Going out to do my rounds was down right pleasant, today!

I didn’t even bother to wear gloves, for a change. Even Butterscotch came to me after I finished putting deer and bird feed out, wanting me to carry her for the rest of my rounds! :-D

Ferdinand was in the sun room this morning, for a change, checking me out while I scooped up some kibble in the Old Kitchen. Usually, it’s been Slick in the sun room of late. With the warmer temperatures, all the outside cats are more active. Even the water in the sun room had barely any ice on it. There is a down side, though; as things warm up, the sun room is starting to smell very strongly of cat urine. We’re going to have to do a very thorough spring cleaning in there!

While setting out the kibble, Bob came out to join me and even let me pick him up. The girls had noticed something off with one of his eyes, and it is now completely shut. There does not seem to be any external wounds, but he would not stay still or let me hold him long enough to get a good look. From what little I could see, there seems to be a bit of dry blood in the corner of the eye, but there is no sign of swelling that I could tell. Whatever it is, I hope it works itself out, because there’s really nothing we can do about it.

Update: we saw Bob a few hours later, and his eye is open and looks just fine! :-)

Meanwhile, we’ve had a change of plans in the day. My husband is not up to going into town; with his regular blood work, he just needs to show up at the lab, and they’ve got him on file, so he’s flexible for that. Unfortunately, he’s been having increasing problems with shortness of breath. At first, we thought it was related to his cold. Then he thought it was a fitness issue. However, on doing some research, it turns out this is the long term effects of being on a CPAP. He is considering asking to be switched to a BIPAP, to see if that would help. Those, I think, are still covered by this province’s medicare. We shall see. Who knows what hoops we’ll have to jump to do that. It’s been many years since we’ve had to go through the process in this province, and much has changed.

In the last while, I’ve come to a realization. I am going to have to make a doctor’s appointment for myself, and start the process of being officially “disabled.” Part of me snorts in derision at the thought. I am, after all, able to do quite a lot. I just spent three seasons cleaning up the yard, with lots of physical labour, which I just loved doing. I mean, sure, I’m pretty broken, and not fully able bodied, but as long as I pace myself and pain killer up, I’m fine… right?

There were two things that clued me in that no, it’s not actually fine.

I’ve mentioned before that, as my late father’s mobility decreased, arm bars and hand rails were installed all over the place. They have been quite handy, just in general. Between the old and new parts of the house are two steps through a doorway. There’s an arm bar inside the door frame (which is log), and a hand rail along the wall on the other side.

I don’t normally think twice about my use of these; they’re there, they’re handy, they get used. However, on a particularly bad day for my knees and hip, I realized I was relying heavily on both the arm bar and the rail, and having to take those two steps, one at a time.

There’s a reason I avoid going upstairs or into the basements.

The other thing that happened; on a particularly cold day, I decided to have a long, hot soak in the tub.

The tub has an angled arm bar and a corner bar. There is also, strangely, a towel bar inside the tub surround, above the end of the tub. It’s far enough away that towels hanging on it don’t get wet during showers, so we figured it was just really handy for my dad. However, we also noticed that it’s an unusually sturdy towel bar. These walls are also log, and it is far more solid than normal.

Getting into the tub is mildly difficult; that angle bar certainly comes in handy.

Getting out of the tub is something else entirely. I found I had to go onto my hands and knees and, step by step, use not only the two arm bars, but the towel bar as well, to get myself up and out of the tub. Knees, hips, even my wrists, when I try to put weight on them on the side of the tub, hurt. It’s all osteoarthritis, plus bone spurs in my knees and heels. I’ve lived with it for more than 20 years. It is now getting to the point where I have to acknowledge, it is disabling. I tend to only think about the things I can do, and forget about the things I don’t do, or avoid doing, because of it, until something happens to remind me. Even using a public washroom has become a bit of a problem. We have a higher toilet at home, so it’s only when out and about that I’ve noticed it. In this province, the standard height for toilets is even lower than the province we left a year ago. I’m short, yet my knees have to bend beyond 90 degrees to use a public toilet. Which means getting up and down is both unstable and painful. Instead, I use the accessible washrooms, if one is available. The arm bars help, but for some reason, even they all have these super low toilets!

So even something as basic as using a public washroom has become an issue. Then I have to remind myself how, even when doing only a small shopping trip, I will use a shopping cart. It gives me something to lean on, like a walker, if my knee suddenly bends backwards, or a bone in my foot dislocates again, or if my hip starts to go…

I’ve been able to walk without a cane for such a long time, I forget that none of this has gone away or even gotten better. It’s just changed.

We shall see what happens, as we re-evaluate things

The Re-Farmer