Well, for tonight, at least.

This time, it happened while I was in the middle of mowing. I’d gotten the South yards done, and was working on the West yard, when it simply coasted to a stop. The engine was running fine, like before. I checked, and the tire pins were fine. I could see nothing to cause this to happen again.

It had already started to rain a bit while I was out there, so I quickly pushed it into the garage and brought out the push mower.

Now, the push mower has issues, too. The control for the governor seized up, so my brother rigged up a manual control directly to the governor. It has one speed only. The prime pump doesn’t work, so in order to start it, I have to open the filter cover on the side and splash a bit of fuel directly into the opening under the filter. Once it has been started, as long as I refill the gas tank before actually running out of fuel, I don’t have to do this again. It’s also difficult to start in general. If it’s been used for a long time, it eventually just won’t restart at all for several minutes. But it does the job.

Until now.

Yeah. The push mower, too.

Did I mentioned there’s only one speed? That is supposed to be “high”. Today, it seemed rather sluggish, though.

Then it stalled, at almost the exact same spot the riding mower stopped moving.

Thankfully, I was able to get it going, and keep it going. until the West yard was finished. I was just starting to work on the North side when it stalled again.

This time, it wouldn’t start again. I was not about to re-injure my wrist trying, either.

So that got put away, too.

I gave the riding mower another once over while I was in the garage, and noticed the one tire that turned out to be the cause of the problem last time, seemed low on air. I tried to see if there was something on the tire to tell me what the max pressure was, and found nothing – but the tire looks like it’s starting to crack on the sides. I pumped it up a bit, anyhow, then checked the other tire, which didn’t seem to need any air, and also didn’t have the cracks the first one did, though it does have the beginnings of them.

So while I was already planning to take it in for basic maintenance and to get the blades sharpened, it might need a new back tire, too.

And if it needs that, what else will they find when they check it out? While I’ve tried to be careful of the mower, there were still times when I hit hidden rough spots, and let’s face it; I’ve really worked that thing over the past two years! It may have been completely refurbished, but it’s still older, and a lot more delicate than newer lawn tractors.

Since I also need to make another deposit at the garage to get my mother’s car fixed, there isn’t a lot of room in the budget for much more. I didn’t try it again after pumping the tire, though, with the weather starting to turn.

I’m just tired.

Tired.

Drained.

Wasted.

I’m tired of having to make do with old and breaking equipment. I’m tired of even the good stuff breaking down so weirdly like this. I’m tired of finally being able to set some funds aside to go towards replacing the roof, only to have to dip into it because something else has broken down. I’m tired of having to pick and choose what we can fix, what we can replace, and what we have to make do with. It just doesn’t seem to end, and in the back of my mind, there’s always that touch of resentment.

It didn’t need to be this way.

My parents had a fully equipped and operational farm. They had tools. They had all sorts of supplies and parts and so many other things. Things that would have been very useful in maintaining the place. Things that were in good shape and working, only to either grow legs and walk away while this place was empty, or get broken through misuse.

Usually, I have no problem letting go of this. I tend to be the sort that recognizes that things like this happen, but I don’t waste my time or energy fussing over them. I don’t have the spoons to waste on that sort of thing. It isn’t worth it.

But every now and then, things like this happen, and it just feels so frustrating and tiring. It’s hard not to feel defeated.

I know I’ll be feeling better after a while. My daughters are making supper, and a good meal followed by a shower and good night’s sleep are just what the doctor ordered.

But for now, I’m just so tired.

Tomorrow, I am going to dip into our contingency fund and buy a new push mower.

Until then, I’m going to borrow my husband’s bath chair and shower off the layer of bug spray that kept me from being eaten alive while I was mowing! 😀

Tomorrow, it will be better.

The Re-Farmer