Well, I finally made it. I got a visit in with my mother, together with my brother.
Today is Remembrance Day, and the nursing home was going to have something going on at 11am, so we decided to go in early. My brother was going to pick me up at 8:30am, but ended up arriving almost half an hour early. He even drove right up to the house to pick me up! He was going to drop me off at the nursing home doors, then plug his car in at the charging station, but I told him I’m supposed to walk as much as I can, so he didn’t need to do that.
I did remember to grab some garlic for my mother. My sister has been bringing garlic for her, but my mother told me the cloves are apparently very small, so I grabbed three of our largest bulbs to bring to her.
My brother and SIL had found some house dresses for my mother while they were driving out to visit the grandkids over the weekend, and my brother brought those along, too. One of them turned out to be identical to the new one my sister brought her, that she was wearing at the time. They were pretty sure the size was right, but not the length. We checked as best we could, and I think one of them will need to be hemmed, as my mother is not much above 4′ tall now.
When we got there, she was having her breakfast, and her medications were delivered soon after we arrived. (She asked me to peel a garlic clove for her to eat with her breakfast, and she was very happy with the large, fresh clove.) My mother made a show of counting all the pills and complaining that she is taking soooo many (some of them are vitamins and painkillers), then talking about how they have “taken away” certain pills, and that’s why she’s having XYZ problems. Part of her problem right now is that her vision is going, and she cannot see colours properly. She kept telling me the “brown pill” was gone, but it was right there. Granted, it was a light shade of brown, but it was still brown. She got very angry at me for pointing it out, interpreting it as my calling her stupid. Then she made a big deal about how our job is to watch out for her, meaning that we were supposed to go after the staff for giving her the “wrong” pills. They have been explained to her, over and over and over. My brother tried to point out that she herself admitted she’s not remembering things right anymore, and that set her off a bit, too. There’s a reason her meds needed to be in a lock box when she was still living independently! She was also very much into exaggerating her “breathing problems.” It’s not that I think she is faking it, but she has a long history of overreacting for show and sympathy. I remember much screaming in “terror” over small things from her, when I was a child! It does make it hard to track down just how bad things are for her, unfortunately.
Besides that, the visit actually went well. My brother noticed the activity calendar. After several attempts at asking, and my mother expecting us to read her mind, we eventually tracked it down to being under the seat of her walker. My brother checked it and saw that today’s Remembrance Day activities started at 10, not 11. It was just watching the ceremonies in the TV lounge, and we encouraged my mother to do, as she is supposed get out of her room at least sometimes! It did mean we left almost an hour earlier than we planned originally. We did stop at the nursing station to let them know my mother planned to go, as someone would need to help get her into her wheelchair and take her down.
From there, my brother drove me home and I told him he could leave me at the gate, so I could close it (we left it open when we left; something we can actually do now), reminding him that I’m supposed to get as much walking in as I can. He was content with that. As we got out of the car for goodbye hugs, we paused to check out another dead tree that had fallen. It’s right at the fence line and being held up by other trees. That’s when I noticed that the grass between the fence and the road, including the ditch, had all been mowed! It was done across the road, too. When I got out to close the gate yesterday, I had been thinking that the area needed to be mowed, but it’s very rough on the mowers. Now we don’t have to! We could see where the equipment used went through the ditch and back up onto the road, so it looks like the municipality had been clearing things for the winter.
So it was a good visit with my mother, mostly – my brother still ended up very stressed out, and my being there helps keep my mother in check when it comes to her behaviour towards him – and as always, an excellent time spent with my brother.
It was only about 10:30 when he dropped me off!
This morning, I had found myself awake shortly after 3am and not been able to get back to sleep so, after lunch, I tried lying down. I was immediately covered in cats! They clearly missed me sleeping in my own bed. I barely got to lie down, never mind cover myself. Which isn’t easy at the best of times, when I lie on my right side. Reaching behind with my left arm to grab the covers is very hard on my damaged shoulder. When my daughter came in after to do the litters, she was kind enough to de-cat me and cover me. I even fell asleep for about an hour! For quite a while now, I’ve been sleeping about 10-12 hours in total a day, but that has been slowly reducing, which suggests my body has healed quite a bit.
Today’s visit worked out quite well, and I was happy to be able to be there for my brother. It definitely made my day, and I appreciated that it was as good of a visit as it was.
The Re-Farmer
