Well, I’m back from going to my mom’s for her med assist. I’m glad I went, in one sense, and wishing I hadn’t had to in another.

It wasn’t just my mother.

After I’d called my mom to let her know I’d be coming over to do her evening med assist, I had time to get a few things done. It was absolutely gorgeous out today, with temperatures just above freezing. I fed the outside cats early and took the time to check on the flexible hose on the emergency septic diverter. The black plastic had warmed up enough that I was able to get quite a bit of the thawing ice chunks out. It wasn’t in any danger of getting blocked by ice, but I still wanted to get as much out as I could.

While I was outside, my mother called back and left a message, asking if I could pick up some milk and croissants along the way. Since my sister introduced her to croissants, not that long ago, it has become her favorite thing to have with tea!

Which just meant leaving a little bit earlier.

The first problem was actually at home. We’re all pretty unhappy about how often homecare hasn’t been able to do my mother’s med assist, just in the short time since she got out of the hospital. My siblings have expressed their dissatisfaction, but they have also expressed their gratitude that I’ve been able to take care of it. It would be a lot more difficult for them to do it! My husband, however… well, along with his physical disability, he also has military related PTSD. With him, it was more anger, and he started taking his frustrations out on me. Which I don’t put up with.

We are not a couple that has arguments, as others do. We don’t raise our voices at each other, or anything like that. But when we disagree on things, and my husband recognizes that he is starting to get a PTSD rage response, he has medications and coping techniques to deal with them, which is what he resorted to.

I’ll just leave it at that.

When I headed out, my first stop was at the grocery store to get the stuff for my mother and, since I was there, to pick up more of the deli meats for ourselves that this store has at better prices than anywhere else I’ve seen. Then I went to the gas station to top up the truck and pick up my mother’s favorite fried chicken and wedges. I wasn’t sure if my mother would have had her supper yet, but I wanted to make sure she had something available so she wasn’t taking her meds on an empty stomach.

I’m glad I did. It looks like she was just going to heat up a can of cream of mushroom soup for her supper, and was out of milk to make it with.

After putting away her things, we sat down for our supper.

My mother was just looking for things to rage at today.

The first was about my having to drive soooooo far, just to give her her pills. The doctor wouldn’t want that! I told her, the doctor doesn’t care. He just cares that she gets her medications. Then she raged that she should can take her medications herself. I side tracked that. She started saying that home care should just come once a day, and leave her medications for the rest of the day ready for her. I told her, they can’t do that. They have very strict regulations they have to follow these days. They can’t even take pills out of the bottles, but only out of bubble packs.

Oh, you’re always taking their side, she says.

Then it came up about my brother visiting her yesterday, after having gone to the farm, first. I mentioned I had been out and missed them entirely, and that he’d just gone to tend to their truck, as a way of saying he was at the farm for a very short time.

Which my mother latched onto. She’d forgotten that they’d sold their property and everything was at the farm now. We weren’t talking about it, because if she remembered, she would end up telling our vandal about it, and that’s the last thing we need.

Well, I won’t get into how it went with that, but she went into another rage against my brother and started to literally invent scenarios in her head about how he was “keeping secrets” from her, among other far less pleasant things. It took some doing to calm her down and distract her.

All before we even finished eating our meal.

Once we were done eating and got her table clear, I got her supper meds out for her to take, while I made notes for the next home care person to see, then prepared her before bed medications and puffer, before putting everything else back into the lock box. Then I got her blood pressure machine, which she had hidden away in a closet, and tested her.

After that, I started changing her garbage and doing some clean up, when she asked me to do her water bottles. She fills various bottles of water she uses for drinking and cooking from a tap in the laundry room that has softened water, and they were all empty. So I took care of that, then washed her dishes, before getting ready to head home.

As I was getting my jacket on, I reminded her again to take her last meds between 8 and 9pm, when she told me she’d already taken her puffer.

…

What? When???

It turns out that, while I was filling her water bottles, she decided to take her inhaler dose.

This is not the first time she tried to do this with me. During one of the past evenings I’d gotten her evening meds ready, she suddenly decided she should take her puffer dose right way. I stopped her and said to take it with her before-bed medications. This is supposed to help her with her breathing at night (I don’t think it’s actually making a difference, but it’s a trial). It’s not going to help her much if she takes it too early.

When I found out she’d taken it, I told her all the same things again. She seemed surprised by it. I have no idea why she gets it in her head to take it so early. She takes a puff twice a day. With her morning meds then, about 12 hours later, with her before bed meds.

Thankfully, doing this won’t harm her, but if she can’t be relied on to wait 3 hours before taking her before bed medication, I may have to stop getting them ready for her on nights like tonight, when home care is short staffed for both evening med assists. I will have to go home, then come back 3 or 4 hours later.

She’s already losing it over the fact that I’m coming at all. If I start having to come in twice in one evening, I don’t know how she would handle it. She certainly would think that her own actions have anything to do with it, but it does add another layer of concern.

Thankfully, we’ve got a meeting with the home care case coordinator in a couple of days. I should give her a call tomorrow, just to let her know about my mother’s behaviour, as it’s not something I could tell her about, with my mother there. As concerning as it is, perhaps this is one more thing that will get my mother into long term care, as she has been wanting for months now.

I didn’t stay too much longer after that. Thankfully, the days are longer now, so it was still light out during the drive home, and I could actually see the deer, well in advance!

Once home, my priority was to update my siblings – and apologize to my brother and his wife. My simple comment about him coming out to the farm and why set her off, and now she’s going to be even worse towards him because of it. My mother keeps saying how she loves all us siblings equally, but her actions belie her words. The twisted hatred she has developed towards my brother has been getting so much worse. It bothered me less when it was directed at me, the first couple of years we were living here, than it does now that it’s directed at my brother. No one has done more to help her and take care of things for her than he has, for so many years. He deserves so much better than this!

*sigh*

So, on the one hand, I’m really glad I ended up going to my mother’s, today, as she ended up needing help with other things as well.

On the other hand…

*sigh*

It is what it is, and there is little we can do about it but, my goodness, it shouldn’t be this way!

The Re-Farmer