While doing the morning rounds, I could not believe just how slippery everything was! I don’t think we’ve had anything like this, since we moved out here. Today was even more dangerous than after it was actually raining.
The camera on my phone seems to compensate a bit for the brightness. I couldn’t actually look at where I was taking the pictures, the sun’s glare on the ice was so blinding. I had to be super careful walking the paths to set out food and water for the yard cats. I was really appreciating the handles I’d put on the isolation shelter, as they gave me something to grip as I went from one sliding window to the other. I’d cleared the patio blocks below, but they are now covered with a thick layer of sheer ice.
Tomorrow, we’re supposed to get above freezing, so things should soften up and, in some areas, melt clear. Hopefully, that means the highway will be dry by the afternoon, as I plan to go to my mother’s apartment to check on things, then hit the hardware store to get some Roof Melt to get rid of the ice dam that has formed on the sun room roof.
Speaking of my mother…
I called the hospital last night. I timed it badly, as they were doing shift change, and I was asked to call back later. That meant I was talking to a new shift nurse, who had just barely been debriefed.
My mother, it turns out, had a rather “bad” day… and by “bad”, it was about her behaviour.
She had called me early in the morning, before they came to do her vitals, and over an hour before they were scheduled to do her morning meds. After I called the nurses’ desk back to explain the call to my mother, they checked on her, then I got a call back with an update.
Some time after that, it turns out my mother went into the hall and started yelling and swearing at the staff, calling them stupid. The nurse I was talking to had been updated during their shift change meeting, but hadn’t completely finished reading the written report yet, but she was able to tell me that the previous nurse managed to get her back into her room. The nurse then addressed her behaviour, in private.
I was both surprised and not surprised at the same time. I think it was the swearing that actually surprised me the most, because I didn’t think she knew any swear words in English. I’m probably wrong on that. If she had been swearing in Polish, it’s unlikely they wouldn’t have known if something was a swear, other than by tone.
I apologized for my mother’s behaviour, of course, but the nurse just laughed it off. She told me, the get this quite a bit, and never take it personally.
At the end of the call, I made sure to pass on my gratitude for how well they are taking care of my mother. She does not make it easy.
Some changes in her schedule were made, though. My mother complained that they weren’t doing anything for her, regarding her pain in particular. The only things they do for that is give her her Tylenol and rub affected areas with Voltaren, both of which help her a lot. These, however, were “as needed”, and if she didn’t specifically ask for them, she wouldn’t get them. It seems she wasn’t asking for them as often as she should have been. So now, both are scheduled. She will get both, twice a day, without her having to ask for them first.
There really isn’t anything else they can do for her. Most of her maladies are not things that can be fixed. At 94 years old, her body is simply giving out in places – and she really is doing remarkably well for her age! She doesn’t think so, of course.
Hopefully, they will find a care place for her soon, whether its assisted living, or a nursing home, like she wants. These places tend to have activities to help with cognitive decline, or simply for socializing. There is nothing like that available in the hospital, so she’s basically stuck alone for much of the day, stewing in her own mind, without the distractions she had become used to.
At the end of my call with the nurse, who was about to do the evening meds, she promised to call me back, if there was anything of concern. She did not call, so no news is good news.
After checking my mother’s apartment tomorrow, depending on the road conditions, I will drive to the hospital and visit her, too.
For a while, there, my mother had been doing so well. She really was happier than I’d seen her in years. Now, she seems to be reverting to her usual self again. Which makes the idea of visiting her or calling her on the phone a lot more stressful than it should be.
The hospital staff are saints. My mother is not the only difficult patient they have to deal with! At least, with her, she is an “easy” patient, in that she doesn’t need a lot of physical care, for someone that is hospitalized.
While we haven’t had anything official yet, we at least have been told she is not going to be discharged back to her apartment. They just don’t know when or where she will be discharged to, yet.
Which puts the rest of us in limbo.
I suppose we should start packing her apartment, though. I just don’t know where to start!
One of the things we found when we were cleaning the house out, before the movers brought our stuff, was an old rotary dial phone.
That phone is now set up beside my bedside, as it will continue working, even during power failures, unlike the modern cordless phones. There is one down side, though.
The ring is LOUD!
That’s what I woke up to.
That wasn’t the most jarring thing, though.
I actually got out of bed to grab the cordless phone, so I could check the call display, first. It was from the hospital. Sort of.
It was my mother, calling from her own phone in the hospital.
The first thing she started asking me was if I knew where the pendant for her Lifeline was. I told her, it was with the base in her apartment now. She wanted me to use it. I told her, I would have to drive to her town to do that (a half hour drive, if road conditions are good. They are not good.). But I have their number, right? Yes…
She wanted me to call her Lifeline to get advice on what to do.
…
She’s in the hospital, and she wants me to call the Lifeline for… health advice?
As you can imagine, this was very confusing even when not bleary from being half asleep!
From what I can figure out, if she had still had the pendant with her, she would have tired to use it, expecting to get a response from Lifeline, even though 1) the base is in her apartment and 2) her account is currently suspended until we know where she is going next.
She also thought the number I had was to whoever would have been monitoring her Lifeline, had it been active. The number I have is for their customer service. I didn’t even think about that at first, because I had no clue what she was getting at.
I told her, she’s in the hospital. If she needs help, use the call button.
What followed as a whole lot of jumbled stuff that I struggled to make sense of. Partly because she was talking in Polish, and didn’t have her teeth in. At the end of it, I did ask why she had switched to Polish and got only a vague answer that I think was her saying she didn’t want anyone to overhear what she was saying.
Somehow, in what was probably not that long of a call at all (though it felt much longer), she managed to…
Tell me the hospital isn’t doing anything for her. They just want her to sit quietly in the corner and die.
She’s been there for a long time (she even figured back to the date she went to the ER), and has still never been seen by a doctor.
They give her lots of pills. Eleven of them this morning (she hadn’t had her morning pills yet, I later confirmed, so… this would be the same morning she’s been talking to me about for over a week).
She is in pain, they come in to rub on the Voltaren, and that’s it, they don’t do anything else.
She wanted me to take her to a different hospital. Maybe they will help her.
Oh, and she squeezed in another complaint about paying for the Lifeline service, but they don’t help her. I reminded her, the service is suspended right now, but she was complaining about that before, anyhow.
When I tried to explain that you can’t just go hospital hopping, while trying to figure out just WHAT she wanted treatment for, I was told I was “on their side” and just wanted her to die.
Then she told me to talk to my brother, because he’s smart, he’ll know what to do.
…
She was clearly having a bit of a freak out, but I could not pin down what was going on. She talked about pain and they just rub on the Voltaren. Does it help? Yes. So what else does she expect them to do? She brought up her dry mouth again. They have given her a spray for that, and she doesn’t even keep it in reach. She wants them to “cure” it somehow, but it’s because she’s sleeping with her mouth open. She didn’t even bring up the pain in her chest that she used the Pepto for, but I couldn’t get the straight of whether there was anything else happening. When she started accusing me of being “on their side”, I told her, I’m trying to understand, but I need words! I need information!
I never got it.
She also went on about how they have five doctors, and no doctor has seen her. I told her, they don’t have five doctors at the same time. They have one. That’s it.
Oh, you’re on their side…
In the end, I promised her that I would pass things on to my brother, because he was wanting to book an appointment with the doctor to talk about next steps, anyhow. I told her, he was probably already at work, so I would message him. She actually ended the call so I could do that, which is unusual.
The first thing I did, though, was call the hospital to talk to whoever was at the nurses’ desk. I explained that I just got a call from my mother and the things she was saying to me. The receptionist didn’t know who my mother’s nurse was on that shift but, after being filled in, she told me she would pass all this on to her nurse, but would also check on my mother herself. She then offered to call back and update me, which I gladly accepted.
Then I got on my computer and started updating my brother. Part way through, I got the call back.
When she checked on my mother, the nurse was there, taking her vitals, and my mother was saying to her some of the things she’d already said to me on the phone.
My mother is apparently just fine. Her vitals are always really great. Her swelling is not an issue anymore. Her pain is being dealt with in various ways, as needed.
So what is it she is wanting to be treated for, to the point of wanting to go to a different hospital?
We don’t know.
My mother’s file was checked, and the last note from the doctor, about the Pepto my mother wanted, was written on the 5th. Today is the 13th. So he has been seeing her, even though he hasn’t needed to add notes each time.
So what is going on?
The doctor is seeing her, but she either doesn’t remember, or she doesn’t believe he’s a doctor. She had complained about how the nurses and doctors should be in uniforms, because she can’t tell them apart from a janitor. This doctor, however, is very distinctive. He’s probably the only black person in the hospital right now, probably the tallest person in the hospital, too, and he’s the same doctor that tended to her when she was hospitalized before. So it could be that she doesn’t think he’s a “real” doctor, because he’s black, and not doing whatever it is she wants done to her. This is a pattern with her, and not just based on colour. For as long as I can remember, she would go to doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, even priests, and any time they started saying things she didn’t want to hear, she would stop seeing them and claim they were somehow uneducated, unqualified, or otherwise not “real” in their title. If they did say something she liked to hear, she will drag that out, over and over, even if it is completely at odds with everything else.
We had a good talk about it. At one point, I read out a response from my brother, saying that my mother doesn’t understand that she’s in a holding pattern right now, while they try to figure out getting her into care, wherever that is. I explained that my mother WANTS to be in a particular nursing home, and that we’ve been trying to help her do that for two years now, with no success.
I think part of the problem (and the person I was talking to agreed) is that my mother is likely lonely and bored. With her eyes failing, she can’t read or write like she used to. She has her radio, but it’s set to a talk radio station in the city, because we couldn’t get the Polish radio station she usually listened to, so she’s probably not bothering. That talk radio station used to be a good one, and I remember we had it on a lot when I was growing up. It has changed significantly, over the years, and would probably not interest her anymore. She has the TV, but there’s only two channels, and she doesn’t approve of either of them. It’s just sports and stuff, and the same thing over and over, she says – and the news is just bad stuff, never good stuff, and the government should take them over and tell them to show only good stuff. Being in a hospital, there aren’t any activities that she can take part in, like there were in her apartment building, either.
So… yeah. She’s probably bored out of her tree, with only her own thoughts to mull on.
Which, considering the things she come up with, must be unpleasant. As my brother has said, it must be really scary to be in my mother’s brain right now. I mentioned that to the person I was talking to, and she agreed. We’re looking at increasing dementia, and she must be getting very frustrated and confused. This would be part of why she would get so upset with me when I can’t figure out what she is trying to tell me, or what she wants me to do. She doesn’t have the words. Even if there was some new thing wrong with her, she doesn’t have the words to tell us.
I updated my brother the rest of the way, but there really isn’t anything much he can do, either. We need to have that meeting with the doctor to get things straight and make decisions – and we’re already in the middle of January! My mother went into the hospital before Christmas.
She’s in the best place she could be right now, until some sort of long term care, assisted living or supportive living accommodations can be found for her, and we do know that she is being paneled for that while she’s there.
But she wants to be treated for something. Anything. All her many complaints, most of which can’t be fixed. Something. But aside from the swelling that got her into the hospital in the first place – which was blamed on a heart condition she doesn’t have – she is not sick. She is feeble, has already had a fall while there, and can no longer live independently. If it weren’t for our making a big deal about that, she probably would have been discharged home weeks ago, and she’s be in even worse shape. She would have been in real trouble if she’d had that fall in her apartment!
So… that was how my day started.
By the time all that was done, it was time for me to head outside for my morning routine, so that got taken care of.
I counted NINE cats and kittens in the isolation shelter, while doing the food and water in there!
The thermometer against the back wall is reading 5C/41F. Of course, it would be much warmer under the heat lamp, where Bug is hanging out.
After getting the morning stuff done, I was falling asleep on my feet, so I set a timer and went down for a short nap. It helped.
I was considering heading out to town today. My SIL had mentioned a product to me to help with the roof dams. I hadn’t even mentioned that we had one to them! They know how much of a problem that one spot it. Anyhow, these are pucks of calcium chloride and, depending on the brand, other chemicals. You just toss them up onto the roof, they melt their way down and then continue to melt away snow and ice for a long time. I called up the local hardware store to see if they had any in stock, but they did not. My mother’s town, so the south of us, has a hardware that apparently has the same brand of product in stock, but I wasn’t going to do highway driving, if I could avoid it.
We did actually reach our high of 3C/37F today, but it was at 4am. By the time I was outside doing my morning routine, it was getting cold, and we were having high winds. Anything that melted while it was warmer overnight was already frozen. As I write this, we are at -16C/3F, with a wind chill of -35C/-31F.
Tomorrow, we’re supposed to reach 1C/34F in the afternoon, through to the early evening, with continued high winds. It’s going to be our last warm day for a while. After that, we’re going to start getting highs below -20C/-4F. So if I’m going to run any errands, tomorrow is the day to do it.
It’s supposed to warm up slightly in the middle of next week, though, which is a good thing. I now have three appointments with the vet for spays or neuters. We’ll just be grabbing whoever we can that is for sure big enough to be done. Priority on the females, of course, but males if we can’t catch any. We’ll have to catch them the night before and keep them in the isolation shelter for the overnight fast. What we like to do is try to bring them in early enough to treat them with wet cat food, then take the food bowls out once their fast is supposed to start.
I’m still hoping we can get Frank in. She has allowed me to pet her a couple of times, but is extremely nervous about it. Adam has been around, but I haven’t been able to get close to her, and Slick may as well be as feral as Sprout, the way she’s been behaving lately. Then there’s that white and grey that has apparently moved into the cat house for the winter. Can’t get anywhere near her at all.
When doing the evening cat feeding, I was actually able to pick up and snuggle Blot, but she is probable too small. There are a couple of large kittens that I know are female – the calico, Sprig (daughter of Sprout), of course, but also the still unnamed fluffy black and white. There are fluffy tabbies that we just can’t tell, one way or the other. Too much fur, and we can’t get close to any of them.
We’ll bring in three, and that’s all we can be sure of!
So that’s good news.
Meanwhile, I am thinking I should probably call the hospital again and see how my mother is doing.
Honestly, I really don’t want to. You never know, though. She might have completely flipped between this morning and now, and be a different person again. There’s just no way to know, unless I call.
Today, I was able to get to my mother’s apartment, then to visit her in the hospital.
I wasn’t sure how that was going to work out, after learning how things went with my brother, last night.
My brother, SIL and their grandson went to visit my mother after my brother had put in a long day at work, driving out in what turned out to be a snow storm. We got a fair bit of snow here, but the closer you get to the lake, the more humidity and the heavier the snow. When they got there, they tried the regular doors to get into the hospital, but they were locked. I don’t even try the regular doors and go through the emergency room doors, but my brother forgets to do that. In the end, they decided he and their grandson would go in, while my SIL stayed with the car. That way, when they were ready to leave, she would drive around to the emergency room doors to pick them up, so they wouldn’t have to walk around the hospital in the storm.
Well, my mother was in “fine” form when they got there. At first, she didn’t really recognize them – I’m sure they were pretty bundled up in winter wear, plus, she wasn’t expecting them. For some reason, she was expecting me, but my brother told her I was coming tomorrow (meaning, today).
Then she started complaining about how late it was (it was still early evening).
When they told her about the poor driving conditions, and that my SIL was waiting in the car, my mother took it as a personal insult, and that my SIL didn’t want to “see her face”. Which is weird, because my mother hates my SIL (while saying she loves her) and has been trying to break up their marriage for years.
Anyhow, when my brother commented on how she went straight to the negative, she doubled down and got worse, so they left.
It was white knuckled driving, all the way home.
Needless to say, I wasn’t really looking forward to my visit today.
Road conditions were… passable, but not very good. It wasn’t snowing anymore, but there was plenty of packed snow on the roads, and blowing snow was starting to create drifts. Still, I’ve driven in far worse.
I got to my mother’s apartment, where I found her mail pushed under her door – a neighbour has been bringing her mail to her door for years. My brother will be getting that redirected to his place, once we know what’s going on with my mother after she leaves the hospital. I made sure to leave the Lifeline pendant with the base, checked her answering machine, etc. There were a few items she asked me to bring, one of which I couldn’t find. Which I was actually okay with, since it was something she meant to use to “educate” the hospital staff about the “history of Canada” that she’d written down. She would be wildly inappropriate about it.
I also grabbed her one live plant to take home, as she asked me to do, then headed over to the hospital. Blowing snow was even worse on that part of the drive.
Once at the hospital, I was able to park at my usual parking lot not far from the emergency room entrance. A few spots down, I noticed and SUV that looked kinda like our vandal’s, but didn’t think too much of it. It’s not an uncommon vehicle or colour.
Once inside, I made a quick dash to use the washroom near the emergency room waiting area (the emergency room was closed) before going to my mother’s. As I was leaving, I saw someone in one of the waiting room chairs, looking away from me, slowly getting up and starting to walk down the hall towards the nursing station.
It was our vandal. He wife was a few feet ahead of him, down the hall.
Our vandal didn’t see me as I passed him, and it’s possible he would not have recognized me from behind, while bundled up in winter wear, but his wife turned and saw me as I passed her. She looked really angry, before she even saw me. I said hello, but she just asked if I was going to see my mother. I said yes, and kept on going. I heard her start talking to our vandal, but didn’t pay too much attention. I knew they wouldn’t go to see my mother while I was there.
My mother seemed surprised to see me, even though my brother had told her I would be coming today. I brought out the things she asked me to bring, then brought out the gift I’d made for her.
She had mentioned using the sleep hat I made for her, using Blanket Yarn, to warm her hands, so I got more Blanket Yarn to make her a double thick muff for her hands in solid grey, then used leftover yarn from her hat to do the edging.
When she saw it, she immediately start making snarky comments about how we keep bringing things for her. I told her, this was so she could keep her hands and her head warm at the same time. She did not approve, though she did make a comment about how, in her younger days, these were very popular, and she had one that was all furry.
She then commented on how this was the same yarn I used to make a “scarf”. I’ve never used this yarn to make a scarf, but it turned out she meant the wheelchair shawl I’d crocheted for her late sister. I told her that no, I used Bamboo Silk to make that shawl, but my mother insisted it was the same yarn.
Then she started happily talking about how, after her sister passed away and my cousin gave the shawl to my mother, my mother had washed it, then “drrrrrrrr drrrrrrr drrrrrrr”, she said, as she mimed undoing the crochet. She said she had such fun doing that! Then she told me she balled the yarn up and gave it to me, then told me again that she made sure to wash it, first, so it was clean. Like somehow that was the most important thing? Or, she thought her sister was really dirty while wearing it?
My tongue was practically bleeding from my trying not to say anything. My mother still can’t understand the problem with her destroying something I’d made as a gift for her sister. No more than she can understand how much she hurt my daughter when we discovered she’d done the same thing with a shawl my then-early-teenaged daughter had made for her, after carefully selecting the yarn and colour, paid for out of her own allowance, and lovingly spending weeks crocheting it.
She mentioned my brother had come to visit, and I said I knew about it. Oh, you talked to him? Yes. Yes I did. She brought up how my SIL stayed in the car rather than come in to see her. I told her, they drove out in a storm, after my brother finished work, and reminded her of why my SIL stayed in the car, and how is it that she couldn’t appreciate that they were able to visit at all? She never even mentioned her great grandson. He may as well not have been there. She brought up how it “wasn’t the first time” my SIL stayed in the car rather than visit my mother. I was biting my tongue on that one, too. When I defended my brother and SIL, she just started crossing herself and changed the subject.
I did mentioned to her about seeing our vandal and his wife on the way over, and that they were unlikely to come visit while I was there, but might come later. I also added that I wasn’t going to stay long, because the roads were bad, plus I had her plant in the truck. She scoffed and said “of course” when I said I couldn’t stay long because of road conditions. Then started talking about how “every time” we say we can’t stay long, she forgets all the things she meant to talk about while we were there. One of the things she asked me to bring was her notebook and writing implements, so I told her that she can now write these things down as she thinks of them, so she won’t forget next time.
We talked a bit about what to do with her things in her apartment. When I told her I couldn’t find her notes and didn’t want to dig through her papers (she has bins and boxes of papers everywhere, most of it junk) to look for it, she was perplexed. Apparently, it should have been in the open and easy to find. That got her to saying how my sister is to take all her papers and pictures, and her clothes. I suggested she could give my sister her key, so she could do that when she’s able, and we don’t have to try coordinating with each other’s schedules. Not until we know officially know what’s going to happen with my mother next, though. She did make a big deal – again – about how we shouldn’t throw anything away, and not to leave things in the common room because the staff throws it out. She is really fixated on that, even though we’ve told her, many times now, that we won’t be leaving anything of hers in the common room for her neighbours.
Then there was a knock at the door and a nurse came in to take her lunch tray. It was the male nurse again. My mother did thank him for taking her tray, but you could tell, she was not happy to see him. After he left, she snarked about “red pants”. My reaction was along the lines of “so??” “On a man!” was her response. Yes, Mom. Men are allowed to wear colours.
She started crossing herself again.
*sigh*
So the entire visit was… okay, but not really a good visit. We quickly ran out of things to talk about – it hasn’t been that long since I’ve visited her last. Then, for someone who complained because I said I couldn’t stay long, she basically said, okay, we’re done. You can leave now.
🙄
Which was fine by me.
My mother is very good at driving people away from her, and making them not want to be around her. She is also oblivious to the fact that her actions are having this effect. The irony of this is, as negative as she gets with my brother and I, if our vandal have visited, I know she would be fawning over him. It’s like, the more abusive she is, the more she tries to cater to him, while being absolutely horrible to my brother, the person who has been helping her the most and has never been anything but kind to her for decades.
*sigh*
As I was leaving, there was no signs of our vandal and his wife, and the vehicle I’m now sure was his was gone, so it looks like they headed home after seeing that I was going to visit my mother. If this was something they were meaning to do after a chemo session, then that makes sense.
So it looks like I sabotaged a visit from them.
Which, under the circumstances, is a good thing.
Before I left, I did remind my mother that, if they came in together, our vandal would probably behave while his wife is around, but if he came in alone, I told her that she can use the help button to call someone, so that she’s not alone with him. We just can’t know, from one day to the next, what he will do.
Unfortunately, I trust my mother about as much as I trust our vandal. Especially after she manipulated my sister and they both lied about it, in regards to our vandal.
*sigh*
Anyhow.
After visiting my mother, I swung by the grocery store to get some hot dog fixings to do a cookout. There were some really good sales on, though, so I ended up getting more. I even got some beef stew meat – something that we can rarely afford to buy, these days. That done, I picked up a bit of gas and headed home. Between the groceries and the plant from my mother’s place, I drove up to the house to unload.
Once I was parked in the garage, I had something to eat, changed, then headed back outside to break out Spewie to clear the driveway. We got just enough snow to make it harder to drive around the yard, and I almost got stuck at the end of the driveway by the road.
In the end, I was physically able to only clear the area in front of the garage and a bit towards the people gate in the chain link fence. Not quite all the way, as I was using only one 100′ extension cord and didn’t want to add another. It was getting too painful after a while, so I had to call it a day before I was done. Tomorrow, I’ll have to head back out and start adding extension cords and doing the rest of the driveway to the road.
Before I went into the house, though, I did shovel the sidewalk and the cat paths, at least, before feeding the outside cats for the evening. The current forecast is now saying highs of -2C/28F over the next two days, then a high of +2C/36F on Tuesday. I want to clear as much as I can over the next couple of days, so that the paths and driveway have a chance to melt at least somewhat clear.
Somewhere in there, we should be able to get the fire pit going again and have ourselves a wiener roast! I’m quite looking forward to that.
As for today, I think the one thing that I would consider my top accomplishment was the inadvertent sabotaging of our vandal visiting my other. It still irritates me that she got him involved again, when we’ve been trying so hard to protect her from him. In her case, there’s a lot of self sabotage. She is often her own worst enemy, and I just don’t know what we can do about it.
I got this picture of Colby as I was going back inside for the day. I so want to snuggle this fluffball! We’ve had no progress in socialization. *sigh*
Today, I needed to go into town to pick up a prescription so, of course, I did as many other things as I could think of while I was there.
The first thing to do was visit my mother in the hospital.
It was a short visit. She started to go off on things again, and I called her out on it. Her response, as usual, it to verbally attack me for being such a terrible person, projecting invented motivations for while I don’t agree with her. She did change tactics when I simply got up and started to leave, though, and I did stay a bit longer.
It was a very productive visit, though. I remembered to grab the pendant for her Lifeline. I explained to her that her account is on hold right now, which means she’s being charged at a 60% discount. She was already upset that she was paying anything for the service in the first place, when she “wasn’t using it” (she was, but that’s another issue), so of course, she didn’t like that. I told her that once the account is closed, they will have to come over to get their machine and the pendant – and she had the pendant with her!
Not anymore. I’ll take it to her place as soon as I have a chance to check on her apartment again.
That got us to talking about what she wanted us to do with her stuff, should she be placed… somewhere. I suspect, not a nursing home, but more likely assisted living or supportive living. She wants my sister to take some things, which I think they’ve already talked about. My mother was a bit upset that my sister wanted to keep a print of Mona Lisa that my mother was thinking of donating to a local museum.
I don’t think a museum would want it. It has zero historical value. My mother just really likes it. I got a different story about how we got it, though. Previously, I was told it, and another framed print, were found in the attic of this house when my parents bought it, back in 1964 or so. Recently, though, my mother told me she’d bought the print herself and had someone local frame it. If the first story were true, then the print and frame would very well be almost 100 years old. If the second story is true, it’s about 50-60 years old.
The reason she isn’t sure she wants my sister to take it is, she has no children, and what’s going to happen to it when she gets to be my mother’s age and needs to pass it on?
Yup. My mother wants to control what happens to it for multiple generations.
I asked her, why is she so worried about material things like that? If my sister wants it, let her have it! These are her treasures, she told me. I reminded her that the Bible says our treasures are in heaven. She choked on that a bit, then told me how glad she was that I know the Bible so well, but there’s just one problem. I need to go to church!
*sigh*
The thing is, even when we were going to church regularly, before moving out here, it wasn’t good enough, anyhow. It wasn’t the “right kind” of church. In the end, it isn’t about going to church at all, but about control, and I’m not the marshmallow I used to be. She doesn’t like that.
Still, we did manage to have an okay visit, before I headed to the pharmacy. After that, I decided to go to the dollar store (we have just the one) to look for blanket yarn. My mother is happy with the sleep hat I made for her, then mentioned she sometimes uses it to keep her hands warm, so I will make her a muff for her hands. I couldn’t find the same variegated yarn I used for her hat, but I did find a solid grey that is the same as one of the greys in her hat. I have just a bit of the variegated yarn left that I should be able to use as an accent.
From there, I made a quick stop at the grocery store for something my husband requested. They didn’t have it, so I found a substitute, then got a couple more things, just to add to our supple. We’re still planning to do a cookout soon, and the only thing we’re running low on that I want to use for that is potatoes.
After that, there was one last stop for gas. *sigh* The prices just jumped from $1.109/L to $1.229/L
Once at home, I updated my brother on how things went with my mother, had some lunch, then headed back outside.
The first thing I wanted to work on was the fire pit. I had a cover on it, piled with snow, but more snow managed to get under it, too. I made sure to clean up the paths to the food pile and the branch pile, first, then did as much as I could with the fire pit. We’ve been putting small branches, pieces of bark and such, into it during the summer, expecting to be able to burn them in a cookout, but we never got to use it all summer. Even after the fire bans ended, it was usually too windy to even consider it.
After getting a pork roast out of the freezer, I was thinking of cooking in the fire pit tomorrow, but after talking about it with my daughters, we decided to wait another day. Which turned out to be a good thing. After clearing the snow and bits of wood out of the fire pit, I found it too frozen to clear ashes away from the fire bricks I have on one side. They are there to put the Dutch oven on, so the legs don’t sink into the ground or ashes below. So I cleared as much as I could, then left it uncovered. Tomorrow is supposed to be another mild day, and the dark snow/ashes will melt faster in the sun that way. I should be able to clear the fire bricks by late afternoon.
I did swing the grill back over the fire pit after taking the picture, though. The stacks in the background of the picture are what I cleared out of the pit.
That done, it was late enough to pause and feed the outside cats, but early enough to do more shoveling. You can see the final result in the next two pictures of the above slide snow.
Yes, I was able to clear a path all the way to the sign cam! I really thought it would have to be split between a couple of days, but the snow turned out to be less packed than I expected.
I really do enjoy shoveling snow! I’ll probably pay for it tomorrow, but gosh, it felt good.
Getting the path cleared meant I could finally switch out the trail cam memory card. It should be interesting to see how many files are on the card. The solar panel on the camera was covered in snow when I got to it, but the batteries were at 91%. I do expect there to be gaps over the days when we got that deep freeze, as the batteries would have gotten too cold to power anything. Still, it’s been over a month. I’m almost dreading to see how many files there are! It’s going to take a while to go through them.
Meanwhile, my awesome daughter has been diligently working on hemming the overalls she got for me, and finished soon after I was back inside. Of course, I had to try them on right away, and they are exactly the length I wanted – a touch on the long side, since they’ll be worn over boots. They’re so comfortable, I kept them on. The fabric is pretty stiff, so the more they are worn, the faster it will soften. They will be prefect for when I head back outside tomorrow to finish clearing the fire pit.
Oh, I do wish I had a way to record things easily while I was shoveling. The yard cats are really loving the warmer weather and running around like kittens. They were also loving the paths I was clearing, and the new one I dug out, running and jumping, following me around, chasing each other, and just having a grand old time! We’re still expected to have mild weather for the next week to 10 days, if not the above freezing high they were predicting for this coming Monday. That has been pushed back another week, and then the high of the day is supposed to drop by over 20° and stay frigid for about a week! Considering how much the predictions have been fluctuating, though, who knows what will actually happen. For now, though, the cats are greatly appreciating the warmer temperatures – and so am I!
What I need to figure out, though, is what I will be doing for starting seeds this year. I should be starting bulb onions right now. We still need to move the aquarium greenhouses to be basement, but have no idea how we can get the big one down the stairs and around the corner at the bottom, without breaking anything. Getting the aquariums and the shelf the big one rests on is becoming more important, since we will likely be bringing my mother’s couch in. Actually, we still have the couch. She took the matching love seat to her apartment when she moved off the farm. It’s small enough that it should fit right where the big aquarium is set up right now.
Starting the onion seeds, though, probably shouldn’t wait until we figure all that out. This year, I’m thinking to try doing them in a “snail” roll, to make it easier to separate them when it’s time to transplant in the spring. That should be small enough that they can be set up in the living room to germinate.
Things have warmed up quite a bit today. As I write this, we are at -7C/19F, which is warmer than the predicted forecast.
While I was out doing my morning routine, I decided to take advantage of the weather and do a bit of clean up. Mostly, scraping the packed snow off the sidewalk and shoveling that clear. Then I decided to clean up the path to the compost pile that was starting to fill in and, since I was there anyhow, decided to shovel a new path to the back of the garage. I just had to follow a trail conveniently marked out for me by a deer! 😄
While going past the garden beds there, I was able to mound more snow over the winter sown kohlrabi bed.
The other bed with the winter sown cabbage has a cover stored over it, so I wasn’t going to add more to that one. The cover itself has probably created air pockets that would also serve as insulation to protect the bed.
I look forward to seeing how the winter sown beds work out in the spring! I haven’t even tried to get at the ones in the main garden area. There’s enough snow covering the entire area that I’m not going to bother.
That done, I continued towards the garage, but the closer I got, the harder it was to use the shovel to break through the crust of snow near the top. In the first picture below, you can see a line where I hit with the shovel and managed to just leave a mark. There was loose snow under the hard packed snow, but even clearing that away, plus the loose snow on top, the shovel just couldn’t break through. It already has a crack in it, so I wasn’t going to bash too hard.
Now, what I could have done was get the ice scraper and chop it up, but… I just couldn’t resist.
I got my machete out of the garage, instead.
In the second picture, you can see where I started to clear from the garage side. I didn’t have that much distance left to clear. After shoveling aside the loose snow on top, I started cutting out blocks. Some of them were angled cuts, as I had to make a turn in the path. The snow on the garage side was packed all the way to the ground, and I had to cut blocks in half horizontally so that I could free the top block, then cut again to get the bottom loose. After a while, though, I started reaching where the bottom layer of snow was loose, and it got much easier.
In the third picture, you can see the last bit before I reached the cleared path. The cats really liked the new path! At one point, I even found one tucked into the gap under the hard packed snow in the first picture.
As for the blocks, I ended up setting them along the north wall of the path to the outhouse. A little extra to block the wind and keep it from drifting in, which you can see in the fourth picture of the above slide show.
Last of all, I tidied the new path up with the shovel. Once I was done and putting things away, the cats immediately started running up and down the new path! I’m sure the deer whose trail to the compost pile I cleared will like the new path, too. 😁
I have to admit, I was really, really tempted to keep cutting more blocks and building up more walls. Which I might actually do more of, tomorrow.
Today, however, I needed to go into town, so I headed in for breakfast, instead.
Once in town, my first stop was at the hospital to visit my mother. She seems to be doing pretty good, though she complains that they aren’t “doing” anything for her. I’m not sure what they can do, other than what they are already doing. She seems to be looking for some sort of magical fix for everything. She gets out of breath very easily. There’s nothing they can do about that. She has pain, and they’re already giving her painkillers and using the Voltaren. They’re still giving her water pills more often, to keep the swelling down. She wants the doctor that’s covering for the one on holiday to see her, but for what, exactly? She never quite tells me.
After a while, I told her to just enjoy being there and being taken care of. She doesn’t have to worry about her meals, and if she has trouble at night, she just has to push a button, and help will come. Which is exactly what she has been wanting, for a very long time – to have someone around and available, especially at night. At one point, she told me she had to call for help while in the washroom. She was in too much pain in her hip and back to get up. She asked them to rub on more Voltaren, which is one of the only things that really seems to help her, and she was eventually able to get up. The nurse wanted her to get up and walk right away, but she had to tell her, she needs at least a bit of time for the stuff to start working, first!
I don’t know when the regular doctor will be back from holidays, but once he is, my brother wants to book a meeting with him to discuss my mother’s situation. The only thing we know right now is, there is nothing about her going home. Still, until we get official word that she will be going into some sort of care facility, we can’t really do anything more about her apartment, utilities, etc. I suppose we could start packing things. I’m really not looking forward to going through all my mother’s stuff, but wherever she goes, very little of it will be able to go with her. Basically, her clothes and that’s about it. She might be able to hang some of the family pictures on the wall of wherever she ends up, but if she ends up in the hospital for an extended period, while waiting to a bed to open somewhere, we’ll have to store things ourselves until we know what her set up will be.
In the end, it wasn’t a long visit. There wasn’t anything much new with either of us, and I’ll be back again soon, I’m sure. Now that she’s in the town closest to us, I’ll have more opportunity to visit her.
From there, it was off to the pharmacy, and then to run what errands I could think of, while I was in town.
When I headed out this morning, everything was covered in frost. Normally, that would have gone away during the day, but we’ve been overcast all day, so everything was still looking like something out of a post card while I was heading home.
One nice thing about living in the boonies. I could stop in the middle of the road to take pictures, and didn’t have to worry about traffic. 😄
The local company the RM contracts with to do the plowing did a fantastic job! There was a brief period few years ago, when a new council decided to lease a snow plow instead, then hire a driver as needed. It was a disaster, and the winter road conditions were the worst anyone could remember. That council was so bad, the province ended up disbanding it after too many people quit in disgust, then taking over until a new council could be elected. The new members went back to contracting with the same company that had been doing such a great job for so many years, and what a difference that has made!
Anyhow, that’s it for today, really. We’re supposed to have some pretty mild weather of the next while – a week from today, they’re now saying we might reach 0C/32F! Hopefully, I’ll be able to take advantage of it. If nothing else, we need to do a dump run when it’s open tomorrow, and then I can keep going to the feed store to the north of us, and get 40 pound bags of kibble for the outside cats for the month.
Other than that, I might just end up cutting more snow blocks. I haven’t built a snow fort since I was a kid. 😄
Well, I hope you all had a wonderful time bringing in the New Year! Or, at least, a calm and peaceful one. 😁
I didn’t make it to midnight. 😄
It actually turned out to be a very strange day for me. I’d gone to bed early, so I was up pretty early. I did the outside cats stuff and my short, winter version of my morning rounds, then tried to go back to bed. After numerous interruptions, I did actually get some sleep. So, you’d think I would have been good to stay up until midnight. After all, I rarely get to be before midnight on a normal day. Instead, I could have easily gone back to bed by 5 or 6.
The other odd thing was my body was basically falling apart, all day. Just with normal walking around the house, I’d have a knee start to give out, or a hip start to dislocate. Even just reaching to flush the toilet had my shoulder socket trying to dislocate. Then there were my hands! At one point, I’d made myself a hot drink in one of my giant mugs, which are basically twice the size of a typical coffee mug. When I tried to pick it up by the handle, I found I didn’t have enough grip strength to clasp the handle enough to keep it from sliding through my fingers. I ended up having to ask a daughter to pick it up for me, so that I could grasp it with both hands. It wasn’t until the cup was half empty that I could grip the handle with one hand and not be at risk of dropping it. It was so bizarre!
That was yesterday, but when I woke up today, it was pretty much back to normal. I have no idea why I had such issues yesterday, that would go away overnight like that.
This morning I was feeling good enough that, after doing my rounds, I scraped and cleared the sidewalks and main doorway steps, tidy up the paths that were already dug, and even started to extend more paths. Little by little, I want to dig our way to the fire pit again, but I was going to head back out to open up the turn around space in the inner yard. We will be doing our Costco stock up trip soon, and I want to be able to back up to the house with more room to turn the truck around in the yard.
Well, that’s going to be my focus for tomorrow, instead.
I had called my mother last night to with her a Happy New Year, and she gave me a bit of a list of things she wanted from her place. One of those things was her short wave radio that my brother got for her, so she could listen to her Polish station, with Mass and praying of the rosary.
I passed on to my brother bout the radio, and this morning they told me they were going to her place to get it, and did I want to meet them at the hospital to visit Mom?
I suggested I meet them at her apartment, so I could back some things for her, then they could grab the radio, then we’d go to the hospital together.
So that was the new plan for the day. I was able to leave soon after, which was really early, but I wasn’t sure if I needed to do any shoveling at the end of the driveway. It turned out I didn’t, and there was no need for the plows to go by again. That had me at my mother’s place before they even left home. Which was just fine.
I checked her answering machine, then packed a few things in a bag for my mother, spotting some things I figured she would like to have, even though she hadn’t asked for them directly. I also made sure to water her rosemary plant. That will be coming here to the farm eventually, but I didn’t want to grab it only to have it sitting in a cold truck until I could get home.
I was even able to get the radio partially ready. I just couldn’t get the special antennae down from where it was taped to the window. I’m too short. So when my brother got there, that was all he had to deal with, so he was done and we were heading out in less than 5 minutes.
They have one of their grandsons with them for a while, and the long drives were great for him to get a solid nap in!
Once there, my brother immediately started trying to set up the radio and antennae. In the end, there was just no way to get a strong enough signal for her FM radio station. He was able to find it, but it was really hard to hear, and there was no place he could set up the antennae and get a better signal.
My mother could not grasp why this was an issue. She was instead convinced my brother had bought her a “junk” radio (it is a very high end shortwave radio), because she never had problems before. Meaning, also back here at the farm. My brother told her that we were getting AM radio, but what she was listening to was FM radio. I well remember how hard it was to get an FM signal here, having had to set up antennae wires from my radio when I was a kid. In the end, my brother was able to find an AM station that she used to listen to. No Polish radio, no Christian station, but one where she could at least listen to the news. All she has to do it push the red button to turn it off and on. We tried to stress for her to not touch any dials. Hopefully, she will remember that!
Meanwhile, I unpacked the items I brought for my mother, making sure where I was putting them for her. She was quite happy when she saw some of the extras I’d bought, as they were things she wanted, but had forgotten to ask for.
We then had ourselves a decently long visit. She did seem really tired, and had almost no patience. For example, when my brother started to set up her radio beside her, the folding hospital walker was in the way. He moved it aside and I was going to get it out of the way, but I first had to move the wheelchair aside. My mother started demanding I move the walker to a certain spot, which was basically where the wheelchair was sitting, but when I didn’t immediately do it – because I was moving the wheelchair – she suddenly became enraged and actually started to kick at the walker from where she was sitting, in such a way that could easily have resulted in a fall. When we managed to get her calmed down and I could finally move the walker, she basically just slumped into her chair and started saying how, she’s used to doing things herself, but now has to depend on us, as an explanation for her behaviour. I told her, even she couldn’t do two things, like moving a walker and a wheelchair, at the same time! Which she did acknowledge. Sort of.
It was a good visit, though at times a distracting one, with a very energetic great grandson around. My brother got some recordings of my mother telling stories and singing. I’m glad he thinks to do that. I hardly ever remember to even take photos when I visit!
Once we were done with the visit, we wanted to go somewhere to chat and catch up on things. Being New Year’s Day, the only place that was open and had seating was a Subway. It wasn’t a busy time of day, so we were able to stay and talk for quite a long time. Again, it was very distracted with their grandson, but none of us minded. Eventually, we were able to cover quite a few things, and I even learned more about things that happened while we were living in other provinces over the years. We’re all quite confused over my sister’s recent actions involving our vandal which, I learned, has been a problem for quite some time. It seems both our vandal and my mother have been able to manipulate her very easily. Which is odd, because she really should know better by now. In all honesty, it seems my sister is showing cognitive issues as well, and is not at all as healthy as she may seem. I see way too many red flags. But, she’s skinny, and we all know that skinny people don’t get sick, right? /sarcasm
In the end, we just have to work with the hand we are dealt with and do the best we can, for each other as well as for our mother.
It was getting pretty late in the afternoon by the time we parted ways. One of the two grocery stores in town was open today, so I made a quick stop to pick up a few things before our Costco stock up trip. I haven’t decided exactly when I’ll be doing that, other than not-tomorrow. We are actually supposed to warm up slowly over the next 7-10 days, with expected highs next week just a few degrees below freezing. A good time to do more snow clearing, very little of which can be done with little Spewie. The parts that can be done with Spewie still need to be broken up with a shovel, first. The snow is deeper than Spewie is tall, and much of it is now hard packed by the wind.
One thing I’ve been able to see through various windows are some pretty large fallen branches, but they will have to wait until spring for clean up.
So what was supposed to be a home day ended up being an out all day, day. The nice thing is that I’ve got the girls able to take over my usual outside routine while I’m gone – plus, I came home to supper waiting for me! 😊
As for my mother, we’re going to have to wait until her attending doctor comes back from holidays before we can have a meeting with him and discuss next steps. Once we have something solid to work on, we’ll be able to make decisions about my mother’s apartment.
*sigh*
I have no idea what we’re going to do with her furniture. It’ll probably have to come here to the farm, but we’ve pretty much run out of storage space for larger stuff. We still have all the stuff we cleared out of the house and packed away, because my mother insisted nothing be thrown out. Fair enough. Most of it is in too good a shape to throw away. She did say we could have a garage sale, but that wouldn’t work out well. Not just because of our relative isolation, but that would be an open invitation for our vandal to cause problems. She’s also adamant that nothing goes to any second hand stores, either. So what are we supposed to do with it all?
Ah, well. We’ll figure it out, in due time.
Until then, here’s some cuteness to share with you.
This is Leyendecker and Susan. Can you believe they are siblings from the same litter – and that Leyendecker started out as the tiniest kitten of the litter? He’s an absolute giant, compared to his sister. He’s not just a fat cat, but a big beast in general. He’s even bigger than Big Rig, who was the largest kitten of the litter. She’s a chonk, too, but not quite as big as he is. Susan is one of our smaller, lighter cats now. Their mom is Beep Beep, who is a pretty normal sized cat. Bigger than Susan, but still dwarfed by two of her last babies, before we were finally able to get her fixed.
Okay, I should have gone back over my old posts, first.
Susan is not from the same litter as Leyendecker. She’s one of Beep Beep’s, but older. Beep Beep’s last litter included Leyendecker, Big Rig and two orange babies, Saffron and Turmeric. She also adopted Butterscotch’s last surviving kitten, Nikko, from that year. The orange babies and Butterscotch’s baby all got adopted out. They were pretty much the first kittens the Cat Lady adopted out for us, before she started her own rescue. My daughters just reminded me that Susan is Cheddar’s sibling. So… she is still the tiny sister of a giant cat. Just not the biggest chonky boy of the household! 😄
It gets hard to keep track, at times! It’s a good think I journal this stuff here, or I’d never remember. 😄
That first picture, we actually named her Fluffy. We got her to the vet and they wanted a name. It was all I could come up with, quickly! We got her in only because she willingly walked into a carrier. Once in a while, she lets us pet her.
The second picture is of another fluffer, but with more white on the chest. With how much they move around, that extra white is the primary way we can tell them apart. That one has taken to hanging out on the window shelf while I put the food out, and has been willing to let me do that, and even not running away while I pet other cats beside it. It has even sniffed my fingers a bit. I’ve managed to touch him (I’m going to guess “him”, only because – as far as I can tell – he didn’t get pregnant last year), but he takes off when I do.
These are both among the oldest kittens of this past year. A matched set of adorable fluffiness.
Now that I look at the picture, I can see why the one tends to have its eye looking half closed all the time. There seems to be an issue with the inner eyelid.
Now, on to the frustrating part.
My daughter and I went into town today. I brought a couple of things for my mother, so we were going to go there first, then go to the grocery store for our last shop of the year.
My mother had requested some of her Pepto, because what the hospital was giving her apparently wasn’t working. She wanted me to sneak it in to her and not tell them. Which I had no intention of doing, but I did bring a bottle from the stash I brought to our place, because my brother buying her to many made her angry instead of thankful. I also grabbed another of my mini tagine sauce bowls for my mother to use to count her pills. I’m glad I had a set of four of those, because two are already at my mother’s apartment!
Our first stop was at the nurse’s station. I showed them the Pepto and explained why my mother wanted it. They had to keep it so that a doctor could authorize it, and she made sure to label it with my mother’s name as we talked. I also showed her the tiny tagine and explained about my mother using it to count pills, because home care would sometimes drop a pill while getting them out of her bubble packs. Now that she’s putting them in her palm to count them, she doesn’t seem to be seeing them as well, and has miscounted. I just wanted them to know what it was there for.
My daughter and I then went on to visit my mother.
The first surprise was that her door was not quite shut. There’s a sign on her door to keep it closed at all times.
The second surprise was when we walked in and found she had a visitor.
Our vandal.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When he saw us walk in, he immediately began to say his good byes and left, not making eye contact with us at all. I did say Happy New Year as he went by, but he ignored it.
After he was gone and I gave my mother a hug hello, I asked if she knew how he found out she was in the hospital. She just threw her hands up and said, maybe my sister. I wasn’t sure about this, since my siblings and I had been talking about making sure not to tell anyone about my mother being in the hospital, so that word would not get to him.
Thankfully, he was on good behaviour, even though his wife was not there, but she had specifically told him not to come around anymore, after his last yelling session at her place, not that long ago. It didn’t stop him from leaving a really nasty letter more recently. We really hoped that she would be safe from him in the hospital. She tried to say he was being okay, but I pointed out to her that’s because she’s in a hospital, not at her apartment – but that this could change at any time.
Then I told brought out her little pill counting bowl, which she was happy with. I told her about bringing the Pepto and leaving it at the desk, which she got angry with. She had told me not to do that, because she intended to basically sneak taking it without the hospital staff knowing. I told her, she can’t do that. They need to know what she is taking, when and how. She complained that they took away her painkillers and I said, it’s the same thing. They can’t leave medications because patients might make mistakes. Oh, but she doesn’t have that problem, so they should let her keep her extra meds. I had to tell her, they can’t pick and choose who they can do this with and pointed out that she does forget things.
Then she got mad at me for another reason. I was wearing my work sweats, and I’ve got a tear in one pantleg. She spotted the hole and got angry. I shouldn’t wear clothes with holes in them because we live in the best country in the world.
…
???
Needless to say, we didn’t stay long. Her lunch was about to be delivered, anyhow.
As we left, I stopped at the nurse’s station again. I’d called about our vandal before, and I wanted to confirm with them who he was. I made sure they knew I understood there isn’t much they can do, but at least there was an awareness of a potential problem.
I had suggested that my daughter go on ahead to the truck while I talked to the, but she stayed with me. She was concerned that our vandal might be hanging out in the parking lot. I later found out that he’s getting his chemo at this hospital, so he’s going to be there regularly.
*sigh*
Also, for someone who is dying, he looked really good and pretty spry.
Thankfully, he wasn’t stalking us in the parking lot, but we also had to keep in mind that he might also be at the grocery store we were going to. Once we parked there, I sent a quick update to my siblings in our chat group about him being there before going in (we never saw him in the grocery store, either, thankfully).
While shopping, I got a response from my sister, saying that people from church had recognized my mother, so that’s probably how word got out. I made a short response saying that my mother thought my sister had told him, but was just guessing. My brother tried to phone me on my cell, but it was just too loud for us to talk. My daughter and I had our own shopping lists, so we took care of that, loaded up the truck, then headed home.
My phone started dinging while we were driving so, when we stopped along the way for my daughter to check the mail, I took a look.
This is where I’m going to be fighting a battle between being honest about things on this blog, while being careful not to say things I shouldn’t, even though this blog is anonymous.
Long story short, my sister did tell our vandal about my mother being in the hospital – at my mother’s request. They both tried to hide that from me and my brother.
The whole point of our group chat has been to communicate with each other because my mother likes to play us against each other, telling each of us different things about the same topics and the like. We also need to protect my mother, not just from people like our vandal, but from herself, if necessary. Yet, my sister still let my mother manipulate her, and … let’s just say, she didn’t see the problem with this. Even after I pointed out that she put my mother’s health and safety at risk, by going along with my mother’s self sabotaging demands.
My brother and SIL, meanwhile, were on their way to visit my mother as well. Once we had the chance, we talked on the phone while they made a stop along the way. As you can imagine, they were pretty alarmed by what my sister did, too, and that our vandal showed up. My sister added something else that is of concern, too. Our vandal’s wife works for the health care system, in some administrative capacity, and apparently said something about the waiting list for the nursing home my mother wants to get into. There have been other things that have come up that suggest that she’s been looking up private medical files and passing things on to our vandal, and that seems to have happened again in relation to my mother. This, of course, would be a PIPA violation.
Anyhow, once at home and settled in, I responded to my sister about what happened. I tried to be very careful in addressing the issue without making personal attacks. She responded with a personal attack.
*sigh*
Unfortunately, all this shows is that my sister cannot be trusted when it comes to caring for our mother, because she allows herself to be manipulated. That is involved our vandal took it from being a minor frustration to alarming, because it has literally put my mother’s safety at risk – and both she and my mother tried to keep it a secret from my brother and I, because they both knew we were against our vandal having access to my mother!
*arrrrggggghhhh*
When they were done their visit, my brother called to update me while they were driving home. They had an all right visit. My mother wouldn’t have said anything except the noticed and commented on a box of chocolates (my mother keeps saying, she doesn’t want sweets) and a Christmas card signed by our vandal and his wife. She then acted like she just remembered that, oh, right, our vandal had come to see her – but he behaved well!
*sigh*
They explained to her, why this is a problem and told her that, if he shows up again, to use the call button so someone will come over, and see that he’s there. That will make things a bit safer for her, at least.
My brother had tried to get some idea of what’s going to be happening with Mom. Everyone is saying we need to talk to someone else, and no one knows anything. One thing we do know now is, if my mother gets paneled to go straight to a nursing home from the hospital, rather than being discharged to home, they will start billing her for her time in the hospital. She would no longer be their patient, so the province won’t cover her costs anymore, so she’ll basically be charged for room and board.
Which means we’re going to have to do something about her apartment, so she’s not paying both at the same time. Yet, we can’t really start doing that until we officially know that she won’t be coming back to her apartment.
My mother has so. Much. Stuff. In that tiny apartment. This is not going to be easy. Most of it is papers she refuses to throw away, but there’s important stuff mixed in with stuff that she should have thrown away long ago. She has a habit of reusing envelopes from junk mail or solicitations for donations and sticking important things in them, all mixed up.
Well, it will need to be done, and that will mostly fall on me, since I’m the closest and my schedule is the most flexible. At least I’ll have a daughter or two, to help me!
I really wish we didn’t have to deal with this whole soap opera going on, and could just focus on taking care of my mother!
Ah, well. Such is life. As my dad used to say, you can laugh, or you can cry, and I’d rather laugh.
Ha! Colby looks so angry in that first picture. The second picture is a feral we can’t touch. S/he always seems to have one eye half closed, and it’s not always the same eye. We might have to call him/her Wink! 😁
The third picture is Hypotenose. He was really wanting attention today!
Last of all, we had Stinky, glowing in the sunlight, and the fluffy feral that looks like Fluffy, but has more white on the chest. This one is finally accepting the offer of food, up on that window shelf, and sometimes, I can sneak a touch.
In other things…
I’m happy to say, my left knee that I bashed last night is doing pretty good. There’s swelling and I can still see a mark, but it doesn’t hurt to the touch, like my right knee still does. That one is getting very colourful as it recovers.
I still can’t figure out how I managed to bash that left knee so hard into the door.
Meanwhile…
Last night, I got an automated notification from my mother’s Lifeline system. When their system reads there might be a technical issue with connectivity, it sends these with instructions to test it. My mother has the Lifeline pendant with her in the hospital. I’ll have to remember to grab that and return it to her apartment.
The notification came so late in the day that, when I called the 800# in the message, it went straight to an answering service that said to call back during office hours. So I called them up today. The call went straight to voice mail, so I let them know my mother was in the hospital and we don’t know when – or if – she is coming home, so to suspend her service for now.
I called the hospital to see how things were with her, and was able to talk to her nurse for today. He had just checked on her. We talked about her concerns with the pills she’s getting. He confirmed that she has been getting her eye vitamin for the past while, though it was a tablet version, not the almost black gel cap type pill she was used to. He told me she empties the pill cup into her palm and counts the pills every time, but sometimes miscounts. This morning, she counted 7 when there were 8, and he suggested she count again. She got the right number the second time. I explained about how, with home care, they would sometimes drop pills, so we had a special little bowl with a lid to put the pills into, that made it easy to count them. Her failing vision may be a contributing factor, too.
Still no information from any doctors on her condition, nor what the next stage will be.
I then got transferred to her room to talk to her, and she was very happy for the call. I told her some of what the nurse told me, and she requested her little bowl to put the pills into for counting. I don’t know when I’ll be at her place next, though, but she said there is no hurry.
She mentioned they took away her painkillers. These would have been her T3s from home. I suspect she may have been taking them, then forgetting she took them and took them again. She brought up again how, she’s taking all these pills, but she still feels this or that – things that are unrelated to what she is being medicated for. Then she asked me to bring her Pepto. It took some questioning, but it seems the hospital did have her some sort of substitute. White instead of pink, and more liquidy. Apparently, it isn’t helping, so she wants her Pepto – but don’t tell them about it! I told her, I can bring the Pepto (I have her spare bottles here at home), but she can’t be hiding things from the hospital staff. They need to know if she’s taking something.
We have plans to go into town tomorrow and pick up a few extras for New Year’s, so I can swing by to visit her as well.
Then she mentioned that her niece had visited her a few times.
This surprised me, because we’ve been making a point of not telling anyone my mother is in the hospital, so our vandal doesn’t find out. My cousin is still pretty close with him, as far as we know, so we weren’t going to tell her. I asked my mother who told her, and she thinks it was my sister, but didn’t know for sure.
After I finished talking to my mother, then updating my siblings, I called the nursing station back and explained the situation. There isn’t much they can do if our vandal shows up, but they are now at least aware of a potential problem. Hopefully, he’s too sick to visit my mother and try to guilt her into giving him money or something, and it’ll be a non-issue.
It really sucks that we have to even think about that sort of thing while my mother is in the hospital!
Well, it is what it is, and we’ll deal. The main thing is, there will now be a notice on her file and they are aware of a potential issue. If all goes well, he still knows nothing about my mother and everything will stay quiet.
Today’s main goal was to get to my mother’s place and clear out her refrigerator of perishable items, then get her bubble packs to the hospital, before the snow arrived.
My daughter came with me to help out, so she was able to get started on the fridge while I packed a bag of stuff for my mother. There were a few things she asked specifically for, and others I grabbed that I knew she would want, such as her daily devotions book (which is held together with duct tape, she’s read and re-read it so often), the LED candle I got for her for when she said her prayers and when someone from church brought her communion, and a couple of rosaries. A neighbor has been bringing her mail for years and sliding it under her door, and there were a few envelopes we brought for her, too. Of course, I also brought her knee warmers that I washed and added elastic cord to, which will hopefully keep them from sliding off, and the warm sleeping cap I made for her yesterday.
I had done a grocery shopping trip for my mother shortly before she went into the hospital, so there was quite a bit for us to bring home! Some things had to be thrown away, so we took out her garbage, too. I even remembered to give her rosemary plant a deep watering. There are still a few things in her fridge that aren’t perishable that we are leaving until we come back to shut it off and clean it all out. Not sure when that will happen.
Once everything was packed up, checked out, put away and tended to, my daughter and we had 5 of our hard sided grocery bags to bring home (!!!) plus the items to bring to the hospital. That included her bubble packs that they asked for, plus I found and grabbed the prescription anti-fungal medication for her infected toe that she never used, as she can’t apply it herself. My daughter remembered to grab the baggie of foot care stuff I brought for her, which can now only be used by her, unless sterilized.
It didn’t take very long with two of us working on it, and we were soon loaded and heading to the hospital.
When we got there, my first stop was at the nursing station to drop of my mother’s bubble packs. I pointed out the eye vitamins, and the woman I spoke to said they just don’t have those at all. I also brought out the anti-fungal medication and explained that my mother couldn’t apply it herself. I don’t know that they do that sort of foot care. You’d think they would, considering it’s a hospital, but as I told her what it was, she seemed very… confused? Not sure what other word to use, but it left me thinking, it’s not going to get used.
My mother was sleeping when came in, so we tried to be quiet, but she heard us and got up. We showed her what we brought for her, some of which needed repeating, but she eventually got it and was able to instruct us on where to put things. Then we stayed for a bit of a visit and a chat. That went over well, for the most part – she was happy to see my daughter this time. There were a couple of head shakers, though.
She started telling us that things are quieter at night, now, because she was saying something (I shudder to think how she phrased things). There’s even a hand written sign on her door, to keep closed at all times. She started getting into her favourite thing to complain about: people laughing. As she went on about it, we tried to say, laughing is good. It’s healthy. It’s one thing to have an issue with how loud things are, but there’s nothing wrong with laughing.
Turns out, she really does think there’s something wrong with laughing. People shouldn’t be laughing in the hospital, because there are sick people who are feeling bad, and that will make them feel worse. Of course, she is projecting herself, here, and assumes other patients are as bothered by it as she is. This attitude towards laughing is not new at all. Even when we would be in a restaurant or something and people at another table would laugh loudly, she would get angry. As if she thought they were laughing at her (in some instances, she really did think people were laughing at her, even though they were talking about something else entirely). There were a few times when she would suddenly, loudly, do her sarcastic imitation of a laugh. Got some strange looks out of it, as you can imagine. My daughter even tried to point out that sometimes, people laugh to make other people feel better, and my mother’s response was that they could smile or say nice things, but laughing was for … I think she said for the bar or something like that, but I can’t quite remember. Basically, in her mind, no laughing should happen in hospitals. Because she doesn’t like it. She even tried to misuse the Bible to justify it, bringing up the verse about being happy with those who are happy, crying with those who cry, completely out of context. (ESV Romans 12: 15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”)
As you can imagine, both my daughter and I were rather stunned that my mother was so upset about other people being happy around her.
She also brought up her other favourite complaint: how the staff dresses. She said she’s been telling the nurses and doctors that they should “dress nicely” so people can tell them apart from the janitor – and, according to her, they agree with her. ??? I don’t think that’s quite it. What got us is when she started on how the doctors and nurses deserve more respect than the janitors, because a janitor doesn’t even need 12th grade, and that’s why they should dress different so people should be able to tell them apart.
She said it in such a way that I had to interject and tell her, she needs to treat janitor’s nicely, too, because they also deserve respect. She started mocking about, oh, yes, they call it “equality” and so on, but basically doubled down on how the housekeeping staff are somehow “less”. I told her, they need to be treated with respect because they are children of God, too. She actually found a way to dismiss that while pretending to agree with it at the same time. Then she mentioned some other things about the staff, making it clear she’s been grilling them about their historical and ethnic backgrounds. She was all smiles when she brought up that one nurse’s background was from Denmark. Then one of the other nurses – an Asian male – same up and her entire body language changed, and she was “oh… him.” !!! I’ve met this guy twice, and he also phoned me to follow up about my mother’s meds, asking me to brig her bubble packs over so they could give her her eye vitamins. Between my mother’s attitude and his own body language while talking about my mother, I strongly suspect she said or did something inappropriate towards him.
After updating my family, my sister brought up something that happened during her visit. A couple of guys came in, delivering water bottles. My mother said to them, “Men? You should be in construction!”
*sigh*
We talked a bit about her medications. She told me, one morning they gave her 12 pills. Another, they gave her 9. Her morning meds are usually 6 meds, including a half pill. Whatever they’re doing, they’re either not explaining it to her, or she’s forgetting if they have.
While we were there, a nurse came in to give her 2:00 water pill. So they are clearly giving her more of those than she used to take with her bubble packs. From the looks of her legs, they may want to increase the dose more!
My siblings and I are frustrated by the lack of information and communication. My mother would be difficult to communicate with, but if that’s an issue, they should be calling me. I’m top of the list of my siblings, not just because I live the closest, but because I’ve been her advocate at medical appointments for about 8 years now. If they can’t reach me, they should be calling my brother, who is her PoA. There just doesn’t seem to be anything to go on. Even when I ask the staff at the nursing station and talk to her nurse of the day, they don’t seem to know anything about what’s going on.
It’s still better than for her to be at home, of course, but we’re all pushing for her to be discharged to a nursing home, and there’s just nothing. No feedback. No communication. Meanwhile, my mother is getting all these meds that look different from what she’s used to, and she has no idea what they are giving her. Not that she understood quite all of what she was taking before, anyhow.
She told us she said to the doctor? someone, that she’s taking all these pills, so why is she still feeling so bad? I had to tell her – again – that none of the medications she is taking is for what she is feeling. They are for other, specific, things. She doesn’t get that. Apparently, taking blood pressure medication should also stop her hip from hurting. 🫤
By then, we were more than ready to leave. I could see my daughter was getting extremely uncomfortable with the things my mother was saying. We needed to get home before the weather turned, anyhow.
We did have time to make a couple of quick stops along the way, including a fill at the gas station. Still, we cut it close. As we got closer to home, we drove right into heavy snow. Thankfully, it didn’t last long and the system moved on. Tomorrow is supposed to warm up a bit, again, with no snow, so hopefully we’ll be able to get some stuff done outside.
Speaking of outside…
After we got home, my daughter finished unloading the truck after we brought the first bags of my mother’s fridge stuff in, while I moved on to giving the outside cats their evening food and warm water.
She was supposed to go to the rescue after the 20th, when a space was opened up, but the weather had other ideas. At this point, I’m hoping to have that happen maybe after New Year’s. I don’t want to push them too much on it. They are so desperate for fosters, and they have quite a few cats – mostly kittens, actually – that just aren’t being adopted. They’re really working on getting the word out, both through local organizations and social media, too, posting adoption pictures every chance they can. Some cats and kittens get adopted quickly. Others… crickets.
I was hoping that tomorrow I could stay home and get things done, but I’m looking at our cat food supply, and the weather, and thinking a trip to Walmart might be necessary (the local feed stores would not be open).
I really don’t want to do more driving. We were supposed to be able to hibernate until after New Year’s!
Image generated by WP’s AI – which really messed up the hands, as usual!!! Not sure what’s going on with that donkey and sheep on the left, either. 😂
Blessings to you and your loved ones, this glorious day!
Today, I headed over to visit my mother in the hospital earlier than planned, as we have predictions for “snow showers” this evening. I stayed until she was served her lunch – she got her turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy that she likes so much. When I was a kid, we never did turkey, unless we happened to raised some ourselves that year, so this is a preference she picked up (or finally got to indulge) some time after all us kids were grown and gone.
My mother is looking so much better. Yes, she is still struggling with pain and mobility, but her overall appearance and even mood are great. She honestly looks happier now that she’s in the hospital than I think I’ve seen her in years!
She has commented more than a few times on how good the hospital food is. She doesn’t have any dietary restrictions, and the meals I’ve seen look awesome. What I’m also appreciating is that she is no longer saying things like she needs to stop eating, she eats too much, because she’s too fat (I don’t remember my mother ever being thin). She has also stopped blaming her food, especially meat, for any problems she has had, like the mystery pain in her sternum (not related to her heartburn), or not being able to breathe at night, or headaches or [insert malady of the day here]/ In fact, now that she’s sleeping in a hospital bed that is set at an incline, I haven’t heard her complaining about her breathing, either. From what I’m seeing, she is getting an excellent ratio of protein in her meals; far more than she ate on her own, and the meals themselves are larger than what Meals on Wheels had, which she would say were soooo much food.
They are weighing her regularly, as a way to monitor how much fluids they’ve drained from her edema. She told me what she weighted today, and comments on how it was too much. I told her, this is how they keep track of how much fluids they’ve drained from her with her treatment, so she has probably lost quite a bit of weight, just in the time she’s been in the hospital. Plus, she’s 94 years old. Who cares? Seriously. If all the scare mongers were right when it comes to being fat, she should have died decades ago. Instead, she’s ridiculously healthy, as far as her vitals show. So much so, it’s almost a problem, because then the doctors just want to send her home, when she has mobility and the beginnings of cognitive issues that really should prevent that.
Thankfully, that does not seem to be the plan now. We have yet to see or talk to a doctor, and my mother says she’s seen a doctor only twice since she’s been admitted, and none of the nursing staff we talk to know anything. All they can tell us is, she’s staying for now. There are no discharge plans that they can see. I know I’ve stressed, every time I call and ask about it, that she cannot live independently anymore. I’ve even added that none of us can take her in; I have a disabled husband, and my siblings do not live in accessible housing. Plus, my sister (the oldest of us) is almost 70, so we’re not exactly spring chickens ourselves! Ha! When talking to one of the nurses one time and I mentioned that my sister (who has the closest thing to accessible housing, for at least part of her home) is almost 70, the nurse admitted she was shocked. She said she thought my mother was in her 70’s, so how could she have a daughter that was almost 70?
I told her I have plans to go to her place soon (probably tomorrow, if the roads are good) to empty our her fridge. There are a few things she asked me to bring to her as well. She told me they haven’t been giving her the special vitamin for her wet macular degeneration, so on the way out I talked to today’s nurse about it. I couldn’t remember the name of it – it’s not normally a prescription, but something you can buy off the shelf. My mother got a prescription for it specifically so they could be included in her bubble packs. He said he would look into it.
He phoned me at home some time later and asked more questions about it. Since I was at my computer, we were able to confirm the name of it. He asked me to bring her bubble packs so they could use what she has while they got authorization from their pharmacy to include it with her other meds. They should have had it on their med list for her, but I think the fact that it’s a supplement, not a prescription medication, it fell through the cracks.
My mother also admired the hat I crocheted for myself using the blanket yarn my daughter got me. She asked if I could make one for her, too! Something she can wear at night, because she gets so cold. My brother and SIL had brought her an extra blanket and slipper socks, but her head still gets cold.
So that is a project for me tonight. A simple hat worked up quickly, and I have enough of the blanket yarn left to make one.
Meanwhile, as I write this, my daughters are taking care of roasting the turkey and making our Christmas supper. Since I headed out when I did, everything got shifted around.
All in all, it’s been a very quiet Christmas, which we are quite happy with. When we lived in this province before, and my MIL was still with us, we would do Réveillon on Christmas Eve at my in-laws, Christmas day at my parents, then another big feast on Boxing day with my BIL’s family. As great as it was, we’re more than content to have our quiet Christmases at home. Or course, my husband can’t handle the trip to the city to see his family for any celebrations, anymore, either. Perhaps, one of these year’s, we’ll be up to hosting such a celebration, but my FIL isn’t very mobile, either, and probably wouldn’t be able to make it out here anymore.
The good thing is, with modern technology, we can still be “with” our family members on this happy day.
The Re-Farmer 