I’ve been talking with the rescue about her, because she is so incredible matted. They just got a new foster, so Kohl will be their first rescue! This should work out, as Kohl is already socialized and spayed, so she should be an easy one. They’ve already posted pictures of her on social media, requesting a volunteer groomer, or someone who could sponsor a groomer. She is so badly matted, she will likely need need a total shave. I picked her up and snuggled her this morning, and it was hard to find a place on her body that did NOT have any mats!
Tomorrow, I’ll be heading into the city to do our Costco stock up shopping. Instead of going to the new one, like we did last time, we’ll be going to our usual location. There’s a mall nearby where we’ll meet up with someone from the rescue and hand over Kohl. (I’m pretty sure my younger daughter will be coming with me, though I haven’t confirmed that yet.) After Kohl it picked up, we’ll hit the mall for breakfast/lunch before hitting the Costco.
There has already been interest shown in adopting Kohl, though one of the people in the rescue is very tempted to adopt her, herself. However, like us, she already has too many indoor cats!
With the stock up shopping about to happen, my goal for today was the clear more of the inner yard so there would be more room for the truck to turn around and back up to the house.
This is how it looked when my daughter first cleared a turn around space towards the outhouse, as well as a path to the litter compost pile behind it.
While she used little Spewie, I would break up the edges of with the snow shovel so that it would be easier for Spewie to get through, as the snow was too deep and areas were getting packed pretty hard by high winds. It took quite a while for my daughter to clear the space, and it left her having to use a cane for the next two or three days!
When I tried to actually use the turn around space, it turned out that “point” in the middle was still a problem. One corner of the truck hit it as I turned. That normally wouldn’t have been a problem except 1) the snow was even more hard packed by then and 2) the plastic shield under the bumper was already loose on that corner and held in place with clear duct tape. That got torn loose, and now it’s hanging again. Even if I had more of the duct tape, I couldn’t use it because it’s too cold for adhesive to stick.
So my main focus was to widen the whole area but to especially clear out that “point”.
In the first picture, you can see I was also able to clear a path to the outhouse (our emergency second bathroom). I used a shovel to clear space at the door so it had room to swing open, because there’s a high density foam mat under the snow that somehow has raised edges. The last time I tried to clear in front of the door with Spewie, it caught on the mat and actually tore it up a bit!
The path to the litter compost pile was already done by my daughter before, so I just used a shovel to clear it again a bit more, then tidied it up a bit with Spewie, later.
In the next picture, you can see where I’d widened the area by the tree a bit, and turned that “point” into a diagonal. The first 50 feet or so weren’t to bad, but past that, the snow was so hard packed, I couldn’t use the shovel to break it up anymore. I had to use the ice scraper to basically chop the snow up into pieces small enough for Spewie to be able to go over them without breaking.
I honestly felt tempted to stop and get a machete to try cutting snow blocks and build an igloo! 😄 Or even just snow walls strategically placed to block the wind. That area’s snow would have been ideal for that.
In the last picture, you can see I cleared space on the other side of the sidewalk, too. There had been a small triangle of snow between paths that I got rid of completely. That gives us more room to back up, plus move around the back of the truck with the tail gate open.
Once that was done, I decided to see how much more I could do. After adding a third extension cord from the garage, I had enough length to not only clean up and widen some cat paths, but I was able to clear a path to the fire pit and BBQ, clear enough space around the fire pit for chairs, paths to the wood pile and branch pile, and finally a path around the old kitchen garden so we can access the septic tank, if needed.
I’m so glad I set up the emergency septic bypass before the snow fell. There’s so much snow on top of it right now, you can barely see where the pipes and hose are at all! I don’t expect we’ll need to use it. If the ejector was going to freeze again like last winter, it would have happened by now. Still, it’s good that it’s set up now, just in case. If we did end up needing to use it, the only thing we’d need to do is clear the snow away from the end of the hose in the maple grove, so the grey water wouldn’t end up freezing into a block at the end.
Then, I did some clearing in the outer yard. I widened some turning space to get into the garage – that required more breaking up of snow with the ice scraper, too. Last of all, I cleared some paths to a couple of my brother’s trucks. He has solar panel trickle chargers set up in their windows. He was able to use his gas powered snow blower to clear a path to one truck, but it was too big to clear paths to the other two. I’d checked on them to clear snow away from the windows in front of the solar panels, and found the snow was quite deep. For me, that’s something that could easily result in my having another fall. I could have shoveled the paths, I suppose, but Spewie is small enough to get in there.
By the time I was done and put everything away, I’d been out there for more than three hours.
I really enjoy work like this, so it didn’t feel like it was very long at all, but once I was done and putting things away, my body was starting to tell me it wasn’t too happy!
On the plus side, my new coat was more than enough to keep me warm out there. I had tried to use the collar to keep my lower face warm, but all that really did was cause my glasses to frost up. I ended up going inside and my husband took them and set them aside from me, so most of this was done without my glasses. I could see a lot better without them than with!
Once I was inside and settling in with some food, things really started to stiffen up. I sat at my bedside to take my meds before eating, and had to get my daughter to help me stand up again, even though I now keep a cane with feet near my nightstand as an aid to standing up. It wasn’t enough today!
It does mean that I’ll probably have issues tomorrow, which is why I’m pretty sure one of my daughters will be coming with me, as my mobility assistant.
I figure today is a good day to go to bed early – after taking more painkillers!
I gotta say, though, it feels so good to get all that done, I really don’t mind the pain!
This is what I find pretty much every time I open the inner door from the old kitchen. Sir Robin, perched on the edge of the screenless window. He stays balanced, even as I open and close the door! Sometimes, there are two or three cats on there when I open the door.
Today has been a pretty uneventful day, with just normal daily routine, except for two things.
The first was a call I got from my brother. He’d received a call from the hospital, and the first thing he said to me was, our mother is okay!
She had a fall today. She somehow managed to slide off the toilet. She was able to reach the call button, but when they arrived, she refused help. !!! She managed to get up on her own, which amazes me, considering the state of her knees. No injuries. No bruises. She’s fine.
She did, however, tell them she can’t go home. She can’t take care of herself anymore. I’ve been saying this from the start, and I know my brother has as well, but she is finally voicing it more directly, too.
My brother did try to talk to someone at the nursing home my mother wants to go to. He got the run around on who he should be talking to, only to be told he should be talking to someone else, instead, etc.
What I found interesting is that the staff there remember my late father, with fondness. My father passed away almost 10 years ago. He was in the nursing home for only about 6 months. Yet, they still remember him! That it is with fondness is no surprise. Every time I called my dad, he would always comment on how well they took care of him. My father was always showing his gratitude and appreciation.
God, I miss him.
The other thing was my sister. No details, of course, but she finally responded to my calling her out on her telling our vandal that my mother was in the hospital. I was careful to challenge what she did, without attacking her personally. Basic rule of debate and argumentation: attack the idea, not the person.
Well, she never addressed a single point I made, but instead attacked me personally while making herself out to be a victim again.
Long store short, I ended up blocking her on FB, and removing her from the family group chat.
There is background to this, which I will not go into, here, but I’m still disappointed. Not surprised, but I had hoped it would not end up this way.
The frustrating part is, my mother makes a big deal about how we wants us all to get along, but she’s the one that keeps playing us against each other, wanting us to keep secrets from each other, and it was her manipulation of my sister that lead to this.
I feel very tired right now, and not in a physical sense.
That first picture, we actually named her Fluffy. We got her to the vet and they wanted a name. It was all I could come up with, quickly! We got her in only because she willingly walked into a carrier. Once in a while, she lets us pet her.
The second picture is of another fluffer, but with more white on the chest. With how much they move around, that extra white is the primary way we can tell them apart. That one has taken to hanging out on the window shelf while I put the food out, and has been willing to let me do that, and even not running away while I pet other cats beside it. It has even sniffed my fingers a bit. I’ve managed to touch him (I’m going to guess “him”, only because – as far as I can tell – he didn’t get pregnant last year), but he takes off when I do.
These are both among the oldest kittens of this past year. A matched set of adorable fluffiness.
Now that I look at the picture, I can see why the one tends to have its eye looking half closed all the time. There seems to be an issue with the inner eyelid.
Now, on to the frustrating part.
My daughter and I went into town today. I brought a couple of things for my mother, so we were going to go there first, then go to the grocery store for our last shop of the year.
My mother had requested some of her Pepto, because what the hospital was giving her apparently wasn’t working. She wanted me to sneak it in to her and not tell them. Which I had no intention of doing, but I did bring a bottle from the stash I brought to our place, because my brother buying her to many made her angry instead of thankful. I also grabbed another of my mini tagine sauce bowls for my mother to use to count her pills. I’m glad I had a set of four of those, because two are already at my mother’s apartment!
Our first stop was at the nurse’s station. I showed them the Pepto and explained why my mother wanted it. They had to keep it so that a doctor could authorize it, and she made sure to label it with my mother’s name as we talked. I also showed her the tiny tagine and explained about my mother using it to count pills, because home care would sometimes drop a pill while getting them out of her bubble packs. Now that she’s putting them in her palm to count them, she doesn’t seem to be seeing them as well, and has miscounted. I just wanted them to know what it was there for.
My daughter and I then went on to visit my mother.
The first surprise was that her door was not quite shut. There’s a sign on her door to keep it closed at all times.
The second surprise was when we walked in and found she had a visitor.
Our vandal.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When he saw us walk in, he immediately began to say his good byes and left, not making eye contact with us at all. I did say Happy New Year as he went by, but he ignored it.
After he was gone and I gave my mother a hug hello, I asked if she knew how he found out she was in the hospital. She just threw her hands up and said, maybe my sister. I wasn’t sure about this, since my siblings and I had been talking about making sure not to tell anyone about my mother being in the hospital, so that word would not get to him.
Thankfully, he was on good behaviour, even though his wife was not there, but she had specifically told him not to come around anymore, after his last yelling session at her place, not that long ago. It didn’t stop him from leaving a really nasty letter more recently. We really hoped that she would be safe from him in the hospital. She tried to say he was being okay, but I pointed out to her that’s because she’s in a hospital, not at her apartment – but that this could change at any time.
Then I told brought out her little pill counting bowl, which she was happy with. I told her about bringing the Pepto and leaving it at the desk, which she got angry with. She had told me not to do that, because she intended to basically sneak taking it without the hospital staff knowing. I told her, she can’t do that. They need to know what she is taking, when and how. She complained that they took away her painkillers and I said, it’s the same thing. They can’t leave medications because patients might make mistakes. Oh, but she doesn’t have that problem, so they should let her keep her extra meds. I had to tell her, they can’t pick and choose who they can do this with and pointed out that she does forget things.
Then she got mad at me for another reason. I was wearing my work sweats, and I’ve got a tear in one pantleg. She spotted the hole and got angry. I shouldn’t wear clothes with holes in them because we live in the best country in the world.
…
???
Needless to say, we didn’t stay long. Her lunch was about to be delivered, anyhow.
As we left, I stopped at the nurse’s station again. I’d called about our vandal before, and I wanted to confirm with them who he was. I made sure they knew I understood there isn’t much they can do, but at least there was an awareness of a potential problem.
I had suggested that my daughter go on ahead to the truck while I talked to the, but she stayed with me. She was concerned that our vandal might be hanging out in the parking lot. I later found out that he’s getting his chemo at this hospital, so he’s going to be there regularly.
*sigh*
Also, for someone who is dying, he looked really good and pretty spry.
Thankfully, he wasn’t stalking us in the parking lot, but we also had to keep in mind that he might also be at the grocery store we were going to. Once we parked there, I sent a quick update to my siblings in our chat group about him being there before going in (we never saw him in the grocery store, either, thankfully).
While shopping, I got a response from my sister, saying that people from church had recognized my mother, so that’s probably how word got out. I made a short response saying that my mother thought my sister had told him, but was just guessing. My brother tried to phone me on my cell, but it was just too loud for us to talk. My daughter and I had our own shopping lists, so we took care of that, loaded up the truck, then headed home.
My phone started dinging while we were driving so, when we stopped along the way for my daughter to check the mail, I took a look.
This is where I’m going to be fighting a battle between being honest about things on this blog, while being careful not to say things I shouldn’t, even though this blog is anonymous.
Long story short, my sister did tell our vandal about my mother being in the hospital – at my mother’s request. They both tried to hide that from me and my brother.
The whole point of our group chat has been to communicate with each other because my mother likes to play us against each other, telling each of us different things about the same topics and the like. We also need to protect my mother, not just from people like our vandal, but from herself, if necessary. Yet, my sister still let my mother manipulate her, and … let’s just say, she didn’t see the problem with this. Even after I pointed out that she put my mother’s health and safety at risk, by going along with my mother’s self sabotaging demands.
My brother and SIL, meanwhile, were on their way to visit my mother as well. Once we had the chance, we talked on the phone while they made a stop along the way. As you can imagine, they were pretty alarmed by what my sister did, too, and that our vandal showed up. My sister added something else that is of concern, too. Our vandal’s wife works for the health care system, in some administrative capacity, and apparently said something about the waiting list for the nursing home my mother wants to get into. There have been other things that have come up that suggest that she’s been looking up private medical files and passing things on to our vandal, and that seems to have happened again in relation to my mother. This, of course, would be a PIPA violation.
Anyhow, once at home and settled in, I responded to my sister about what happened. I tried to be very careful in addressing the issue without making personal attacks. She responded with a personal attack.
*sigh*
Unfortunately, all this shows is that my sister cannot be trusted when it comes to caring for our mother, because she allows herself to be manipulated. That is involved our vandal took it from being a minor frustration to alarming, because it has literally put my mother’s safety at risk – and both she and my mother tried to keep it a secret from my brother and I, because they both knew we were against our vandal having access to my mother!
*arrrrggggghhhh*
When they were done their visit, my brother called to update me while they were driving home. They had an all right visit. My mother wouldn’t have said anything except the noticed and commented on a box of chocolates (my mother keeps saying, she doesn’t want sweets) and a Christmas card signed by our vandal and his wife. She then acted like she just remembered that, oh, right, our vandal had come to see her – but he behaved well!
*sigh*
They explained to her, why this is a problem and told her that, if he shows up again, to use the call button so someone will come over, and see that he’s there. That will make things a bit safer for her, at least.
My brother had tried to get some idea of what’s going to be happening with Mom. Everyone is saying we need to talk to someone else, and no one knows anything. One thing we do know now is, if my mother gets paneled to go straight to a nursing home from the hospital, rather than being discharged to home, they will start billing her for her time in the hospital. She would no longer be their patient, so the province won’t cover her costs anymore, so she’ll basically be charged for room and board.
Which means we’re going to have to do something about her apartment, so she’s not paying both at the same time. Yet, we can’t really start doing that until we officially know that she won’t be coming back to her apartment.
My mother has so. Much. Stuff. In that tiny apartment. This is not going to be easy. Most of it is papers she refuses to throw away, but there’s important stuff mixed in with stuff that she should have thrown away long ago. She has a habit of reusing envelopes from junk mail or solicitations for donations and sticking important things in them, all mixed up.
Well, it will need to be done, and that will mostly fall on me, since I’m the closest and my schedule is the most flexible. At least I’ll have a daughter or two, to help me!
I really wish we didn’t have to deal with this whole soap opera going on, and could just focus on taking care of my mother!
Ah, well. Such is life. As my dad used to say, you can laugh, or you can cry, and I’d rather laugh.
Ha! Colby looks so angry in that first picture. The second picture is a feral we can’t touch. S/he always seems to have one eye half closed, and it’s not always the same eye. We might have to call him/her Wink! 😁
The third picture is Hypotenose. He was really wanting attention today!
Last of all, we had Stinky, glowing in the sunlight, and the fluffy feral that looks like Fluffy, but has more white on the chest. This one is finally accepting the offer of food, up on that window shelf, and sometimes, I can sneak a touch.
In other things…
I’m happy to say, my left knee that I bashed last night is doing pretty good. There’s swelling and I can still see a mark, but it doesn’t hurt to the touch, like my right knee still does. That one is getting very colourful as it recovers.
I still can’t figure out how I managed to bash that left knee so hard into the door.
Meanwhile…
Last night, I got an automated notification from my mother’s Lifeline system. When their system reads there might be a technical issue with connectivity, it sends these with instructions to test it. My mother has the Lifeline pendant with her in the hospital. I’ll have to remember to grab that and return it to her apartment.
The notification came so late in the day that, when I called the 800# in the message, it went straight to an answering service that said to call back during office hours. So I called them up today. The call went straight to voice mail, so I let them know my mother was in the hospital and we don’t know when – or if – she is coming home, so to suspend her service for now.
I called the hospital to see how things were with her, and was able to talk to her nurse for today. He had just checked on her. We talked about her concerns with the pills she’s getting. He confirmed that she has been getting her eye vitamin for the past while, though it was a tablet version, not the almost black gel cap type pill she was used to. He told me she empties the pill cup into her palm and counts the pills every time, but sometimes miscounts. This morning, she counted 7 when there were 8, and he suggested she count again. She got the right number the second time. I explained about how, with home care, they would sometimes drop pills, so we had a special little bowl with a lid to put the pills into, that made it easy to count them. Her failing vision may be a contributing factor, too.
Still no information from any doctors on her condition, nor what the next stage will be.
I then got transferred to her room to talk to her, and she was very happy for the call. I told her some of what the nurse told me, and she requested her little bowl to put the pills into for counting. I don’t know when I’ll be at her place next, though, but she said there is no hurry.
She mentioned they took away her painkillers. These would have been her T3s from home. I suspect she may have been taking them, then forgetting she took them and took them again. She brought up again how, she’s taking all these pills, but she still feels this or that – things that are unrelated to what she is being medicated for. Then she asked me to bring her Pepto. It took some questioning, but it seems the hospital did have her some sort of substitute. White instead of pink, and more liquidy. Apparently, it isn’t helping, so she wants her Pepto – but don’t tell them about it! I told her, I can bring the Pepto (I have her spare bottles here at home), but she can’t be hiding things from the hospital staff. They need to know if she’s taking something.
We have plans to go into town tomorrow and pick up a few extras for New Year’s, so I can swing by to visit her as well.
Then she mentioned that her niece had visited her a few times.
This surprised me, because we’ve been making a point of not telling anyone my mother is in the hospital, so our vandal doesn’t find out. My cousin is still pretty close with him, as far as we know, so we weren’t going to tell her. I asked my mother who told her, and she thinks it was my sister, but didn’t know for sure.
After I finished talking to my mother, then updating my siblings, I called the nursing station back and explained the situation. There isn’t much they can do if our vandal shows up, but they are now at least aware of a potential problem. Hopefully, he’s too sick to visit my mother and try to guilt her into giving him money or something, and it’ll be a non-issue.
It really sucks that we have to even think about that sort of thing while my mother is in the hospital!
Well, it is what it is, and we’ll deal. The main thing is, there will now be a notice on her file and they are aware of a potential issue. If all goes well, he still knows nothing about my mother and everything will stay quiet.
This has been a ridiculous year for me hurting myself.
Since we took care of clearing out my mother’s place of perishables and delivered stuff to her at the hospital yesterday, today was going to be a laundry day for all of us, and I was looking forward to staying home.
Then I fed the outside cats last night, took a good look at what we had left in their kibble bin, then at the weather forecasts. I decided it was worth making a trip to Walmart to get more kibble, just in case.
We had some snow last night, so I did some scraping of sidewalks and shoveling of paths this morning, after feeding the outside cats. As I was finishing up, I found these bundles of adorableness.
That tabby is one that sometimes lets us pet it, I think. The one we names Sweetie during our botched trip to the vet. There are two that are hard to tell apart; Sweetie lets us touch, the other doesn’t. I haven’t been able to pet Colby lately. He just towers over the other kittens! The mostly black one that’s on the left is, I think, Domino. The one that would have been big enough to spay during our botched vet trip, except that would have left Bug and Sweetie stuck in a strange place for hours. Again, I’m not sure, because there are two mostly black kittens that are hard to tell apart. Domino lets us touch, the other one doesn’t!
That done, I decided to check the hours for the feed store at my mother’s town and discovered they were open for short hours today (the other feed store is not open on Saturdays at all), which meant I only needed to drive for about half an hour, instead of about an hour. Plus, I could get bigger bags.
So I headed out in the late morning. The highway was pretty covered with packed snow and ice, and every now and then, I would get completely blinded by snow kicked up by oncoming traffic. Still, it was passable, and I’m glad I decided to go today rather than wait. We’re supposed to get more snow tomorrow. We’re going to have to clear as much of it away as we can, so it doesn’t build up too much on the driveway.
I picked up two 40 pound bags of kibble at the feed store, though I seriously considered getting three, just in case. They cost more at this feed store, though, so the budget decided that two was enough. We will be fine until after New Year’s. I’m just not going to assume we’ll be able to get out and do any shopping before it becomes a necessity.
My daughters had started up the laundry while I was gone, and one of them met me at the garage to help carry the bags in, so I wouldn’t have to drive up to the house. All was going well.
When it was time to feed the outside cats for the evening, I got up to leave my bedroom/office. My door was partially closed, so I started swinging it open to leave.
Somehow, I manage to absolutely slam my left knee into the edge of the door.
Hard.
Hard enough that my daughters came running down the stairs when they heard the noise to check on me!
One of them helped me get to the bathroom and, when I told her I was planning to feed the outside cats next, she took that over for me.
I knew I would need to be proactive, which meant taking my anti-inflammatories a bit early, as well as my prescription painkillers, which I hardly ever need to take. I’ve been taking them more often since I had my fall on the concrete floor in the sun room a few days ago. My right knee is decidedly colourful right now.
My older daughter was a sweetheart and reheated some leftovers for me, so I could take my meds with food (the anti-inflammatories can be very rough on the stomach if they’re not taken with a full meal). When I had the chance, I took a look at my left knee and found a remarkably rectangular red mark, the exact width of my door. 😄
Good grief.
This summer, I tripped on a branch stub of the tree trunk I was working on and had a fall severe enough I had to get my daughter to bring my husband’s walker and help me get up. My left arm and shoulder still hasn’t fully recovered from that. Then, blinded by my frosted over glasses, I tripped on the open door of a cat carrier and fell, hurting my right knee and jarring the left side of my body, which I am still recovering from. Now, I’ve somehow managed to bash my own knee against the edge of a door. Minor injuries are expected, given the sort of work I do outside, but this is the first year I’ve hurt myself this badly, so many times!
On the plus side, I quickly applied Voltaren to my knees (both of them, since my right knee still hurts), which tided me over until the pain killer and anti-inflammatories kicked in. So I’m feeling pretty okay. We’ll see, over the next few days, just how much damage I did to myself.
I was telling my daughter, I feel like I should just crawl into a cave and sleep for the rest of the winter!
Today’s main goal was to get to my mother’s place and clear out her refrigerator of perishable items, then get her bubble packs to the hospital, before the snow arrived.
My daughter came with me to help out, so she was able to get started on the fridge while I packed a bag of stuff for my mother. There were a few things she asked specifically for, and others I grabbed that I knew she would want, such as her daily devotions book (which is held together with duct tape, she’s read and re-read it so often), the LED candle I got for her for when she said her prayers and when someone from church brought her communion, and a couple of rosaries. A neighbor has been bringing her mail for years and sliding it under her door, and there were a few envelopes we brought for her, too. Of course, I also brought her knee warmers that I washed and added elastic cord to, which will hopefully keep them from sliding off, and the warm sleeping cap I made for her yesterday.
I had done a grocery shopping trip for my mother shortly before she went into the hospital, so there was quite a bit for us to bring home! Some things had to be thrown away, so we took out her garbage, too. I even remembered to give her rosemary plant a deep watering. There are still a few things in her fridge that aren’t perishable that we are leaving until we come back to shut it off and clean it all out. Not sure when that will happen.
Once everything was packed up, checked out, put away and tended to, my daughter and we had 5 of our hard sided grocery bags to bring home (!!!) plus the items to bring to the hospital. That included her bubble packs that they asked for, plus I found and grabbed the prescription anti-fungal medication for her infected toe that she never used, as she can’t apply it herself. My daughter remembered to grab the baggie of foot care stuff I brought for her, which can now only be used by her, unless sterilized.
It didn’t take very long with two of us working on it, and we were soon loaded and heading to the hospital.
When we got there, my first stop was at the nursing station to drop of my mother’s bubble packs. I pointed out the eye vitamins, and the woman I spoke to said they just don’t have those at all. I also brought out the anti-fungal medication and explained that my mother couldn’t apply it herself. I don’t know that they do that sort of foot care. You’d think they would, considering it’s a hospital, but as I told her what it was, she seemed very… confused? Not sure what other word to use, but it left me thinking, it’s not going to get used.
My mother was sleeping when came in, so we tried to be quiet, but she heard us and got up. We showed her what we brought for her, some of which needed repeating, but she eventually got it and was able to instruct us on where to put things. Then we stayed for a bit of a visit and a chat. That went over well, for the most part – she was happy to see my daughter this time. There were a couple of head shakers, though.
She started telling us that things are quieter at night, now, because she was saying something (I shudder to think how she phrased things). There’s even a hand written sign on her door, to keep closed at all times. She started getting into her favourite thing to complain about: people laughing. As she went on about it, we tried to say, laughing is good. It’s healthy. It’s one thing to have an issue with how loud things are, but there’s nothing wrong with laughing.
Turns out, she really does think there’s something wrong with laughing. People shouldn’t be laughing in the hospital, because there are sick people who are feeling bad, and that will make them feel worse. Of course, she is projecting herself, here, and assumes other patients are as bothered by it as she is. This attitude towards laughing is not new at all. Even when we would be in a restaurant or something and people at another table would laugh loudly, she would get angry. As if she thought they were laughing at her (in some instances, she really did think people were laughing at her, even though they were talking about something else entirely). There were a few times when she would suddenly, loudly, do her sarcastic imitation of a laugh. Got some strange looks out of it, as you can imagine. My daughter even tried to point out that sometimes, people laugh to make other people feel better, and my mother’s response was that they could smile or say nice things, but laughing was for … I think she said for the bar or something like that, but I can’t quite remember. Basically, in her mind, no laughing should happen in hospitals. Because she doesn’t like it. She even tried to misuse the Bible to justify it, bringing up the verse about being happy with those who are happy, crying with those who cry, completely out of context. (ESV Romans 12: 15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”)
As you can imagine, both my daughter and I were rather stunned that my mother was so upset about other people being happy around her.
She also brought up her other favourite complaint: how the staff dresses. She said she’s been telling the nurses and doctors that they should “dress nicely” so people can tell them apart from the janitor – and, according to her, they agree with her. ??? I don’t think that’s quite it. What got us is when she started on how the doctors and nurses deserve more respect than the janitors, because a janitor doesn’t even need 12th grade, and that’s why they should dress different so people should be able to tell them apart.
She said it in such a way that I had to interject and tell her, she needs to treat janitor’s nicely, too, because they also deserve respect. She started mocking about, oh, yes, they call it “equality” and so on, but basically doubled down on how the housekeeping staff are somehow “less”. I told her, they need to be treated with respect because they are children of God, too. She actually found a way to dismiss that while pretending to agree with it at the same time. Then she mentioned some other things about the staff, making it clear she’s been grilling them about their historical and ethnic backgrounds. She was all smiles when she brought up that one nurse’s background was from Denmark. Then one of the other nurses – an Asian male – same up and her entire body language changed, and she was “oh… him.” !!! I’ve met this guy twice, and he also phoned me to follow up about my mother’s meds, asking me to brig her bubble packs over so they could give her her eye vitamins. Between my mother’s attitude and his own body language while talking about my mother, I strongly suspect she said or did something inappropriate towards him.
After updating my family, my sister brought up something that happened during her visit. A couple of guys came in, delivering water bottles. My mother said to them, “Men? You should be in construction!”
*sigh*
We talked a bit about her medications. She told me, one morning they gave her 12 pills. Another, they gave her 9. Her morning meds are usually 6 meds, including a half pill. Whatever they’re doing, they’re either not explaining it to her, or she’s forgetting if they have.
While we were there, a nurse came in to give her 2:00 water pill. So they are clearly giving her more of those than she used to take with her bubble packs. From the looks of her legs, they may want to increase the dose more!
My siblings and I are frustrated by the lack of information and communication. My mother would be difficult to communicate with, but if that’s an issue, they should be calling me. I’m top of the list of my siblings, not just because I live the closest, but because I’ve been her advocate at medical appointments for about 8 years now. If they can’t reach me, they should be calling my brother, who is her PoA. There just doesn’t seem to be anything to go on. Even when I ask the staff at the nursing station and talk to her nurse of the day, they don’t seem to know anything about what’s going on.
It’s still better than for her to be at home, of course, but we’re all pushing for her to be discharged to a nursing home, and there’s just nothing. No feedback. No communication. Meanwhile, my mother is getting all these meds that look different from what she’s used to, and she has no idea what they are giving her. Not that she understood quite all of what she was taking before, anyhow.
She told us she said to the doctor? someone, that she’s taking all these pills, so why is she still feeling so bad? I had to tell her – again – that none of the medications she is taking is for what she is feeling. They are for other, specific, things. She doesn’t get that. Apparently, taking blood pressure medication should also stop her hip from hurting. 🫤
By then, we were more than ready to leave. I could see my daughter was getting extremely uncomfortable with the things my mother was saying. We needed to get home before the weather turned, anyhow.
We did have time to make a couple of quick stops along the way, including a fill at the gas station. Still, we cut it close. As we got closer to home, we drove right into heavy snow. Thankfully, it didn’t last long and the system moved on. Tomorrow is supposed to warm up a bit, again, with no snow, so hopefully we’ll be able to get some stuff done outside.
Speaking of outside…
After we got home, my daughter finished unloading the truck after we brought the first bags of my mother’s fridge stuff in, while I moved on to giving the outside cats their evening food and warm water.
She was supposed to go to the rescue after the 20th, when a space was opened up, but the weather had other ideas. At this point, I’m hoping to have that happen maybe after New Year’s. I don’t want to push them too much on it. They are so desperate for fosters, and they have quite a few cats – mostly kittens, actually – that just aren’t being adopted. They’re really working on getting the word out, both through local organizations and social media, too, posting adoption pictures every chance they can. Some cats and kittens get adopted quickly. Others… crickets.
I was hoping that tomorrow I could stay home and get things done, but I’m looking at our cat food supply, and the weather, and thinking a trip to Walmart might be necessary (the local feed stores would not be open).
I really don’t want to do more driving. We were supposed to be able to hibernate until after New Year’s!
My plan had been to see if I could do a bit more shoveling this afternoon. It was supposed to be relatively warm, and there was enough snow last night that the paths and sidewalk really should have been redone, on top of widening areas to make it easier to drive around.
After doing my morning rounds, I was still thinking of heading back out after breakfast, but in the end, decided against it. I’m feeling remarkably good, after yesterday’s fall. My right knee is certainly getting colourful. I’d hoped to escape it, but today, my entire body was starting to feel stiff and sort. Particularly that left shoulder.
Now, I could have just pain killered up and headed out anyway, but that would likely have set me back for days. In the end, I’m mostly happy I can get out of bed and walk. I’ve certainly had worse pain than this, but I also know what happens if I push myself too far.
Because I can be an idiot that way.
So rather than repeating past mistakes and potentially rendering myself immobile over Christmas, I decided to stay indoors. Mostly. We did get a delivery from the pharmacy today. I had no idea we were getting one. My husband’s bubble packs were ready, and their usual delivery day happens to fall on Christmas day this week, so we got them early. Since I was out anyhow, I did the outside cat stuff early, so I wouldn’t have to fight with my boots again, later on.
It was so hard not to grab the shovel. Just for a little bit…
😄
Instead of heading out and shoveling, I pain killered up and worked on some crochet. I found a ball of cotton and have been making dishcloths. My younger daughter, meanwhile, is in worse shape than I am, after wrestling with little Spewie for so long!
I’m extra glad we decided to just do lots of finger foods and heat and eats for our Christmas Eve celebrations. I’m still planning to do a turkey on Christmas day, but tomorrow, the girls will be taking care of things.
Now is a good time for quiet days.
On another note, I called the hospital to get an update on my mother. She is doing really well and responding well to treatment. The nurse said that my mother was one of her easiest patients, and has been very sweet. Which is a surprise, because she usually isn’t. I think she’s just really happy to be in the hospital right now. It’s not the nursing home she wants to be in, but she was very concerned about being alone if something went wrong.
I asked if she knew anything about the next stage of things for my mother, because she cannot go home to live independently anymore. She had not heard anything about that, but she did tell me, there are no plans to discharge her to go anywhere right now. So that was good news.
I had the call transferred to my mother’s room and we had a bit of a chat. My mother sounded really strong and cheerful. She even told me that she’s been using the hospital wheelchair to get to and from the bathroom! I brought her my late father’s wheelchair a while ago, since she was asking for one, just so she could try it out and we could see how the design worked for her. She refused to use it, insisting she wanted us to get her a new one that was smaller. 🫤
The one in the hospital is pretty much exactly the same size as the one she has at home.
I’m just glad that she is using it, instead of the hospital walker. It’s the kind that has wheels at the back, skids at the front and no seat.
She did have one complaint, and that was being cold. She’d asked for a blanket and they gave her one, but apparently won’t give her another? She thought they had the air conditioning on. Last night, she said she slept under her parka! So when I told her my brother and SIL would be visiting her tonight and were wondering if she needed anything, she asked for a blanket and more socks. So they will be taking care of that. I told her my sister was planning to visit her tomorrow, and I was going to visit on Christmas day. She was happy to hear that, but also said that we didn’t need to come out and visit if the roads are bad or the weather gets worse again. She’s happy with just a phone call. Now that she’s in the hospital, we don’t have to worry about her safety as much anymore!
So that was some good news, there.
Looking at the forecast. Christmas Day is now supposed to reach a high of -8C/18F with snow all day. Previously, we were seeing forecasts as warm as above freezing, but it changes constantly. We’ll see when the day comes, I guess! I’m just glad to be seeing milder temperatures again.
Well, the worst of our first blizzard of the winter hit us last night. The snow has stopped, but we are still under Orange Alert (severe, rather than red for extreme – that’s to the south of us, and into the US) blizzard warning. Today is supposed to be high winds, with snow starting again tomorrow. We’ve already passed our high of -21C/9F (wind chill, -43C/-45F) and are expected to slowly drop in temperature to -31C/24F in the wee hours of tomorrow morning.
The wind direction was the worst for our set up. It drifted snow all across the front of the house, and snow blew into the food and water bowl shelters. I had the snow shovel close to the sun room, so I only had to push through a small snow drift to be able to reach it.
There were LOTS of cats in the sun room. The nice, warm sun room.
There was no sign of the path through here before. There was a bit of drifting into the entry of the covered greenhouse, but the thermometer in there was reading 0C/32F!
First priority was to dig out in front of the sun room and get to the isolation shelter, clearing the greenhouse entry along the way. I’ll have to go back later and clear the well cap. It’s completely buried and at least partially now covered by the snow I dug out to clear the path. I wanted to make sure to move the snow away from the house, so there are fewer issues with snowmelt at that corner by the basement window in the spring.
I had to dig around the isolation shelter – that entry was almost completely blocked – to reach the windows on each side, and top up their food and water. There were six cats in there, all warm and cozy, watching me dig.
Clearing the kibble and water bowl shelters took a bit more doing. Once I cleared the snow in the middle, I dug out the kibble trays and dumped them out, then tried to clear out as much snow as possible, without taking all the straw out. The heated water bowl was completely full. No cats were going there to drink! I got as much snow as I could out of there, taking the bed and cat cave out and clearing them of snow, too. There was even snow piling up in front of the cat house entry, which I cleared. There were no tracks in the snow, so no cats had used it all night, but after I cleared it, I spotted the white with grey tabby spots inside, looking at me through the window. When I saw her earlier, she had come out from under the storage house, so I was glad to see her in a cozy bed in the cat house.
I neglected to take a “before” picture to the catio. Almost all the area to the left of the first photo had been cleared to make room for the truck. Now, you can’t even tell. It was all blown over, flat with snow.
I only dug one path to the catio door. I didn’t bother clearing the shrine feeding station yet. The food dish had been shoved off to the side, so clearly some critter had been digging around in there, looking for kibble. A small amount of snow did blow in through the opening, but just a dusting.
The rest will have to wait. It’s getting colder and it’s just too windy. I didn’t even try to clear the steps in front of the main doorway, nor the sidewalk. Once this all blows over, we might be able to get little Spewie out, but it’s not going to be easy for that little thing to get through the drifts, so we’ll be doing a lot of shoveling.
The important thing is, the yard cats have food and water and shelter.
Gotta have priorities!
Speaking of priorities, I have an update on my mother. My brother called the hospital this morning, but the new shift were in their morning meeting still, so he was asked to call back later. The nurse he spoke to was able to tell him that my mother did well overnight, though she struggled to go to the washroom, so they brought her a commode. The alarming thing, though, was that they were talking about sending my mother home!
Aside from the fact that my mother should not be going home at all right now, my brother pointed out it wasn’t even possible. All the highways are closed. The nurse was quite aware of that. When her shift ended last night, she couldn’t leave. Not even to go to a hotel. She spent the night in the hospital and just started her shift in the morning.
!!!
When my brother called back, he was told they were still monitoring her. They were putting her on an IV with a diuretic to try and get the swelling in her legs down. No doctor had arrived yet. Which isn’t much of a surprise, considering the road conditions. At the very least, we know they won’t try to discharge her from the ER until a doctor sees her today. However, they also can’t admit her to the hospital until a doctor sees her, either. So she’s stuck in the ER.
I’m just flabbergasted that there was even a possibility of her being sent home, even if the roads were open. I strongly suspect my mother is in her “I don’t want to bother anyone” mode and downplaying her issues again. Which she only does when there really are issues! When it comes to minor complaints, she has no problem “bothering people” at all, and expects us all to drop everything and cater to her. But when she’s have real struggles, suddenly it’s the opposite.
My mother’s biggest problem is that she’s too flipping strong and resilient! So she can “pass” as being better than she actually is.
I’ll be calling the hospital myself to check on her soon. I forgot to mention my mother’s kidney function concerns. I have no idea how much of her file they can access.
So it’s still a waiting game. None of us can do anything right now, regardless. I checked the provincial highway status map earlier. The closed highways are marked in red. The bypass highway around the city is shut down – all of it – so it’s completely encircled in red. Pretty much every highway leading to the city is also shut down, including four major highways heading north, in our direction. Right now, the map looks like a giant red spider with its body over the city, and red legs sprawling out over half the province in all directions.
I also checked the local highways group I follow on FB, as they tend to be much faster with information than the provincial website. It was filled with posts from people talking about zero visibility. The most recent one was someone who had tried to use the highway that goes past our place. They made it as far as the large town our doctor is in before turning around and going home. It was simply too dangerous. Everyone was saying, stay home if you can.
Not that we can do anything else, until we can clear the driveway. Which may not happen until Saturday, since we’re expecting more snow tomorrow (Friday).
A good day to drink lots of hot tea, and listen to Christmas music. Like this remarkable cover of It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.
Today was going to be a lot warmer, though not going above freezing as was being forecast off and on for the past few days.
We were planning to do a much needed dump run, then go into town for errands. With that, and the warmer temperatures, in mind, I scraped the packed snow off the sidewalks and cleared them, so they could warm up faster and melt clear. We had both rain and snow in the forecast, though, so I wasn’t sure just how much good it would do, but at least it got done.
I waited until before noon, when things were still warming up, to bring the truck into the yard and load it for the dump. I left it running, partly to defrost all the windows, but also to keep the cats from going under it.
It didn’t stop a couple from going under the back!
Thankfully, they cleared themselves out before my daughter and I were ready to leave.
Right away, before even getting through the gate, we knew we were going to have issues. Everything was so slippery!
As we drove towards the highway, we started getting hit by the wind. Just turning onto the highway, I knew I wasn’t going to reach full speed! Thankfully, the dump isn’t that far, but we were getting hit with a cross wind and sudden gusts. I’ve got good all weather tires, but they are just all weathers, not winter tires, and I could feel that wind trying to blow us off the road.
The dump run done, we headed back towards our little hamlet and, by then, conditions were getting worse. We drove through our hamlet towards town, which was more shelters, so instead of blowing snow, we were getting accumulated snow. On top of ice.
Once we cleared town, the wind was even worse than on the highway to the dump. The closer we got to town – and the lake beyond it – the worse things got. The snow was heavier and the visibility kept dropping. I was doing well below the speed limit and wasn’t even being passed, which says a lot for our area!
Once in town, our first stop was the pharmacy. Since it was past lunch by this time, I originally planned for us to grab a bite after the pharmacy, but the weather changed that plan! Instead, we went straight to the grocery store. We had four of our 18.9L/5 gallon water jugs to refill on this trip, so we needed two carts. I only needed to pick up some bread and eggs, but my daughter picked up a few things as well.
As we got out of the store, I thought things looked like they were clearing up a bit.
My daughter got this shot out her window. She tried to get a shot of the road ahead of us but the camera frustratingly clears up the shots so much, you could actually read the signs – something we couldn’t do while driving!
At least we were driving out of the worst of it, but I was still driving even slower than we did on the drive in.
Once at home, we pulled in front of the house to unload. Thankfully, we’re pretty well shelters from the north, though not so much from the west, and the winds were coming from the northwest. After unloading, my daughter was going to park the truck in the garage while I went to go the outside cat feeding early, and my other daughter put everything away.
As I came out, I found my daughter still in the driveway, stuck!
I went over to try and give her a hand when I realized something.
The truck was set to rear wheel drive. One back tire was spinning like it was elevated and floating on air! I got her attention and she switched it to 4 wheel drive – and got out easily after that!
Gotta remember. When we take the truck to the garage, they switch it from auto, to 2 wheel drive.
So that was all taken care of.
My mother had called while I was in town, though, so as soon as I could, I called her back, thinking she was calling because she wasn’t feeling well.
She was calling to check on the cards she asked me to mail. Especially the card for our vandal.
*sigh*
So I reassured her about the mail, then asked how she was feeling.
Terrible.
She then spent some time talking about how bed she felt, like she felt before going to the hospital, it’s worse in the mornings, much of which I was able to get out of her while there yesterday.
I encouraged her to use the Lifeline and have them get her to a hospital. If she has water in her lungs, she needs to go to a hospital. Only she can make that decision.
She then went on about various other things and even went so far as to say, she doesn’t want to bother anybody.
…
I told her, you do it all the time. And that’s okay. Sometimes, you need to do that. This is one of those times.
After several more minutes of encouraging her to use the Lifeline and get herself to a hospital, and reassuring her that we would take care of all her stuff that she’s worries about, I told her I would let her get off the phone, so she could use her Lifeline (which is through the phone line).
I don’t think she’s going to do it.
*sigh*
If she’s going to do it, I really hope she does it today. Tomorrow, we’re supposed to get 7.5cm/3″ of snow, with another 10cm/4″ of snow overnight into Thursday morning, then on Friday, another 4cm/1.5″ of snow.
Right now, my brother and SIL and I are tentatively planning to visit my mother on the weekend, as they will be spending Christmas with their grandsons in another province. Obviously, if she goes to the hospital, those plans will change.
The grey fluff ball in the first picture seems to be in the catio shelter a lot. Like it’s claimed the space, though the more feral adult cats also use it. Those ones run off when I come close. This one makes sure to be out of reach, but has figured out that it doesn’t need to leave the catio. I just reach in through the door to fill the food and water bowls.
The second picture is of Colby. This morning, I was actually able to give him pets and scritches that he happily accepted without trying to run away. It was while he was going for the food trays, but he stopped for the pets. When I did the evening feeding, he wouldn’t come close enough for me to touch him, but being able to give him such thorough pets this morning is a huge leap.
While refilling the water bowls, I suddenly started to smell something strange. Like … smoke? Not the wood smoke I sometimes smell, wafting in from neighbours that heat with wood. More acrid.
Of course, I was looking all over for a possible source, but could find nothing.
After I was done and ready to head inside, I paused to pet cats that were under one of the heat lamps. Havarti was one of them and, as I started to pet him, he arched his back into my hand, tail straight up and stiff…
Right up into the heat lamp’s shield.
Suddenly, there was smoke billowing out. I pushed his tail out and saw the singed fur. Just the fur. He never felt a thing. Some of that fur must have stuck to the ceramic heat bulb, because that kept smoking for a while!
Worse, he kept coming back for more pets, going right under the heat lamp with his tail up high like a flag.
So I’m guessing that’s what I was smelling. One of the cats must have stretched or something while under the heat lamp, and a tail brushed the bulb. This lamp doesn’t have a guard, like the bigger one does, but even the guard can’t stop something as skinny as a tail!
Today was my day to go to my mother’s, but I first made a stop at the post office. I’m happy to say that I did get my new credit card. The one they sent me in the middle of September – three months ago – to replace my expiring one still has not shown up, thanks to the postal strike. The strike is over but, at this point, I doubt it ever will come in. I’m glad I went with the option to have the original cancelled as “lost”, so they could expedite a new one.
I also picked up my new, 4th edition, of Back to Basics.
The second picture is of the table of contents. Sorry about the flash reflection, but it was the only way to get rid of the shadow of my arms holding my phone.
Tonight, I plan to get my old edition out to check out the differences between them.
After getting the mail, it was off to my mother’s. I timed it so I could pick up some fried chicken at the gas station. My mother’s building has group meals every now and then, that everyone contributes a few dollars towards, every month. The most recent one had meals brought in from one of the restaurants that specializes in fried chicken, but it’s very different from the franchise in this gas station. My mother was not impressed and commented on how much better the gas station’s chicken is. They also have potato wedges with the same coating as the chicken that she really likes. So I got some chicken and wedges for myself, then a second box of chicken and wedges for my mother. She had her Meals on Wheels today, so I figured she could have it for supper, or for lunch tomorrow, as a treat.
I got to my mother’s shortly after 11am. Her Meals on Wheels gets delivered at noon, so I used the time to get a few things done or at least started, including the one load of laundry she had left. One of the machines is broken, so my sister was able to do only one load while she was out, a few days ago, making sure to wash the things my mother needed right away. I even had time to change her bedding before her lunch arrived.
One request she had for me that was rather different.
She wanted me to mail her Christmas cards – but not in her town. She wanted me to take them to our post office, because she doesn’t trust the one in her town.
*sigh*
One of them was a card for our vandal. Which, she told me, had money in it. *sigh* She couldn’t remember his box number, but it’s at our post office, so the postmaster knows what it is. She wanted them to just stamp it with a postmark and stick it in his mail box. Another of the cards was to a relative that live in the town nearest us, and she wanted it to not go to the city first, but to go straight to that town.
My mother has no understanding of how the postal system works.
My mother’s Meals on Wheels is delivered by a volunteer from the senior’s centre, who also does all sorts of activities in her building, so my mother has gotten to know her pretty well. This woman also knows our vandal. When she delivered the meal, she paused to let my mother know that she’d run into him recently, and he’s looking really bad right now. She almost didn’t recognize him. She said they spoke, and he asked her to pass on his Christmas well wishes to my mother.
*sigh*
This did remind my mother to ask about the letter from our vandal that she’d delivered. She’s brought it along with the Meals on Wheels tray. This was almost 2 weeks ago, and she could not remember. It must have been left on my mother’s walker. He’d given her letters to give to my mother before, and she would have remembered that, but he hasn’t done that in a very long time.
We ended up telling her briefly some of the things he’s been doing. My mother said that, the last time he came to see her, he behaved so badly, she told him not to come back. I had pictures of the letter, with a date, so I was able to confirm exactly what day she had brought it, and she simply could not remember. I told her, very briefly, about what was in the letter, and how our vandal has been behaving towards us, including blaming me and my brother for causing his cancer. When I mentioned, I really don’t want to get another restraining order, she actually said, I might have to do that. She gets along with him, but is quite aware that there’s something wrong with him.
Her meal delivered, my mother and I had lunch together. We’d already worked on her shopping list and got that ready, so once we were done and I saw that it would be a while before her laundry could be switched to the dryer, I headed out to do her errands. After going to the pharmacy and grocery store – for someone who yelled at me a couple of days ago that she didn’t need groceries, today was actually a larger grocery list than usual! – it was back to my mother’s to finish things up. The big job was saved for last – mopping her floors. Which is when I discovered she doesn’t have any cleaners. She uses laundry detergent for her floors! When I asked her about it and she told me she used laundry detergent, she asked what I used. I told her, floor cleaner! Well. All purpose cleaner, but they make cleaners special for floors. Which I find weird because, growing up, I know full well she used other kinds of cleaners, but she acted as if she’d never heard of floor cleaner before!
Finishing the mopping was perfect timing. I went to check the laundry, just in time to hear the dryer give its finishing buzz. That was the last thing left to do. I got her laundry folded and was putting it all away, as well as putting away other things that were done with and generally just finishing up.
My mother took that as me getting ready to leave, because she started accusing me, “You said you had all day for me today. You said you’d give me all day.”
Which had me looking at the clock and saying, It’s almost 2:30. I’ve been here a long time. Oh, but you said all day…
…
After several hours of constant activity, I was certainly ready to sit down for a bit, but I did remind her that she wanted me to mail things are our post office, so I had to leave before they closed. She at least acknowledged that!
Once I sat down, though, she suddenly starting getting in on what a bad parent I am because I “hide the girls” and “do everything for them.” You see, earlier, she wanted me to take home a magazine the social workers give her. A magazine we don’t read. She was basically wanting to give us her garbage. I told her, we don’t read that kind of magazine. She suggested the girls might like it. I just laughed and said no, they don’t read that kind of magazine, either (it was one of those check out display women’s magazines). She started telling me not to speak for them, to which I asked, are they here? No? I know them. I know what they like.
Anyhow, because she doesn’t see them (she doesn’t understand that she has driven them away by her own actions, and they dread being around her), she just makes up reasons for it, and all those reasons involve me being a terrible person. Oh, and if I got the girls to do more of the cooking and cleaning at home (which is what they do the most of, already), that would give me more time to be with her.
…
I told her, they do most of the inside stuff, I do most of the outside stuff.
You don’t have cows. What do you have to do? Shovel snow?
…
On it went.
I had barely sat down when she started on this. I’d hoped to get a bit of a rest before leaving, but that was it. I got up and started getting my coat on.
She did change her tune, sort of, and we did part on a more positive note, at least, but it blew me away how quickly she went from being okay, to attack mode. She really does seem to hate me. Or at least hold me in contempt. Until she needs me for something, of course. *sigh* Ah, well. Nothing we can do about that.
On another note, my mother is not doing well. It took some questioning (and it turned out she was telling the home care coordinator different things than she was telling me, which I found out when checking my email while doing her shopping), but eventually my mother said that she felt like she did before she went to the hospital. Which was for pulmonary edema. Given her shortness of breath and swollen legs, that makes sense.
Now, since we’ve moved out here, my mother has gotten us (including my brother) to take her to the ER for all sorts of things, several times, for far less problems, She would end up in the ER, with one of us with her, for over 10 hours, each time, would get sent home and then be angry that they didn’t find anything wrong with her. The one time she actually ended up in the hospital, it was after one of her church neighbours had taken her to the local clinic to see a Nurse Practitioner – an actual appointment – and they ended up sending her to the ER in the town closest to us by ambulance. Now that it looks like she actually should go to the hospital, and we’re encouraging her to use her Life Line, so they can get an ambulance for her (the most efficient and safest way to transport her), she suddenly doesn’t want to. She did acknowledge that she probably should go to the hospital, but she says she doesn’t want to leave her home.
…
This from the person who’s been fighting to get into a nursing home for about 2 years now.
We can’t force her to do it, though. She has to make that decision herself. Part of the problem is, she thinks if she’s gone for any length of time, people will steal her stuff. The other part of the problem is, my mother doesn’t like to make decisions for herself. She wants other people to make decisions for her, so she can then blame them if things don’t go the way she wants. This is a life long pattern.
So that was the state of things when I left. As promised, on the way home, I stopped at our post office to mail her cards.
When I got there, I saw someone at the post office, picking up packages. This is someone I grew up with, like one of my own brothers. Actually, at one point, I decided I was going to marry him. I think I was about 8 years old at the time. 😄 He’s one of the few people still managing to be friends with our vandal, and the last time I saw him in person was at the de-consecration service for our hamlet’s church that someone tried to burn down and cannot be salvaged. When he drove in and parked, just behind our vandal and his wife, I’d gone over to talk to him. I’d recently sent him a message about something our vandal had said/done, but hadn’t gotten a response. When I got to him, he actually started yelling at me, and was really angry about what I’d said about our vandal, and that I should “just stop”. Stop what, I had no idea. During the service, our vandal can actually been okay around me and we even spoke briefly. I had some hope, until he sent another really vile voice mail message to my brother, that same evening. I ended up sending a copy of that message, plus another one, to this friend, with a message that included saying I had no idea what I was doing that he thought I should stop; I hadn’t had contact with our vandal in ages. After getting that message, I got a brief response. He was clearly shocked by the messages, and said he needed to do some thinking.
That’s the last time I had any real contact with him, other than waving at each other as we pass each other on the gravel roads.
Seeing him at the post office, collecting his packages, I went to hold the door open for him. When he came around and saw me, I joked that I figured he would have his hands full!
He absolutely lit up when he saw me. As he came over, still holding his packages, he managed to give me a great big, warm hug. We exchanged Christmas and New Year’s wishes before he left. It felt so good! With our vandal seeming to have turned so many of our neighbours against us, this really just made my day. We will probably never be able to repair the relationship I had with our vandal again, but at least this dear friend is still a dear friend!
From there, I went to take care of my mother’s mail. I explained about the one for our vandal, and that my mother didn’t remember his box number. It was a new postal employee, though, and she said she didn’t know any of that stuff yet, but she promised to set the cards aside for the postmaster (who grew up here and knows pretty much everyone) to take care of. That one card might actually go straight to the postal box there, but the other two will have to go through the usual routine!
Then, since I was there anyhow, I picked up a few things. While waiting my turn for the post office, I was standing next to one of the booze displays (that corner is the “liquor store” part of this old fashioned general store). I spotted a chocolate whiskey that looked very interesting – and it was a very reasonable price – so I picked up a bottle. My daughters and I will have to taste test it, later!
By the time I got home, it was time to do my evening routine, including tending the outside cats, before it got dark. Then I made sure to update my family in our group chat about my mother, then update and respond to the home care coordinator’s email. That no show on my mother’s bed time meds on Friday, after I’d given the okay for the male home care worker to do the med assist, even though he couldn’t to any personal assist, got a strange answer. According to her, there was no med assist scheduled for that night, with a note that this was confirmed with me by phone. Which is the opposite of what happened!
Something went very wrong, there!
Thankfully, my daughters had a supper ready and waiting for me when I got home (which, according to my mother, they never do!), so I could take care of all this stuff right away.
Tomorrow, I’m going to be out most of the day again. The current forecast says we’re going to get a high of 2C/36F, so it’s going to be laundry day (since we’re still running the washer’s drainage hose out the window in our new front door). While that is being take care of, I’ll be doing a dump run, possibly with one of my daughters, then going to town for errands of our own. While I was gone today, we got a call from the pharmacy confirming we have stuff ready for pick up – that would be my request to have 3 months worth or refills done, instead of just 1 month, for myself and my daughter. My husband had something scheduled to be delivered, but since I’ll be in town anyhow, I’ll be able to pick it up – and I can give the pharmacy my new credit card number for their files, to use to pay for any future prescription deliveries.
Warm as tomorrow is supposed to be, the winds are supposed to pick up even more – and keep picking up more over the next few days.
Thankfully, the gas prices went down again and I was able to fill my tank before leaving my mother’s town, at $1.109/L.
Just a bit more running around between now and Christmas. I really try to avoid shopping this time of year, but there will be one more city trip between now and then.
The Re-Farmer 