mentioned it in court during mediation while trying to get the restraining order (he was not present for that), his lawyer and the judge were both nodding along going, “yeah, it would have been him.” There’s simply no one else that would have done it. So far, I’ve only seen him on the trail cams driving by. He no longer gives the finger to the cameras, nor comes up to the gate to shout down our driveway, while clearly drunk again.
Anyhow.
My mother hadn’t actually wanted to talk to me about it. She wanted to talk to my sister about it, as my sister still has some civil contact with our vandal. Well. Her husband does, anyhow. She couldn’t get through to my sister by phone, so I promised I’d send her an email, which I did immediately after getting off the phone.
Then I messaged my brother to update him, and we ended up chatting for quite some time. There isn’t a lot we can do about it, but we need to be aware, in case this is a sign that our vandal is losing it again and might decide to cause us problems here on the farm again. As for my sister, she did get through to my mother, then sent our vandal a message that probably didn’t do any good at all, but I guess it was worth a shot.
By the time all that was done, my food was cold and my tea was tepid. I also had to move on to other things and never got to my crochet at all.
I still feel completely drained and have no desire to go outside and get work done. The chances of him harassing me from the road are next to nil, so that’s not the issue. I’m just tired. Mentally and psychologically tired.
Of all the struggles we have found ourselves dealing with since the move, our vandal turning from friend to foe is the one that is the most unfortunate and difficult. That he goes after my mother like that… Ugh. My mother may be pretty abusive and cruel herself, but that doesn’t justify his abusive behaviour towards her. Especially over something that is none of his business. Blaming the actions from both of them on mental illness – as accurate as that may be – cannot be an excuse to accept the behaviour.
So… that’s where I’m at now. I really need to get outside and get some work done, while the weather is good, but I have zero motivation and zero energy. I’m simply out of spoons.
Today, I was taking my mother to a medical appointment – and appointment that had been moved up 2 hours. I’d say that was why I was up and doing my morning rounds early, but in reality, I was just up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I can’t even blame the kittens on that one, because I woke them up trying to roll over. I had a least 3 of them on and against me, keeping warm. I have the window open just a bit for air circulation, but when we’re hitting 7C/45F (at least when I checked), it does get a bit chilly! I was also checking on my computer during the night, having left it on to upload the garden tour video I posted this morning.
I made sure to have a solid breakfast, though, which turned out to be a good thing, even though it was a couple of hours earlier than I usually have breakfast.
I got to my mother with adequate time for a short visit, then we headed out about an hour before her appointment. With the time it took to get her and her walker set up in the car, then the drive in, we got there about 10 minutes early for her appointment.
We ended up waiting about an hour before she was finally called in – and there were others who were already there waiting for the same doctor before us! They, too, had been called to have their appointments rescheduled, and were told to come in the same time my mother had been told, which was not the time I was told when I phoned to confirm!
So… yeah… Not a good start.
This doctor is new to us, with our previous doctor having moved to another clinic. My husband and I are seeing her on an interim basis for prescription refills, but my husband already got a letter from her stating she would not be accepting him as a patient. Which was a surprise, since we even talked about it during our appointments, saying we knew she was not accepting new patients. So it was a surprise for me when I brought my mom in, and she told my mother almost right away that she was accepting my mother as a patient!
So this was a follow up appointment to talk about some test results. My mother is still refusing to take the T3s because they are a “narcotic”, and when I mentioned that word being used was one reason my mother wouldn’t take it, and my mother mentioned reading about all the bad things that would happen if she took them (meaning the possible side effects listed), and so on. The doctor seemed quite amused that my mother wouldn’t take them because they are a “narcotic”, but didn’t try to reassure her or explain anything.
Which was basically how the entire appointment went.
Now, my mother is already not happy with this doctor. She’s female, she’s black and she has a strong accent. Unfortunately, she also speaks quickly, and tends to bowl over us when we tried to explain things. Even I was having a hard time understanding her. She seems nice enough; I’m sure I’d enjoy her company in a social setting, but as a doctor? Nope. I’m not happy with her, either.
In the end, my mother was given a new, short term prescription to try for a complaint she brought up, with instructions that included to go ahead and stop taking them if they made her feel too drowsy, or if they didn’t do the job, then given a requisition for a urine sample to get a culture done, which had not been part of her previous lab work.
Then the doctor abruptly left.
Okay, they were far behind, but usually there’s at least some sort of comment to let you know the appointment was over, even if it’s just a goodbye or some sort. It felt almost as if she were leaving in mid conversation.
No matter.
The lab is across the waiting room, so we went straight there. The lab’s waiting room was crowded, but there was a chair available for my mother while I handed over the requisition and got her medical card for them to confirm. The couple sitting next to her were sweet and got up so I could sit beside my mother.
My mother commented on how many people there were. She was clearly not happy and started talking about just going home. I totally understood the feeling but I told her, you only need to give a urine sample. All these other people are probably waiting to get blood work or X-rays or something. Yours is just in and out. It shouldn’t take long.
I then started talking to her about the new prescription and explaining what the doctor had said.
“You mean I have to buy more pills?”
Uhm… yes.
“I’m not buying them!”
I explained again what it was for, and she declared that it wasn’t much of a problem and she could live with it. She said she didn’t understand what the doctor was saying (my explaining it obviously meant nothing), so she wasn’t going to fill it. Knowing my mother, however, I know she would not have been saying the same thing if the doctor had been male. That’s more of a thing for her even over skin colour. Likewise, if my brother were the one explaining it to her instead of me, she would have been more willing to listen.
By then, we were both getting really tired, too.
Then she got called in and it was just as quick as I told her it would be. As we went to the car, though, I could really see how she was slowing down.
Normally, after her appointments, we would do things like go to a grocery store, or go to a restaurant for lunch. After a bit of indecision, my mother asked what restaurants were close to one of the two grocery stores in this town. I only know of one, that we’ve been to before, for sure. It’s a franchise she normally likes, and we went there the last time she had an appointment in this town.
No, she won’t go there anymore. Why? “You saw what people were there.”
*sigh*
I reminded her that the service was excellent and the food was great. Her response?
“I’m just to tired of brown people.”
*sigh*
I pointed out that this was not a very Christian thing, and the subject was dropped.
We were going to drive past one of the grocery stores, and she wanted if there was a restaurant near there. I could not remember seeing one, but drove into the parking lot anyhow. That’s when I could see the Subway, though getting to it involved going back onto the road and taking a different driveway, because of barricades between parking lots. The spaces closest to the doors were also barricaded, so we had to part fairly far away – no disabled parking at this place, even though the doors and building were accessible!
We went in and my mother went straight to a table, expecting to be served. I explained how it works to order at a Subway. Reading a menu on the wall was more than she could handle, though, and she started asking if they had soup. I couldn’t see that on the menu, nor could I see any over the counter, but my mother started shouting from her seat to the one guy behind the counter, asking if they had soup. They didn’t, so she suggested we leave.
Which was probably for the best. Ordering at a Subway would have been beyond her, anyhow. I would have had to make decisions and order for her, even at the best of times.
From there, she just wanted to go home.
When we parked at her place and I started getting her walker out, she started asking if there was something she was supposed to give me. I knew nothing of that, so she basically threw me $20 for gas and told me I could go home! She didn’t even want me to help her with the doors!
It’s not the first time she’s been this tired after an outing, and I really couldn’t hold it against her!
I, however, was getting pretty famished and seriously considered going to a restaurant before heading home, but in the end, I was just too tired. I pulled over long enough to message the family and update them a bit, then headed home myself.
Thankfully, there was food at home that just needed heating up, so I got to eat right away. Then I updated my husband with more of how things went before finally going into my office/bedroom and indulging in some kitten therapy.
Ghosty really, really loves licking noses.
When I’m out of the room, though, I’m going to have to find a way to protect my keyboard. When I got to my computer, I found the task manager and calculator open. Neither of which have short cuts on my keyboard!
It’s past 5pm right now, and I’d love to just go for a nap right now, but that would really mess my up for the night!
A day out with my mother is tiring enough on my own, but this doctor’s visit was even more exhausting than usual.
I just need to decompress for a while. I’d love to get outside and get some work done in these awesome, cooler temperatures, but the days are getting a lot shorter now, and the jobs I need to work on require more light than I’ll have for very long. Which gets very frustrating, considering how many things have been distracting me away from them.
Ah, well. The world isn’t going to end if they get delayed a bit longer, again.
The Re-Farmer
(too tired to hunt for typos. My apologies for the ones I’m sure are all over this post!)
Okay, the running around I did with my mother yesterday drained me a lot more than I thought it did. I feel totally wasted today. And she wasn’t even having one of her bad days, either.
I’m also not quite sure what is worth getting started on outside right now. We’re under thunderstorm warnings. The south end of the province is supposed to get the brunt of the storms, but looking at the weather radar, is does look like the system will go right over us, too, for a change. However, with the weird climate bubble we have over us, due to our location between lakes both small and huge, there have been times when the radar shows a system right on top of us, but when I look out the window, there’s nothing. So do I go out and start a job that would normally take a lot of time, or requires electricity, and risk a storm blowing over? Or just putter around with small jobs and leave myself feeling like the entire day is waste?
At least I got this cheerful sight, first thing.
Best of all, I GOT TO TOUCH THE BABY!!!! While he was eating under there, I was able to come close, reach under and start petting his back. He sort of looked around at me, then kept eating. If another cat hadn’t made some sudden crashing noises, he would have stayed longer, too.
I was able to see that the big wood tick visible in his fur previously is now gone, and I could feel no other lumps and bumps as I pet him. I think it was in a location fairly easy to get groomed out. Unlike when I found that cluster of wood ticks by Pinky’s ear a few days ago.
While doing my rounds, I checked out all the garden beds and did some weeding, but I’m hoping we’ll at least get some rain, so I didn’t hook up the sprinkler and soaker hoses, or do any other watering. The girls hadn’t had a chance to move the branch pile I’d made yesterday, so I dragged that off. I was rather pleased to find the branches were stacked in such a way that I could just grab the bottom branches and pull it across the lawn, all at once!
I haven’t completely put away the seedling trays with the Jiffy pellets that didn’t germinate. It looks like two little Birds Egg gourds have shown up! While weeding in the old kitchen garden, near my daughter’s daffodils, I found cleared a space that could actually have something planted in it. I’m considering sticking the new seedlings in there. If they survive, they would get big enough to shade out a lot of the weeds, but might also get big enough to shade out the flowers my daughter planted in there. Another option is the space we had ground cherries in last year. This was partly an experiment to see if they would seed themselves, and it looks like they did not. Which means there’s a spot with really good soil potentially available. If I pull more dandelion roots out of there, I think it would be worth trying.
I’m still disappointed over how many things had zero germination rates. Some winter squash, and both types of cucumbers, in particular that I was looking forward to.
Now… it is worthwhile for me to get the extension cords out and use the weed trimmer, so I can access those trees my brother cut down for me? According to the weather app, it should stop raining within half an hour. In fact, on the animated radar, I can watch the rain system moving right over us.
It’s not raining right now. There isn’t even any wind.
*sigh*
Well, we’ll see what I manage to get done, so the day isn’t entirely wasted.
I had another rough morning today. Along with pain and stiff joints, I had almost no balance, bouncing off the walls going to and from the bathroom, so I asked my daughters to feed the outside cats for me again.
Since Easter, when I was no longer on my Lenten fast from sugar and starchy foods, I have still not been eating a lot of either. I might include a potato with my breakfast, or some rice with my supper, and even had a couple of cookies my daughter recently bakes. That’s about it. I think, however, I am going to have to go back. I was mostly pain free during my fast, and certain other… bodily functions, shall we say… had improved. I even had days where I didn’t take any painkillers at all. Granted, some of the pain issues I’m having now may be related to how the temperature fluctuations affect my osteoarthritis, but that can only explain so much. Fatigue is another issue.
A lot of this stuff was so constant, I didn’t even really notice them until they came back after I ended my fast. So it looks like I’m going to need to cut out the sugar and starches, if I want to accomplish the things I need to get done this year. When I finally headed outside, it was because I made myself go. I sure as heck didn’t feel up to it. But, today is working out to be another gorgeous and sunny day, and I had things I wanted to check on.
The first thing I heard when I got outside was a very familiar crunching noise, so I checked the kibble house.
No wonder I was seeing cats cautiously circling around their shelters! Stinky Kitty was moved right in!
This little bugger did not want to leave, either. It’s still too cold to set up the hoses, so I tried to convince it to leave with a long stick. The little bugger just sniffed the end of the stick and kept on eating. He (she?) finally left after I went around the kibble house, banging on the roof and kicking at the back wall.
After that, I did the rest of my rounds. Once more of the snow is gone and the ground it less muddy, we’re going to have to take the wagon or wheel barrow around to pick up all the little branches and garbage that have been blown around. There are a few more garden beds that can be worked on, but I’m physically just not up to it. I kept seeing stuff that I want to get working on, some of which I can start now, but the old bod just can’t handle it today. Which is really, really frustrating. This is stuff that needs to get done, whether I feel like it or not. Especially since the weather forecasts – but just on one of my weather apps – is saying we might get 2-3 cm (about an inch) of snow starting tomorrow, and continuing over the next couple of days. Other apps say it’ll be rain. Either way, not good conditions for the outside work I want to do.
Which I will get into more in a video tour I made yesterday. Unfortunately, every time I try to save the file in a format I can upload, the video gets corrupted. I’m sure the problem is my computer, though, not the software. I’m going to try again today and, if it finally works, I’ll upload and post it.
Then, I’m going to take a nap before I plan to go into town to meet the egg lady for a couple more flats of farm fresh eggs!
There were so many things I was supposed to get done today, including a trip into town.
Instead, we’ve all been like this.
Yup. Even the cats are feeling it. One of my daughters is still pretty sick, and I have yet to see her today at all. The other is working on commissions, but is also finding herself dragging through the day. My husband normally struggles to stay up during the day, between his pain levels and the medications, and he finally gave up the fight and has gone to bed. It’s all I can do not to curl up with the cats on my bed and snoozing.
Like these guys.
The outside cats are even feeling it! I hate having to close them out of the sun room for the night, after luring them out with their second feeding of the day. Some of them ended up overturning a garbage can and were making a mess. At least I know they can’t get into the bin with the kibble, but if racoons get in, they can literally tear the bin apart, as they’ve already done with the old bin we had to replace because of them.
I really look forward to when we’re past winter solstice, and the days start getting longer again.
The Re-Farmer 