A quiet day after evening drama

December 8, 2024 / Re-Farmer / 2 Comments

First, the fun stuff!

I did the morning routine today. We were under weather warnings yesterday for snow, but from what I could see, we didn’t get much of any, overnight. Or, if we did, it melted right away, then froze by morning, because it was SO slippery! It’s snowing now, though, so we’ll see how that works out.

Of course, the isolation babies got their extra treat of wet cat food. The cat beds we washed last night were returned, so they now have two in their shelter again. Unfortunately, they seem to be ignoring the freshly cleaned litter box and just using the floor on the bottom level. At least some of it will be easy to clean up once they are frozen. 🫤

Kohl really wanted attention! I spent quite a bit of time petting her through the sliding windows. She made no effort to get out! The closest was when she rubbed her face against my arm so far, she almost fell through the doorway.

Her partner in crime deigned to sniff my fingers a bit, but Kohl was so aggressive for pets, she got in his way. When I saw him at the food bowl, I thought I might pet him while he was eating, but as soon as Kohl saw me at that sliding door, she came right over. She was pushing her way through to get pets so aggressively, she pushed him away from the food! So I stopped, to give him a chance to eat. He, also, made no effort to leave the isolation shelter. Other cats, however, saw the open sliding doors and wanted in!

Later on, I got to enjoy another bit of adorableness. Our elderly grandma managed to get access to the new cat bed again. With the other cats, we’ve found as many as three of them squeezed into there, all at once!

There’s barely room for Grandma in there, never mind three cats!

After yesterday evening, I’m happy to say that today really has turned out to be a day of Peace, for the Second Sunday of Advent.

I got a call from my mother “late” last night. It actually was pretty early, but had been dark for so long already, I thought it was closer to midnight, not early evening!

She had clearly called for a reason, so I asked what was going on.

Very long story short…

She was dying and needed to go to the hospital.

Of course she did. It was a Saturday night. *sigh* It’s always on a Saturday, or Sunday on a long weekend.

I really don’t want to be so jaded by this, but she does it so often!

I told her, we’re under a weather watch. If she really felt she needed to go to the hospital, it would be safest to call an ambulance.

Then I had to keep asking questions to get some idea of why she felt she needed to go to the hospital.

Her cold was getting worse. She was coughing lots. There was pain in her stomach. She had a headache, which she thought was connected to her stomach.

Even the pain in her stomach took quite a while to get straight. About all I could get out of her is that she felt pain directly below her sternum. Every time I tried to get a clearer description, she’s start to tell me, then launch into something else, like did I know where her important stuff in her apartment was hidden (in case she dies or is in the hospital, and people go into her apartment to snoop).

She didn’t want an ambulance, because she wanted someone with her to watch her purse for her; she has important stuff in her purse, and she didn’t want people going through it while she was getting tests done.

She didn’t want to go to the same ER as last time, because that hospital is run by Muslims now. The last time she was there, when I went to pick her up, she told me she had a Muslim doctor (a hijabi woman), and that she had “stolen my heart”. She’d had a very positive experience with her, but has since rewritten her memory again. Now, because there was one Muslim doctor, she has decided that means the entire hospital is run by Muslims. *sigh*

Then she didn’t want to go to that ER because last time, she was in the waiting room for 15 hours (she did get called for tests in that time frame, but I had to explain triage to her again).

I ended up going online to see which hospital ERs in our region were open. The one nearest us was still open, but closing at 9pm. The other, in the hospital her doctor’s clinic is in, was open for the night. Did she really want to go to the ER? We talked about how, every time she’s gone, they would do tests, find nothing wrong, and send her home.

Oh, they found something, but they won’t tell her, because they want her to die. They take advantage of old people. They don’t care. Etc.

It was while I was looking up to see where there were any open ERs in our area, and talking about how busy they get on the weekends, that my mother even commented on how this always seems to happen on a Saturday! I wonder why? she asks. 😄

Then, because I wasn’t leaping to drive her to the ER immediately, she launched into how her children didn’t care about her, either. When that didn’t work, she shifted to, “oh, you are already dealing with so much. I’m sorry I called you. I shouldn’t have called you.” (a regular passive aggressive dig about my disabled husband)

*sigh*

After straightening that out, too, she started talking about how she needs to be in a nursing home, she can’t take care of herself anymore, she needs help.

I told her (again), you can’t just walk into a nursing home and get accepted. We are working on it. There is a process that has already been started, but it can take a while. Nursing homes are for people who are a lot further along than she is, and we would basically be waiting for someone to die for a bed to open. She forgets how my dad was before he went into the nursing home. By then, he was getting home care visits for personal care three times a day, and had declined to the point that they could not longer meet his needs. Very different from my mother getting three med assists a day, to make sure she takes her pills properly.

I was finally able to calm her down and told her that I would talk to my siblings and let them know what’s going on, suggesting she have herself some hot tea and rest. Which she agreed to do.

Once off the phone, I created a group chat to message my siblings, thinking it would be faster than email. My sister turns her phone off when she’s at home, though, and didn’t respond until well past 1am. I was finally able to reach my brother in a side chat, and he only had time to ask if Mom had been eating those mandarins my sister had picked up for her. I completely forgot about those. My mother isn’t supposed to eat anything citrus, as it triggers her acid reflux, but my sister got them for her because she felt they were mild enough *sigh* and because my mother had a cold and needed the vitamin C.

For someone who was really sick with a cold, my mother had sounded really great on the phone. Just some mild coughing, towards the end of the conversation.

So I finally went to bed and didn’t see my sister’s response until past 6am.

After doing my morning rounds and having breakfast, I figured it was a good time to try calling my mother. Her morning med assist should have come and gone by then.

I’m happy to say that my mother reported feeling much better. The “pink medicine” (the Pepto) helped so much. Her stomach was hurting much less and her cold was getting better.

Her voice was sounding hoarser this morning, though, and she was coughing more throughout our conversation, but overall, she said she was improving.

I remembered to ask her if she’d been eating the mandarins. She bounced around the answer, saying things like, not this morning, or, let me check, and, only during the day (since she insists on eating foods that will trigger her acid reflux, I’ve suggested that she at least tries to eat only a small amount, early in the day, since it’s when she lies down to sleep that it really bothers her) and so on. So I concluded that she probably did have several of them before all this started, but wasn’t about to admit it.

We talked a bit about the list of foods I gave her that could cause her problems, and which were okay. I think the printout I gave her might still be taped up on one of her cupboard doors. I brought up tomatoes, because I knew my sister had been giving her tomatoes from her garden, first fresh, then canned, over the past while. She said, no, she’d already finished those off. My mother even had given me one of my sister’s jars of tomatoes a while back, because it was just tomatoes; my sister didn’t even put salt in it. 😄 I forgot to bring up onions, though. I think she does still have some of those. So anything citrus, anything in the onion family, and tomatoes are the things she most commonly eats that are causing her problems. She is on acid reflux medication, and I’d hate to see how bad it would be for her if she wasn’t! The Pepto helps her for these short term problems, though.

At one point, when I was asking her questions about how she was feeling and what she had been doing, she brought up dry mouth again – this time, blaming the mandarins. We talked about her need to hydrate, but she just doesn’t want to drink water! As she put it, her mouth wants water, but her stomach doesn’t.

I do get that, so we talked about other ways to hydrate, including through some kinds of foods.

With her voice being so rough and her coughing, I didn’t want to keep her talking on the phone for too long. I tried to say good bye a few times, but she kept finding other things to talk about, like how she had “forced herself” to change her bedding, and mopping her bedroom floor with disinfectant while her bed was moved away from the wall, and how she was so sick, she never even got out of her nightgown, all day…

Honestly, my mother has no idea how strong she is, and how well she’s doing. She’s practically indestructible, but constantly complaining about how sick she is and increasingly talking about how she is dying.

Today, though, she was able to recognized that yesterday was a combination of things that made her feel so much worse, and now she’s glad she didn’t go to the hospital.

I really do hope they are able to get her into some sort of assisted living soon. It’s so hard to know what’s going on with her, how much is real, how much is her deciding things are worse than they are, and so on. She really does need someone around that can monitor her. Between me and my siblings, none of us are in a position to be that for her.

After I was done talking to her on the phone, I updated my siblings. My sister later reported on her own phone tall to my mother. It seems she’d picked up some cup-o-soup for my mother when she did her grocery shopping for her – something my mother would never had bought for herself – and that Mom was going to have some for lunch.

So all is improving with my mother.

Meanwhile, it has been slowly snowing throughout most of the day. We have another ongoing weather warning for “snow showers” right now, because we’re at only -3C/27F, though the wind chill puts us at -12C/10F. It’s supposed to keep snowing, heavily, at times, until about 3am. It’s also supposed to slowly keep getting colder overnight until we reach about -11C/12F by about 7am, and stay that temperature all day.

Hopefully, the roads will be cleared and no longer slippery, by the time I have to go to my mother’s, tomorrow, for her telephone doctor’s appointment.

For now, though, it does look all peaceful outside, and I’m much relieved that my mother is doing better today.

The Re-Farmer

First snow – sort of – and things went well

November 21, 2024 / Re-Farmer / 3 Comments

It seems so odd, having my daughter doing the morning rounds so I can sleep in. 😄

I still wake up at first light, just out of habit, but I at least got another hour or so of sleep in after that. I do miss seeing all the kitties first thing in the morning, though!

Today was my mother’s appointment in the city for eye treatment, and I needed to be on the road by 10:30am. Knowing that we’d be on the road at lunch time, and that it would be hours before we could eat, I made sure to have a late breakfast before heading out.

I was a bit surprised to see actual snow on the ground. I suppose this is technically our first snow.

It was still there, sort of, when I got home. We had so much rain, I wasn’t expecting to see any.

Unfortunately, that rain did cause another problem – it froze the lock on the gate! I lost a few minutes, warming it up so I could unlock it and open the gate. Thankfully, when I work out times to get places, I try to factor in extra time, just for stuff like this!

Also for stuff like stopping for gas. Usually, I would do that before picking up my mother, but I told her when to expect me and the delay had me running later than that, so I went to her place first. We left pretty much right away so I could stop for gas, then continued on.

The drive in went really well. The roads were clear (unlike other parts of the province, where highways were still closed due to icy conditions), traffic went smoothly, there was no construction or accidents or any delays. We actually got to the clinic an hour early!

Which worked out. By the time my mother was checked in and we went to the waiting room, it wasn’t long at all before she was called in for the first part of her appointment, at least 40 minutes early!

The first thing was to check her eye with the eye chart – she couldn’t see even a single letter with her right eye, just dark – then dilate the eye so they could get pictures. After a few minutes to dilate, she was taken to another room for the scan.

Thankfully, they didn’t have to try and get video this time, because it was hard enough just to get a clear still shot. The poor guy kept trying to find a way to get her to focus in one spot and stop moving her eye, but she kept trying to look for something to focus on. How do you focus on something you can’t see? Her eye was darting all over the place. Then she started cranking her head to one side, trying to find something she could see, which put her eye outside the machine’s frame. We both tried to find a way to tell her to just try and look straight ahead to where the thought the green X she couldn’t see was supposed to be, and not move.

He did eventually get the shots he needed, though, and then it was off to a different waiting room. After a while, the doctor swung by and told my mother she could go into the next room, but in the time it took use to get her up and moving with her walker, he was gone. We didn’t know which room she was supposed to go into. So she sat on her walker while we looked around to see if he’d come by again which, unfortunately, put my mother in the way in an intersection of hallways.

We were next to a room with an open door that had the computer monitors up and running, though, and the eye images looked familiar. So I went in and looked around on the screens for a name. Sure enough, it was my mother’s file, so that was the room she was supposed to go into.

I told her this, but she wouldn’t move, because the doctor wasn’t there to tell her to go into there.

We waited a few more minutes until a door in the next room opened. The doctor was there with another patient. He was surprised to see us, so I quickly told him, we didn’t see which room he’d indicated and, while I saw her name on the screen in the one room, my mother was refusing to go in. So he came out and assured her that it was the right space before returning to his patient. He was very apologetic when he came back later. He said he had indicated which room and I told him, we simply missed it. I did actually see his arm wave, but couldn’t tell where he was waving us to.

At this point, he went over the images from the past two visits, plus the new ones, for comparison. He asked how my mother felt and she said, she saw no change. Which is actually a good thing, since it means things are not getting worse. The scans show improvement, but she’s not seeing a change because of the scar tissue. There is nothing that can be done about that.

He gave her the option of not getting the treatment at all today. There is still some blood in her eye, but very little. All they can do is keep it from getting worse. At this stage, if she skipped the treatment, he couldn’t say, one way or the other, if the bleeding would come back or not. She would have to come back for monitoring, but not for a couple of months. At the same time, he didn’t want to put her through the treatment, she didn’t want it.

My mother’s response was, we’re here, so we may as well do it!

Once that was decided, he then took care of the freezing and antibiotic drops, then the freezing injection, which needs 7 minutes before the final injections. While we were waiting, we kept talking, and the doctor was trying to explain again that all he could do right now was try to keep things from getting worse.

Then my mother asked if getting new glasses would help.

*sigh*

There’s two problems with her question. One is, she isn’t understanding that the problem is scar tissue. No prescription lens is going to make a difference for her right eye. Her left eye, maybe, but that’s it. I told her, if she wanted to, she could wear her new glasses, which would make a difference for her left eye, but no glasses will help with her right eye, which the doctor confirmed.

Which leads to the other problem with her question. She’s been refusing to wear her new glasses because they didn’t make her headaches go away. Her macular degeneration had not started when she had her eyes tested and got her new glasses, but it must have started very soon after. My mother simply decided that the problems with her vision were being caused by the new glasses, which she decided was because the eye doctor gave her the wrong prescription – and she’d already re-written her memory about how they treated her when I brought her to pick up the new glasses. She had also been angry about how much the glasses cost, thinking they should still cost as much as glasses did decades ago. Add in that the eye doctor was female, which my mother views as even worse that her being Asian, and my mother was quite ready to blame the eye doctor, even though it’s entirely possible my mother had messed up her own prescription. I was in the room while she was being tested, and I could see that it’s possible she started giving answers because she was tired and not able to actually tell one setting from another, or not giving herself the time to see. The doctor that referred her to this clinic, however, was a male, so in her mind, he would get it right, because males are better at such things than females. 🫤 The specialist treating her is Asian, but he’s male, so that sort of makes up for it, in her mind. 🫤

After the seven minutes where up, the doctor moved on to the next steps. Unfortunately, the doctor was having the same problem the tech was. My mother couldn’t stop moving her eye. Or moving in general. When asked to open her eyes wide, she would raise her eyebrows, but that did nothing to open her eyes any wider. At one point, she moved her eye during an injection, resulting in a scratch. That got the disinfectant drops right away. Then with another injection, he had it all ready and was about to do it when he stopped and left the room. He’d spotted that my mother had managed to breathe, possibly spit on, the freshly exposed needle just before he moved it to her eye. He wasn’t going to take any chances, and got a new needle.

This was the first time the treatment hurt for my mother, and that would be because of the movement during an injection. Every time she blinked her eye after that, she felt pain, even with the freezing.

Besides that, everything went smoothly and quickly. The doctor said for her to come back in 2 or 3 months, but there would be no injection. They would just need to check her eye.

After asking my mother about it, we went with an appointment in three months. Of course, if there is any pain that might suggest a possible infection, she is to come back right away, or if the clinic is closed, to go to a specific ER in the city that can deal with eye issues.

Overall, the whole thing went well and smoothly. My mother didn’t try to get out of the appointment. She seemed to be in good spirits and feeling stronger than I’ve seen her in a while. No sudden changes in behaviour or strange rants. Even while driving, there was only one time when she suddenly screamed because she didn’t like how close she thought I was getting to another vehicle, as I was maneuvering into the disabled parking spot. I had plenty of space, but her exclamation was enough to potentially cause an accident, all on its own. Thankfully, it was in a parking lot, not in the middle of traffic. I had to remind her of my number one rule in the vehicle: no distracting the driver!

Not only did she seem in good spirits and was having one of her good days in behaviour, she actually expressed gratitude and complimented me, without any passive aggressive criticisms at the same time. Which is actually quite out of character for her, most of the time.

I’ll take the good when it happens, and be thankful for it!

After the appointment, it was straight back to her town with only a stop at the gas station to pick up fried chicken and wedges for a very, very late lunch. Plus milk, the only thing she was out of at home! With Meals on Wheels coming by three times a week, her groceries are lasting a lot longer.

While we were having our very late lunch, it was still too early for her to take her supper time medications. She’d gotten a call this morning from the home care scheduler, saying they didn’t have anyone who could come by this morning. They are supposed to come in between 7 and 9 am – and my mom got the call at 9! She’d already gotten up and had them with her breakfast, at 6am. When she had her medication assist before bed last night, she mentioned that she was going into the city today and wasn’t sure if she’d be back in time for the supper medication assist, which the scheduler did have in her notes. In the end, my mother told them not to come in for both remaining visits today. She knew she would be tired, and the timing of their visits have sometimes been disruptive for her. After telling me this, I made sure to get her supper medications ready in the miniature tagine pinch pot I brought for her for her medications. She can see how many pills are in there, and it has an adorable little cover.

As we were talking, however, she noticed something on her table and picked it up – and it turned out to be a half pill from her morning medications! She hadn’t used the little pinch pot first, after taking them out of the blister pack, and put them straight into her mouth. She had dropped one without noticing!

Oops.

At least she did find it again.

I didn’t stay too much longer after that, as I was feeling pretty tired, too. I also left early enough to stop at the post office on the way home. Canada Post is on strike right now, but that doesn’t stop the junk mail from being delivered. 🫤🫤 There did turn out to be a Purolator package waiting for us, though.

When I got home, I had a whole crowd of yard cats waiting for me! It was time for their evening feeding, so I took care of that, while one of my daughters took care of the inside cat feeding.

I tried to do a head count, and I might have counted 36, but they were moving around so much, I may have counted some, twice.

I also found a collar on the sun room floor. Nosy keeps managing to get his off. This time, I spotted a cat I thought might be Collin. After checking his ear for a tattoo, I put the collar on him, instead. He’s the one fixed cat that is the hardest to tell apart from the other white and greys! Nosy and Stinky at least have distinctive markings.

The Cat Lady had ordered some kibble for us from Amazon, but it got delivered to her place instead, for some reason. We missed being able to meet up during my trip to pick up kibble after my daughter’s doctor visit yesterday, so I messaged her about possibly meeting tomorrow. She’ll see what her schedule is like and message me back in the morning.

All in all, everything went really well today. We’ll just need to monitor my mother in regards to how her eye is feeling.

I like it when things are nice and smooth and boring. I’m at a stage in my life where the less excitement there is, the better! 😄😄

I’m also really appreciating our lack of snow right now. I’ve got a lot of driving around to do in the last week of November and the first week of December, between medical appointments and stock up shopping trips. I don’t mind the colder temperatures we’re going to be getting. I just want the roads to stay clear! Looking at the long range forecasts, into December, it’s almost looking as if we’ll be getting a green Christmas! When we lived in the city, we had quite a few of those, even though we lived further north than we do now. Granted, we also would get snow in June or July, so it’s a trade off I’m okay with! 😄 Still, this old body could do without snow for the rest of my life, if I could manage it! 😄

Ah, well. It is what it is! I’m just going to be thankful for what we have now. 😊😊

The Re-Farmer

Everything is all right

November 20, 2024 / Re-Farmer / 2 Comments

Well, I’m happy to say that my daughter’s visit to the doctor today went well, and it’s nothing serious. The dizziness was caused by her inner ear.

She also had high blood pressure, though once I heard her numbers, I think it is likely to be “white coat syndrome”. She got a prescription, but we won’t be able to fill it for a while. Once we got home, my husband called the pharmacy to ask how much it was, as our daughters are not covered by his insurance. They couldn’t say, exactly, because it’s currently unavailable, and they don’t know when it will be available again. Still, the approximate cost they were able to give us is well within our prescription budget.

Since we were a walk in, my daughter was seen in between appointments, so we ended up waiting about 2 1/2 hours, give or take a few minutes. We did get to see a new doctor we’d heard excellent reviews for, who also happens to be open for new patients. I’d had it suggested that we switch my mother to this new doctor, since she doesn’t like her current one, because she’s black, female and has a strong accent. I’ve advised against switching doctors because she’s in the middle of trying to get into long term care or assisted living, and changing doctors would set things back.

It turns out, my mother wouldn’t like this doctor, anyhow. She’s black, female and has a strong accent. It just happens to be a British accent instead of a Nigerian one. 😄😄

My daughter, however, really likes her. She listened to what my daughter had to say, didn’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions, and actually took her seriously. After examining her to try and find a cause of the dizziness, which involved sitting my daughter on the edge of the examination table, then flinging her down onto her side abruptly, it was determined that it’s an inner ear problem. My daughter was written up for blood work, and there’s a lab just down the hall from the clinic, so that got done as soon as we booked a follow up appointment in two weeks. This will be to both get the test results and for an official “meet and greet”, so that this doctor will officially be my daughter’s doctor.

In two weeks, I’ve got an appointment for another field of vision test. The eye clinic is just a few blocks away from the medical clinic, and my appointment is in the afternoon. My daughter has to come along to drive me home, since my eyes will be dilated – hopefully, her dizziness will not be an issue by then! So we booked for the same morning.

Unfortunately, the only morning appointment they had was at 8:45. Which means we need to be on the road by at least 7:30, if not earlier. It’ll be a long day, but I don’t mind. My daughter and I can hang out together and have a lunch date in between appointments.

The town we had to go to is most of the way to the small city with the Walmart we go to, in between the big city shopping trips. My daughter felt well enough to go there, instead of figuring out where to find cheap kibble in the town we were in. As we were driving, she read from the printouts she got, which was much funnier than they probably intended.

The short version:

What is the cause? It could be this, it could be that, or it could be nothing at all. We don’t know.

What is the treatment? do this exercise that involves sitting on the side of the bed, then flinging yourself bodily down onto your side abruptly, several times. Repeat the process three times a day.

Why does this treatment work? we have no idea. It just does.

We found that incredibly funny. Especially the “exercise” instructions.

When we got to the Walmart, my daughter stayed in the truck while I did the shopping, as she got more dizzy spells along the way. We didn’t need much, so it wasn’t long before we were on our way home again.

During the drive home, though, we got a message from my husband. He found broken glass on the floor in my office/bedroom, where there is food for the cats. It turned out that the cats had knocked over a glass jar I had on my window sill, filled with pretty beach rocks. Thankfully, the glass broke but didn’t shatter into a million pieces, like some types of glass does. Still, the cat food in the tray had to be thrown out, and I’m probably going to be finding beach rocks on my floor for days!

Meanwhile, tomorrow, I am off again to take my mother for her eye treatment. I called and left a message for her, and she just called back. She didn’t try to get out of it at all, which was good.

What was not good was finding out she had visitors. Our vandal and his wife. Apparently, he’s still getting chemo or something. He behaves when his wife is with him, but after hearing the message he left at my brother’s cell number, she seems to finally understand that when there are other people around, it’s the “nice” him, but those phone calls are the real him.

She still can’t bring herself to tell him to not come around anymore. She told me she tried to recommend he was a religious program she enjoys every morning, and talk to him about turning to God. Apparently, he has some pretty nasty things to say about the show she watches, even with his wife there, so she was not happy.

I do hope the process for getting my mother into long term care or assisted living happens soon. The faster she can move out of where she is, the sooner we can make sure he can’t show up at her place anymore. Hopefully, we can even keep him from finding out where she ended up living but, if nothing else, we’d be able to tell the staff that he’s not allowed to see her for security reasons.

I so wish we didn’t have to do this. We used to be so close. The person he used to be, however, is gone.

Mental illness can be very cruel. Especially if it’s a type where a person can hide it and be “normal”, even from their own spouses.

It is what it is, though. We can only work with the hand we’re dealt with.

As for tomorrow, my mother and I have worked out our schedule, and what time we have to be on the road for. The high for tomorrow is supposed to be below freezing, but no rain or snow, so the roads should be clear.

It’s going to be a long day away from home, though.

I’ll have to remind my family to keep checking my office/bedroom to make sure the cats aren’t destroying it while I’m gone!

🫤🫤

The Re-Farmer

Well, now! That’s short notice.

November 14, 2024 / Re-Farmer / Leave a comment

First up, I’m happy to say that I did NOT end up having a bad pain day today. With how I was feeling last night, I was rather concerned, but it seems to have worked itself out. Plus, my daughter is doing the morning rounds, and that allowed me to sleep in.

As for my potential plans to work outside, that didn’t happen. It was too wet out for the sort of work I wanted to do. It wasn’t even really raining, either. More fog and mist all morning.

So I was just about to start cleaning out litter boxes when I got a phone call from my mother.

She started out asking how things were going, so I told her about some of things I did yesterday, and things I planned to do tomorrow, which is supposed to be warmer and mostly sunny – though the predicted high keeps changing! At one point, my weather app was telling me we could get as warm as 10C/50F, but I just checked it, and it’s now saying the high will be only 7C/45F Which is still nice. More importantly, it’s supposed to be dry, so I should be able to get certain jobs involving power tools done!

Then I asked how she was doing.

Well… she’s out of milk, of course.

*sigh*

I keep asking her to please have me do her grocery shopping before she runs out of everything, but she refuses. If there’s food in the house, she says, she has to eat it. Temptation.

She wanted me to come tomorrow, of course.

It was barely mid afternoon when she called me (though it was already starting to get dark!), so I suggested I head over right away, instead. That threw her for a bit, as she thought it was much later. She wanted to go to the bank, and wasn’t sure it if would be open still.

It would be, of course.

So I updated the family, quickly changed and was soon out the door. When I got to her place, my mother was ready and waiting, with her winter parka on! We quickly went over her list, then headed out, first to her bank.

Going in and out of the vehicle for that was the limit for her, though, so she stayed in the truck while I did the grocery shopping next.

By the time everything was done and her groceries put away, she wanted me to stay for a visit, but it was getting near sunset. I didn’t want to be driving home in the dark. Too many deer!

When I got to the truck, I checked my phone before I headed out. I’m glad I did! There was a message from my husband, with a phone number. The septic company had called and needed me to call back for a confirmation that they could come over.

Tomorrow morning!

I called them immediately.

The first thing they needed to confirm was where we are. He tried finding our physical address on an online map, found a road with the municipal number, but it ends well to the south of us. I had to explain that the part that goes past our place isn’t listed on the maps, and gave him country directions. Then we confirmed things like making sure the gate would be open. They should be here around 8:30-9am. I also told him about the other gate, with the chain and electric fence across it, that they’ll need to go through, but that just needed to be unhooked. The renter’s cows aren’t here now, so the electric fence isn’t powered.

That done, it was time to go home. I did take advantage of being her town, though, and stopped at the feed store for a 40 pound bag of cat food before heading home.

Now I’m doubly glad I convinced my mother to let me do her grocery shopping today!

What I’m hoping is that we won’t need to hook up the diverter for the septic tank. I really don’t want to punch a hole through the insulated opening and run the septic into the maple grove. So tonight, we’ll be doing as much of the water stuff as we can. Showers before 7:30am. Dishes washed. Cooking that included draining off water. The only thing we don’t have to worry about it the laundry, since we’re still running the drainage hose out the front door, anyhow.

As for how long things will take, it’s hard to say. If everything goes smoothly, it could take as little as 4 hours. If things don’t go smoothly, it could take 8 hours.

The fact that the expeller started working again, though not to its full capacity, may be a good thing. It means the area that was so saturated before isn’t a quagmire anymore.

Well, we’ll see how it goes.

It’s going to be an interesting day, tomorrow!

The Re-Farmer

Today’s progress

November 8, 2024 / Re-Farmer / Leave a comment

Since one of my tasks for the day was to help my mother with errands, I didn’t have anything in particular that I had on my list to do at home. That was more of a “squeeze in what you can, when you can” thing.

The day, of course, started with feeding the outside cats and doing my morning rounds. One thing I noticed, when checking the critter cam in the sun room during the night, was that there were fewer cats piled on top of each other on the platform, or on the makeshift cat bed under the heat lamp. I hope that means cats have discovered that the upper level of the isolation shelter is nice and warm!

By the time I come out with their food, though, they’re all crowded in the sun room, or just outside! This morning, I counted 33. Maybe. I might have counted a couple, twice. Which seems odd to me. We had as many as 50, not that long ago – a sudden jump from a high of 40, so 10 cats just sort of showed up. Now, we’re down by more than that. I’m even noticing the difference in the kibble. For a while, I’d go around the various areas I put kibble out, with some further from the house for the shiest of the ferals, and find all the kibble in and near the sun room absolutely gone by the time I got back. There were even times when I could see they were still hungry and added more. Now, not only do they not finish off the kibble immediately, but when I come out later, there is still some left!

Which is great for the kibble supply lasting longer, but it also tells me that these “extra” cats are simply gone, rather than possibly showing up later on.

I’m not sure what to make of that.

When arranging to go to my mother’s today, she reminded me that she was getting her Meals on Wheels this morning, and suggested I bring some take out for myself. She even offered to pay me for it! It took a while, but I eventually found out why. The last time, I made a point of eating my lunch before coming over, and just had a cup of tea while she had her lunch. Turns out, she didn’t want me to be sitting there watching, while she ate, and not eating as well! 😄

So I headed out early enough to stop at the Chinese restaurant next to her place and got myself some kung pao chicken. It was a “chef’s suggestion” that I decided to try.

I won’t be having it again.

Don’t get me wrong; it was quite delicious!

Unfortunately, though, when it said it was “mild”… well, I can’t tolerate even “mild” spiciness. It was just past the edge of “too much”. I ate it anyway, because it was so good, but it’s now on the list of things I know I won’t be ordering in the future.

Alas.

When my mother’s Meals in Wheels was delivered, we chatted a bit with the social worker that is the volunteer delivery person. As we were talking, my mother noticed the beautiful Remembrance Day pin she was wearing, and asked where she got it from. The social worker responded by taking it off and giving it to her! My mother tried to refuse, but she wouldn’t hear of it. We did find out she got it from the local pharmacy. My mother was still trying to say she wanted to pay for it, so I told her that I would be going to the pharmacy anyhow, with her list, so I could make a donation.

We had already gone over her list before lunch, so as soon as we were done, I headed out. First stop was the pharmacy. When I got to the cash desk, I found the manager was manning the tills. This new manager is really nice. During the illegal lock downs and mandates, this manager was the reason that particular pharmacy was on the black list for abusive behaviour towards people with medical exemptions.

I remembered to ask about the pin, telling him about the social worker giving my mother hers. He told me these pins – there turned out to be three designs – sold out very quickly. These are from the Legion, and he told the person that provided them that next year, they should make more of them! He had one buy 14 of them! When he asked her, are you sure? she told him she had many family members she would be gifting them to. That was awesome.

I asked how much they were, and he said he was telling them for $6 – and all the proceeds went to the Legion. So I made that my donation (not out of my mother’s envelope of funds for her purchases, of course).

The next stop was the grocery store. Thanks to her Meals on Wheels, she doesn’t need a lot, plus there were some good sales on. The pharmacy had some really good sales, too, so the total was a lot less than she was expecting, this time, even when I got her a couple of extras things that I knew she would enjoy.

After the shopping was brought in and put away, my mother asked me to do some light housework for her, as well, so I stayed a bit longer. I could see that she was really struggling to move around, today, though there were times when I wondered how much of it she was doing to herself. She has an unfortunate habit of latching on to things that somehow “make her feel better” that are… questionable, shall we say. One of those things is burping. On the one hand, she’ll tell me that she’s burping a lot, making it sound like she’s having digestion problems – then tells me that burping helps with her breathing. So as she’s moving around the apartment and getting out of breath, she start actually forcing herself to burp.

The problem is, as a couple of different doctors have tried to explain to her, is more one of conditioning. She’s out of breath because she’s out of shape.

Which no one is expecting her to do anything about. She’s 93 years old with busted up knees. While she does take part in the group exercises the social workers run in her building a couple of times a week, that’s not going to make a difference. She also says she “does exercises” every morning, but these are some strange exercises done in bed she was taught to do when she was a child in school – in Poland, before WWII. I’ve asked her to describe them to me, and I honestly am not quite sure what they are meant to improve. Not that it matters. She really doesn’t understand how absolutely amazing she’s doing, overall. Instead, she complains about her breathing and chest pains (her lungs are in great shape. So is her heart). As near as anyone can figure out, she’s dealing with 93 years of childhood subsistence living, surviving a war, starting over in a new country, having 5 kids and decades of living here on the farm, two sticks ahead of the stone ages, catching up to her.

She really is doing amazing!

Anyhow…

By the time I was done at my mother’s and heading home, it was mid afternoon. Once home, I popped back out to give the outside cats a light feeding, then checked things around the yard. Three of the boys have now lost their collars, and I was hoping to find them somewhere. One of them lost his three or four times, but each time, I found it in one of the cat beds on their platform in the sunroom and got it back on him, but this time, he managed to loose it somewhere I can’t find.

Ah, well. I’ll try and pick up more of them, when the store restocks. I specifically want the breakaway collars that have reflective stitches on them, and I’m only finding them in one place. At least it’s a dollar store, so they are quite affordable!

As I was coming back in again, I found this adorable sight.

The white and grey adult cat is Stinky, and he’s one that lost his collar almost immediately. He is a very friendly boy, which is why we were able to get him in and fixed, along with three other friendly males, not long ago.

The ball of fluff cuddling him is one of the more feral kittens. I had to zoom in to get this shot because, as soon as I came closer, it took off! The kitten making strange has me thinking it’s probably female. They are almost always the hardest ones to socialize!

Later on, I made sure to come back out to get as much done outside as I could, before the light faded and the temperature dropped too much. I finally got around to taking the netting and supports off the bed that had the sugar snap peas and Uzbek Golden carrots.

The netting was the worst. Absolutely everything wants to get caught in it – including cats!

As I was going back and forth to where I’m setting all the netting and supports before sorting through and packing them up for the winter, I spotted this grand old lady.

Rolando Moon was enjoying a sun spot on the roof! The cats like to visit the upstairs windows, and watch my daughters while they are on their computers. 😁

By the time I got everything but the T posts untied, untangled, cleared up and put away, it was getting dark fast, so I will continue tomorrow.

The forecast for tomorrow is now down to 11C/52F, and it’s supposed to be the last double digit (Celsius) day of the month. After that, we don’t have may more days left where the highs are expected to be above freezing. So tomorrow, I want to make one last push to get certain jobs done. Others will just have to wait until spring.

I’ve been hearing that “they” are now predicting a mild winter. It seems we won’t be getting a strong La Nińa year, after all. I certainly hope that turns out to be true. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I now dread winter. Even though the cold doesn’t bother me like it used to, it’s what the cold does that concerns me. With winter, we always need to consider that there may be days, or weeks, where we won’t be able to get out anywhere due to weather, or that the power might fail, or… well… you know how it can be. Things happen, and we need to be prepared for them, just in case! We may not be totally isolated, but there have been times since we’ve moved out here where we may as well have been!

Everything is a trade off. For us, though, it’s still better than living in the city! 😄😄

The Re-Farmer

A sudden outing, and wow. Just… wow

November 3, 2024 / Re-Farmer / 3 Comments

With today being an inside day, I did finally start working on editing the garden tour video I have planned.

Then I got a message from my SIL.

My brother was soon to be on his way to our mother’s, to put her AC away for the winter – something he hasn’t had the time to do for weeks. Did I want to be there?

Of course!

Being able to see my brother is always a joy.

However, my presence would also help prevent some of the nasties my mother likes to throw at him when no one else is around.

By the time I headed out, the predicted rain had hit us, and it was pouring! The driveway was already full of water. It was also full dark by then, so the drive to my mother’s town was NOT done at highway speeds!

I left our place not that long after he left his, and he still got there before I did! I didn’t realize that until he phoned me, asking if I could pick up some milk for our mother. The grocery store was closed by then, because it’s Sunday, so I made a dash to a gas station to get some milk for her. By the time I got inside, he was almost finished, so there wasn’t much left for me to help with.

Then we sat for a visit and a chat.

A somewhat serious chat.

It turned out our vandal showed up to visit my mother recently. My mother didn’t remember the exact day, but it was a day when her Meals on Wheels arrived, so we know it was at least on a Monday, Wednesday or Friday.

She was all impressed that he’d brought some chicken drumsticks for lunch, though he ate them himself because she had her meal delivered while he was there.

Her big surprise was when the social worker that volunteers to deliver this not only knew our vandal, but greeted him with a big hug.

There were a few other things she crowed over with his visit, which really bothered my brother and I. It doesn’t seem to matter how badly our vandal acts; all he has to do is bring some chicken or go to a town meeting she approved of, and she can’t say enough good about him.

The conversation did remind my brother that he had another “carrier message” voicemail notification from his phone. He’d deliberately not listened to it because the only calls like that have been from our vandal, even though his number is blocked, and my brother just didn’t need that stress in the middle of everything they’ve been doing with the move.

So he brought up the message, and all three of us listened to it.

Yes, it was from our vandal.

Wow.

It was absolutely vile.

Some of the things he was saying about me and my daughters were just disgusting, mostly centered on our weight, the fact that we don’t “work” (meaning, not having outside jobs he considers real jobs), and involved a lot of swearing.

There were a number of other things that showed he was just making things up in his own head, some of which left us scratching ours, trying to figure out how he came to those conclusions.

He somehow found out about my saying something on Facebook – my personal page – about our hot water tank and went on a bizarre tangent about that. Apparently, if we had outside jobs, the tank would… not break? Magically fix itself? I have no idea.

He has obviously noticed that there are a lot of commotion and things showing up here at the farm. He made a comment about it, lamenting that he can’t come over to see, because he would instantly end up in prison.

That’s not how things work, but if it keeps him away, I’m good with him believing that.

He has no idea what’s going on, and it seems to be driving him bonkers.

As horrible as the things he was saying was, my mother needed to hear it. The version of him that shows up at her place lately is not the real him. These phone messages are the real him. He is absolutely obsessed with his hatred of me and my daughters (he seems to forget my husband exists). He used to direct this hate at my brother, and still tries to say that our late father wanted this property to be bequeathed to our vandal, not my brother. Meanwhile, we have a telephone message my father left on my brother’s answering machine, shortly before he died, saying he wanted it to go to my brother.

Thankfully, ownership has already been transferred to my brother, so it is safe. There is nothing about it in my mother’s will for our vandal to try and contest.

This was quite a wake up for my mother, to hear all this. This message would have been left shortly before or after he had visited my mother in person. She should not be allowing him in. Perhaps after hearing this, she may stop. Unlikely, but it’s one more reason it would be better for my mother to be in a long term care facility, as she wants. Our vandal doesn’t have to know where she is, and if he does find out, he can be on file as not allowed to see her.

It also got us to talking about what he seems to be trying to do. He somehow seems to think my mother can still give him the farm, as if she could somehow take ownership back from my brother. Our vandal has his own acreage, and oodles of equipment and out building and vehicles… he is quite well set up. He doesn’t need this place, nor anything on it.

It’s not about him wanting it for himself so much as to make sure I don’t have it – even though it’s my brother that owns it. He is a shining example of what it means to “covet” something. To covet is not just to want something that someone else has, but to take what someone else has from them.

So… Marxism on an individual scale. 😄

Even my mother was able to understand this.

All in all, it did put a downer on the visit but, considering how my mother responded to our vandal showing up at her place, it was really important that she hear it, and that we could talk about it with her.

We couldn’t stay too much longer, though. My brother no longer takes vacation days on Mondays, now that the move is done and the new owners have taken possession of the property they sold, so he had to get back home. Their new place is slightly closer, but it’s still at least an hour’s drive for him. Plus, there was a break in the rain that wasn’t going to last long, so I wanted to get home before it hit again, too.

I will be back to help my mother with her grocery shopping and errands soon, but she needs this far less often, now that she’s got the Meals on Wheels deliveries.

The weather predictions for the next while look pretty mild, so hopefully I’ll get more done outside. Tomorrow, however, I’m hoping to get the truck loaded up with the bags of aluminum again, and this time actually make it to the scrap yard! The rain is supposed to continue until about 10am tomorrow, but I’ve got a tarp over the sorted bags, so that should make loading the truck less unpleasant!

We shall see what the day brings.

Meanwhile, time to get back to editing some video…

The Re-Farmer

Finally home

October 25, 2024 / Re-Farmer / 2 Comments

Today it was arranged for me to go back to my mother’s place to help her with basic home stuff. These are the things my mother needs help with, but that Home Care out here doesn’t provide. Light housekeeping. Laundry. That sort of thing.

Of course, I stared my day with my morning rounds. This morning, I used some stock from the crockpot in the liquid I used to soak kibble for the outside cats.

Oh, my goodness, did they ever love it!

The kibble I picked up recently was the Walmart economy brand – we needed quantity over quality, this time. It didn’t absorb as much liquid as some other brands we’ve tried. That made carrying the bowl I use, without sloshing everywhere, rather more challenging! Of course, the first trays I add food to are in the sun room, and it’s easier to just put the bowl down in the middle of the floor and start scooping.

Thankfully, the scoop I have is larger and fairly deep, so scooping so much liquid works fine.

Of course, as soon as the bowl was on the floor, it was inundated by cats, already starting to eat, which made for another challenge to scooping it out!

This time, though, the cats were for more interested in the excess liquid. Hoo boy, where they ever excited with this treat!

This is definitely something we want to do more often. Especially in the winter, when not only having warm food first thing in the morning will be a help, so will the extra fat and nutrients in the liquid.

After the morning errands and breakfast were done, my first stop was the post office. Our powered anode rod has been in for a while, but we haven’t been able to pick it up until today. I was also able to mail my mother’s payment for her ambulance bill; she doesn’t trust her local post office, nor does she trust their outside mail box. She says some of her mail to Poland never arrived, and she’s convinced the staff at the local post office kept it back, because one of them mistook a letter she was sending as being to Ukraine, rather than Poland. As for the outside mail box, it got stolen and broken into, some time before we moved out here, so more than 7 years ago.

🫤

Anyhow. It’s sent, and hopefully, it’s made out to the right name, because there was nothing on the bill to specify who to make a check out to, since hardly anyone uses checks anymore.

With all that, plus a quick stop for some gas, I got to my mother’s at about 11, which is the time I normally get there when I’m planning to run errands for her. I did pick up a treat to go with our tea, though.

I was there for just a few minutes when my cell phone started ringing. That happens so rarely, I’m always surprised by it. 😄 It turned out to be our mechanic. When I called about having our truck towed to them, I spoke to one of his employees, as he wasn’t there, nor was he there when the truck was dropped off. He just found a note with the keys and my phone number on it, so he wanted to know why it was towed in!

I explained to him what happened and what we did, just to get the truck home. After hearing that, his initial thought was that some gunk got into the switch – that’s now three different people who have suggested this being the most likely reason the alert kept going, and the pressure gauge kept dropping, even after we’d added as much oil as we did. I told him we were already planning to book an oil change (after we had to cancel it when I booked it about a month and a half ago), with a diagnostic to figure out why the check engine like was on. My OBD II scanner gives several possible reasons, not nothing definitive. Once he had that information, he could take a look at it and know what he was looking for!

I haven’t heard from him since then, so that tells me he wasn’t able to do that today. This is something he would do in between other customer bookings, when he has a bay open, so that could take a while.

Of course, my mother was hearing bits and pieces of the call, so she was wondering about how that was going, so I explained it a bit before we got to work.

One of the first things she asked me to do was to check the schedule in the laundry room. It turns out her apartment was blocked off for 1-3pm. There two other apartments blocked off for the morning, but no one was doing laundry at the time. Lunch hour wasn’t blocked off for anyone on any day. We figured it would be fine to start early – but maybe not too early.

After getting her laundry out and sorting it the way she wanted, we settled in for some tea and conversation until her Meals on Wheels was delivered. The volunteer delivering it was one of the social workers that comes regularly for planned activities. When she got there, she told my mother that someone from Home Care had come out yesterday, but she wasn’t home. We asked what time, and she said at about 1pm.

My mother’s appointment in the city was at 1pm!

Normally if there is something going on, Home Care calls me, first, as I am the primary contact person. If they did, I could have told them my mother wasn’t going to be home at that time, but no one called either of us. All the social worker knew was that it was something about meals, and not about my mother’s medical assist visits.

They really should have called first. The social worker figures they’ll try and stop by again, later, but when she first brought it up, it sounded like she thought my mother had an appointment with them, then skipped out on it. We figure it has something to do with the bulk meal preparation we were originally going to get for my mother, until she decided to go with Meals on Wheels instead. I think the Meals on Wheels is the better choice for her. I don’t think she could tolerate someone preparing and packing up meals in her apartment for 2 hours for very long, even if it was every two weeks. Plus, she is so happy with the Meals on Wheels food she is getting!

After she had her lunch, we made up a grocery shopping list for her, then I started her laundry. Her building has two washers and two driers, so I got both washers going, then headed out to do her grocery shopping. With having prepared meals delivered three days a week, it reduces her grocery list a fair bit, so I was done, back and put everything away before the washing machines were done!

After her first loads went into the drier and her last load was started, I took advantage of her watching daily mass on TV and did some sweeping and dishwashing and whatever else I could see that needed doing, then sat and finished watching mass with her.

I did have a bit of a mystery that got solved while I was sweeping up.

Shortly after I got there, and I got the call from the garage while she was getting dressed for the day, I saw her taking a bucket of urine from her room to the bathroom. I figured she was finally using the commode in her room, but couldn’t see it. While sweeping in her bedroom, I saw that it was gone, and there was a table where it used to be.

It turned out to be in the living room, covered with a cloth and being used as a table.

I don’t understand why she refuses to use the commode. Her bucket fits perfectly into the pan it comes with, so she doesn’t have to struggle to remove a pan that would need to be carried with two hands. Instead, she’s squatting over a bucket? With her wrecked knees? I just don’t get it!

Well, we can’t force her to use the thing, I guess.

While sweeping, I also found one of the traps left by the exterminator and checked it out. There were plenty of insects stuck in it – it’s that time of year, when more of them come into the warmth – but no sign of bed bugs that I could tell. I was looking closely while going through her laundry and while sweeping, too. Nothing. The exterminators still need to come one more time, and she should have gotten the notification letter telling her when they’ll be coming by now, but she hasn’t mentioned anything to any of us.

We’ll have to be on top of this, so we don’t have a repeat of her almost getting herself evicted for refusing to let them in.

Anyhow…

My mother had told me she would fold her laundry herself, but I did that for her. I was going to need the basket for her last load, anyhow. She also had some things that were too heavy for her that I moved, and others that needed to be tucked up higher than she could reach for winter storage.

All in all, I was there for about five hours. My mother was really tired by then, too. She’s still having trouble sleeping at night, but with all this going on, she wasn’t able to nap during the day, either. She was still going to get two medical assists for her medications, with one of them typically about an hour after the time I left, so not much point in trying to nap then!

After leaving my mother’s, I made a quick stop at the grocery store for a few groceries to tide us over until CPP Disability comes in next week.

Once at home and heading to the house, an absolute army of cats came out to see me, clearly looking for supper! I left my daughter to put away the groceries and mail, then headed out to give the cats their evening feeding.

They were very happy kitties!

Especially this one.

This one is black with a white blaze on his chest – no other white that I can see – and I call him Midnight. He is friendly enough that, once we are able to get more of the females spayed, we will be able to easily catch to get neutered.

That reminds me. I want to find more breakaway collars to put on the cats that get fixed, so we can spot the ones that are done right away. I did pick up a collar recently to try out, not realizing until I went to remove the packaging that it was not actually a breakaway collar. With outside cats, I won’t use any other type, as the risk of them getting caught on something and choking is too high. So far, I’ve only found them at a local dollar store. Hopefully they will have more, the next time I get there. I got four of them, but only Syndol still has his. I think I put the other ones on too loosely. Since then, Gouda was neutered, but he and Rolando Moon are the only orange cats we have right now, so there’s no mistaking them for other cats.

So that was how things went today. Hopefully, over the next few days, I can stay home for a change and finally get work done outside! At this point, the very least I want to get done (besides finally harvesting the potatoes and sunchokes) is plant a bed of garlic. Anything I mange to get finished beyond then, as far as the winter sowing I’m hoping to do, is gravy.

I just need to have a few days at home, with no running around, to do it!

Wish me luck!

The Re-Farmer

“You’re mother is dying.”

October 24, 2024 / Re-Farmer / 2 Comments

No.

No, she isn’t.

But that’s what she told me when I got a call from her this morning.

This is starting to become a common refrain, unfortunately.

My schedule for today included heading to my mother’s nice and early, so I could drive her to the city. She had an afternoon appointment for another eye injection *shudder* to try and stop the bleeding of her wet macular degeneration and maybe – just maybe – improve her vision in that eye.

I tried to get more information about what was going on, but just got repeats of her usual. Her breathing. She only got 2 hours of sleep, and it’s because of her pills (it’s not because of her pills). Her chest pains (acid reflux). Pain in general. Even her incontinence. She’s convinced she is dying.

On the one hand, I get it. I totally get it! She feels like crap, and the idea of driving 1 1/2 hours to an appointment that would take at least an hour, then another 1 1/2 hours drive back, would seem overwhelming.

She’s 93 years old with busted up knees.

Yeah, I get it.

On the other hand, she has no understanding of just how good she is doing. I mean, she’s really amazing. At this age, her sister was already in the nursing home, being shuttled around in a wheelchair, and falling deep into dementia for several years. There are people far younger than her that are doing far worse.

Plus, canceling and appointment like this at the last minute is a big deal. There is only one place that does these treatments, and if she wants to retain any vision in that eye (she did say she was noticing an improvement), she needs these treatments.

Her response was, what does it matter, if she’s going to die, anyway?

She tried to guilt me, saying that I didn’t believe her. I told her, it’s not that I don’t believe her, in how she feels. I’m trying to understand why she thinks she’s dying. Because, really, there is nothing new in her complaints. That’s what I keep trying to get to. What is happening that’s different, that’s convincing her she’s about to die any at any minute.

In the end, she said she wasn’t going to say anymore and was going to say good bye, then she hung up.

At which point, I messaged my brother and his wife to let them know the situation. They are so busy right now, it’s the last thing they need to deal with, but they needed to know.

In the end, I decided that I would go to my mother’s place, anyways, and talk to her in person. If she still refused to go, I would phone the clinic and cancel the appointment from her place.

I meant to leave early, but so many cats were following me to the car, I had to ask one of my daughters to very noisily feed them.

Yes, they’d already been fed.

Including sweet Gouda. What a lovely kitty he is!

It was Syndol that would not stop following me to the car. I kept moving him away, and he kept coming back. I finally had to carry him all the way to the house, where he finally noticed the kibble and went to eat.

So much for leaving early, but I was at least on the road at the time I was intending to be.

While I was driving, my phone started ringing. I couldn’t answer, of course, but I’d told my brother that I would be on the road, and I figured it might be home.

It was.

When he couldn’t reach my by phone, he sent a quick message. He’d phoned her, they had a good talk, and she will go. He called her in between meetings at work, so he had to be brief. By the time I parked and could check messages, my SIL added that my brother had finally told our mother that they were selling their place, just so I would be aware.

So when I got to my mother’s apartment, she was up and ready and waiting.

She then launched into giving me all sorts of instructions on what to do and where to find things when she died. I honestly think she expected to die during the drive in.

She did mention my brother’s call, but as she was giving me instructions, including about her finances, she brought up my brother, and how he has the farm, but he wants her money, too. I sold her, the only person that wants her money is our vandal, and reminded her of the legal steps my brother had taken to protect her from our vandal. She just scoffed, then said that my sister was the only one who didn’t care about my mother’s money.

Which is weird, but she does like to try and play us against each other.

I’d worked out a time when we had to be on the road by, to get to her appointment, and we ended up leaving almost 20 minutes earlier.

She did walk very slowly to the car, lots of panting and pausing. It was a struggle for her to get into the car, and then she sat there, panting.

She really did play it up.

Her struggle to get into the car was very genuine, though. If we were using the truck, I probably would have had to practically pick her up to help her in!

She made a comment about her breathing as I was getting in, but then pretty much stopped the act at that point.

As we were driving, she started telling me things like, she’d talked to some of her neighbours in her building, and one of them had the same thing she did (at least that’s how my mother understood it), she didn’t go anything, and it went away. Then my mother told me about a Jehovah’s Witness that used to come visit (how many decades ago was this???) who talked about losing vision until she prayed and God healed her, and her vision had been fine ever since. She also told me about how, years ago (how many years?) she remember she had black spots floating around in her vision. She never went to the doctor, never did anything different, and they went away.

All I could say, really, was that these are all different things. That’s great for them, but that has nothing to do with you’re specific situation.

Also, for someone who was complaining about getting only a couple of hours sleep, she was very talkative and alert. I suggested she could try napping during the drive, but she wanted to enjoy the scenery…

Anyhow.

She told me she’d gone to bed at around 11, woke at 2am and couldn’t get back to sleep, no matter what, and it was because of her pills. I told her, we know it’s not the pills. It could be anything. Even just busy brain or stress. Oh, but you don’t know what I’ve lived through…

???

Eventually, she brought up about my brother selling their property, and that they were selling it privately, not through an agency.

I’m not sure what reaction she expected from that.

I reminded her, I had told her, my brother is preparing for retirement.

She did bring up about him not selling the farm – the property we are on – and I told her, he can’t sell it. That was part of my father’s will.

She dropped that, too.

Overall, though, the conversation during the drive actually went pretty well. She kept commenting on the traffic. She still seems to think traffic should be like when she and my father lived in the city until the mid 60’s.

I’m glad we left as early as we did, though. It’s construction season.

If we’d left when I originally planned, we should have arrived about half an hour early. Leaving when we did, we should have arrived as much as 45 minutes early.

We got there 10 minutes before her appointment.

They took her in almost immediatley.

The next while spent getting her eye dilated while the tech tried to get images and video of it.

Normally, during these tests, they ask you to focus on a green X, or a picture of a house, or some such thing, in the middle of the device over the eye they are looking at.

With macular degeneration, that’s not possible. She can’t see the middle of anything.

So the tech instead set up a tiny green light on an adjustable arm in front of her left eye, and asked my mother to try and focus on that.

My mother kept getting distracted.

What do you mean a green light? It’s white?

There’s a dark spot in the middle.

The light isn’t on…

After a number of attempts to get video, I finally started to explain, they just needed her to look at that spot. It didn’t matter what the colour was, or anything else. It’s the location she needs to focus on.

I think she finally understood that, but by then, the tech was done!

She was then sent to a waiting room before the next stage, but the doctor requested one more image. He needed a specific location photographed, so he could compare with an image taken last time.

That, at least, was quick!

We do have good news.

The bleeding in her eye seems to have stopped. There is still a bit of blood in there, but mostly there is scar tissue right in the middle of her vision.

Then he asked her if she wanted to continue treatment!

She deferred making a decisions (which is her usual way), wanting him to make the decision for her. Which he couldn’t do, of course. He did say he would recommend still getting the treatments since, if they are stopped now, the bleeding might resume. I finally said we should at least do a treatment today, and we decide about further treatment later.

Meanwhile, my mother launched into how she’d had these black spots floating in her eyes, (I told her, this is not the same thing, and the doctor repeated that) and they went away on their own, etc. The doctor told her, this is not going to go away on its own.

She dropped the subject.

So they went ahead with the treatment, with a light freezing of the eye, adding antiobiotic drops, and finally the main freezing. That one needed 7 minutes, and my mother was asked to hold a tissue over her eye and just relax for a while.

As we were waiting for the freezing, the doctor and the tech – plus a third person that was in training – started looking at other files. They spoke quietly, but I could hear bits and pieces, and could see some of the images they were looking at.

All I can say is…

My mother is doing really great! She is there at a time when she can actually get treated, and the damage is relatively mild. At one point, I could hear them lamenting that there was absolutely nothing they could do to help one particular patient. She had simply waited too long to get checked. As quiet as they spoke, I could still hear the pain in their voices.

The doctor had a timer going, so they were soon back working on my mother. She got her injection, and was reminded that she will have redness, which is normal, but if there’s any pain, she is to come back right away.

As for the next treatments, he told her she no longer needs to come back in 4 weeks, but maybe 4 or 5 weeks. I checked my calendar and saw that my husband is rebooked for his CT Scan in 5 weeks, so it would have to be 4 weeks for my mother.

The doctor was very understanding about the long drive in, and that the next treatment would be winter driving. There is simply no other clinic like this that’s closer. One is planned for the town we are closest to, but that’s all it is at this point – plans.

Once he was done, that was it. We just needed to book the next appointment, then go.

By that point, we were both hungry – my mother hadn’t even eaten breakfast! – but neither of us were up to trying to find a place to eat in the city. We talked about where to go in her town and she wasn’t enthusiastic about her choices. Then I suggested we stop at the gas station where I could pick up her favourite fried chicken and wedges.

She was quite excited over that idea!

So we had a good drive home – traffic was a lot lighter, and we were no longer in any construction zones.

I picked up the food and got her home. She was pretty famished by then! I got enough that she could have another meal out of it later.

After that, there were a few things she needed help with. One was a letter from the government that she didn’t understand. Another was helping her write out a check to pay for her ambulance bill, from her trip to the ER a month or two ago. It didn’t come with a return envelope, though – they expect people to pay via etransfer, credit or debit. She didn’t have a suitable envelope, so I ended up taking that home to get ready to mail, which I will do tomorrow.

As we were talking, she mentioned that she needed her laundry done. She hasn’t been up to doing it herself, and it’s been piling up. She said she hoped to “hire” my sister to do it – but my sister and her husband are coming home from out of province tomorrow, and tomorrow is my mother’s laundry day on the building’s schedule.

I also noticed, her fridge was looking empty.

But she never asked me for help. I even asked if she needed shopping, but she said the only thing she needed was milk.

Okay…

That was it!

I left soon after. I’ve got her check ready to mail and have my own parcel to pick up at the post office.

I really, really need to get more work done outside. Tomorrow was going to be my first day in quite a long time where I didn’t need to go anywhere, and could get back to it.

*sigh*

I’ve just arranged to go over to my mother’s tomorrow, to do her laundry and, if she puts a list together for me, her grocery shopping, too.

The long range forecast has changed, again. The snow I was seeing in the beginning of November seems to have gone away for the most part. We’ll even have some warmish days. If the weather holds, I should still be able to get things done.

We shall see.

Meanwhile, we’ve had no word from the garage about the truck, which means no one has had a chance to look at it yet.

I also had a chance to talk to my brother this evening, and got to hear the rest of how his call with her went. He had so little time to make the call, he basically just told her, go to the appointment, and that I was already on my way to get her. When he mentioned that yes, they are selling their property, she launched into her usual lecture about how the value of land only ever goes up, etc. He just let it slide and had to tell her, he needed to get back to work.

When I talked to him this evening, it was after he’d had a very long day at work (he starts at 5am), and was at the property, packing up shed contents. They’ll be coming out here this weekend with the stuff they are keeping, but they are also sending stuff to auction.

It’s a huge job, that’s for sure!

So we will be at least seeing my brother and their friend on the weekend, with trailer loads. I honestly don’t know where he’s going to be putting things at this point! Most of the sheds here can’t be used anymore.

I’m sure he’s got a plan, though. He always does!

So that’s been my day today.

How was yours? 😁😁

The Re-Farmer

We have cat food again!

October 23, 2024 / Re-Farmer / Leave a comment

Would you look at these happy critters?

This was taken in the late afternoon. This morning, they did get the food I used the slow cooker to make for them overnight. They dug right in!

Unlike the inside cats. They turned their noses up and their cooked food! Even when the girls gave them some of the canned cat food we still had, putting it right on top of the food cooked for them, they ate around the cooked food, but left the canned cat food that was on top of their cooked meal.

So I gave the rest of it to the outside cats, after feeding them with kibble, and they dove right into that, too!

Our inside cats have gotten fussy!

Yes, I was able to get cat food today – and we even have a vehicle now!

A pretty good day

October 18, 2024 / Re-Farmer / Leave a comment

I didn’t get as much done today as I’d hoped, but I got the important stuff done, and that’s what matters.

As usual, my day started with feeding the outside cats before doing my morning rounds. Since I was going to be helping my mother with errands today, my rounds included making sure things were set up in the truck for the day. By the time I was done my rounds, the cats had polished off all the warm, softened kibble they now get in the mornings, and were starting to settle into their cuddle puddles!

Like this one, near the heat lamp. Not directly under it – I expect to see more of that when things get really cold! – but close.

There is one adult cat in this pile.

That old feed bag, which is stuffed with packing material, had been on the nearby shelf for them to use as a bed while looking out the window, but it kept getting knocked down, so we’ve just left it. They quite like it there. Underneath is mostly bare concrete.

Since my mother was getting her Meals on Wheels delivery today, I didn’t have to leave as early as I usually do, and had my own lunch early.

I still got there early enough for us to have a bit of a visit before her Meals on Wheels was delivered. As we were talking, she showed me this.

If you click through to the next image, you’ll see the other side.

My mother had been going through her things, trying to figure out what to get rid of and what to keep, when she found it.

She told me that when she was in the hospital, in labour with me, there was a nun who visited and prayed with her. After I was born and my mother was ready to go home, she held me while my mother got into the car, then put me in her arms.

No car seats, or even seat belts, back then! 😄

This nun had also given my mother this… Hmmm… I don’t know what it’s called. Not a medallion, of course, but a laminated paper version of a medallion.

Now, she wanted me to have it!

I gratefully accepted it. What a connection to my own birth! I now have it in my wallet, under one of the plastic windows, so I can see it. I’m amazed she managed to hang on to something so small, all these decades!

Soon after, my mother’s Meals on Wheels arrived. She is so very happy with these meals. Today, it was salmon with mushroom rice, cooked broccoli with other vegetables I couldn’t make out, and cream of potato soup. There was a packet of tartar sauce for the salmon and soy sauce for the rice. For desert, there was a cube of bright green Jello, with what I think was pineapple in it. She quite enthusiastically enjoyed her meal!

After she was done and we were having tea together, I asked about her shopping list and got a bit of a surprise.

She didn’t need a grocery shopping trip anymore.

Yesterday was a nice day, and she decided to go ahead an walk to the grocery store. It’s just a couple of blocks, but she insists on taking the “short cut” through the empty lot – almost a field – between her building and the street the grocery store is on. I just shake my head that she insists on doing this, because it’s “shorter”. For starters, it’s not level and doesn’t get mowed regularly, so it would be rough to go over with her walker. She would also have to go around some fences and a building to get to it. In reality, the “shorter” path probably isn’t saving her anything. My concern is that it increases her chances of falling, but she insists that her “helper” (her walker) will prevent that.

Plus, it’s trespassing, but I don’t think anyone cares. As I understand it, the owner lives in the city and doesn’t even come out to mow it. The town does it every now and then, then bills the owner for it.

When she got to the grocery store, who should she run into?

Our vandal and his wife.

*sigh*

At least his wife was with him!

Long story short, they offered to bring her stuff home for her – it was too late in the day for the grocery store to do a delivery – so she was able to do a larger shopping trip. I don’t know which of their many vehicles they had, but when the time came, they didn’t have room for her walker, so our vandal drove her home with the groceries while his wife walked the walker over.

One thing my mother noted: his wife has never, ever, said anything negative about me or my brother. I told my mom, I don’t think his wife has any idea what our vandal is still doing. He certainly wouldn’t have left a voice mail message like the one he recently left on my brother’s phone, if his wife were around to hear him say those horrible things.

So my mother got her grocery shopping done, and didn’t need me to do it today. I only wish she understand that, while his wife may be genuine, our vandal doesn’t do stuff like this out of the kindness of his heart. It seems, no matter how bad he gets, my mother will always make excuses for him. But my brother, who has never been anything but kind and helpful to her, has pulled her butt out of the fire many times out of the years, and takes such good care of, she treats like crap.

How does that make sense?

Anyhow.

She did still need to go to the bank, plus she needed to get her prescriptions and a couple of things at the pharmacy. While she setting up to leave, I went out to get her walker ready; she keeps it parked outside her door, under a tiny corner shelf that all the apartments have. Like most people living there, she has a little display set up on it. Usually, religious in nature.

That’s when I saw something unfortunate.

Part of her display was a small card with a picture of a famous painting of Jesus on it.

It was torn in half.

My first thought was, our vandal did it as he left. One of the things he constantly has said to her, since my late brother died and more so after my father died, is that she will never go to heaven to be with her husband and her son, because she didn’t leave this property to him, like they would have wanted (which they most certainly did NOT want). Knowing she is deeply religious, he would often invoke God in some way in the many abusive messages he left on her answering machine until my brother finally got his number blocked.

When I brought it in to show my mother, though, she told me it was done by one of her neighbours. ??

My mother is not happy with some of the “homeless people” and “aboriginals” that have recently moved into her building. Apparently, one of them has behavioral issues, and tearing up my mother’s picture of Jesus would be something she would do.

My mother didn’t actually see it done, though, so who knows. My mother used to have a card with her name above the peep hole on her door that disappeared, and she thinks the same person did it. Unfortunately, my mother has a bad habit of accusing people of things, with no actual evidence for it, so there’s no way to know what actually happened.

She then asked me to put the pieces back outside her door, so others could see the sort of things this person (or whoever it was) will do.

*sigh*

Anyhow.

We were soon on our way out and on our way. My mother really struggled to get up in the truck but, my goodness, she manages! When we got this truck, I thought for sure she would never be able to get into it, yet there she is!

Even so, she was only up to going into the bank. Once at the pharmacy, she stayed in the truck while I went in to get her prescription and other items. Once I knew, more or less, how much it would be, I went to the truck for her loyalty card and cash, then went back in to pay for her items.

The staff at the pharmacy are quite familiar with my shopping for my mother by now. 😄

That done, I took my mother home. She told me she would have wanted to go somewhere else, like to a restaurant, just for a change of scenery, but didn’t want to be getting in and out of the truck any more than she had to.

She was pretty tired by then, anyhow, so I didn’t stay too much longer.

I remembered to grab the extra plumbing parts and pieces my daughter didn’t need to use when working on the bathroom taps, so after a quick stop at the feed store to get a 40 pound bag of kibble, I headed to the two store we got the parts from to return them. The one in the town nearest us is also near our usual grocery store, so I made a quick stop there. From there, it was a quick stop at the post office, then finally, home.

Where I found this to greet me as I headed to the house.

They were more than eager for their evening feeding, and prowling like ravenous lions! 😄

I took care of that as soon as I could. 😊

One of the things in the mail was something from the hospital my husband is supposed to get a sleep test done in. He is looking to switch from a CPAP to a BiPAP. His CPAP is due to be replaced. It is 90% covered by insurance, but that is done by paying for it first, then submitting the receipt. For the price of a CPAP, we could have hired a plumber to fix the taps and replace the hot water tank with a new one, and still had money left over. Plus, he’s having a hard time getting replacement hoses. Our province covers the cost of a BiPAP, though. To get one, he has to be reassessed, and that’s why he’s been referred to this hospital.

What he got in the mail was their questionnaire about his health history. Which was fine until he got to the end when, as he put it, he almost cried.

They wanted a list of his medications, and doses.

He cheated.

He cut off the list that’s on his bubble packs to put in with the form, and wrote “see attached”. Then he just had to add the “take as needed” medications, and his injections, to the list.

Tomorrow is Saturday and our post office is closed, but I’ll still make sure to get it in the mail box right away.

The next thing he’ll get is a telephone appointment. We’ll see if they need him to actually come in to do a sleep test or not. When he was first diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea, we were living in this province, and there was an actual sleep research lab at the same hospital that now has the provinces cardiac clinic. I don’t think there is a sleep research lab anymore, and it looks like they no longer have people actually spending the night in the lab, hooked up to various monitors, while two technicians observed all night. When my mother was tested for sleep apnea, my SIL picked up the test machine in the city and I met her part way to get it. When my mother was ready to go to bed, I brought it over and helped her put on the hoses and heart monitors. I then came back in the morning to get the machine and delivered it to a Medigas office in the city for data analysis.

Which is more or less what I expect will happen with my husband, this time around.

Hopefully, this will all get processed fairly quickly. I think a BiPAP would be better for my husband. They weren’t available when my husband was first diagnosed.

So I didn’t end up getting anything done outside, like I’d hoped, but that’s okay. The important things got done, so that makes it a good day!

The Re-Farmer

The Re-Farmer

Sometimes, you need to go back, to go forward.

dealing with elderly parents

A quiet day after evening drama

First snow – sort of – and things went well

Everything is all right

Well, now! That’s short notice.

Today’s progress

A sudden outing, and wow. Just… wow

Finally home

“You’re mother is dying.”

We have cat food again!

A pretty good day

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