dealing with elderly parents

The things, and then more things

/ Re-Farmer / 6 Comments

I’m going to call this a mostly good, somewhat productive, somewhat frustrating day.

This afternoon, after checking the tracking information again to confirm I had five parcels to pick up at the post office, I headed out once it had reopened for the afternoon. A couple of them were in envelopes, but the others were in boxes. When the fifth one turned out to be the largest of them all, I left it to load the others into the truck, then came back for the last one. Just as I was picking it up, the postmaster quickly added a 6th parcel! There were 5 slips in my mail box, but she found one more! One that was expected to arrive tomorrow, it turns out. Thankfully, it was another bulky envelope, rather than a box.

So this was good. Especially since one of the packages that came in early was a heart monitor my husband got for himself. The kind you strap on while exercising. Our sulfur came in, so I was happy, too.

I was driving home when I heard a Messenger notification on my phone. I pulled into the yard to unload, but remembered to check the message before I went in.

I’m glad I did.

It was from my brother, who was at work. He’d gotten a call from the public housing department about my mother, since he is her Power of Attorney. He needed to talk to me, so I let him know I just got home, then got my daughters to unload and park the truck. I barely got to my office when the phone started ringing.

My poor brother.

The first thing that came up was that they had talked to my mother and asked for his number, since he’s PoA, but she told them she didn’t remember it. They got my brother’s number from me, but this was awhile ago! This is also not the first time my mother has done this. Which is strange, because she calls him herself, and has all our numbers written down in a list on her wall, along with postal addresses, birthdays and anniversaries.

The reason they were calling him, though, was about the bed bug situation. She got their notification that they’re coming in this Friday. My mother has been refusing to let them in for the last few times. This time, she called the number on the letter and talked to the exterminator, saying she didn’t want them coming in, and once again accusing them of theft. The guy would have had to tell the department about this, which leads us to the next issue.

They are coming in on Friday, and she has to have the place prepared – stuff moved away from the walls (difficult, given how tiny her place is), fabric items bagged up, etc. They will be coming in at around 9am, and she has to be gone all day (I believe they know she has respiratory issues, which means she needs to be out for at least 12 hours, instead of the usual 6 hours).

If she doesn’t do this, she will be evicted.

*sigh*

We’ve tried to warn her about this.

My poor brother was already having a stressful time at work, and now he had to deal with this on top of it!

One thing they will also do, though, is provide her with a special mattress cover that will kill off anything on her mattress that might have gotten missed, by denying oxygen.

We talked for a bit and, once he’s home from work, he’ll send a group email to the family. My suggestion was that I could go over on Thursday night to help with bagging things and moving furniture. The best thing would be for my mother to stay at my sister’s on Thursday night, since she has Fridays off, but I forgot that my sister works nights on Thursdays. I’ll be on my own for prepping her apartment. I’d be willing to drive my mother to my sister’s, but she would have to drive my mother back, since Friday will be our first city shopping day. Worse comes to worse, my mother could stay at the motel again, but she would have to check out by noon on Friday, unless she stays for 2 nights, and she would not be willing to do that.

She has no choice, though. She either goes along with this, or gets evicted.

One thing’s for sure. Since I’m the only one that will be able to go over to help her with her stuff on Thursday, I’ll be going straight to the shower, and my clothes to the wash, as soon as I get home!

My mother has zero understanding of just how much her behavior causes problems the rest of us have to fix, and now she’s putting her own housing at risk.

My brother couldn’t talk long, though, since he was already interrupting his work day, but we’ll connect again later today.

By the time I was off the phone, the girls had taken care of things and parked the truck, so I could get stuff together to go back outside and work on the carrot bed. It still had the plastic covered frame on it, so the first thing I did was add metal brackets to the corners before moving it. I most definitely could tell these brackets make a difference!

I was not intending to make another time lapse video of the progress, since I figured it would be pretty boring. I just took still shots of the progress, but I’ve since confirmed a frustration.

To make the photos I included in my previous post smaller, I cropped one, then reduced it to 50% original size. The two garden ones weren’t cropped, but I reduced those to 30%, plus I reduced the colours. Those two ended up being smaller file sizes than the 50% and cropped one. All the photos were uploaded to Google Photos, and inserted into my post from there. On my desktop, WP just tells me my storage is at 98% full, but the app gives decimal points, so when I had the chance, I checked on my phone to see if there was any change.

My storage went from 98.3% full to 98.5% full. Usually, I can upload many more than 3 photos before it goes up by even 0.1%, but for only 3 photos, greatly reduced in file size, to make it to up by 0.2%? Wth, WP?

Clearly, there is zero benefit to storing my images on Google Photo. I’ve tried embedding them, using the share link, etc., but instead of the images, the code shows instead.

So I guess I’ll make a vlog with the still shots, since it turned out to be a bigger job than I expected!

Very early on, though, I got an interruption. One of my daughters came out to let me know my mother had called; they were working in the kitchen and couldn’t get to the phone, but could hear my mother leave a message on the answering machine.

I considered calling her back later, but decided to do it right away.

*sigh*

When I got through to her, she was all chatty, asking how my cold was (I had started to feel one coming on, but that went away a while ago), before going on about how hers is no better (she sounds perfectly healthy), and it was so bad, she thought she was going to die, because of her breathing. At that point, I told her flat out, she says this every time, and it’s getting to the point where I don’t know whether to believe her or not. So she dropped it and instead said she called my sister and asked her to come and take “stuff”. Stuff? What kind of stuff? My mother hemmed and hawed before saying that my sister sews, so… then changed the subject. I guess she was trying to say fabric items? But I’ve helped pack her stuff into bags for previous bed bug spraying, so I don’t know what she’s talking about. With the way she hemmed and hawed before answering, then changing the subject, I suspect she’s trying to hide something from me, and intends to give my sister things that my only my brother, as her PoA, should be seeing.

Then she started asking if I knew about a distant relative that passed away, and I did, because my sister does genealogy stuff and shared the obituary online. My mother wanted me to go to the funeral on the weekend. I don’t know these people at all. I suggested my sister might go, since she’s the one who keeps track of all these relatives, but apparently she already said no, because the funeral is on the Sabbath. ??? I managed to preemptively cut off the possibility of my brother going, since he’s so incredibly busy already, and probably doesn’t even remember them anymore, giving how many decades it’s been since we’ve had any contact. Why my mother suddenly thought it was important for some member of the family to be there, I don’t know. We’ve had other distant relatives pass, and she was never like this before – though she did mention our vandal would probably be there, because apparently he’s friends with them, etc., etc. Okay. So then he should be there. Not me!

I finally got a chance to ask about her grocery status and it turns out that was why she was calling. Her fridge is empty, and she has only 1 bun left. Then she started telling me about the various things she was about to start cooking…

So did she want me to come over tomorrow?

Well, she’s making her list right now, and this and that and….

She would not commit to asking me to come over tomorrow, though when I asked if she wanted me to come over today, she said no. I kept trying to get more information out of her, like if she needed to go to the pharmacy or the bank or anywhere else, and she said now, but with much hesitation. So I finally just said, I’ll come over tomorrow, at the usual time. The usual time? Will I be bringing lunch? I told her that the last time I was at her grocery store, I saw they had the hot meals again, so I could pick up a couple and we’ll have them for lunch. She got downright excited about that!

As we were talking, I kept asking her, is there anything else you need? Anything else you want to tell me? Anything else that’s new?

Nothing came up about the exterminator notification letter or about Friday.

So I let it be. I’ll wait until my brother has had a chance to talk to her.

Which he has tried to do, while I was writing this, but there’s been no answer.

*sigh*

So that was quite the thing.

I’d told her from the start that I’d been working outside, so I finally brought the call to a close so I could get back to it. I think my mother was bored again. I do wish she wouldn’t wait until she’s running out of food, because calling me to help her with groceries! She refuses to do otherwise, though, telling me that if there’s food in the house, that means she has to eat it…

…

…

I never quite know how to take that. It’s not like she’s a glutton who sits around over eating all day, but she makes it sound like the mere act of eating food is a bad thing.

Anyhow.

I’ll be going there tomorrow, and we’ll see if she’s up to climbing into the truck to do her own shopping this time. With only one place to go, I think she might be up to it.

That done, it was back to working on the garden bed, which also involved pulling in the bowed out sides. I’ll do a vlog about that later. For now, I will say, I am really, really starting to hate those @#$@!% Chinese elms!!! Good grief!

I got it done, though, and even added sulfur to the soil at the end. It took way longer than it should have, but it’s done. Tonight, I’ll see if I can put together a vlog using my still shots, instead of posting any pictures. I suppose I could upload them to Instagram, but it seems not everyone can see them when I embed from Instagram, and I wouldn’t be able to explain what’s going on, anyhow.

I’d like to get more stuff done outside while the weather is good, but now I’m going to have to be at my mother’s at least 2 days this week, then on Friday I’m in the city.

This seems to be a constant pattern, pretty much since we’ve moved here. The more work we need to get on top of around here, the more external responsibilities end up taking priority. It seems to be getting worse, instead of better, to the point that we are falling behind rather than getting ahead. Such is life, but when it comes to things like my mother deliberately disrupting things and hurting people the way she does, it’s getting much harder not to get angry at her – and it takes a LOT to make me truly angry!

Thank God my brother is our “landlord” now. Otherwise, I know we would have moved out by now. Even the short time we were here and she still owned the property, we reached a point where we were seriously considering it. We would have put up with the financial hardship but, if we had, it would have caused more hardship for my brother than my mother, and none of us would have wanted that. He and his wife are the shining light of awesomeness that makes it all worthwhile!

Well, it’s getting late in the day. If I’m going to my mother’s tomorrow, and put a video together, I’d better get to it.

The Re-Farmer

This day feels longer than it should! 😁

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First, the cuteness.

We haven’t named this one, but that pattern over his nose makes me think of Nosencrantz, every time I see him!

Nosencratnz is doing well at her new home, btw. 😊

I counted 32 yard cats this morning. Remarkably, while I was petting a bunch of the males as they ate on the cat house roof, Broccoli not only allowed me to pet her, but even pushed her way through the boys to get better pets! Even Caramel let me pet her, in between trying to bite my hand.

Yesterday evening, I got a call from my mother, and arranged for me to come over today to help her with her shopping. This morning, however, I got another call from her. She had a rough night, and wanted me to decide for her, whether she should go to the clinic in her town. At least she wasn’t talking about going to the emergency! That would have been in the nearer city. After talking to her for a bit, it seems that she had issues with heartburn again, but my mother can’t quite understand what that means, and always tries to blame whatever food the TV or magazines tell her is bad. We talked for a while and I reminded her of the list of foods that can make it worse. I remember she had it taped to a cupboard door in her kitchen at some point, but I have no idea if it’s still there. She keeps insisting on eating foods that are known to cause heart burn, though, then blames other foods that don’t, but that she has decided are bad for her. It’s really hard to talk to her about this stuff, because she can’t understand so much, including basic anatomy. We have tried to explain things to her, even showing her diagrams or looking up medical information, but if it doesn’t match what she had decided it is, she doesn’t accept it and promptly forgets it.

One thing that did seem to finally get through was talking about processed meats. She keeps trying to say she needs to eat less meat. If it weren’t for the meat we’ve been bringing over for her, she’d be eating nothing but garlic sausage and deli chicken. At least she eats eggs! I spent some time talking about how, as we get older, it’s important for us to eat high quality protein, and some of the ingredients in processed meats might be triggering her heartburn. She seemed to actually hear me for a change.

Still, what she wanted was for me to decide it I “wanted” to take her to the doctor or not. I told her no, that’s her decision, and we’ll see how she feels when I got there!

So I left I bit earlier and picked up Chinese food for lunch, which she actually did eat. As we were talking on the phone, she’d mentioned going there for onion rings (she still thinks they serve cat meat, because someone said something, and she saw a thing on the news …. ). Onions are among the things she shouldn’t be eating. Deep fried foods are also among the things she shouldn’t be eating!

She hadn’t had breakfast, though, so she was happy for the meal!

There was one unfortunate surprise, though.

When I reached her door, I saw some things on her walker, which she parks next to it. There was a jar wrapped in paper two, a carton of eggs, and two carrots.

Under it was a piece of paper.

I immediately recognized our vandal’s handwriting.

It seems he’d swung by her place, left the stuff, but never knocked or anything like that. Who knows how long it was sitting there.

I brought the stuff inside and ended up reading the letter out to her. It was all the usual stuff about the farm and me and my brother, some invented accusations, and how she’s going against the wishes of my late father and GOD!!! Complete with underlines. Then he threw in a comment about going to the doctor. From past calls he’d made to her, before his number was finally blocked, he told her he was dying, but didn’t say from what. He still seems to think she can give him the farm somehow? Either way, it’s clear he still thinks the property should go to him, but 1) he already has a farm and 2) if he’s dying, what’s he going to do with it, anyhow? It’s not like he’s got any kids to leave it to.

Our theory is, he’d simply sell it. It’s the money he’s really interested in.

The paper towel wrapped jar turned out to be soup in what looked like a small mayonnaise jar – at least it wasn’t a pickled herring jar this time! My mother was so disgusted after hearing what was in the letter, she didn’t want any of it. At least not anything that he cooked (it was full of onions and chunks of sausage, anyhow!).

Instead, we enjoyed our Chinese food and had a good conversation. She was feeling a lot better once she was up and out of bed, and I talked some more about how sleeping more upright can be a help (another thing that’s on the list I made for her, along with food choices). It would be really helpful for her to have a hospital bed, like my husband – it would even be better for her and her knees – but no. She doesn’t want to “bother anyone”. ?? In our province, our home care service department can provide a hospital bed as a “loan” – that way, if anything breaks or whatever, they simply replace it. The company they get these from sends a couple of people over to bring it in, assemble it and test it out. Easy peasy. But no. She even has a chair my brother bought for her that can be reclined almost flat and would be good to use as a sleep chair, but she won’t do that, either.

As we were talking about how being upright and moving around obviously helped out, she then suggested that if she hadn’t gotten out of bed this morning, she probably would have died.

*sigh*

She was clearly feeling better, but not enough to run errands, so we went over her list. She writes her stuff out in a mix of English, Polish or English with Polish spelling. Then she makes little doodles of what they are, beside each item.

I was very confused when I saw “soup” followed by an =, a drawing of a jar, another =, then a drawing of a cup.

It turns out, she meant “soap”.

For dishes.

We had a good laugh over that!

One thing I did take note of was that she included “turkey or chicken”, but not sliced, with a doodle of a deli chicken.

I can’t even wrap my mind around how she spelled “sliced” enough to remember it!

It’s been a while, and a longer list than usual, so I was hitting both the pharmacy and the grocery store to get it all. Which is fine by me.

My only problem is, I think I messed up with my new shoes. Wearing thinner socks has helped, but only with one foot. My other foot could have used a half size bigger. Not that there was any half sizes to choose from. Normally, I’d be confident that the shoe would eventually stretch out a bit, but I’m not sure how far the steel toe extends. I might be hooped. I won’t return them. I’m not going to take back shoes I’ve already worn in the mud. Ah, well. Live and learn! I’ll work it out, but gosh, it got pretty painful by the time I was done! The main thing is, my mother is now well stocked again, and I was even able to get her a variety of fresh meat in single person size packages, instead of the processed meats she usually gets!

As I was heading home, I remembered to stop at a hardware store. I got metal corner supports to put on the corners of our raised bed covers.

In other garden related things, I got a notification today that our T&T Seeds order of potatoes got shipped today, and should arrive tomorrow!

These are the varieties we ordered; 1kg of Purple Caribe and 2kg of German Butterball.

I wasn’t expecting them to be shipped so soon! The space we will be planting them was still mostly covered with snow, this morning. It was warm enough today that it’s almost all gone, but the ground is probably still quite frozen. Of course, they don’t need to be planted right away; they can be stored for a little while, at least, but perishables like this get shipped based on the local growing zone, which means they really should be going into the ground soon!

The potatoes are not the only things that are on the way. My husband ordered a hand crank for my crossbow. I have not been able to use it for a frustrating reason. I’m too short to cock the bow, using the rope cocking aid that came with it. Basically, it’s got a pair of hooks you place on the string, with a matching pair of handles. With the bow secured with a foot, you bend over the stock, pull the sting with your arms, then straighten up. Once upright, the string should be far enough along to lock in place.

I’m too short.

I even tried shortening the cords on the ropes of the cocking aid, but there’s only so far you can do that without compromising the gear. My husband can cock it but, with his back injury, he can only do it a few times before it becomes too painful.

The hard part has been finding a hand crank that will fit the model of crossbow I have. There was one made for it, but it was discontinued shortly after I bought mine! It took a couple of years, but my husband finally found one that is supposed to work on my model – and was affordable!

So that should arrive soon.

If Fed Ex can figure out the address.

It might just end up at the store the post office is in. We shall see!

I look forward to finally being able to practice again!

Anyhow.

That’s a few of the things going on today.

Tomorrow, the septic guy comes in to replace the pill switch!

I’m so excited! 😄😄😄

Besides that, I think the ground is thawed out enough that I can continue working on that bed along the chain link fence. I was able to pry out the last chunk of broken sidewalk block that was under the one end, but that was it. We hit 12C/54F today, so that should have helped a lot. We’ll see how tomorrow is. We’re expected to have a high of 9C/48F, with possible rain.

Rain would be good. I even drove through rain on my way home from my mother’s today!

Maybe not so good if it comes while the septic guy is working on our tank, though!

We shall see.

Lots to do outside, as things keep warming up, and that now includes preparing the potato patch!

The Re-Farmer

The morning so far

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So far, so good, I can say!

Heading out to do my morning rounds, I was happy to see the cat with the messed up eye curled up in the cat bed under the heat lamp again. Unfortunately, the garbage can in there got knocked down again, and he didn’t like me picking it up and cleaning around him much, so he moved away. Not far, though. In fact, I had to push him aside to be able to open the doors to go outside!

Because he moves so slowly, I was able to pet his back a few times. Then, when I was finishing up and going through the sun room to go back inside, I found him like this.

I’m happy to see him cuddling with the tabby. He actually seemed to be shaking a bit, as if cold. Definitely not a well cat.

I did get a good look at his face today, though. I was concerned that both eyes were troublesome, but the other eye is a bright and clear golden colour. The messed up eye’s inner eyelids seem to be swollen, so I could only see part of it.

I counted 30 cats in the yard this morning. While feeding them on the cat house roof, I even got to pet one of the tuxedos! I had the usual cats pushing in for attention, and he seemed quite curious about the whole thing. I got to pet him a few times, and he didn’t seem to be sure what to make of it! I even got to pet Caramel a bit, though she’s one that turns around and starts batting at my hand – claws out! – even as she comes closer instead of running away. A bit like how Rolando Moon will come in for pets, then turn around and try to bite or claw the hand the pets her!

After all the outside stuff was done, I got a loaf of bread for our Easter basket baking. I’m trying a new recipe for overnight, no-knead bread. It’s pretty basic; flour, yeast and water, with optional salt and sugar (I used both salt and sugar). I mixed the dough up late last night, then left it the oven to proof overnight. I prewarmed the oven before putting it in, just enough to make it not-cold. This morning, it was all nice and fluffy. It got scraped down and shaped into a round loaf, which got baked in a parchment paper lined cast iron pan. I also had a pan with water in it, on the lower rack, to add steam to the oven. The recipe said to bake at 425F for 30 minutes, or until golden brown. I ended up adding an extra 15 minutes!

So that is now cooling in the cat free zone.

While tending the seed starts and turning on the lights this morning, I shifted things again. The San Marzano tomato seedlings are now in the mini-greenhouse frame at at the window, where they can get a breeze from the fan to help strengthen their stems.

As of last night, the very first of the short season peppers broke ground, as well as our very first Butterfly Flower! Once more seedlings have emerged, I’ll move them off the heat mat to the other side of the tank, then get the luffa, Crespo squash and drum gourds planted and set on the heat mat.

It also seems like we have finally gotten ahead of the game with our slow drainage problem. When we were finally able to flush properly, we’d get gurgling noises from the tub drain, but now even that has pretty much gone away. The regular use of the bio maintenance stuff is really making a difference. We’ll have to make sure to keep a good supply of the stuff on hand, so we don’t run out and suddenly can’t find it again. One thing we hadn’t done since the tank was cleared was use the Septo Bac we normally do. This stuff comes in powder form, in premeasured envelopes. The contents get flushed down the toilet once a week, to inoculate the tank with bacteria and enzymes to break things down, including hair, food and grease. It does nothing for the pipes, though. I’m not sure that we want to use both at the same time. I’m not sure what having too much bacteria in the septic tank would do to it! I’ll have to look that up.

Meanwhile, we are making sure to turn the septic pump on and leave it running for about 5 minutes, particularly when we are using a lot of water at a time, like doing laundry or taking showers. So far, everything is working out.

My mother called me last night and we talked a bit about the plumbing issues. She was wondering why we hadn’t called a plumber yet, and I had to explain that we have to wait until our taxes are processed and I get my return. Getting the pill switch done, I’m going to assume will be in the $300 range, including the labour. Our plumber has a flat rate for drain cleaning that is almost $300 for the work and 1 hour. If they have to replace parts or if it takes longer, that gets added on. So I’m guessing we’re looking at a minimum of $600 for both jobs. My mother’s response was to start talking about how she never had to worry about stuff like this, because she had “the boys” to take care of everything.

That doesn’t stop her from trying to tell me what to do!

I reminded her of how it took us a while to find a plumber that had the equipment to clear the floor drain in the old basement that was clogged with roots and sand. She thought I was talking about the sump pump reservoir, at first, but that’s a completely isolated system. I reminded her of back when we had a wringer washing machine, and she would drain the tub into the hole in the floor, and then she remembered where I was talking about. Then she asked just how there could be roots in there, so I reminded her of how a rain barrel and been left to overflow for most of a rainy summer, before we moved out here. By the time my brother found the damage it caused, the corner of the new part basement it was near had water seeping through and mold growing. Now we can see sand and roots coming from the weeping tile through the floor drain towards the septic tank.

That got my mother to talking about the problem of trees growing too close to the house, and in particular, the one in front of the kitchen window. Shortly after we moved in here, we talked to my brother about the need to get rid of that tree. My mother objected to getting rid of any trees, most of which she planted. She planted that one to shade the kitchen window, because it got so hot in the summer.

I’m not sure why she didn’t just get blinds or a shade.

Anyhow, it’s taken a few years of explaining how the branches are endangering the (now new) roof, and the roots are lifting the patio blocks, plus cracks are starting to show in the basement wall under the kitchen.

Well, suddenly she’s now telling me I should get rid of that tree. We should just cut it down – I have her permission! 😄 I told her, because this tree is so close to the house and has branches hanging over the roof (despite our attempts to cut them back a few times), this is something we need to hire someone for. Someone with all the equipment to do it safely and not damage the roof. We can see where people have cut this tree back a few times, on the yard side, which means the heaviest branches are on the house side. We can’t just cut the tree down from the base, because it will want to fall towards the house, not away from it.

At this point, my mother started giving me instructions on using ropes to keep it from falling towards the house, and so on. Which, if the tree were not so close to the house, might actually be possible. I tried to explain that to make sure the roof doesn’t get damaged, it needs to be taken down in pieces.

That’s when she started telling me that my brother can take care of it!

I said no. Not even my brother has the equipment needed to safely remove that tree, without damaging the roof! I tried to describe to her what the tree removal company did when we had them come in to clear trees from the power lines and the roof on the north side of the house, but then she lost interest and just told me, I knew what to do! She’d leave it in my hands.

Uhm… yeah… that’s kinda why we’re living here! 😄

It’s funny how she will still try to control what my brother and I do out here, even though she made a big deal about washing her hands of the place when she moved away some 10 years ago. I even remember, after we moved in and the property was still in her name, she told me she didn’t want to ever come back to the farm again and didn’t have to worry about it anymore, because we were here! That didn’t last long. 😄 I am so glad my brother is our “landlord” now! She can get so enraged because we’re doing things differently that she did. Especially when it comes to the gardening. If she isn’t angry, she’s mocking. She mocks me for “wasting” money by buying seeds, for example. She never bought seeds, ever! She always saved her own! Well. Except maybe carrots. Or lettuce. I’m not sure where she thought I would get seeds from when there was nothing we could collect them from, but the fact that we bought seeds apparently means we are stupid with money. BUT, we should also have a huge and perfect garden, just like she did, and never have to buy groceries again…

Talk about selective memory! 😄

Now that we’ve got a few years of gardening behind us, she seems to finally be backing off, but she still gives me a hard time for trying to grow things she didn’t grow, or trying new things. Selective memory again. I know my parents tried new crops, along with the staples, pretty regularly! So why is it bad if I do the same thing? Ultimately, it’s a control issue. She just can’t let go of the place, and the idyllic memories she’s created for herself.

Ah, well. It is what it is. I just wish she treated my brother better!

Well, I sure went off topic, there… 😄

Later today, we’ll go through our baskets and decide which one to use. Oh… that was another thing my mother brought up during her call. Blessing of the baskets. She’s getting hers ready today, too, and basket blessings at her church will be at noon tomorrow. She was wondering when it was in the town closer to us, but I have no idea. I told her, she made it clear we and our basket are not welcome, so we’re just doing it ourselves. Her response was to offer to lend us a “cute” small basket (this after I’ve already told her we have a whole collection of baskets in various sizes). Another thing she can’t let go of. To her, our basket is just too big, and that’s wrong. I’m not sure where she gets this from. When I was a kid, sure, our main basket wasn’t quite as big, but it was still much larger than what she uses now. Plus, we usually had several of them. My late brother and I used to have our very own little baskets (I even found those old baskets while cleaning up the house, and we still have the one that wasn’t broken!). I’ve seen other families bring much larger baskets for blessing, too. Why it even matters to her, I have no idea. Just another thing where she’s decided that how she does things is the only possible correct way to do it, and everyone else is stupid and wrong for doing differently.

I’m glad she wasn’t this bad when I was a kid. It would have destroyed any joy in Easter and our traditions that I had. I even told her flat out, after she threw in a few more unfortunate comments, that she has done more to drive people away from the church than anyone I know. I think it went completely over her head. Ah, well.

We will continue our joyful traditions – including traditions we added ourselves – and remember what it is we are celebrating, instead of worrying about impressing other people, or what they think of us!

And that will include a nice big basket with the loaf of bread baked this morning.

I think the shallow round basket with the flat bottom will fit the round loaf and other contents the best. Then we can go through my collection of hand embroidered cloths and decide which to use as a cover this year. 😊

The Re-Farmer

Costco stock up shop: this is what $960 looks like – sort of! And family dynamics… *sigh*

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I finally made it into the city today, for our first stock up shopping trip!

I am so, so tired.

But not because of the shopping. More on that, later!

Today was expected to be a much nicer day than yesterday, except for a quick system blowing through this morning – heavy in the “blowing” part! I was going to meet my SIL for a late lunch, so I didn’t start leaving until shortly before 11am – about an hour later than I originally planned. The wind was so wicked cold, it was painful just to unlock and open the gate! I’d brought along my down filled parka, just in case, and ended up wearing it over my light coat, and was still feeling that wind!

By the time I reached the city, though, things had cleared up quite a bit. I got to the restaurant I was going to meet my SIL at about half an hour early, which turned out to be a good thing. There was a message from my husband waiting for me. My mother had phoned, and wanted me to call her back. I had time then, so I called her from the waiting area in the restaurant.

When I asked her how she was, she launched into how she was feeling soooo terrible, and was wondering if she needed to go to the hospital…

I know my mother well enough by now to recognize the tone. She was wanting attention.

I told her I was calling from the city, and she started back tracking immediately, saying she’d been in bed all morning, and was feeling well enough to get up and make herself some food. After talking about her symptoms, I suggested she call the public health nurse and they could better say if she should call an ambulance or not (I knew they wouldn’t, based on what my mother was telling me). Then she told me that the exterminators were supposed to show up today. I only knew about that already, because my sister told me yesterday! My mother didn’t say a thing about it to me, even after telling me about the last time they came by, and how they checked but didn’t spray. Since she wasn’t feeling well, though, she hadn’t done anything to prepare for them.

Anyhow; she told me she would call the public health nurse after she had something to eat, and I asked her to call us at the farm number and let us know how things went, even if it was just to say something on the answering machine.

Then I got a table, and my SIL came soon after, and we had a fantastic visit. Of course, we talked about my mother’s situation. Unfortunately, she has done this to my brother several times, calling for him to take her to the hospital, only for her to actually turn out to be fine – except for the one time she got food poisoning. She still insisted my brother and his wife drive the 1 1/2 hours out to her place, then drive her another 20 minutes to the emergency room, where she was told she should have called 911! She doesn’t want 911. She wants us to take her to the emergency, and spend the hours with her in the waiting room while she complains about how terrible the staff is because it’s taking so long, or makes nasty comments about the other people in the waiting area, etc.

Since we’ve moved out here, at least I’m handier to be able to take her, but she still manages to get my brother to do it every now and then, too.

My SIL was totally understanding about what was really going on with my mother. They’ve been through this a lot more often then I have!

Anyhow.

Oh, I just have to share something. When we meet up, it’s been almost always at this Smitty’s location, and there’s a waitress there that even recognizes us by now. Which is impressive, considering we’ve been here once very month or three!

Since I have given up sugar and simple carbs for Lent, I ordered a meat lovers breakfast skillet, and said to skip the toast and skip the hashbrowns, because I wasn’t doing sugars or starches. She started asking what I might want to replace them with, and I told her I was basically doing carnivore, so she was… so, no fruit, then… I did say yes to mushrooms, though.

When the food arrived, she actually sat down next to my SIL to face me to tell me about what I got! The kitchen staff “felt sorry” for me, so they added extra bacon and ham and sausage to my dish! Then she realized the mushrooms were forgotten, which I said I was okay with, but when my SIL asked for a side of Hollandaise for hers, she brought me a bowl of mushrooms! She was just fantastic, and it was so sweet of the kitchen staff to add extra meat to my meal!

After we had our most excellent food and a fantastic visit, it was off to Costco to do my shopping.

First stop was to fill the tank. Costco regular gas was 123.9 cents/litre. When I drove through my mother’s town, regular gas was 134.9/L, while all the stations I saw in the city were 133.9. Well worth it to wait to fill the tank at Costco! A half tank cost me about $50

Here is my Costco shop.

When I going through the cash desk, I had all sorts of people asking if I needed help loading my vehicle, and one of the supervisors even came over to ask if I had an Executive memberhip.

Which I do, and I’m glad she asked, because I had a rebate check I’d forgotten about! I also needed to renew our membership. I’d already paid for the cat food, so it was applied to the rest of our purchases.

With cat food, I got eight of the 9kg Kirkland brand kibble; the name brand has gone up in price, but the Kirkland is still $26.99 so far. I also got 2 cases of canned cat food, at $38.99 each. The grand total for the cat food was $329.17, after taxes.

Then there was the rest of the stuff.

The “bottom of the basket” stuff included a huge Kirkland package of paper towels; with cleaning up after the cats, I finally broke down and got a Costco size package, instead of a smaller one at Walmart or something! I also got a big Kirkland brand package of toilet paper, clear “leaf” bags that we use for our recycling and burn barrel garbage, a big bucket of ghee, dish detergent, four 2 packs of flour tortillas, three rotisserie chickens, a double flat of eggs (60 eggs), a flat of Coke Zero, a sack of basmati rice, and a 9pack of mixed pasta.

Along with that, in the order they’re on my reciept, I got two big jars of mayo, a large container of popping corn, a double package of parchment paper, a large jug of olive oil, a 2 pk of lemon juice, a 6 pack of canned chicken, coconut oil, peanut butter, a package each of AA and AAA batteries, more of that amazing parmesan, black garlic and truffle seasoning powder, a panini pack of sliced meats (three types), two 2 pks of Asian Cashew salad mixes, 1L of whipping cream, a package of smoke ham slices, a wheel or brie, a 2 pk of goat cheese, a 4 pack of cream cheese, a block of Old Cheddar, a block of Mozzarella, a 4pk of bacon, a package of pork breakfast sausages, a package of 4 whole mackerel for my daughters (I’m not a fan of fish!) , two 2pks of rye bread, and a package of walnuts.

I also got 5 pounds of butter, but the cashier noticed they were unsalted, and he double checked if that was what I wanted. I hadn’t noticed, but I was going to just take the unsalted. He insisted that they could get me salted butter instead, so I agreed. So 5 pounds of salted butter was rung in, and a guy left to get them for me while I paid for the whole thing. Since I was waiting for the butter anyhow, I got the other guy to part my flat cart aside while I dashed to the bathroom before heading out.

The guy wasn’t back with the butter when I was done. In fact, it was quite a while before he returned – with 5 pounds of unsalted butter! It turned out the reason I didn’t grabbed the unsalted butter without realizing it was because there was no salted butter left in the fridge room! He’d gone looking for salted butter and did find a pallet of some, but it would require a forklift to get it. He was very apologetic and said they could get me the salted butter, but it would take a while.

I just laughed it off and said I’d take the unsalted butter!

Having worked at a grocery store before, I knew to ask if they needed to fix my receipt. The other guy had to double check with a supervisor, and yes, he did have to. He took me over to the supervisor’s cash desk, where he had to charge me for the unsalted butter, then refund me for the salted butter I’d already paid for.

I appreciate computer inventory systems, so I didn’t mind going through this at all.

As for the actual main purchase… The sub total came to $672.52. I then had the Executive Rebate, which took off $169.51, while my membership renewal cost $120. After taxes, my grand total was $629.01

That, together with the cat food, came to a total of $958.18

Ouch.

And I still need to go the rest of our stock up shopping, tomorrow!

Maybe.

I was much appreciating our longer days, as it was still light out when I got home, well past 5pm. After everything was unloaded, assembly line fashion, the girls put away the groceries while I fed the outside cats to get them away from the truck, so I could park it!

Once everything was settled, I called my mother to check up on her.

When I asked how she was feeling, she said much better – and what are you doing tomorrow?

…

I told her I’d planned to go to the city for my second shop, but if she needed groceries, I could help her with that, instead.

It turns out she’s apparently out of everything, and started listing all the things she was out of.

*sigh*

I keep asking my mother to get me to do her shopping before she runs out of stuff, but she says she likes to have things “fresh”, plus if she has food in the house, it’s “temptation” so she eats it.

…

Which is kinda what food is there for, but she has decided that eating is bad, because she’s fat.

*sigh*

Then she asked if I could come over early, because the church was doing Stations of the Cross tomorrow afternoon, which is just fine by me. That way, I can still go to the city and finish my own shopping. If she feels up to it, she wants to go out and go to the bank, as she skipped that last month entirely. That’s one thing I can’t do for her! If she’s not up to it, she’ll just give me her list and I’ll do her shopping for her.

That was the easy part of the conversation.

She was clearly feeling much better, because my goodness, she got herself wound up!

Long story short:

The exterminators showed up today to check/spray for bed bugs, but when he arrived and said she had to leave her apartment, she told him she had a cold (from how she described things, I think she’s got hay fever) and didn’t want to leave. So he never came in. She’d already tried to tell them not to come at all, because they steal things from her (she is convinced the exterminator stole a jar of change and her father’s old passports from deep among her papers – a year ago!). I tried to explain to her that they HAVE to come in. It’s a requirement.

That didn’t go over well.

I ended up having to cut that conversation off and bring it back to my coming over tomorrow. Then I mentioned I needed to do a few things, then have supper, as a wind down to the conversation, to which she told me to have a good evening, and don’t eat too much. Because I need to lose weight. Which she managed to repeat several times, and I called her out on it, before I finally ended the conversation because she was winding herself up again.

For someone who was ready to go to the hospital this morning, she sure bounced back to her usual self quickly… 🫤

*sigh*

That phone call with her was more exhausting than the entire shopping trip, and I find shopping incredibly draining.

Tomorrow could get very interesting. Hopefully, my mother will be on better behaviour, but there’s just no way of knowing, from one day to the next! Or even one minute to the next.

Ah, well. Such is life! Tomorrow will bring what it brings. Until then, I’m not going to worry about it!

The Re-Farmer

Things went rather well!

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But first, the cuteness!

An increasingly rare picture of Ginger, in all his handsome glory!

Unfortunately, he’s been spending a lot of time off by himself, usually tucked under a side table, because a couple of cats have been bullying him, and he is not at all assertive. I don’t know why the bullying has increased, but I’m not happy about it. Among other things, it means he rarely comes into my room anymore, to snuggle on the soft warm bed with many of the other cats. The Cat Lady is still looking for someone to adopt him, as a priority. I’d sent her the above picture, and mentioned he’s still being bullied. She said she would try to open up a space for him in the cat shed, though she had another cat show up just today. I haven’t had an answer yet, if the cat just showed up, or if a human just showed up, with the cat! Both are possible. She’s well known in the neighborhood as the cat rescue. I told her we’d be fine hanging on to him until someone is found. Having him move to a temporary home, with strange cats, would just be exchanging one source of stress with another. That, and way too many of our cats have ended up with her, permanently!

Anyhow…

Today turned out to be another gorgeous day. It was supposed to be a few degrees colder than yesterday, but I still saw things melting. My weather app said we were at -12C/10F, but I’m sure our actual temperature was far warmer! I wasn’t home to check the thermometer outside at the warmest part of the day, though, so I can’t be sure.

I made a point of heading out early, hoping to pick up one of those hot dinners at the grocery store she likes so much. Unfortunately, they’ve stopped making them. In fact, their hot food display hasn’t been used for a while now. I asked about it, and it turns out things just weren’t selling well enough to keep it up. They’re hoping to start having them again before Easter. I mentioned that my mother really liked them, but… well, I’m only out there to pick them up for her maybe once a week.

So I ended up getting a Chef’s salad mostly for myself, and a pepperoni, bacon and mushroom “boat” pizza for my mother – it was long and narrow instead of round. I let myself into her apartment and started getting ready to warm half of the pizza up for her, putting the other half in the fridge for her, later.

My mother doesn’t use her oven. She can’t figure it out, and still complains that her old oven was replaced with a new one, when it was perfectly fine. She believes the caretaker at the time kept all the replaced ovens for himself to resell or something, too. This place is run by the province’s public housing department, which means they would have gone into storage until they had one of their surplus sales or auctions. I’ve tried to explain that to her, but she refuses to believe it.

Anyhow.

Since she doesn’t use her oven, she instead uses it as storage for her pots and pans! While emptying the oven, and even checking the drawer underneath, I discovered she has no baking sheet. She’s got plenty of pie pans and loaf pans, and even a small roaster, but no baking sheet. The small roaster had a flat bottom, though, so I ended up flipping it upside down, and using that to hold the pizza as it warmed in the oven. While adding more water to her kettle for tea, I noticed she was down to her last water jug. For some reason, people living where she is have been told not to drink their tap water, but to use a tap in the laundry room, which has softened water for drinking. At least, that’s what she’s told me. Her tap water is the same as everyone else in town, so I know it should be potable. No matter. I found her empties and refilled them for her, so she couldn’t have to use her walker to carry them around and refill them.

So by the time my mother got home from church, the table was set, tea was ready, and her pizza was nice and warm. She was very happy to come home to lunch all ready for her. She does make a point of having food prepared on Saturday, so that on Sunday, all she has to do is reheat things, but this saves her from even doing that. My being there early wasn’t a surprise, though. When I came in through the lobby, someone I saw busily working on a jigsaw puzzle at the table had noticed me going by and recognized me. She was still when my mother got back, and let her know she had company. 😊

She did try to make me have some of her pizza. I told her no, it’s Lent, and didn’t try to explain more. She still put a piece on my plate, saying it’s Sunday, and Sundays aren’t counted in Lent. Which is true, but I think it defeats the purpose of choosing a difficult fast, when you can “cheat” every 7th day! Thankfully, when I put the pizza back on her own plate and said I wasn’t going to eat pizza, she didn’t push.

She did, however, try to make disparaging comments about how I wanted her to get fat. So now, it seems that just eating anything at all is making her fat? I told her, you’ve been fat for as long as I can remember. It’s not about what you’re eating. I didn’t got into it, but considering the sheer amount of physical labour, as well as us eating all that home grown, home raised, home cooked food, with her and my dad still being fat, there’s more to it than diet! At least, not in the current conventional narrative. I think she did appreciate my saying it’s more than about food.

Hmmm. I wonder if some of her neighbours are making comments about her weight, and that’s why she seems to be more obsessed with it? From what I’m hearing, some of her neighbours are real dicks. Some of them are also telling her some very strange things that have turned out to be wildly wrong – like whoever told her she wouldn’t be able to make a phone call to Poland using a cordless phone.

She’s on a waiting list to move to another place in town that provides more assistance, including cooked meals. I really hope they get an opening soon. As much as she likes being so close to the church and the grocery store, she really needs to get away from some of the people there – along with whoever it is that keeps getting bedbugs, but not reporting it!

But I digress!

I was happy to see my mother did enjoy her little pizza, at least. It sure smelled good!

Before I headed out to do her shopping, we went over her list together. She mentioned some sales, and gave me the flier to look at. Then she gave me cash, with very specific instructions as to which bill for for the pharmacy purchase, and which for the grocery store! 😄 I like when she does it this way, as I can then put all the receipts and change back into the envelope for her. Otherwise, I pay for the stuff myself, then she pays me back, and… well… sometimes, she’s generous and overpays me, but more often then not, she gets angry over how expensive things are, and short changes me. It’s not the short changing that’s the problem, but how she acts like it’s somehow my fault that things are expensive.

Speaking of which, she should have had her bills reversed, because the 3 items I got at the pharmacy cost more than her groceries – and that was with all three items being on sale!!

Once at the grocery store, I was a bit confused while looking for what was on her shopping list. There was one item she said was on sale that I never found in the flier, and it was indeed on sale – though not at the price she remembered. Other items that should have been on sale, however, were not.

I should have checked the date on that flier she showed me!

I’ve shopped with her often enough to know what to substitute or change, if necessary, so it wasn’t a problem, though I did ask one of the cashiers as I was unloading onto the belt, if they had a new flier out or something. It turns out their new fliers with that week’s sales come out on Thursdays, so it looks like my mother may have shown me an older flier.

The main thing, though, is that she is now well stocked. In fact, I had a hard time fitting things into her fridge, for a change. Usually, she waits until she’s running out of everything before going shopping again. She doesn’t like to have too much food at home, she tells me, because then she eats it, and she doesn’t want to get fat.

*sigh*

She’s 92 flippin’ years old, and doing better than half the people in her building – and I think she’s the oldest person living there right now! This is not something she should be stressing about!

Anyhow… I’ve been trying to encourage her to ask me to help her get groceries before she runs out of food and, hopefully, this is the start of her actually doing that. We’ll see!

As I was putting her stuff away, I showed her what I changed and why, and she was quite happy. Apparently, I’m a “wise” grocery shopper. 😄 That didn’t stop her from lecturing me, just before I left, telling me not to buy lunches anymore, because of the cost. I told her, it’s a nice treat – plus, I don’t want to be eating up her food. Then she added how, she then has to pay for it. I told her no, she doesn’t!! Unfortunately, when I unpacked the lunch items I got, the receipt fell out and she found it on the table. She had just given me money for gas, so when I said she doesn’t need to pay for the lunch I bring, she just gave me a “yeah, right” kind of look. *sigh*

What she did give me filled my tank, though, so I was quite appreciative of her gift.

Overall, it was a really good visit with her. There were no racist rants. No sudden nasty comments about my daughters, and how I supposedly keep them tied to my apron strings. The topic of our vandal did come up, as he apparently brought a jar of borsch for her again – but she couldn’t remember what day he showed up. She isn’t too happy about it, because he tends to be slovenly, and so she’s unsure that he cooked it while clean. I told her, I really doubt he cooked it! That conversation started to devolve in her going on about how we need to forgive each other and not criticize each other. She made it sound like our vandal is the way he is because I’ve been overly critical of him. Which is really bizarre, since I haven’t spoken to him in years. Even in court last year, when he tried to sue me for the stuff here on the farm, we didn’t speak directly to each other. I was able to redirect that conversation, though, so it wasn’t too bad. I do wish he would stop showing up at her place, though. Another reason I hope an opening comes up in the other place! We can move her and hopefully, he won’t know where she has been moved to, though knowing how she tends to sabotage our efforts to protect her, she would probably phone him herself and tell him. A worry for another time. The one down side about hoping she gets into the other building, though, is knowing the only reason units open up there is either because someone has had to go into long term care, or has died.

All, in all, things went well with my mother, and I’ll take every good day with her with gratitude. There are so few of them! Still, I was glad to get home, and I’m looking forward to not having to drive anywhere for at least a day! 😄

The Re-Farmer

Ah, well.

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First, the cuteness!

PBC has settled in so quickly – and very quickly discovered the cats’ window shelf on my craft table! What a cutie. Some human will be very lucky to have her. 🩷

I made it out today to do a bit of shopping. It was absolutely gorgeous today. We even reached -2C/28F! That’s warm enough for snow to be melting off the roof of the house and the garage. When I was in the sun room to feed the yard cats for the evening, I actually found it too warm, so I checked the thermometer on the wall. It was at about 16C/61F!!!

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

We were running low on kibble and, for the price difference, it was worth the cost of gas to go to the nearest Walmart. Since I was there anyhow, I looked for other things as well. My first stop was a Canadian Tire, where I found some replacement trays for under my next seed starts. The ones I have in the house are cracked and, with the platform set up in the sun room, I can’t get at the ones stored in there. They also had a variety of grow lights, including a smaller one that would fit over our small aquarium greenhouse perfectly, but I didn’t have the budget for it. Hopefully, I’ll be able to pick it up next month. There were some affordable standard bulb sized grow lights available, but we don’t have lamps suitable to use them.

After getting some kibble and a few other items at the Walmart, I decided to also check out a Dollarama nearby. They’re just starting to get their gardening and Easter supplies, so it was filled with unpacked boxes. The few gardening items on the shelf were not the sorts of things I could use. I did, however, spot a toy/scratch pad in the pet section I decided to get two of. It’s one of those round rings with a ball trapped in it for the cats to play with, but the middle has one of those corrugated cardboard scratch pads. The scratching posts we have now are pretty much destroyed, so I figured it was worth a try! One of them went upstairs, since the girls have no cat toys or scratching posts at all up there. Hopefully, it will help reduce some of the damage!

The stores were very busy, and rather loud, so it wasn’t until I got my phone to send a message home, letting them know I’d be on my way, that I saw a message from the Cat Lady. She was asking when I’d be in this city next – our usual half-way meeting spot is next to the Dollarama. I told her I was already there, and was just finishing up. Unfortunately, the timing wasn’t right, and we weren’t able to connect. Which is unfortunate, because she’s got a kibble donation for us! Four 7k bags. I don’t expect to be there again until next month, since the next time we’ll be doing any major shopping, it’ll be our stock up shopping in the larger city. However, I told her to let me know when’s good for her. My schedule is flexible, and for that much donated cat food, it’s more than worth the drive to meet her!

But not tomorrow.

While I was out, my mother called. I called her back, and we now have an arrangement for me to go over tomorrow afternoon and do her grocery shopping and run some errands in the afternoon. I might come over earlier and bring a lunch, though by the end of the conversation, I don’t know if it’s worth the hassle. As we were talking, she mentioned that she was about to cook up a package of ground beef I brought for her, from our quarter beef. She started saying how that amount of meat should last her for about a week, because she’s avoiding eating meat, so she doesn’t get fat.

My mother is already fat, and has been for as long as I can remember. It’s never slowed her down. It still doesn’t slow her down, even with her knees wrecked from a car accident!

I told her that, at 92 years, that’s not something she should be worried about. Just eat well, and beef is some of the healthiest meat out there. To which she responded that she could see how “healthy” it is just by looking at me and my daughters. Then she started laughing like she’d made the best joke, ever.

I told her, there was nothing funny about what she’d said (my daughters both have PCOS, which is something she couldn’t begin to understand), and pointed out that she was using our conversation to insult us for no reason. She started to justify by saying, well, we eat lots of meat, so that must be why we’re so fat. I told her no, we don’t eat lots of meat. We eat too much bread and pasta and rice (who can afford to eat lots of meat these days, when you’re not in a position to raise it yourself??). I wasn’t going to bother telling her that the girls eat almost no meat at all, though they do eat seafood when they can. She wouldn’t believe me, anyhow. I called her out, again, on her going out of her way to insult us. She back tracked and started to say how she shouldn’t worry about what we do; we’re all adults now.

This from the person who would justify trying to run every aspect of our lives by saying, “I’m still the mama” so that gives her the right to try to control us. Not hust my own family, but my older brother’s as well. Strangely, she doesn’t do it with my sister, but she sure does try to play us against each other!

Ugh. I need to stop that train of thought. I’m starting to dread going over there now. Honestly, she’s been pretty good lately. Either that, or I’ve gotten better at redirecting her.

But then, I haven’t told her that I’ve given up sugar and simple carbs for Lent again this year. Last year, she mocked me about it, every time we were together, when I kept refusing all the high carb food she kept insisting I eat. She was even offering me sugar for my tea, which she never did any other time. She makes a big deal about staying away from sugar because of her diabetes (she’s not diabetic), so she never takes sugar in her tea, therefore she doesn’t think that anyone else might want it. Which is fine. I have no problem drinking most teas without sugar. It’s when she starts offering the bland cookies, carrot muffins or whatever crackers she has on hand at the time, to go with that tea. Things that, to her, don’t taste very sweet, therefore they don’t have much sugar in them. Except they do. She also doesn’t get that her whole wheat bread is still “sugar” – and she eats a LOT of bread!

Which is fine. It’s only irritating because she insisting things like eating meat makes her feel bad, so it must be bad for her – while continuing to eat foods that contribute to her acid reflux, and when she gets heartburn, she thinks she’s having a heart attack. I’ve printed out a whole list of foods, colour coded and everything, to help her remember which ones can contribute to these pains, and which ones won’t, but she just ignores it, keeps on complaining and blaming whatever other foods that the TV or magazines, or people in her building, told her are “bad”.

*sigh*

It’s really hard to help my mother, when she sabotages our efforts. She does that as much with her health issues as she does with our vandal! I can’t even say this is part of her ageing, though we are definitely seeing increased cognition issues. She’s been like this for as long as my brother can remember, and he’s almost 10 years older than me!

Ah, well. It is what it is. Hopefully, tomorrow, she will be having one of her good days, and things will go smoothly.

The Re-Farmer

Exhausting change of plans

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My goodness, what a day!

What??? It’s not even 3pm yet???

Okay, let’s back up a bit!

First, the good news.

While doing my rounds this morning, I saw Driver limping around – and he’s starting to put that front foot down and putting weight on it. Not much, and only briefly, but that’s a good sign.

He went onto the cat house roof for breakfast, and while he wouldn’t let me look too closely, I was able to see this.

It looks like whatever injury he has involves a toe, but that’s all I can see. In fact, I can see more in this cropped picture than I could in person.

Yesterday, I saw Judgement hanging out in the sunroom through the evening, which I was happy with. He seemed fine and content to sit in the bottom of the shelf to look out the window. This morning, however, I saw no sign of him – but I got a headcount of “only” 29, so quite a few cats weren’t around at the time. Shop Towel was also nowhere to be seen.

They very much like their new beds, though! Checking through the window last night, there was a mass of cats curled up among the beds and blankets under the platform. The one smaller bed went on top of the platform, next to the self warming mat. Shop Towel was on that one. He basically covered the whole thing, he’s so big!

After my rounds were done, I was starting breakfast when the phone rang. It was my brother, letting me know he was going to our mother’s place today, to replace the peep hole in her door and get a visit in. He was wondering if I could join him.

Of course, I said yes! 

I had intended to go into town this afternoon to pick something up that my husband asked for, but I could do that at my mother’s town, too. So I left quite early to take care of that first. The grocery store turned out to open a lot later than I thought, so I ran my other errands first and was waiting when I got another call from my brother. He’d called our mother ahead (hands free, of course) to let her know he would be coming by. After giving him grief about how he should be in church with her, she asked him to pick up a couple of things at the grocery store. 😁 Knowing that’s where I needed to go myself, he let me know what she needed, so I picked her stuff up, too. By the time my brother arrived and met up with me, our mother would have already left for church, so we headed straight to her place; my brother and I are the only ones that have been entrusted with spare keys to her place, for times like this – and for emergency wellness checks, if that every becomes an issue.

Once we were settled inside, he very quickly popped out the damaged peep hole.

Check this out.

The last time we were there, and my brother discovered the damage, he’d tried scraping off the stuff, unsuccessfully. We were pretty sure it looked like Krazy Glue. Now that it’s off, it quite clearly is some sort of instant glue.

Kinda like the glue that was used on our gate locks a few times.

We have no real idea of how long it has been like this, since my mother never bothers to look through it.

The new one is very pretty, and has a little cover on the inside so no one can look in from the outside. It turned out to be ever so slightly bigger than the hole, but my brother was able to enlarge it with a pocket knife. He was kicking himself for not thinking to bring his drill. Frankly, I think the pocket knife did the job just fine. You can’t even tell the hole was enlarged, the different is so slight.

Of course, once it was in, we tested it out, with one of us going into the hall while the other looked through. My brother thought it wasn’t focusing right, but when I started from against the wall across from her door and walked forward, he could see me perfectly fine once I was at knocking distance. The peep hole has a 120° view, so that’s good, too.

After that, we had time to check my mother’s CID and messages, and clear some of them out for her (she’s never been able to figure out her answering machine!), leaving a couple of mystery messages for now. One, we’ve determined was a wrong number. The other, the person used my mother’s name, and left her own name – both of which were very hard to hear, with the strong Polish accent, but we were able to make it out. The message was for my mother to call her back, but no number was left. Whoever it was assumed my mother already had it.

We weren’t able to match the CID numbers with the messages, though. Her answering machine doesn’t leave the same date and time information on them. 

Then I noticed something new. A picture. That, in itself, is not odd; my mother has photos, prints, pictures from newspaper articles, etc. all over the place. It wasn’t until we had the table set up for lunch, with me in the extra chair that’s normally never at the table, due to lack of space, that I was facing the picture and getting a real look at it.

It was a picture of my mother, with our vandal and his wife, sitting at a table in a local restaurant.

Which made the location of the picture downright creepy. She set it up on the little mirrored altar that my brother had repaired the light on for her not long ago.

There was nothing to tell us when she had gone out to dinner with them, but it had to have been fairly recently.

After a while, with lunch set up and tea ready, my brother was starting to wonder where Mom was, as she normally would have been home by then. Church is right across the street, so it’s not far for her to go. So he went out to look through the lobby window – and found Mom! She had sat herself down in front of the window to watch people as they left church, completely forgetting that my brother had told her he was coming over!

She was very happy to come in and have everything ready and waiting for her. Of course, that didn’t stop her from finding something to complain about, but we were able to distract her and settle in. My SIL had prepared lunch for us, including a Greek salad that was in a larger Feta container that sealed nicely and could be left behind. My mother, in the most convoluted way possible, eventually managed to tell my brother that he could take the container home, because it was such a nice container, etc. Once we were able to decipher what she was saying (I think she thought it was a yogurt container, so we were quite confused when she started talking about the yogurt container, when she turned out to actually be talking about the salad inside), my brother tried to explain that the container was used specifically so that it could be left behind. There was more than enough for her to have with another meal or two, and then the container could be put in recycling. Oh, no! It was far too good of a container to throw away…

…

After a while, we got to explaining to her about the peep hole being replaced, and my brother showed her the old one, with the glue clearly visible on it. None of the other doors had damage to their peep holes (my brother checked), only hers, and there’s only one person we know who goes around vandalizing things with Krazy Glue.

She then made a big deal about how we were fussing so much about the peep hole that she doesn’t use. We were just explaining to her what was done and showing her what we found. To her, that was “fussing” about it. Meanwhile, she was the one getting all worked up about it.

It did give us an opening to ask about the picture.

It took time to piece together her explanation, as she kept jumping all over the place, and we could see she was trying to protect our vandal. It turns out he and his wife had shown up at her place on his birthday, which was at the beginning of the month. This would have been before I’d come over to her place most recently, to help her with groceries. She’d never mentioned it to me. 

She then told us that he said he’d been trying to phone her first, but couldn’t get through – so she told him that my brother had set up her phone to block scam calls, and after listening to the last message our vandal had left with her, his number was blocked, too. So he now knows all about it, she told us.

*sigh*

Around that point, I told her, we’re working so hard to try and protect her from him, but she keeps undoing what we’ve done!

From there, she tried to lecture us. What’s between us and him has nothing to do with her! I reminded her, it has everything to do with her, and 10 years of abusive messages he’s been leaving with her, among other things. Then it had to be clarified that it was abuse with words, because yes, when he tells her that she’s not going to heaven because she won’t give him the property that we’re on, that now belongs to my brother (somehow, he seems to think she can still give it to him, even as he ranted in his answering machine messages about how she’s apparently given the property to me!). 

Then she started the whole “we need to forgive each other” and “none of us are perfect”, as if we were the ones going out of our way to cause problems! At one point, she went on about how she prays every night that we will reconcile with him, and that we shouldn’t hate him. I told her, we don’t hate him! He hates us! Especially me, at this point. She tries to say that he is somehow harmless, though she is still really upset about what he did to the gate.

…

*sigh*

Then she started going on about how he’s the only one still keeping in touch with my late brother’s (now adult) children. I told her, I did try to reach out to them. They didn’t respond. Our vandal has been lying to them and driving them away from us. Even in one of his answering machine messages, he complained about how they weren’t allowed on the farm. He’s the only one that’s not allowed here anymore. We’ve never said my brother’s children weren’t allowed here! 

She just doesn’t get it, and keeps making excuses for him. 

So we finally got past that conversation, but it did give my brother the segue to get my mother to look out the new peep hole. She got upset and tried refusing to get up, because we were making such a big deal out of is, but my brother got her up and to the door. Then he stepped outside into the hall, so she could see him through the peep hole.

Oh, I just had to laugh!

I’m on the short side of things, but even I need to bend down a bit to look through the peep hole.

The peep hole is higher than her head. 

She tried going onto tip toes, but all she could see was the ceiling, because she was still having to look up to see anything at all!

Well, no matter. The damaged peep hole has been replaced.

My brother did bring up about possible getting one that will record when someone’s at the door, and he and I can later check to see who’s been leaving stuff at her door. She said she knows who’s leaving stuff, and to be sure, with some things, she does. The social workers regularly leave little care packages for all the people in her building. That stuff, however, gets left at everyone’s doors. She has stuff being left at only her door. While we can be almost certain that it’s our vandal, we have no proof. Plus, she’s found notes taped to her door that were clearly not written by him, or his wife, telling her to give the farm to our vandal. We’ve never been able to figure out who did that.

We didn’t push, though. That sort of thing is more than she can grasp, and she was still upset that my brother fixed the peep hole.

The last challenge was just before we had to leave, as we suddenly realized it was starting to snow hard, and my brother had a long drive home on open highways. My mother remembered that she had a phone number for a relative in Poland she wanted to call, but was having troubles. As my brother asked her questions and tried the number himself – it didn’t work – my mother told him that she’s been told she would never be able to make a call to Poland on the cordless phone. Only on the corded phone.

???

My brother told her that was not at all true and asked who told her that. All I could figure out was that it was someone in her building, but whether it was someone who lived there, a visitor, or one of the social workers from the senior’s centre, I could never get the straight of it.

After a quick search, my brother found the problem. The number may have been written correctly for someone in Poland, but not for someone trying to call from another country! 

The other problem was that my mother had written the information out on a scrap piece of paper. As my brother tried to write down the corrected information, she started flipping out about it having to be written clearly – which there was no room for! – while she went digging for the original letter from among her papers. Once she got that out, my brother worked on deciphering the hand written numbers – some numbers are written differently in Polish than is typically written in English – for both a land line and cell phone, I was able to get her to find an actual note pad, where I could write out what she needed without anything else on there to confuse things. 

My brother then helped her call the land line, which worked by got a busy signal. The cell phone number kept ringing until it stopped, with no voice mail. The land line was tried a couple more time, and it finally started ringing, but no one answers – that that number didn’t have voice mail or an answering machine, either.

The concerning thing was that my brother had to walk my mother through pushing the button to hand up the cordless phone. A phone she’s had for at least 10 years. I’ve had to try and find the right buttons myself when using her phone, as it’s different from mine, and poorly labelled. She had been the one to confirm which buttons were for “picking up” and “hanging up.” Now, she can’t seem to remember how to hang up her own phone.

Whether or not she’ll try to call again on her own, I don’t know, but my brother and I had to leave, before the weather got worse.

As we left her place, I could see my brother was looking even more exhausted than I felt! I’m glad I could be there, as she really does behave better towards him while I am there, then when he’s there on his own.

For me, at least, once I got out of town, the weather cleared the further north I drove. My brother, however, had to go south, and I think the weather was getting worse in that direction. He should be home by now, so I should finish this off and send a message to check if he got home okay. Knowing him, he probably found errands to run in the city before going home! 😁

On a different note, I didn’t even turn my new computer on until after I was home and settled. This thing boots up so quickly, it’s amazing! Even before my computer started dying, it was take several minutes to finish booting up. Now, it’s almost no time at all!

I’ve started to set up a few things, but I suspect it’s going to take quite a long time. Yesterday, for example, I installed my movie making software. I found the original .exe in my downloads on the back up external hard drive, but the initial set up assumes a free trial. I also had two versions, but couldn’t tell which one was the upgrade. You’d think it would be the one with the more recent download date, but nope. Turned out to be the other one. Once I finally got the right on installed, it still wasn’t what it should have been. I bought the software, rather than getting the subscription, and it kept wanting me to set up a subscription. After some fussing about, I spotted the “activate” button, logged onto the website and found the activation key. It’s now up and running.

I just no longer have any photos or my old project files. Most, I can get on the new back up external hard drive, so that will take more time to get all set up before I even try to make any new videos.

But not today. Today is supposed to be my day of rest!

I do have one more short post to write after this, though, and I’m quite excited about it! Especially giving the snowy weather we’ve been having lately. 

The Re-Farmer

How it went

/ Re-Farmer / 5 Comments

In short: better than I feared!

I left early today, so I could run some errands before going to my mother’s to do her grocery shopping for her. I was able to pick up a couple of hot meals at the grocery store for our lunch. They had rib dinners today, and she was really happy with it. I think it’s the first time I’ve brought lunches over where she didn’t find something to complain about! The price is right, too. The grocery store seems to make a limited number of these dinners for the lunch crowd, and that’s it. They don’t make them again. I’ll have to remember that.

As we were eating, she made a comment about “when we leave…”

We??

As far as I knew, she was giving me a list to do her shopping for her.

Nope. She decided she did need to go to the bank after all.

So when we were done lunch, I had to move things around a bit, in the truck – the few groceries I picked up for ourselves were in an insulated bag to keep things from freezing in the cab. For the length of time I would be with my mother, if they were in the box, they would freeze, anyhow.

I also moved the truck to the loading zone by the main doors, where there was more room for her to maneuver with her walker. Usually, we use a side door closer to her apartment, but the sidewalk is narrower, with a ditch on each side. A ditch filled with snow. In the summer, while helping her in or out her car, I’ve had her walker roll away and into the ditch, because it’s so uneven on the sides. With the snow blown even across, chances were greater that one of us would step off the safe section of sidewalk and end up in the ditch, ourselves!

I had the little step stool ready for her at the truck, too. It was awkward for her partly due to space. She needed to hang on to both the door and her walker to be able to use the step stool. From there, she could use the handle in the door frame, and the seat, to climb up the truck’s step under the door, and finally climb into the cab. It was definitely a tough climb, but she did much better than I expected! Thankfully, she seemed to be having a good knees day today. I know there are days when a climb like this would be out of the question.

Our first stop was the bank, and I cheated a bit. I used my husband’s disabled parking permit to park in the disabled parking zone. This put my mother close to the automated doors that she normally won’t use. Access from the parking spot up onto the sidewalk wasn’t shoveled, though. She made it through a spot that was almost clear, with a bit of help lifting her walker through the snow.

Once done at the bank, it was time to climb back into the truck and then off to the grocery store. Once again, I was able to park closest to the doors for her, where there was no chance of another car blocking her side of the truck.

She did a fairly large shopping trip today, which I was glad to see. She did have issues getting meat. She was going to pick up some deli chicken and wanted just a chunk of meat, rather than sliced, as she says the meat keeps longer. The guy behind the counter didn’t understand what she wanted, at first, and thought she meant thicker slices. I explained to him she wanted a piece, not a slice. So he tried asking her how much she wanted. I tried to explain to her what he needed to know, suggesting something about an inch thick, which is what I saw her get before. She got frustrated and said, “give me 2 pounds.” The guy and I looked at each other, and I could see we were thinking the same thing. Two pounds is a LOT for deli meat. We tried to explain again, but she started getting mad and said, “just give me 2 pounds.”

So the guy ended up cutting off about 1 1/2 inches, then putting it on the scale. It was under 2 pounds, but he gave her the weight in kilos, since all weights are in metric, and the amount, with was almost $15.

And that was one of the cheapest cuts they had available!

My mother got angry, said to take it away, and walked off.

The poor guy.

I apologized to him, but he assured me they could still use the cut. It was large enough that their machine could still slice it.

My mother ended up getting a sausage, instead, and that was it for meat.

At least she got eggs.

I found out from my brother, when he spoke to her this evening, that she said the guy at the deli was rude and was using the “wrong” weights. He was very polite and patient with her! Not the slightest bit rude at all. But she had trouble understanding what he was asking her, so to her, that means he was rude.

*sigh*

That shopping done, we had to make one more trip, to the pharmacy. My mother didn’t get put of the truck this time, though. I ran in and picked up a couple things for her.

Then it was time to go home, and she insisted I park by the side entrance, because it’s closer to her door. I ended up parking half in the street, to make sure she had space to move and no chance of either of us ending up in the ditch! Once she was safely out and I helped her through the doors – which are not designed at all for accessibility! – I had to go back and park properly. She waited at the doors for me, so the outside door wouldn’t fall closed and lock me out!

Once inside, we had a surprise waiting. Some stuff on the floor at her door. An insulated bag, and what I at first thought was her mail. There is a neighbor in her building that regularly brings her mail for her, but he usually slips it under her door.

My mother figured our vandal had swung by.

I think she was right.

There was no note, but the insulated bag had a jar labeled pickled herring, but I think it held some kind of home made borscht. There was a hummus dip container, but I could not tell through the labels, what was in it. Plus, two chocolate cupcakes.

What I had thought was mail turned out to be a magazine, plus a weekly paper that my mother doesn’t get in her town, which also confirmed it was from our vandal.

There were social activities happening in the lobby, so when I left, I asked if anyone saw who left things at my mother’s door. No one saw anyone go by. They would have recognized our vandal.

After I put my mother’s groceries away and we sat to talk for a bit, she told me she didn’t like how our vandal would show up unannounced at her place. She has her own things to do, appointments, etc. He has never called her in advance before. I didn’t think to mention, he couldn’t call her in advance, anyhow. My brother arranged for call blocking of several numbers our vandal uses. No more abusive phone calls or answering machine messages!

By the time all the running around was done, the weather was starting to turn. It didn’t get colder, but the winds picked up again, and even in town, visibility was starting to drop. The highway was still good for my drive home, though.

So my mother did manage all right with the truck, though it was a struggle. Having to get in and out so many times was definitely taking its toll on her. Still, she did really well. I think I found it scarier than she did!

She even had nice things to say about the inside of the truck!

This is not something she should do often, but at least I know I can use the truck to get her to a doctor’s appointment or anything like that.

I’m not sure what it says, that she would rather do all that climbing so I can drive her around, rather than have my sister drive her around in her much nicer, newer, car that’s easier to get into!

Well, I’m just happy to be able to do it, and thankful we are in a position to be available for her. It takes quite a load off my brother! There are still some things only he can do, since he has power of attorney, but he doesn’t have to take time off work and drive the hour plus to do them!

So things worked out rather well. When my brother called her later, he said she was in very good spirits – and cut the call short because her show was starting! 😆

Now, if only we could find a way to keep our vandal from showing up at her place! I think he still somehow believes she can give him the property, even though she already transferred ownership of this place to my brother.

Very strange.

The Re-Farmer

A pleasant visit

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First, the cuteness!

By the time I finish my morning rounds, the outside cats are done eating and settling into their cuddle piles. The three smallest kittens are in this one.

I want to snuggle the fluffy tabby so much! S/he will not allow it. The white and grey is friendly. Once in a while, I manage to sneak a pet on the grey tabby with white, on the left, but rarely do. The other two littles do allow me to pet them, and sometimes pick them up. The tortie does not like it, but tolerates it a bit more.

I ended up heading to my mother’s, today. My brother was planning to visit her and set up a call blocker, to stop the scam calls my mother gets, as well as the abusive calls she gets from our vandal. He was going to start while she was in church, as her place is so tiny, it’s easier that way. I came over to help him out.

He has a much longer drive than I do, and we ended up meeting elsewhere, then going to her place together. I’m glad I was there to help out, even if it was just passing him things. Before we started, though, we checked my mother’s answering machine for her. She can listen to messages, but can’t figure out how to delete them.

There were two messages from our vandal.

He was quite upset that I answered her phone while I was there. Had all sorts of nasty things to say about me, of course. Apparently, he’s poor because of “what [I] did”, and his $7000 in legal fees. Of course, no taking responsibility over the fact that he was caught vandalizing the gate and that’s why I pressed charges. Or his stalking behavior, etc. No mention of his trying to sue me for $13,000, for stuff I never claimed to own. He’s lucky my mother and brother aren’t up to doing him for all the stuff he took from here, over the years. That total would be over $40,000, and that’s just for the stuff my brother could remember, and that we know is at our vandal’s place.

Oh, and apparently, I have lots of money, and cameras all over the place. Well, if he thinks we have more cameras than we do, I’m good with that. Those cameras are probably the only thing keeping him away. Also, apparently God says he should be allowed on the property.

My mother has been getting these abusive calls for at least 10 years. My brother has copies of hundreds of them. It will be so good for my mother to not have this anymore. The only thing is, she will probably still call him, eventually. She does not understand why she should not do that.

Setting up the call blocker took more time then it should have, of course. The device itself was easy to do, and our vandal’s numbers were already programmed in. To block the over 5000 known scam numbers, however, required going through a process to link and turn on through the phone system.

It didn’t work, of course. Even though my brother made the arrangements and paid for the service already. The numbers should still be blocked, but that’s something he has to work out with the phone company. They should be able to set it up remotely – he used to work IT for them, years ago, so he knows they can. But they insist he has to do this from my mother’s phone.

Still, we got as much done as we could.

My SIL had packed a lunch for my brother to bring, so by the time my mother came back from church, we had tea made and lunch out and ready for her. She did not know I was going to be there, do that was a surprise, too.

It was a very good visit. Plus, there were a few little fixes she got my brother to do. I dud have to laugh when she started telling us how, when our sister had been there, she fixed the glass shade thar came off her bedroom lamp, but she had no idea when she did it.

It was funny, because I was the one that fixed it, the last time I was there. She’d stepped out of her apartment and, while waiting for her, I saw the shade and reassembled it. Then I went to help her with things and forgot about it. She did not notice it was fixed until after my sister left her place, the next day. 😄

I’m glad I was able to be there. Not only to help my brother, but with both of us there, she was on much better behavior. She tried to go off on a racist tangent only once, and was easily deflected.

The only downside is, both my brother and I forgot to pick up some milk for her, before heading home. So maybe I will be heading back, tomorrow.

We shall see.

The Re-Farmer

Not the day I planned

/ Re-Farmer / 3 Comments

First, the cuteness!

Tissue just crawled over right on top of grandma. Poor thing is in heat right now. Considering what happened when we tried to get her fixed before, that’s going to be a challenge!

In other things…

With our land line down, I messaged my sister, yesterday evening, to let her know. I’d managed to leave messages on my mother’s answering machine about it. It took two tries, as my call got dropped mid sentence, even though I was using wifi calling. I told my mother that the best way to reach me was likely by calling my sister, who could then send me a message. So, of course, I had to let my sister know this!

It turned out my sister had talked to my mother earlier, and she told my sister I was coming over today, to help her either groceries.

Last I spoke to my mother, she refused to settle on a day, and just settled on “after New Year”. I was supposed to do a follow up call which, obviously, was going to be a bit trickier.

After finding this put from my sister, I tried calling my mother again. She had a hard time hearing me, but at least the call wasn’t dropped. We worked out arrangements for me to come over, and when I asked, she suggested using her car, in case she was up to going out.

We haven’t used her car pretty much since getting the truck. Just once, maybe, shortly after we brought it home. So, this morning, while doing my rounds, I got her car out of the garage and checked her tires. The two on the driver’s side were a bit low. I just used the hand pump to top them up.

I had some things to do, since I was going to be out anyhow, so I left quite early.

Well.

I tried to leave.

I drove through the gate and stopped to close it behind me, when I heard a loud bang from the back. My mother’s car has always been noisy in the back, but not like this! I tried to look to see a cause, but there was nothing visible.

So I locked and kept going. I got as far as the stop sign, maybe 300 ft away. When a started moving after stopping at the sign, there was a loud, repetitive knocking from the back.

I turned around and came home!

I font know what the noise is, and have had no time to look it up, yet.

I took our truck.

Once in my mother’s town, I made a stop at the grocery store. Before going in, I took advantage of having a strong signal and called the computer repair place, to give them my cell number.

My timing was good. The tech guy was working on my computer when I called. After giving the number – with a warning that it may or may not work, if I was at home – he gave me the good news so far. Be was able to secure and protect my data. With that done, he was about to move on to starting the machine and seeing what he could find out.

I really hope it can be fixed. Blogging with my phone really sucks. Plus, there are things I do that I won’t even try on my phone!

I also updated my brother about what was going on with my mother’s car.

After going into the grocery store for our own few items, I called my mother to let her know about the vehicle situation, and ask what she wanted me to pick up for lunch. After going on about how fried food makes her sick, she then asked me to pick up potato wedges for her.

Which are fried, of course. 😆

So that was a stop at the gas station. While there, I also got some fried pierogi, plus a couple of pieces of chicken. Just in case.

When I got there, she happily had a bit of everything, including the chicken! 😆

As we were talking and eating, she showed me a Christmas card she waxed poetic on, about how beautiful it was. By which she means, it was a religious themed card, rather than a secular one.

It was from our vandal.

Out of curiosity, I looked inside.

Wow. He can’t even give her a Christmas card without going weird. The only good thing I could say is, his attempts to guilt and manipulate her went right over her head. I did get a picture of it.

Since my mother couldn’t come with me, we went over her list and I did her shopping for her, though I made sure to message my sister about the car, and letting her know that, until we can figure put what ti do about my mother’s car, before I forgot.

This trip, I paid for her shopping using my card, then gave her the receipt, as she requested. While she was getting cash to pay me back, her phone rang, do I answered it for her. When I do that, I answer like a receptionist, identifying myself in the process.

There was silence, then a hang up.

I checked caller ID.

It was our vandal.

Once we identified the number, we got a chuckle over him hanging up on me, then kept talking.

The phone rang again.

This time, I checked the number, first.

It was our vandal again.

My mother told me to answer it, like I did before.

So I did.

Once again, there was silence, then a hang up.

We got another laugh out of it, but then my mother told me something she didn’t mention before.

My vandal hand delivered that Christmas card, on Christmas day.

Then she told me how they had a lovely tea together. With his wife.

Oh, he would have been on his best behavior, with his wife there! She would not know about his abusive calls. He does those while she is at work.

I do wish my mother had let us know, though!

With all this, before I said my goodbyes, I decided to check her answering machine. At the very least, there would have been my two calls to clear, which she doesn’t know how to do.

Sure enough, there was a message from our vandal – left near the beginning of December! We keep asking her yo let us know about these, but she doesn’t!

I took a video of the message while it was playing, so the date would be recorded, then cleared her machine. The message was his usual ranting. First, demanding to know if he’s being recorded, and if he was, that’s entrapment.

Yes. Seriously. He’s leaving a message on an answering machine, and asking if he’s being recorded.

Then he launched into his usual accusations of how I font work, but spend all my time trying to put him in jail. The only new thing is that he’s now using my late brother’s children to manipulate her. Children that are estranged from her, largely because of him.

Well, at least he’s not telling her my late father and brother are looking down from heaven at her, angry that she didn’t give him the farm, and that she won’t go to heaven because of that.

Which reminds me.

My mother has been talking about giving her car to my nephew. Of course, it’s not from the goodness of her heart. It’s her usual bribery attempt: pay attention yo me, and I’ll give you things. But she only does that with the people who treat her the worst. We learned our vandal managed to swindle many thousands of dollars out of both my parents, over the years that way.

She told our vandal about her thought of giving the car to my nephew, so he now uses that in his rants against me.

With the car now suddenly making that noise, she said maybe it’s time to give the car to my nephew. I told her, that’s hardly a gift! Apparently, he works in a garage, though.

My name may be on the ownership papers, as that was the only way fir me to be able to keep it licensed and insured for her use, but it’s her car and she can do what she wants with it. Talking to my family about it later, we all agree on the salient points. If she wants to give it to him, and he has the skills and resources to fix it, that free uo funds in our budget. Finds we can use to pay the truck down faster. It also takes away a headache for us. That car has been no end of expensive trouble.

However, it would also mean, i can no longer drive her anywhere. She simply cannot get in and out of our truck safely. My sister works part time, so she could use her car to drive my mother around, but when it comes to things like doctors appointments, my mother doesn’t want that. My brother is not an option, as he would have to book time off work, and he lives the furthest away.

Ideally, we would replace her car, but we can’t afford two car payments, and she certainly would not be willing to buy another car herself.

A conundrum.

Ah, well. We’ll figure it out.

Meanwhile, before I left my mother, I made sure to tell her to check the phone if it rings again, and if it’s our vandal, let it go to machine. With me answering her phone earlier, he would absolutely lose it on her. His wife, after all, would be at work, so he would not be on his best behavior!

So that’s how my day ended up going. I had intended to try and clear end organize my husband’s room, so we have access to that phone jack, while he was still ambulatory. Tomorrow, I have to drive him into my mother’s town for an errand I can’t do for him, and even that short trip will wipe him out. So it may take a few more days before we can get to it. Especially if I end up driving to the city to get my computer!

Oh, wouldn’t that be nice!

This time of year, I’d rather be in hibernation mode, though! 😆

The Re-Farmer